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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685990">Safe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty87/pseuds/Dusty87'>Dusty87</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Comics 1998), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood Drinking, Comic, Dramedy, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Prison, Romance, Season/Series 11, Sex, Trapped</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:48:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>91,975</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty87/pseuds/Dusty87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy and Spike are a couple, trapped in a creepy government internment camp for magical creatures along with Willow. Set in Season 11 - Begins completely canon, just seeing the missing pieces from the comic story. Eventually we'll go off the rails with new story and some added Angel drama just for funsies.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Buffy - Relationship, Spike &amp; Buffy Summers, Spike - Relationship, Spike/Buffy Summers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you haven't read the comics, don't plan to, and want a cliff notes version of what's going on at this point... Buffy and Spike have been a couple for a good long while. The government is gathering up the magical creatures and putting them in camps for an unknown reason following a magical natural disaster that killed a lot of people. Some of the many slayers running around since the S7 finale have been recruited by the government as guards for these camps and other nefarious activities. Willow and Spike are well-known magical creatures, so they were required go to this camp, the Safe Zone. Slayers, however, were not required and Buffy volunteers to go anyway. </p><p>And that's basically all you need to know to enjoy this story!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Buffy’s eyes were closed and the hum of the bus engine was lulling her to sweet happy dreamland while she snuggled into her sexy boyfriend’s leather-clad shoulder.</p><p>She resolutely did not hear the Wiccan girl a few rows back softly sobbing and trading whispers with Willow about her parents who had turned her in for doing magic just this morning.</p><p>She did not hear the vengeance demon in the front of the bus hammering the driver with leading questions that he was wise enough to not dignify with any words or wishes.</p><p>And she really, really did not hear the fledgling vampires quietly discussing THE slayer, sleeping and weak a few rows back… ready to be drained.</p><p>Spike, however, couldn’t pretend to not hear that last bit and roared to life, instantly towering over the idiot vampires who had hypothetically threatened his slayer. Buffy grumbled at the loss of her pillow.</p><p>“Sorry, mates, what’s this ‘bout drainin’ a slayer?”</p><p>No one was bold enough to respond, the young vamps turning to each other wide-eyed and fangy.</p><p>Spike squinted at them all and reminded them who he was with a quick change of his face. He pierced them with his yellow stare and leaned in close to whisper slowly, “I hear it again and you’ll be begging her for the stake. Do we all understand each other?”</p><p>“A-Are you Spike?” one of them ventured, his voice wavering slightly and lowering to a hush. “The one who… took his soul back?”</p><p>Spike growled with exasperation, “Yeah?”</p><p>One of the other vampires backed up the first, “No one knows how she did it. How the slayer turned you and made you… do that. Made you one of them. We’re all just a little freaked out. I mean, that kind of power… How do you fight that?”</p><p>“You. Don’t.” Spike straightened and shifted back into his human form. Reiterating one last time, “<em>Don't</em>.”</p><p>There was a smirk on Buffy’s face as Spike slumped back into the seat beside her. Being somewhere around midnight, the blackout curtains were up as the bus rolled down the highway toward the Safe Zone, the internment camp for all magical creatures. A place to keep them all neat and cozy while the government attempted to figure out what the hell to do with them all. They had been traveling for hours to who knows where and everyone was feeling icky about their current predicament. Some of the creatures on the bus had come along voluntarily, like Buffy. Or at least cooperatively, like Spike and Willow. But others were a bit more hostile and the looming presence of the recruited slayer guards wasn’t doing anything to ease the tension.</p><p>“Idiots,” Spike grumbled under his breath.</p><p>The headlights from the road swished by periodically, brightening his marble white face. His crystal blue eyes. Quick flashes of his immortal beauty. And Buffy couldn’t help but softly trace his sharp jawline with two fingers.</p><p>“Can’t exactly say I’ve been looking for my knight in armor, but you are real shiny when the occasion comes around.”</p><p>“Shiny?” he cocked one brow and finally turned to look at her in all her glory. How did she manage to glow even after hours on a bus full of reeking monsters?</p><p>“Armor? Shining? Knight in?” Buffy crinkled her face adorably until he nodded his understanding.</p><p>“Right. Sorry. Bit distracted,” Spike sighed. “Really didn’t want you here, love.”</p><p>“Gee thanks. Ruin my joke and my chipper mood.”</p><p>Spike cocked his head in that smooth way he had, “You know what I mean. You didn’t need to volunteer for this cracked up nonsense. How many tussles have we already broken up or prevented on this bus ride alone?”</p><p>“That’s exactly why you need me!” Buffy protested.</p><p>“You and I both know Willow could have this lot sitting all neat and pretty in their seats doing crossword puzzles with a quick flick of her wand if she wanted. Controlling ‘em isn’t the problem. You should be back home scooby-ing with the others to end this racket.”</p><p>Buffy’s green eyes flashed dangerously and it wasn’t lost on him as he braced for the blow, “Spike. I am here. And I am not leaving. I need to see what these camps are from the inside. I need to see how turned these traitor-y slayers are. And I do NOT want to hear any more of your oh so gallant objections.”</p><p>“Let <em>me</em> see from the inside. Red and I got no choice. Don’t you trust us enough—“</p><p>“I’m <em>not</em> leaving you, Spike!”</p><p>Her voice had hit that embarrassingly shrill panicky note that she reserved for only the most apocalyptic of occasions… though, no, she didn’t tend to panic in an apocalypse. This was much much worse. The idea of her best friend and her best guy trapped in some unknown prison without her. She couldn’t imagine anything more earth-shattering.</p><p>Buffy belatedly noticed the other passengers noticing their conversation and lowered her voice to a whisper.</p><p>“I won’t leave you. Not when things are finally so good between us.”</p><p>She looked at him with big, hurt eyes that needed this hard-earned love, that had always yearned for love’s safety and Spike crumbled. Knowing that feeling all too well.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t ‘ppreciate the sentiment, love, you know I do,” he took a deep breath and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear for her. “God I do. But this is all a bit bigger than you ’n me isn’t it?”</p><p>They were silent for a moment, blue eyes lost in green lost in blue.</p><p>“Don’t ask me again, Spike. I mean it. I wouldn’t of you.”</p><p>Spike hesitated, then sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in tight to his chest, “Yeah, ya would. But like hell I’d listen either.”</p><p>Buffy smiled victoriously and returned to her cozy Spike shoulder nook. She slipped a hand beneath his black shirt and felt up and down the side of his chest appreciatively. Spike turned to kiss the top of her head, letting the smell and the feel of her blonde hair soothe the worry etched along his brow.</p><p>“Go to sleep, pet. I reckon tomorrow’s gonna be a big, big day.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Many hours later, the bus was still rolling down an unknown highway toward an unknown destination.</p><p>“Hey,” Willow sat down on her knees in the seat in front of Buffy and Spike’s. She perched her chin on the top of the headrest and looked down at Buffy, whispering, “Can you believe how long we’ve been on this stinky bus?”</p><p>“Judging by the numbness in my shoulder,” Buffy glanced at the sleeping vampire beauty leaning against her, “I’d say we’ve been on this bus for forever and six days.”</p><p>“Well we’re almost full, so I doubt they’ll be making any more stops,” Willow said, surveying their fellow passengers. Then more quietly, “I have a really bad feeling, Buffy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Buffy leaned her head against the window beside her. “I don’t think anyone’s feeling all cartwheel-y about any of this. How’s your friend?”</p><p>Willow’s eyes brightened and then dulled within the span of a second when Buffy mentioned Calliope, “Scared. She’s um, she’s scared. This is all so new to her. Definitely not the best introduction to magic for a fresh new witchy friend.”</p><p>“Friend, huh?” Buffy grinned coyly as Willow’s mouth opened to protest and then closed again.</p><p>“She’s— we’re— it’s not. It’s nothing,” then begrudgingly, “She’s kind of cute, okay?”</p><p>Eyes still closed, Spike piped in, “Fancy the damsel in distress type, eh, Red?”</p><p>“Spike! Of course not,” Willow swatted the top of his head lightly. Buffy giggled as Spike opened his eyes and cocked one brow at the witch, who insisted in her most masculine voice, “I like my women like I like my drinks!”</p><p>“Fruity and rimmed with sugar?” he persisted.</p><p>“Strong, Spike, I like them strong!”</p><p>“Nothin’ wrong with wanting a ripe one, Willow. I’ll bet she’s juicy and—“</p><p>Buffy groaned, “Okay, enough with the dirty fruit metaphors! I was already hungry before this conversation started.”</p><p>“Hungry for what exactly, love?”</p><p>“Jeez,” Willow lowered herself so they could only see her green eyes peeking over the seat and she spoke conspiratorially, “how much doing it do you guys do that one day on a bus is making you all sex-crazed and loopy?”</p><p>They heard a crash behind them then and all the stress-relieving banter fun evaporated as the three looked at each other knowingly.</p><p>Buffy shrugged. “Rock paper scissors?”</p><p>They all held out their palms and rock paper shoot-ed until Spike proved to be the loser. With a groan, he stood to go break up the fight.</p><p>“You two are cheating somehow. No way I should lose this many bloody times in a row.”</p><p>Buffy opened her mouth dramatically in outrage, “Excuse me, do these pretty faces look like the cheating kind?”</p><p>They heard another loud groan and the sounds of punching and Spike rolled his eyes and headed toward the sounds.</p><p>“We should probably start letting him win sometimes,” Willow suggested brightly. “Or the ruse is kaput. No. The ruse is a-snooze. Oh, yes, that’s much better. Rhymes are fun.”</p><p>Buffy grinned and stretched her legs out across the seat that Spike had vacated, watching as he pulled apart the boisterous demons. She couldn’t tell what he was saying but at the one’s protest, Spike lifted him and tossed him down the aisle right to where Buffy and Willow remained.</p><p>“Hey, mister! We are off duty!”</p><p>Spike ignored her, marching back toward his seat as the unknown demon stood up. One look at Spike’s approaching form, though, and he made the wise decision to move to a seat toward the front.</p><p>In one fluid motion, like he’d known and expected her to be there all along, Spike lifted Buffy’s feet with one hand and sat down, pulling her legs onto his lap instead.</p><p>“Where were we?” he said.</p><p>“I’m going to go sit with Calliope,” said Willow with a slight blush. “She doesn’t know anyone and well, yeah. Commence with your dirtiness.”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” Buffy saluted as Willow headed back to her new friend with an exaggerated wink at her bestie.</p><p>Spike was unconsciously running his hand up inside the leg of Buffy’s sweatpants, casually massaging her calf.</p><p>“Mmm,” Buffy mewed with pleasure as he took her sock-covered foot and began massaging it instead. “Yes. You. Do that. Forever.”</p><p>“I can think of better things to do forever,” her boyfriend murmured, taking her lips with his for a long slow kiss.</p><p>The bus was noticeably slowing down as their heated kiss sped up.</p><p>“We have arrived at our destination,” a slayer bellowed from the front of the bus, wearing a utility belt and doing everything she could to exude authority.</p><p>“Bloody hell,” Spike grumbled against Buffy’s lips. She smiled and accidentally made eye contact with a female vampire with long chestnut hair across the aisle from them. She looked deeply disturbed by what she’d just seen.</p><p>Buffy raised her eyebrows, “I’m sorry, can we help you?”</p><p>The vampire turned to look at the slayer up front with a glare.</p><p>The slayer continued, “As you exit the bus, you will line up single file and wait for further instruction. Now, front to back, let’s unload.”</p><p>The front passengers began gathering the small amount of items they were permitted to bring, stood, and began filing out the door into the night without too much protest. Everyone was eager to stretch their legs and breathe some fresh air, even the non-breathing types.</p><p>Buffy and Spike exchanged solemn looks and readied themselves as well. Buffy standing and slipping her backpack full of essentials over her shoulders. Spike throwing his coat on, grabbing his bag of blood packs, and thanking the heavens that it was dark outside and he didn’t currently have to worry about the sun bully at the very least.</p><p>The first thing Buffy noticed when she took Spike’s hand and stepped onto the grass before her was how cold it was. The stars were out and bursting with light. There was no sign of civilization anywhere, just the eerie sight of a chainlink fence lit up with stadium lights and topped with barbed wire wrapping around some sort of complex that she couldn’t quite see. There were lots of little buildings and trailers maybe, but what they were for, she couldn’t guess.</p><p>“Honey, we’re not in San Francisco anymore,” Buffy mumbled almost to herself, taking the hand that wasn’t holding Spike’s and wrapping it around herself. “Those jerks should have warned us to pack warmly. I went with <em>light</em> layers, not arctic layers!”</p><p>Spike was looking around, too, as they waited for the other passengers to line up with them. “Damn inconsiderate our captors are. Where do you think this is? Had to’ve been headin’ north all this time, right? With temps like this.”</p><p>“The North Pole maybe?” Buffy shivered.</p><p>“It’s really not <em>that</em> cold, pet. No snow. Just a proper October chill. Californians, I swear.”</p><p>She glared at him, “Says the room temperature man in the head to foot comfy cozy coat.”</p><p>“Do you want it?” Spike met her glare with calm self-assurance, enunciating every word perfectly.</p><p>“It’s too big,” Buffy pouted while pulling her hair up into a long ponytail. “I’ll look ridiculous. And I’ll trip all over myself. And right now I have to look strong and confident. Powerful. I am the slayer. <em>The</em> slayer. I can handle vamps, demons, and non-California climates.”</p><p>“You tell em, slayer. No one holds a candle to that show of strength.”</p><p>Buffy smiled a little despite the mocking half-hearted enthusiasm of his words. She was glad to have the distraction of his presence as the reality of this ominous situation closed in on her. She noticed for the first time some smoke rising in a few areas of the camp. Small fires maybe? Fire sounded good right now.</p><p>Sergeant Super Slayer Number One, as Buffy referred to her in her head, stood before the group with a clipboard in hand.</p><p>“All right. Now. We are going to go down the line in a nice orderly fashion and you will give me your name and magical species type. We will in turn give you a card with your identification color and number.”</p><p>“No tattoos? How progressive of you,” Spike called out.</p><p>Buffy exchanged nervous glances with Willow down the line, but luckily Sergeant Super Slayer Number One, nor Two, who was standing at the front of the line, took Spike’s bait.</p><p>“Your identification card will be used to access your food rations and any other supplies specific to your magical type. Do not ask for more than is provided. Supplies are very limited at this time. Also, you were searched for weapons before transportation, but if you somehow have acquired more, now is the time to hand them over free of consequence. Now, Katherine will begin collecting your information at the front of the line and I will be at the end. Wait patiently until every creature has a card.”</p><p>“This is so creepy,” Buffy said, subconsciously stepping in closer to Spike.</p><p>“And dull. I could really go for a brawl right about now.”</p><p>Buffy looked like she was going to chastise him for a moment before nodding her agreement, “Yeah, me too. My knuckles feel all itchy.”</p><p>“Oh cute, what are you guys, like a demon couple?” Katherine, Sergeant Super Slayer Number Two, nodded at their clasped hands before turning to Buffy in particular. “Not vamps, clearly. You’re too tan. Actually, you look… familiar.”</p><p>“Buffy Summers, at your service,” she said, releasing Spike and holding her hand out formally. “Actually, I’m not at all at your service. But the Buffy part is true.”</p><p>“No way. You’re really Buffy Summers? The original slayer?”</p><p>“Well, not really the original, but I know what you mean, and yeah. Really really.”</p><p>Katherine stared at her incredulously for a moment, “But you don’t have to be here. Slayers are safe.”</p><p>“No one is safe as long as anyone thinks they’re better than anyone else. The government can’t just corral everyone who seems different or weird and try to control them. That’s not their job. It’s not their right. This isn’t <em>their</em> world.”</p><p>“Right,” Katherine nodded, looking a bit deflated. “But isn’t it the slayers’ job? We’re supposed to kill the bad guys. Keeping them here seems almost merciful.”</p><p>Buffy pointed to Willow down the line, who had an arm wrapped protectively around Calliope, tears quietly dripping down her cheeks. “Do they look like the bad guys to you?”</p><p>Katherine didn’t answer, just cleared her throat uncomfortably and wrote Buffy’s name on her clipboard. “I uh, I don’t have a color card for you. Slayers weren’t a type that we expected to have. So uh, here…”</p><p>With some sort of device, she scanned the barcode of a white card and handed it to Buffy, “I guess you’ll be the only one with no number.”</p><p>“For now,” Buffy added darkly.</p><p>Katherine made a face and then turned to Spike, “So you must be Spike. I’ve heard stories about the age-old vampire who fell in love with the slayer.”</p><p>“Not <em>that</em> old,” Spike murmured.</p><p>“I heard you have a soul.”</p><p>“He <em>fought</em> for a soul. Chose it. Earned it. He helps me,” Buffy added with no small amount of pride. Spike almost laughed at how she nearly puffed out her chest and straightened in an effort to seem as tall as this lesser slayer.</p><p>Katherine nodded and wrote Spike’s name on her clipboard, glancing at Buffy, “So I guess that explains what you’re doing here then. Instead of actually doing some good back home you chose to hang out with your vampire.”</p><p>She scanned and handed Spike a red card with the number 0027 on it.</p><p>“Red for bloodsuckers, huh?” Spike waved the card in front of him. “Aren’t you the clever lot?”</p><p>“Does that number mean there are twenty six vampires who have arrived before him?” Buffy asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Katherine moved to step toward the next person in line, who happened to be a loose-skinned demon. Buffy thought briefly of Clem and wondered if he was okay. “You guys are one of the first groups to arrive. There will probably be a lot more.”</p><p>Suddenly in a furious passion, Katherine whipped back and stood almost nose to nose with Spike, “Does that soul of yours help you feel the guilt you should? Dragging the greatest slayer we’ve ever had down to your level? For what? A super strength level lay?”</p><p>Spike’s eyes blazed and his breathing picked up as he bore into the eyes of the slayer before him, nearly growling, “Shouldn’t poke the bear, little girl.”</p><p>Katherine shook her head and stepped back. She gave Spike one last glare before deciding to continue on with her work.</p><p>Buffy twirled her card in her hands nervously while Spike shoved his in his duster pocket.</p><p>She could feel the rage bleeding off of him and grabbed him by the bicep, “She’s just trying to provoke you, make you do something you’ll regret.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, it’s workin’ innit?” He growled again and ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“Don’t give her that power, Spike.”</p><p>“I’m not givin’ her anything,” he said. “But she’s not wrong.”</p><p>“You’re really here just for the sex, huh?”</p><p>Spike snorted and looked at her, appreciating the playful glint in her eyes. He took both her hands into his, noting that she really was chilled in this weather. “It’s my greatest fear, Buffy, that somehow in my selfishness to have you I’ve made you just a little less than.”</p><p>“Less than what?” Buffy shook her head in confusion.</p><p>“The <em>hero</em>, pet. The great, fearsome hero you’ve been since you were called,” Spike smiled and touched his forehead to hers. “Don’t mind being beneath you, pet, but taking you down with me… I couldn’t live with that.”</p><p>“You are not beneath me, Spike, not anymore. Forget the slayers who think I’m too weak and forget the vampires who think I’m too strong. Forget what anyone thinks of us. We’re the only ones who matter here.”</p><p>Spike closed his eyes and squeezed her hands tighter as she continued to speak.</p><p>“Trust me on this stuff please. I’m the hero, remember? I know what I’m talking about.”</p><p>He laughed and opened his eyes to see her staring at him so sweetly. Sweeter than he deserved.</p><p>“I don’t deserve you. You’ll never convince me otherwise.”</p><p>“Well,” Buffy said very seriously, “You’ll just have to make it up to me with lots of foot rubs and oral sex.”</p><p>Spike shook his head and grinned, “You got it, pet.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of the gate clattering shut behind them made Buffy’s stomach flip flop. The guards had let them know in so few words that they were basically on their own inside the walls of the camp. No assigned quarters. No regular meal times. It seemed to her that the guards were completely winging this whole imprisonment thing. And structure? Not their forte. Buffy couldn’t imagine this going well, especially for the weaker, less fight-y magical creatures.</p>
<p>Their group immediately dispersed. She assumed everyone was looking for <em>their</em> people. Strength in numbers. It was definitely a thing.</p>
<p>Willow didn’t seem to have any trouble finding her fellow Wiccans. They flocked to her like moths to a raging, magical flame. Those with magic always seemed to sense her power. And as far as combat skills went, witches who weren’t Willow probably were not in a great position to deal with hungry vampires or temperamental trolls.</p>
<p>“Gonna get the lay of the land,” Spike said, squeezing her hand before disappearing in a whirl of black leather.</p>
<p>Buffy walked alone with her arms crossed in front of her. She could see her breath in soft little puffs as she surveyed her woodsy surroundings. The camp was mostly just dirt and grass, but a few trees has survived the clearing. Apparently, instead of actually building a camp, the government had simply procured a variety of trailers and pop up tents where they were expected to sleep. There weren’t a lot of tents set up yet, but Buffy knew the trailers would fill up quickly as more and more magical creatures arrived.</p>
<p>She took note of the obvious assembly of vampires around one particular barrel of fire, a collection of trailers and even old cars without tires circled around it. Most of the vamps were wearing their game face. It seemed Buffy wasn’t the only one worried about appearing strong.</p>
<p>Years of experience and instinct told her that a possy of vampires was not a good thing.</p>
<p>“Well,” Willow popped up beside her with a ginormous exhale. “There are a lot of newbie witchy types here. It seems like the more powerful witches either haven’t been detected or are refusing to come. Probably some cloaking spells going on there.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like we’ll have our work cut out for us keeping them safe then,” Buffy concluded, slowing her steps as she once again made eye contact with the brunette vampire from the bus.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I mean, one of the girls told me we could still do magic in here. There’s just a force field keeping all the magic within the camp. So I can defend us. They should be fine as long as I stick close.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Will, you should stick very, very close… especially to Calliope,” Buffy mocked playfully, picking up the pace of their walk.</p>
<p>Willow grinned and tucked a stray red lock behind her ear, “I think I’ll do just that, thanks for the suggestion.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s voice turned somber, “How long do you think we’ll be here?”</p>
<p>“I guess until someone stops them.”</p>
<p>They looked at each other gravely. It kind of went unspoken but Buffy still had to say it.</p>
<p>“Aren’t we the ones who are supposed to do that?”</p>
<p>Willow hesitated, “Having doubts about this plan already?”</p>
<p>“No,” Buffy said unconvincingly. “I mean, maybe it’s just the prospect of camp food and living in the woods for an indeterminate amount of time… But I’m worried I won’t be able to help enough from in here. I’m worried about Dawn and Xander back home defenseless. I guess... I’m just worried I made the wrong call. And I can’t tell Spike that or he’ll push even harder for me to go back. He already hates me being here.”</p>
<p>“You know, they might let you out if you told them you changed your mind.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m keeping that toasty thought in my back pocket for if it starts to snow,” Buffy said with fake perkiness.</p>
<p>“Seriously, this weather though,” Willow agreed with renewed enthusiasm. “I’m so glad I packed some sweaters.”</p>
<p>“This is why you’re the brains, Will. And I’m just beat-em-up girl.”</p>
<p>“Well, feel free to raid my luggage any time. Just try not to wear the purple stripey one if you’re punching something slimy.”</p>
<p>“Good deal,” Buffy smiled appreciatively, noticing Spike appear from behind a small trailer. He had his big bad walk on and she couldn’t help but admire how everyone scattered out of his way when they saw him striding confidently through.</p>
<p>“Got us a place,” he said as he joined the girls. “It’s small, but there’s a bed for us and a sofa for Red.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Spike,” said Willow. “I think I’m going to spend the first night at least with the other wiccans, though, just to make sure no one messes with them.”</p>
<p>“Probably a good idea,” Buffy agreed, pausing as the girl Willow had been crushing on joined their group. Buffy and Willow made surprised eye contact, “Why hello there.”</p>
<p>“Uh,” Calliope began shyly, glancing more than once at Spike, who probably did look out of place standing with Willow and Buffy. “I um got two protein bars with my card at the supply building. Thought you might be hungry, Willow,”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Willow looked at Calliope and then the bar with more awe than any protein bar ever deserved. “Thanks, Calliope. Sure. Let’s go find us a trailer to hunker down in for the night.”</p>
<p>“Enjoy your protein bar,” Spike said lasciviously, eyes twinkling.</p>
<p>Willow picked up on the subtext and her eyes widened, “Right. Yeah. G’night, guys.”</p>
<p>Buffy and Spike watched Willow and Calliope walk off into the night with no small amount of amusement.</p>
<p>“How do you manage to make anything sound dirty if you want it to?”</p>
<p>Eyes still on the girls, Spike replied, “‘s a gift.”</p>
<p>He turned and wrapped an arm around the small of her back to pull her in close. With a glint in his eye and deep timbre to his voice, “Shall I take you to your bed now, my love?”</p>
<p>Buffy laughed and wrapped her arms around his waist, “Okay, but please note that with words like that, the sexy voice is really unnecessary.”</p>
<p>“Don’t like my sexy voice?” he nuzzled against her ear, still putting on his show.</p>
<p>“Oh, that is so not what I said. I am president of the Spike-sexy-voice fan club. We made t-shirts last Spring. I can just think of way better ways to utilize your skills.”</p>
<p>A trio of vampires were walking by, grumbling about the traitor. That vampire who kills his own kind. For her.</p>
<p>Spike began to growl unconsciously as he straightened and made eye contact with the most vocal vamp of the group.</p>
<p>“No, Spike, come on. Don’t let them get to you. We agreed to not care what other people think, remember?”</p>
<p>Never losing eye contact with his enemy, Spike spoke softly, “I thought we agreed a fight sounded real good.”</p>
<p>“We can’t tell all the demons here that they can’t fight each other and then go around punching people ourselves. They’ll <em>really</em> never listen to us then.”</p>
<p>“William the bloody pansy!” one called out. “Still neutered and harmless as ever.”</p>
<p>Buffy grabbed Spike by his leather lapels and turned him away from the other vampires, who were starting to walk away laughing. She felt him boiling beneath his cool skin and she pressed her body to his to calm it the best she could.</p>
<p>“Come on, show me our new home away from home. There are other ways, much more fun ways, to burn off your energy.”</p>
<p>Spike grumbled incoherently before he nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, leading her through the maze of trailers to the one he’d claimed as their own. A bonfire blazed nearby, and Buffy stopped briefly to warm her hands before following Spike through the trailer door.</p>
<p>“Huh,” she said, looking around with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. “So. This is trailer living.”</p>
<p>Her first thought was that it reminded her of the RV they’d run away from Glory with, but really, it wasn’t even quite that spacious. There was a sofa as Spike had promised. A table with built in benches on either side. A little mini fridge with one shelf, already stocked with Spike’s remaining blood bags, and a hot plate beside a small sink.</p>
<p>Buffy turned the faucet, “Brown water, how quaint.”</p>
<p>She dropped her backpack onto the floor and continued her exploration, letting her finger trail along the top of the table.</p>
<p>“Sorry, love, it was one of the only trailers actually hooked up to the water supply. There’s a bitty shower in the bath too.”</p>
<p>“And just how <em>did</em> we score the fancy trailer with the brown water? I’m guessing it wasn’t just sitting around empty…” Buffy raised her brows expectantly.</p>
<p>“I could answer that question, but you said something ‘bout not punching people and well, I wouldn’t want to bollocks up your good mood.”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged with his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>“Uh huh,” Buffy said, still investigating their new digs. She slid open one rickety sliding door beside the table area to see the bathroom Spike had mentioned, complete with toilet and the world’s tiniest shower. Opening the only other door in the place revealed a small bedroom with what looked like a double bed, a built in nightstand and wall lamp, and well, not much else. There was a window that spanned the width of the bed and the firelight from outside flickered through the open blinds.</p>
<p>“It’s cozy,” she said optimistically, turning around to face Spike, crossing her arms in front of her chest again. He had removed his duster and folded it up neatly, placing it onto the table.</p>
<p>When he saw her stance he picked the coat back up and wrapped it around her, pulling it tight so she stood close against him.</p>
<p>“Really are cold aren't you, love?” he said softly. “Wish I had the heat to warm you.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and kissed him gently, “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Spike replied, tugging her waist tight against his.</p>
<p>She took his face in both hands and kissed him with more vigor as he felt up along her body, leaving nothing untouched and a trail of cold fire in his wake. The coat dropped to the floor with a thud and Spike made quick work of Buffy’s ponytail, removing the band and running his fingers through her long loose locks. One hand worked around to the nape of her neck, pulling just enough to deepen their kiss.</p>
<p>Buffy took a quick breath and then began kissing down along the slope of his neck to his shoulder. When she reached shirt, she made brief eye contact with her lover and pulled his black tee off, letting it fall to the floor with his coat.</p>
<p>“Want you,” he murmured, letting his hands wander beneath her shirt, up and down her back, over and under her bra.</p>
<p>With a swift flick, Buffy had pulled her t-shirt off and dropped it on the floor with Spike’s. Goosebumps spread across her flesh and she shivered visibly. Spike grinned and rubbed his hands up and down her arms, holding her close for another fiery kiss. He unhooked her bra and guided her backward toward the bed, laying her down gently and covering her with his own hard body.</p>
<p>The cold forgotten, or at least temporarily dismissed, Buffy nibbled at Spike’s ear, earning herself some happy vampire groans until she bit down hard with her teeth. He jumped and squinted at her.</p>
<p>“Dangerous vixen you are,” he said in Buffy-approved sexy voice. “Gonna get yourself in trouble if you’re not careful.”</p>
<p>He punctuated his words by pulling her sweatpants and panties off in one fluid movement. Buffy smirked and sat up, flipping Spike on to his back with little effort.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid of the big bad,” she mocked, unzipping his pants and sliding them down his legs. He kicked them off enthusiastically, eyes delighted and locked on her mischievous face.</p>
<p>Would this game with his slayer ever get old? He didn’t think it possible.</p>
<p>Spike reached for her and placed her on top of him, tan legs spread across his pale abdomen. Naked and glorious, she leaned over and looked down at him through the window of hair framing her face, “What do you want, Spike?”</p>
<p>He wanted to live in this moment forever. He wanted to touch every part of her all at once. He wanted to surround himself in Buffy and drown in her heat. He wanted the world to go away and let him pleasure her til the end of time.</p>
<p>But he didn’t say all that.</p>
<p>“You, Buffy. Only you,” Spike whispered. “I’m achin’ for you.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s head tilted, moved as always by her strange, romantic vampire. She slid down and guided him into her with a happy sigh.</p>
<p>He smiled and struggled to keep the bliss from closing his eyes against his will. He loved to watch her.</p>
<p>“Wish I could bottle that look on your face and carry it with me everywhere,” he said, thrusting slow and deep into her. “That first moment when you feel me throbbin’ inside you, that sweet, bloody look of awe on your face as you feel me fillin’ you up. Nothin’ more perfect in the whole world, Buffy. Nothing.”</p>
<p>Spike could make her moan with his words alone, but he was right about how good he felt inside her and she clenched him tight in response. Every sensation was heightened by the release of stress she’d been trying to hide all day. Sun peeking through that foreboding cloud hanging over them in this unknown, dangerous place.</p>
<p>Buffy had never felt more free to be herself than when she was with Spike. All her selves. Her hero self. Her girl self. Her bad decision self. And of course, her sexual self. There was no part of her she had to hide from him and the liberation of that was intoxicating.</p>
<p>She rocked back and forth on his cock, eyes locked on his icy hot gaze. She’d lean down every so often to taste his mouth and nuzzle his neck, never halting her movements. Always returning to his eyes. Claiming them. Being claimed as his hands roamed the length of her.</p>
<p>Sex with Spike had always been earth-shattering. But his soul had truly changed things. They were connected now in a way that he couldn’t have comprehended before, and she couldn’t have anticipated. She truly knew him now for the complicated poet punk fighter and lover he was. All his edges and contradictions making him all the more perfect to her now.</p>
<p>Spike wrapped his strong arms around her and rolled her so that they were on their sides facing each other, legs tangled.</p>
<p>“You’re my world, slayer,” he whispered into her ear as he pumped into her. “My sun, my bright, blinding, burning sun. I need you. Need you so bad. Every bit of me calls for you and your light.”</p>
<p>Buffy wanted to cry from the honesty drenching every word he spoke to her. Just the thought of what the sun could do to him, the trust he'd placed in her. It was a gift she hadn't always appreciated.</p>
<p>“I need you too,” she whispered back, her voice strained from their efforts. “Don't ever let me go. Please. I'm yours.”</p>
<p>“Tell me again, pet. Say it loud.”</p>
<p>Spike clenched her ass with one hand, clawing into her to pull her as close as he possibly could. Buffy groaned approvingly and he used his other hand to hold her chin and kiss her deep.</p>
<p>“Yours,” she gasped around his tongue. “I'm yours, Spike.”</p>
<p>His grip on her chin still steady, Spike slipped his thumb into her mouth, knowing how she liked to suck and nibble it. He pulled it out with a pop from her lips and reached down to pet her in soft circles between her legs.</p>
<p>“It's time for you to come for me, love.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked into his wonder-filled eyes and let herself get lost in the safety, the adoration, the love she saw there. How he always managed to make her feel so precious, to look at her like he hadn’t seen her face or felt her body a thousand times before, she’d never know.</p>
<p>Spike watched the firelight dance across Buffy's face like a song as he brought her to climax. When he recognized the telltale ‘O’ of her lips and felt her nails dig deep into his back, he knew he could let go and ride the flame with her.</p>
<p>They lay panting in each other's arms for a long time. Only rousing for lazy kisses.</p>
<p>Spike reached to their feet where a green blanket was folded at the foot of the bed. He draped it over top of them and Buffy snuggled between it and his chest gratefully. She had the fleeting thought of whether he'd still be inside her when she woke up before exhaustion took over and she closed her eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy had awoken the next morning to a grumbling stomach. She had blasted through her meager food supply on the bus ride here, so she supposed it was time to check out the capability of her shiny new ration card.</p>
<p>Careful not to wake her sleeping boyfriend, she lifted his arm lazily draped across her hips and slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as possible. She closed the sliding door behind her as she stepped into the living area. She noticed their discarded clothes from the night before had been picked up and neatly folded. All the blinds had been closed. That meant Spike had been up doing his creature of the night thing at some point after she fell asleep.</p>
<p>That was pretty typical of him. They had developed a pattern in San Francisco of patrolling into the wee hours of the morning and heading back to either her place she shared with Willow and Dawn or his with Xander (it really not making much difference as their apartments were right across the hall from each other, <em>Friends</em> style). They’d have sex. Or not. But Spike would stay and hold her until she fell asleep. He’d spend the next few hours either working on his cases for Dowling or wandering the night. Honestly, she wasn’t always sure what he did while she slept and it didn’t matter too much to her. She knew he wasn’t getting himself into <em>too</em> much trouble. Wherever he went, whatever he did, he still ended his nights the same as she ended hers, tucked up against her. And when she woke, it was as if he’d never left at all.</p>
<p> Buffy unzipped her bag and pulled out some clean underwear, a dark pair of jeans, and a long, red flannel shirt. She’d packed one jacket, but it was thin and more suitable for combat than the cold. She held it up in disgust. Was this really the warmest thing she’d brought with her? Sometimes she was so disappointed in herself.</p>
<p>She layered with a long black tee underneath and even pulled some leggings on to hide beneath her jeans for extra warmth. Luckily she had at least been wise enough to pack practical shoes and thick, comfy socks.</p>
<p>When she was dressed, she ventured into the little bathroom and did what she could to wash her face. There were actually a few necessities leftover from this trailer’s previous owner within the cabinet under the sink. There were bottles of soap and shampoo and even a tube of toothpaste. Buffy did the best she could to look normal, braiding her hair to one side and drying her face with the sleeve of her shirt. </p>
<p>With one deep breath, she pushed open the trailer door and stepped into the sun.</p>
<p>Miracle of miracles, it wasn’t nearly so cold as it had been the night before. Still chilly, but she wasn’t suffering in her current attire.</p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, the camp seemed a lot emptier during the day. The more dangerous creatures most likely not as fond of the sun as the more human types.</p>
<p>Buffy walked for a bit, ignoring a few indiscreet stares as she did. She didn’t need to ask to know that everyone here knew who she was.</p>
<p>There were two small, brick buildings in the camp, set up by the front gate. One that was locked down with no windows at all, the other with a small white sign on the side that read in crisp font “Supplies.” There were creatures lining up at the window counter and Buffy could see two girls inside swiping cards and handing out rations.</p>
<p> Buffy stepped into the line with a wary look. The mere idea of depending on these people for her food was enough to disturb her. The meager offerings she was seeing people walk away with, way more troublesome.</p>
<p> “Hey, Buffy!” Willow appeared beside her, dressed warmly in her purple stripey sweater and a magenta knit cap. “You and Spike have any trouble last night?”</p>
<p>Buffy was glad to see Willow. Being alone in this place made her thoughts go wild, “Nope, no trouble at all.”</p>
<p> “Hey!” a green hand reached out and grabbed Willow by the shoulder with a growl. “No cutting in line.”</p>
<p> With hardly a thought, Willow’s entire body flashed with gold light and a subtle electric crackle, and the troll who had touched her jerked away.</p>
<p> “Hands. Off,” Willow eyed him intently, managing to look intimidating despite the giant beast towering over her. “I’m not in line, just visiting with my friend, Buffy.”</p>
<p> The troll had the wherewithal to look embarrassed, turning to the creature behind him in line and grumbling about a bitter wench.</p>
<p>“Scary Willow is still scary,” Buffy piped in cheerily.</p>
<p>Willow shrugged, “Some of these guys will only respond to power.”</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Buffy grumbled. “I can’t decide if we’ll make more or less enemies with the punching.”</p>
<p> “Well, let me know if you want a protection spell or anything. I did some for the wiccan trailers last night. That reminds me! Do you know if vampires can enter trailers without permission? I’m always a little fuzzy on what’s a home, who’s the owner, who can give the invite, et cetera.”</p>
<p> “I’m not sure, but we can always have Spike give it the old college try.”</p>
<p> “Right. Yeah. Either way, there are plenty of non-vampy baddies around, so better safe than sorry with the spells.”</p>
<p> “You are so handy in a pickle, Will,” Buffy grinned.</p>
<p> “In a pickle, out of a pickle, pickle-less, I’m your girl.” She smiled brightly as they stepped forward in the line. Her smile faded as she cleared her throat uncomfortably, “So, Calliope told me last night she has a girlfriend, of the non-magical variety, back home.”</p>
<p> “Oh, Willow, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> “Yeah,” she looked around awkwardly, fidgeting with her hands like she wasn’t the most powerful being on the planet. Like she was just a girl. “It was a surprise. But, hey, we can still be good friends. And get through all this craziness together.”</p>
<p> “Right,” Buffy nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, it’s… good to have friends.”</p>
<p> “Yeah,” Willow said half-heartedly.</p>
<p> “Next!” one of the guards barked out, possibly not for the first time.</p>
<p> Buffy stepped forward and the expression on the guard changed from one of annoyed impatience to awe.</p>
<p> “You’re Buffy,” the girl said. She had shortly buzzed blonde hair and vivid green eyes, “I heard you were here, but… wow.”</p>
<p> “Um yep, Buffy. That’s me. The one and only Buffster…” was her genius, flummoxed ramble. “Currently the hungry Buffy.”</p>
<p> “Right,” the other slayer replied. “Of course. Let’s get you some food.”</p>
<p> The blonde disappeared for a moment and came back with an enormous brown paper bag. She plopped it down into Buffy’s arms with a smile like she was serving Chinese takeout and Buffy had just picked up her order. She half-expected a “have a nice day.”</p>
<p>“Nice protein bar,” Willow murmured with eyes as wide as Buffy’s.</p>
<p> Buffy hugged it to her chest and stared back at the girl, baffled and blank.</p>
<p> “Name’s Sierra by the way. Find me if you need something,” she winked and hollered a quick, “Next!”</p>
<p> “Is this real life? What’s happening?” Buffy said, walking away from the building in a bit of a daze. “What is all this stuff?”</p>
<p> “I don’t know, but I do think ya might want to open it in the privacy of your own trailer,” Willow said, nodding her head to the green eyes all around them.</p>
<p> “Yeah,” Buffy agreed slowly, looking around in confusion. “Let’s make with the movement. ”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>An hour later, the girls had unpacked a thick loaf of bread, three oranges, three apples, a jar of peanut butter, a six pack of canned orange juice, a liter of water, two cans of kidney beans, four cans of tuna, and ten protein bars.</p>
<p>They had a nice breakfast.</p>
<p>“It’s good to have friends in high places,” Willow said, sitting at the table, taking a bite of her peanut butter sandwich.</p>
<p> “Sierra,” Buffy said, enjoying a sip of orange juice. “Definitely gotta remember that name.”</p>
<p>The bedroom door slid open and Spike appeared in long black sweatpants and bare chest, basically what passed for pajamas for him. “What’s all this then?”</p>
<p> “Buffy’s got admirers in the supply building!” Willow announced.</p>
<p> “That right?”</p>
<p>Spike studied their bounty and slumped down on the sofa beside Buffy who ran a quick hand through his messy curls before pointing a finger against his chest.</p>
<p> “You do not seem appropriately enthused for the peanut butter and orange juice deliciousness,” Buffy noted.</p>
<p> “That’s because,” he leaned over to the mini fridge and pulled out a bag of blood, “You’ve clearly been set up.”<br/><br/>“What, huh?” Buffy asked through a mouthful of peanut butter and outrage.</p>
<p>Spike stood up and poured his blood into a small sauce pot on the hot plate. He took one of the two mugs from beneath the sink and held it as he spoke, “Lot of folks standin’ about when you got said goodie bag?”</p>
<p>Buffy and Willow glanced at each other before the first mumbled, “Maybe.”</p>
<p>“Bet they weren’t ‘zactly thrilled for your good fortune.”</p>
<p>The girls were silent for a moment.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Buffy began, “but what if this one slayer girl is just kind of nice and feels bad imprisoning one of her kind, <em>especially</em> the person who made it possible for her to even have her slayer powers--”</p>
<p>Willow cleared her throat and looked around with big eyes.</p>
<p>Buffy smirked and rolled her eyes, “<em>One of </em>the people responsible for giving her slayer powers.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be daft,” Spike said, carefully pouring his blood into a mug. “No one here is doin’ anything, least of all for you, out of the goodness of their bleedin’ heart.”</p>
<p>“Good people join the wrong side all the time.”</p>
<p>Spike sat down beside her and looked her in the eyes, “Enjoy the peanut butter, love. No sense in goin’ hungry if you don’t have to. But there’ll be a cost. I guarantee it.”</p>
<p>Heavy silence hung in the air for a moment.</p>
<p>“Well our feast has certainly lost its air of festivity,” said Willow, before popping the last bit of sandwich into her mouth. “I really hate that you’re probably right. Nothing comes free and no one knows that better than me.”</p>
<p>Spike made a face of disgust and swallowed another mouthful of blood from his mug.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” asked Buffy.</p>
<p>He shook his head begrudgingly, “‘fraid my blood supply spoiled on that never-ending <em>Magic School Bus</em> ride.”</p>
<p>“You’ve seen <em>The Magic School Bus</em>?” Buffy perked up. When Spike only stared, she added, “I mean, bummer on the blood front. I guess we’ll just have to make another visit to the supply building when the sun sets.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>And that’s how Buffy wound up standing in line. Again. Spike’s finger tapped against his thigh impatiently until Buffy took his hand in her own.</p>
<p>“Take a pill already,” she said.</p>
<p>“Don’t like lines,” Spike grumbled. “For nancies and rule followin’ school girls.”</p>
<p>“Hey. Rude. I break rules. When I feel like it.. .”</p>
<p>“We gotta get outta here soon, pet. Can’t stand the way everyone’s gawkin’ at us,” his free hand clenched and unclenched. “Can’t <em>believe</em> I let ‘em swipe my bloody lighter.”</p>
<p>Buffy raised a brow, “Jeez, what is with you?”</p>
<p>“Been in a bloody box all day, haven’t I? Now ‘m in a great, big cage full of fledglings and filth,” he eyed a group of vampires huddled in line behind them and raised his voice, “and <em>desperate, nosy vermin</em>!”</p>
<p>“Spike! Maybe they wouldn’t stare if you’d tone it down a notch or ten.” Buffy punched him softly in the shoulder for emphasis.</p>
<p>Spike’s eyes flashed yellow at the impact and he growled before clenching his eyes shut with great effort. When they opened, they were blue again.</p>
<p>“Sorry, love, haven’t eaten a proper meal in three days, s’pose it’s makin’ me cranky.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’d hate to see you pissed off,” she quipped, crossing her arms in front of her chest.</p>
<p>“You would,” he said quite seriously.</p>
<p>Spike turned to her and hugged her tight against his chest, dipping his nose into the crook of her neck and taking a deep whiff, the smell of Buffy grounding him like nothing else ever could. He straightened and looked into her worried green eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, pet. I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked unconvinced as they both paused to notice the front gates opening and a new bus rolling in with more prisoners. The bus stopped and creatures began filing out looking as exhausted as they themselves must have yesterday. Some slayers, including Katherine, began giving them the same spiel they’d heard yesterday when Buffy and Spike were distracted by the “next!” indicating their turn at the supply counter.</p>
<p>Sierra wasn’t there, but another girl with shoulder length brown hair and dark chocolate eyes said a quick “Oh hi, Buffy, how’s it going?” like they were besties. Spike and Buffy exchanged glances, noting that little tidbit of information for later. He handed the girl his scarlet card and stared at her expectantly.</p>
<p>“What’s your name, sweetheart?” he tilted his head in that charming way he had, but to no avail.</p>
<p>She swiped the card with a quick beep and eyed her computer screen, barely affording Spike a glance, “Amber. You need your daily blood supply I assume?”</p>
<p>“Pretty please,” Spike smiled.</p>
<p>Amber got up and opened a refrigerator and pulled out a small bag of blood and handed it to him, “Next!”</p>
<p>“Hold up here, love,” Spike held the bag up by his face, eying it dubiously. “You’re gonna have to do better’n this. Haven’t eaten in three days and this ain’t even a day’s worth of food.”</p>
<p>“This is your allotted daily sustenance and you were warned when you arrived not to ask for more,” the girl snapped. “We will not warn you again.”</p>
<p>Buffy scoffed and put her hand on her hip, “Are you serious? Do you really want a bunch of starving vampires running around? That's just asking for trouble! What kind of slayers <em>are</em> you?!”</p>
<p>Amber froze when Buffy spoke and she seemed to have a difficult time replying, “This is out of my control. I’m sorry, Buffy. <em>Next</em>!”</p>
<p>“Come on, let me through,” a strangely wet demon behind the two of them pushed his way to the counter.</p>
<p>Spike turned around in a whirl of leather and stalked off in the direction of their trailer with Buffy reluctantly backing away from the counter herself and following him “home.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Spike was clattering his pot onto the hot plate again when Buffy finally caught up to him. She carefully sat down on the sofa and began tracing the plaid lines of it with her fingertip while he muttered obscenities under his breath.</p>
<p>After a few moments, the blood had been sufficiently warmed and poured into his mug. He sat beside her and downed the entire thing in less than a minute.</p>
<p>“Nice the trailer has some convenient stuff like mugs,” Buffy said cautiously. “And shampoo, and blankets, and pillows. You really found the best trailer in the park didn't ya? Oh and the water! I mean, the shower is like, freezing. And slow and kind of dirty. No luxury spa here. But hey it's water and it works and I’m not all smelly, so that’s pretty good. As far as good stuff goes.”</p>
<p>“You done, pet?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Spike stood and pulled her with him, “Come on. Don’t wanta be cooped up in here another blasted second.”</p>
<p>They stepped outside into the cool air where the crickets were chirping and the bonfire was crackling. It would have been peaceful, romantic even, if they could block out the random screams and shouts that were slowly turning into standard background sounds for them.</p>
<p>There were a few squat logs surrounding the fire. Some of Willow’s wiccan friends were chattering together on the logs comfortably on the opposite side of the fire. Willow and Buffy had let them all know where their trailer was, so they’d have another safe base to hang near. Willow herself was nowhere to be seen, but Buffy figured she and Calliope were probably together.</p>
<p>Spike sat himself down on one of the logs and Buffy went to do the same, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his knee instead.</p>
<p>“Where you think you’re going, slayer?”</p>
<p>She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, “Feeling better?”</p>
<p>“Took the edge off,” he admitted. “Won’t last long though.”</p>
<p>“I really don’t know what they’re thinking. Maybe I can talk to someone, see if I can explain why hungry vampires is a big no no idea.”</p>
<p>“They know what they’re doing,” Spike said in a low voice.</p>
<p>Buffy didn’t know what to say to that.</p>
<p>“They’re really treatin’ you like royalty though,” he continued. “Apologizin’ to you as they starve me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Spike, I really wish you liked peanut butter…”</p>
<p>He nuzzled against her with a deep inhale, “You deserve it, Buffy. Truly. Much rather see you fed than myself. But I get the game they’re playin’.”</p>
<p>Buffy rested the side of her head on top of his, staring into the fire, letting it mesmerize her. “What game’s that?”</p>
<p>“They treat you real nice, make you the clear camp favorite, and punish everyone else just for existin’. No matter what you do, slayer, you’re bound to make enemies. Hungry ones at that.”</p>
<p>She was idly slipping her hands beneath his leather coat. “Yeah, but I was always going to have enemies here. It’s in the job title. Vampire <em>slayer</em>. Not vampire <em>friend</em>.”</p>
<p>“But now you know you got friends on the inside and they <em>want</em> you runnin’ to them,” Spike explained. “They need you.”</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged, “Beats the hell out of me. Just be careful, love.”</p>
<p>“I will,” she said, snuggling down. “You be careful, too. No hangry rage monster Spike please. He’s not my favorite.”</p>
<p>“I can control myself, especially with you here.”</p>
<p>“Really?” she whispered playfully into his ear. “Because in my experience, I do not always bring out the good and proper boy in you.”</p>
<p>Spike grinned and adjusted her so that her ass was less on his knee and more on his crotch.</p>
<p>“You,” he kissed her thoroughly until she pulled away for breath, “make a fantastic point.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and kissed him again before jumping to her feet and dragging him up to standing.</p>
<p>“Patrol, then fun stuff.”</p>
<p>“What? Bloody tease you are,” he complained as she kissed his cheek with a grin.</p>
<p>“Come on, we may even have to fight something. Wouldn’t that be fun?”</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, “Yeah, I’ll consider it foreplay.”</p>
<p>Buffy bounced on her toes and held his face for one more apologetic kiss before they headed off into the darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike was already vibrating with hunger and need a few hours into their patrol around the camp.</p>
<p>Patrolling had been a challenge for them both, Buffy still insisting that violence would only encourage more violence from their fellow captives. For the most part, Spike admitted that she had a point. There were a lot of magical creatures out there, not half of which were even violent types in the first place. And even the demons who were seemed to respond well enough to the threat of the vampire slayer and a century old master vampire. Not your typical peace campaigners.</p>
<p>The other vampires, though, they were a different story.</p>
<p>For all his beautiful slayer’s knowledge on hunting and killing vampires, Spike knew her understanding of typical (the non-souled variety) vampire minds and how they truly behaved wasn’t a part of her training.</p>
<p>The vampires would need to be dealt with in a different way.</p>
<p>That was tomorrow’s problem, however, because after one incident too close for comfort, they had retreated to their trailer.</p>
<p>As soon as the door closed, Spike threw Buffy against it with a slam, knocking the air right out of her. Before she could even take her next breath he had flattened himself against her and held her wrists down by her thighs, tight against the door.</p>
<p>Buffy looked startled and panted as he pressed his forehead hard against hers. After a moment seemingly frozen in time, she began to struggle against her bound hands, but Spike only strengthened his hold on her.</p>
<p>“No,” he growled. “No. Clearly… I <em>can’t</em> let you go. Not for a damn second.”</p>
<p>Realization dawned and she whispered, “Spike, you know I have no choice.”</p>
<p>
  <em>The last skirmish of the night. They’d been helping a girl with long, violet hair, an oracle, who a pack of six vampires had cornered against a tree in the shadows. She’d been all alone and Spike and Buffy had followed the sounds of her screams as two of the vampires bit into her at once, one at her neck and one at her wrist.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When Spike and Buffy barged in on their meal the four onlooking vamps had run, the feasting two a little slower on their reaction time. Buffy immediately kicked one vampire off the girl’s neck while Spike knocked the other to the ground with a swift right hook. The girl slumped down against the tree, slowly sinking down, shaking and terrified.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Help her,” Buffy had said before darting off after the rest of the group.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wait!” Spike hollered, watching his girl disappear into the darkness.</em>
</p>
<p>Spike twisted Buffy’s wrists and slammed them up above her head.</p>
<p>“Does it feel good to be helpless, slayer?”</p>
<p>He bit her shoulder with blunt teeth through her shirt but with enough force to hurt and likely bruise. Buffy gasped in response.</p>
<p>“<em>Answer</em> the question,” Spike’s voice was deep and dark with feeling as he punctuated his words with bites. “Does. It. Feel. <em>Good</em>?”</p>
<p>Buffy decided to lie to him.</p>
<p>“No,” she moaned as he moved down to one breast and took another bite.</p>
<p>Spike glared at her and she shuddered. He was truly angry with her. And that was rare.</p>
<p>He released her hands without releasing her eyes from his, “Take the shirt off.”</p>
<p>Her fingers were almost numb from his death grip but she managed to carefully undo the buttons and let the flannel fall to the floor. Almost afraid to break eye contact with him, she quickly pulled off her black undershirt as well, staring back at him for approval. His eyes still cold and full of rage, Buffy decided to go for extra credit and flung her bra off as well.</p>
<p>“Helpless,” he whispered again, his gaze softening slightly at the sight of her bare chest and her great big doe eyes. The soft thrum of her quick pulsing heart.</p>
<p>Spike reached down, unzipped her jeans, and knelt before her. He pulled down all her layers of denim and cotton until she was completely bare. Not a sock to be seen.</p>
<p>When he stood, trailing his hands slowly from her ankle up to her shoulders, he saw a thousand emotions flicker in her eyes. Fear. Spite. Apology. Confidence. Anger. Compassion. Trust. Fire. Always that fire in his slayer’s eyes.</p>
<p>He dug his chipping black nails into her shoulder blades and dragged them down her back.</p>
<p>Aside from her gasps and rapid breaths, Buffy was quiet, not sure exactly how her lover wanted to play his game.</p>
<p>“I don’t like feelin’ helpless, Buffy,” he said, pinching her hips and pulling her against himself, fully clothed but trembling with emotion. Buffy shivered, from the cold, from the feel of his leather against her skin, from his dark tone and hungry stares.</p>
<p>“S’posed to be a team you and me.”</p>
<p>Buffy gasped as Spike suddenly thrust two fingers inside of her.</p>
<p>“‘S not the <em>Buffy</em> show anymore,” he spat. “There’s me now.”</p>
<p>He gripped her pussy hard, causing her to groan and throw her head back against the door.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare. <em>Look at me, slayer</em>,” Spike snapped her head roughly back so they were nose to nose and he could feel every haggard breath against his face. “Tell me you’re sorry.”</p>
<p>Spike moved his other hand to pinch one of her nipples roughly.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she gasped, finding it hard to focus as his hand twisted and clenched inside of her. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>And she was.</p>
<p>
  <em>Spike had dusted the two vampires and told the oracle girl to beat it. He charged in the direction of Buffy, sniffing frantically at the air and, not for the first time, being thankful for that strange vampire/slayer connection that he could follow with his eyes closed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>By the time he found them, Buffy was on the ground with a lot more than four vampires standing around her, maybe ten. Spike noted the stake was missing from her hand and for once, Buffy looked truly afraid. This looked like an intentional ambush.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“None of us would be in here if it weren’t for you. Least you can do is feed us,” one of the vampires shouted before throwing himself on top of her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Buffy caught him and threw him back over the top of her head in the same instant that Spike barrelled into the huddle, game face on and any feelings of mercy off.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In a rage, Spike attacked and tore through his kind one by one as Buffy pulled a spare stake out of her boot and began helping.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When the last bit of dust fell to the ground, they stared at each other in silence for a moment, breathing heavy and speaking words without words. Spike turned to march home.</em>
</p>
<p>He bit down hard on her neck, not quite piercing the skin without his fangs.</p>
<p>“Tell me you won’t bloody well do that to me again,” he ordered.</p>
<p>“I…” Buffy hesitated.</p>
<p>Spike roared and she nearly collapsed as she felt another finger, maybe two, dart into her abruptly.</p>
<p>“<em>Tell me</em>.”</p>
<p>“Spike,” she groaned, “I can’t. You can’t <em>ask</em> me for that. I <em>slay</em>. It’s--”</p>
<p>Buffy’s breath hitched again as he scooped her against him and turned to place her on the table behind him. She truly did feel helpless laying on the cool surface with her legs dangling off the edge.</p>
<p>“Tell me you won’t do that anymore, Buffy, tell me,” his voice was gravely with desperation.</p>
<p>She heard him unzipping his pants and she sat up on her elbows, now angry herself.</p>
<p>“I will <em>not</em> tell you that, Spike! You can’t use your sexy games to get me to agree to something I can’t possibly--”</p>
<p>Spike pushed into her hard then and Buffy lay back against the table, counteracting his force by pushing her hands up against the wall behind her. It didn’t matter how angry she was, she couldn’t help but close her eyes and respond to him.</p>
<p>“<em>Tell me</em>,” he breathed, slapping himself against her again.</p>
<p>“Don’t try... to make me... something I’m not,” she whimpered between thrusts.</p>
<p>That seemed to trigger something in him.</p>
<p>Spike pulled her back up so she was sitting on the edge of the table, legs wrapped around his waist. He smoothed her hair, searched her eyes, and kissed her sweetly for a very long moment. Buffy reached her hands under his shirt and pulled it off of him, kissing him deeply for emphasis.</p>
<p>Her lips still battling with his, and his emotions as high as they ever were, Spike couldn’t help but say his next words, “Tell me you love me, slayer.”</p>
<p>Buffy stiffened in his arms and pulled back so she could see him. He looked wounded, starving, and as desperate as the vampires they’d dealt with not thirty minutes earlier.</p>
<p>Spike had often let those little words fall from his lips over the last few months of their togetherness. He never seemed afraid of the power they held. And he never demanded anything in return. It had been nearly a decade of Spike proclaiming his love in different ways. She’d almost gotten used to the idea that Spike would tell her he loved her til the end of time and she would say something cute and clever in response.</p>
<p>As if that was anything close to being a normal couple.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she whispered, cupping his face with her hands, examining every bit of it.</p>
<p>“Forget it,” he said, voice thick. “Not in my right mind right now. I’m… starvin’ and half mad with the thought of losin’ you. Shouldn’t’ve--”</p>
<p>She shook her head and kissed him gently, “It’s not that I don’t. I just, I think it should be completely my idea when I do say it.”</p>
<p>Spike nodded and looked away, embarrassed, “They’re just words, pet. Silly damned words.”</p>
<p>Buffy hugged him with all her limbs and rested her chin on his shoulder so he couldn’t see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. They both knew what a lie that was.</p>
<p>“How about tonight I <em>show</em> you how I feel instead?” she said, feeling him wrap her up tightly in his arms.</p>
<p>Spike nodded and kissed the top of her head before picking her up and carrying her into their bedroom, still needfully throbbing inside her with every step.</p>
<p>They fell to the bed together, him on top of her, supporting his weight with his elbows. They kissed and explored each other with their hands like it was all still new to them. His tight muscles, her warm skin.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, love,” he whispered between kisses.</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” she said, rolling her hips with his. “Please. Just. Just don’t give up on me.”</p>
<p>“Never in a thousand years, pet. I’d <em>burn</em> before I’d give up on the likes of you,” he responded with a smirk, knowing full well he’d already done exactly that, years ago now. Her last words to him then echoing in both their minds.</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and she almost let one of those pesky tears fall, but didn’t.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I scared you,” she said. “But you scare me all the time, too.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled them over so that he was on his back and she was riding him from above.</p>
<p>“Every day. I think about losing you and how I’d possibly manage to go on… I don’t know if I could do it.”</p>
<p>Spike basked in her beautiful glory and gripped her hips, “Course you would. Nothin’ you can’t do.”</p>
<p>Buffy frowned, “Well, we both know that’s not always true. Just look at tonight. I would have been toast if you hadn’t shown up.”</p>
<p>He gripped her harder and sat up, pulling her legs back around him. Cradled in Spike’s lap, Buffy lifted and lowered herself slowly, gently, and powerfully. He groaned against her and focused all his bloodlust into pure lust. Letting her kisses feed him, her movements distract him, and her eyes… always enchanting him.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” she continued. “I think you’ve made me too confident. Made me think I really can do anything.”</p>
<p>Spike chuckled and looked at her skeptically before turning his attention to her breasts, peppering them with soft kisses.</p>
<p>“So you’re sayin’ it’s all my fault you’re so brazen and barmy?”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and with her arms looped around his neck, arched her back to give him full access.</p>
<p>“Barmy would be a bad thing I assume?”</p>
<p>He kissed his way up her chest and neck, stopping to nibble on her ear as she purred with contentment.</p>
<p>“Not in your case, I s’pose.” He paused to kiss her lips. “Damn inconvenient for me though.”</p>
<p>Buffy was thoughtful, quiet except for her ever-present moans of enjoyment. She began rocking her hips with more intention, pulling him as deep into her as she could and clenching him tight.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Spike muttered, meeting every movement and reveling in her sweet lips, her sensual tongue.</p>
<p>They were teetering on the edge of completion when Buffy barely managed the words, “But you love me anyway. No matter how inconvenient. You love me.”</p>
<p>Spike opened his eyes and studied her, “You know I do. More than anything.”</p>
<p>“I do know,” she groaned loudly, grinding hard against him and focusing on those cool, soulful eyes of his. “I feel it.”</p>
<p>With that, Buffy jerked against him as the bliss of orgasm poured through her. She clung to him weakly as he rolled her over gently so she was once again on her back. She moaned as he continued pushing into her with total abandon.</p>
<p>When Spike finally found his own release, he collapsed and lay his head on her breast. Buffy stroked his hair gently and began to close her eyes when he spoke softly.</p>
<p>“I feel you, too. I feel it every day.” He hugged her tightly with one arm. “When the time’s right… you’ll be able to say it, too.”</p>
<p>With his face on her chest, she knew he couldn’t see her so she let that stupid little tear dart down her face, brushing it away quickly as if it had never been there at all.</p>
<p>Spike fell asleep quickly, exhausted from emotion and hunger and of course, the battle between their bodies. But Buffy stared at the ceiling a long while wondering how she’d gotten so screwed up about love. And how could this man, no, this <em>vampire</em> who had <em>murdered</em> for over a century, how could <em>he</em> seem to know it and feel that love so purely, so certainly.</p>
<p>She hugged him a little tighter and thanked whatever strange, starry destiny had sent him to teach her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next week was difficult.</p><p>Word had spread about how Buffy and Spike dusted a dozen vampires in what the demons viewed as a traitorous massacre. For all their peace talks and clever negotiating, that lone incident stood out the strongest.</p><p>So many prisoners had arrived in the past week that every form of shelter was packed to the brim. Willow was still bouncing back and forth between Spike and Buffy’s trailer and her group of wiccan friends, but Buffy could tell she enjoyed the luxury of having her own sofa when she stayed with them.</p><p>The slayer guards continued showering Buffy in food and other gifts. One day, even a thick, warm coat appeared inside their trailer, right before the snow began. It made Buffy uneasy to know that the guards could enter their trailer unnoticed, that they’d been watching her and noticed her sad wardrobe, but then… nothing really went unnoticed here. <em>She</em> hadn’t seen anyone enter their trailer, but it didn’t take long to hear that everyone else knew all about it.</p><p>In an effort to quell the rumors, Buffy had refused to even visit the supply building anymore, except to sometimes accompany Spike or Willow for their ration pickups. Their trailer was packed with food and not only did that make their shelter a target, but Buffy was crumbling under the weight of her guilt. No matter how many times she invited Willow’s wiccan friends (and whoever else seemed harmless enough) for a feast, she couldn’t let go of the inequality of it all. They’d all thank her and stuff their faces happily, but deep down, everyone knew it was weird and Buffy didn’t deserve food anymore than they did. At least, Buffy thought they <em>must</em> think that, despite Willow’s protests.</p><p>She did deliberately take advantage of her special treatment once. She had sought out Sienna and asked her to mail a letter to Dawn for her. Sienna had taken the letter, looking a bit uncomfortable. Later, she told Buffy she’d sent it. But who really knew?</p><p>Things with Spike were tense. It wasn’t that they were fighting or even that they held anything from the night of “the incident” against one another. In fact, they’d been sleeping together nearly every chance they had. Every night before Buffy slept, but often during the day as well when Spike was contained to their tiny trailer. It was always fantastic, often frantic, sometimes even violent, but mostly, there was a dark undercurrent to it all.</p><p>Put simply, they were scared. Scared of losing each other, scared of this place changing them, scared of the unknown on the horizon. They’d known this place would be dangerous, but experiencing it was another thing. This wasn’t the typical day-to-day demon fighting they’d been doing for years. There was no research to be done, mystery to be solved, let’s scooby around with donuts and funny puns until the big fight… No, this was nonstop danger around every corner, complicated politics, deception everywhere, and of course, unusually hungry vampires.</p><p>One in particular.</p><p>Spike wasn’t himself when he was starving. It tainted every word he said and every choice he made. Buffy tried to be patient, knowing how on edge he was at all times, but it was a challenge. Sometimes, it was like pre-soul Spike had returned, and she’d have to remind him of basic moralities. In the hour after he slurped his blood ration down, he was coherent and loving again, the romantic poet who could make her swoon with lovely words. But it was so brief. She was getting tired of him snapping, tired of dragging him away from silly fights, even tired of him apologizing to her for all his bad behavior. She’d stroke his hair and tell him it was okay, but it <em>wasn’t</em> okay that these disgusting people had reduced him to this form of himself. Spike had fought too hard to be good to have it simply starved out of him.</p><p>It wasn’t fair.</p><p>A light snow was falling. Buffy was sitting alone by the fire, thinking about the last week and shamefully wrapped up in her new, white puffy coat. Was it right to take dirty gifts from dirty people? No. But nothing about this was right, and like Spike had said, sometimes you just needed to enjoy the peanut butter. Especially since everyone already seemed to hate her.</p><p>Thus, she was surprised when someone sat down beside her. Well, someone who wasn’t Spike or Willow. It was the oracle girl, who she and Spike had saved from vampires. She was stunningly beautiful with her long, violet hair and clear, blue eyes.</p><p>“Hey,” the girl said sweetly.</p><p>“Hey yourself,” said Buffy. “How are those bites healing up?”</p><p>“Oh, they’re good. Fine. Completely fine. I wanted to thank you though. I didn’t really get the chance before, and it’s kind of been bugging me.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Buffy smiled sadly. “I’m glad you’re okay. What’s your name?”</p><p>“Lily,” she responded. “And you are the famous Buffy.”</p><p>“Not too many of us Buffys around really,” she murmured.</p><p>Lily laughed, “Well, I’m sure you know all the things being said about you around here, and I wanted you to know that I’ve been telling people what you did for me. You and your boyfriend.”</p><p>“Thanks, Lily, I appreciate the PR boost.”</p><p>“I also had to tell you something. You know I’m an oracle right?”</p><p>Buffy nodded, “That’s the word on the street.”</p><p>“Well,” Lily took a deep breath, “Naturally, everyone keeps asking me when we’ll get out of here, how this will end, what they should do. And… well, my visions don’t really work that way. They’re not concrete, you know?”</p><p>Buffy nodded, wondering where this was going.</p><p>“But last night I saw you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Buffy rubbed her hands together and held them toward the fire for more warmth. “Nifty.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lily grinned. “I mean, like I said, my visions are hard to articulate sometimes. But I know it was you. You were in pain. And I think you had an angel with you.”</p><p>“An angel?” Buffy’s brow furrowed. “Like someone had died?”</p><p>Lily shrugged. “I wish I could be more specific. But there were wings that I’m sure-- I’m not sure how I’m sure-- but I’m sure they were angel wings. Dark ones.”</p><p>“Hum.”</p><p>Buffy stared into the fire.</p><p>“Like I said, I wish I could be more specific,” Lily stood and shrugged. “But that’s all I got. Hope it helps you somehow.”</p><p>“Thanks,” said Buffy. “Want a protein bar? Or a sandwich? You can help yourself. Gotta nice little stockpile in the trailer there.”</p><p>Lily smiled, “Really? Thank you!”</p><p>Buffy continued to look mildly bored as Lily scurried into the trailer to collect her bounty. There was a stick next to her on the ground and she started poking the fire with it absently.</p><p>“Everythin’ all right, pet?” Spike swung his leg over the stool beside Buffy and looked at her skeptically.</p><p>She grumbled incoherently.</p><p>“Come again?”</p><p>“I said I’m <em>useless</em>. I can’t do <em>anything</em> here. I’m supposed to be all information gather-y so that we can make with the plan and get out of here, but there’s nothing to gather. There’s just fighting and ration cards and… every time I even think I’m maybe helping and break up a fight or protect someone, I’ve got ten new enemies who wanted that person dead!”</p><p>The fire crackled gently.</p><p>Spike sighed.</p><p>“Need to change the game then.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>Buffy poked a log a little too hard and watched as it disintegrated, little bits of ash scattering in the breeze.</p><p>“You been playin’ too nice,” Spike began, “letting everyone else set the rules. You’re the slayer. You set the rules. Always have.”</p><p>“I’m not the only one anymore,” she said solemnly.</p><p>“Well aware of that. But you’re still <em>the</em> slayer. Still the greatest leader I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>Buffy stopped to look at him, serious as always as he bestowed her with enormous compliments.</p><p>Spike continued, “<em>Lead</em> them.”</p><p>“The slayers?”</p><p>Spike raised his brows affirmatively and Buffy looked back to the fire. Lead the slayers? These girls seemed a little far gone in the insane-o department, but maybe Spike was right. Maybe she needed to take advantage of her uniqueness here instead of wallowing in it.</p><p>Buffy tossed her stick into the fire and stood abruptly.</p><p>“Got a hair appointment?” Spike asked lazily.</p><p>“I think you’re right. It’s time for a meeting with my fellow slayers.”</p><p>She made to move, but Spike grabbed her hand first and stood to meet her.</p><p>“Want backup?”</p><p>“No. These girls don’t seem too hot on vampires.”</p><p>“Unlike you,” Spike smirked, kissing her with heat.</p><p>Buffy smiled through the kiss, pulling an inch back to say, “Guessing you just had your daily dose of deliciousness.”</p><p>“Well, you <em>are</em> delectable.”</p><p>“I meant your ration,” she said with a playful eye roll.</p><p>“Ah,” Spike’s face fell. “That noticeable, eh?”</p><p>Buffy hesitated. “You just haven’t been in a very playful mood the past few days. That’s all.”</p><p>“We’ve played,” he defended, nipping at her neck.</p><p>“I don’t mean <em>that</em>! But speaking of that, even then, you’ve been… different.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, pet, I know…” Spike shook his head. “Know I’ve been forceful with you. Did I cross a line? You just gotta say--”</p><p>“No!” Buffy protested, knowing what a sensitive subject this was for him. For them. “No, you haven’t done anything I didn’t enjoy that’s for sure. I’m actually a little disturbed how much I like sex with animal Spike. But it is <em>a lot</em> of sex... even for us.”</p><p>“Animal Spike, huh?”</p><p>Buffy tried to cover, seeing how hurt he looked. “You know, you’re such an animal <em>in bed</em>! Totally common turn of phrase.”</p><p>“‘S not what you meant,” he said, looking into her eyes. Feeling the truth before she could vocalize it.</p><p>“Really, Spike, I didn’t <em>mean</em> any of this in a bad way. It’s just falling out of my stupid mouth all sorts of wrong.”</p><p>“Should I back off?” he asked her timidly. Her fierce vampire, timid. Because of her.</p><p>“No! That’s not it. I’m just worried, okay? I see a change in you and that <em>worries</em> me.”</p><p>Buffy stood on her tiptoes and kissed him deeply. When they broke, his voice was lumpy with emotion.</p><p>“I’m just so hungry, Buffy. Everything I see’s drenched in red. Sometimes… Sometimes, I feel I’ll drown if I don’t kill something. <em>Now</em>. Suck the life out and feel that... hot... silky blood... goin’ down my throat...” Spike clenched his eyes shut, stopping himself from continuing that lovely daydream. “Then I’m <em>wrecked</em> with guilt for even thinkin’ of such a bloody thing. Picturin’ what you’d say if you only knew.”</p><p>“You’re sleeping with me so much to keep yourself from killing, aren’t you?”</p><p>Spike hung his head and clenched his fingers around her shoulders.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Buffy said. “Really.”</p><p>Spike growled, “It’s <em>not</em>. You don’t get it, Buffy. I can’t fuck you all day ‘n all night. I’m gonna break. And when I do... someone’s gonna die.”</p><p>“You won’t--”</p><p>“I’m not as strong as <em>you</em>, slayer.” He grasped her face between his hands. “Just a matter of how long I’ll last.”</p><p>Buffy took his hands into hers and squeezed them. She’d known he was hungry, starving even, but she hadn’t realized just how bad it had gotten.</p><p>“We’ll deal with this together. Okay? It’s you and me now. Right? That’s what you said. So when you feel the bloodlust taking over you, you find me. Do not let it control you, Spike. You can be stronger than that. I know you can.”</p><p>“I’ll always find you, Buffy,” he whispered, kissing her again. “Don’t let me do somethin’ I’ll regret.”</p><p>“I won’t,” she said confidently.</p><p>Buffy took a deep breath.</p><p>“Okay, going to see some slayers now. For real this time. Do I need to tell Willow to keep an eye on you?”</p><p>“Bloody hell, woman. <em>No</em>. Don’t need a damn sitter,” Spike grumbled, letting go of her hands and shoving his into his duster pockets.</p><p>“Had to ask,” she grinned, marching off into the night with Spike still standing, hands in pockets, staring after her.</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy stood in line, waiting patiently for her chance to chat with the guards at the supply building. They were really their only connection to the outside world, to anything. When she finally had her chance, she rested her elbows on the counter and made certain she had both guards’ attention.</p><p>“Got a proposition for you, for all of you.”</p><p>The girls looked surprised. One of them said, “Go on.”</p><p>“Well, see, you guys aren’t in charge of this whole shindig. I want to talk with whoever is,” Buffy said.</p><p>One of the slayers laughed, “You think you can just walk over here and have a chat with the general?”</p><p>Buffy didn’t laugh.</p><p>“You know who I am,” she said.</p><p>The guards glanced at each other before the first one spoke again, “We’ll let the general know you’re interested in a meeting. How’s that?”</p><p>Buffy eyed them both gravely, “I can deal with that. If you give me an extra blood pack.”</p><p>“You’re really not in the position to negotiate, Buffy.”</p><p>“What, you can dump tons of human food on me but one pack of blood, that crosses a line?”</p><p>One girl huffed, but the other just rolled her eyes and grabbed a pack from the refrigerator.</p><p>“Hope your <em>boyfriend</em> enjoys it,” she taunted.</p><p>Buffy took the blood and walked away without a word.</p><p>*****</p><p>The snow was just beginning to stick to the ground and Buffy focused on the prints her feet made with every step she took. When was the last time she saw snow? There had been some in Scotland, of course. Before that? Well, just that one freaky night in Sunnydale.</p><p>Buffy plodded along, clutching the blood for Spike tight against her chest when she heard her name being called.</p><p>His voice shot a shiver down her spine.</p><p>“Angel?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy stared into the face of her ex like she’d forgotten how to speak. Maybe she <em>had</em> forgotten how to speak. Angel looked the same as always. The total epitome of tall, dark, and handsome.</p>
<p>“I didn’t expect you to be here,” he said, cautiously. “I thought slayers were safe.”</p>
<p>“Since when is a slayer ever safe?” Buffy shrugged. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re here. I mean, all that angel imagery from Lily, that was a tad on the literal side and I still didn’t see it coming.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>She continued, “And really late notice. I mean, an hour warning? How helpful is your foresight if you only get an hour to digest?”</p>
<p>Angel shook his head and smiled, “Trying to keep up with you here, Buff.”</p>
<p>Buffy grinned, “Right. Sorry. I’m… nevermind. Let’s start over. Wow. You’re here. <em>Why</em> are you here?”</p>
<p>“Haven’t exactly kept a low profile ever since Cordy started handing out business cards. The peacekeepers showed up and <em>strongly suggested</em> I set a good example for the vampire community and turn myself in. Thought about fighting them, but,” he eyed her with amusement, “I’ve lost fights with one slayer. Didn’t think I should try to take on six by myself.”</p>
<p>“You made the right call. If you’d killed one of them, it would have been all over the news.”</p>
<p>Nodding, Angel said, “I can see the headlines… Peacekeeper Murdered by The Vampire with a Soul.”</p>
<p>“Well, <em>a</em> vampire with a soul,” Buffy corrected with a small smile.</p>
<p>“Right,” Angel chuckled and tucked his hands into his coat pockets. “I kind of forget sometimes. Spike’s just not that different with his soul is he?”</p>
<p>Buffy looked away in the direction of their trailer where the vampire in question would be and said softly, “Different enough.”</p>
<p>“He’s here, too, I’m guessing?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Buffy exhaled dramatically. “And we better go see him and get this awkwardness over with.”</p>
<p>Angel smirked and shook his head as they began to walk, “Don’t tell me he’s <em>that</em> insecure.”</p>
<p>“Spike is <em>not</em> insecure. You just annoy him,” Buffy said, tilting her head pointedly. “Plus, he’s pretty hungry. The rations here… they are not great.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t been yet. How much blood are they giving us?”</p>
<p>“Uh,” Buffy held up the bag of blood she’d gotten for Spike. “This much?”</p>
<p>“Per day?”</p>
<p>“Ya huh.”</p>
<p>“Jesus,” Angel breathed. “How long has he been living like that?”</p>
<p>“A little over a week,” she said softly.</p>
<p>Angel’s eyes widened. “I’m surprised he hasn’t killed anyone.”</p>
<p>“Really? Other vampires are getting by, I kind of figured Spike was stronger than them so he’d be okay…”</p>
<p>“Maybe those other vampires have another supply somewhere. Or are drinking from people without you noticing. I don’t know. But that kind of hunger… it’s not that a vampire won’t survive on that little blood. It’s that it will turn them into the most primal, blood-seeking version of themself. And well, I’ve seen that version of Spike before. It’s not pretty.”</p>
<p>Buffy stopped walking. “I’ve seen it too. I literally walked through Spike’s memories. I saw it all through his eyes and no it was not pretty, but he’s not that guy anymore. He’s got a soul now, just like <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>Angel held his hands up in defeat, “I know, Buffy, I get it. Spike has a soul. But speaking from experience, a soul doesn’t keep you from doing bad things.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s stomach flip-flopped. She knew Angel was right. She just had never wanted to think her boyfriend was still capable of hurting anyone. He’d been gooder than good for so long now. Even imagining that he could still do evil felt like some sort of betrayal. But she thought back to the snowy night when Angel had told her it wasn’t his demon that needed to kill, it was the man. Could the same be true of Spike?</p>
<p>They walked the rest of the way in silence and when they reached their trailer, Spike was sitting outside on the tree stump, right where Buffy had left him, only now Willow was sitting with him. They were talking when Spike noticed the sounds of Buffy and Angel walking toward them. He looked up and immediately began cackling hysterically.</p>
<p>“Perfect,” he gasped between laughs. “This is bloody <em>perfect</em>.”</p>
<p>“Good to see you, too, Spike,” Angel looked around at their surroundings dubiously. “Hey, Willow.”</p>
<p>“Angel. Hey…” Willow said, drawing the world out for an unnaturally long time. She made quick eye contact with Buffy who grimaced and shrugged her shoulders. “When did you get here?”</p>
<p>“Just a couple hours ago. I’ve been looking around for some sort of shelter. This place seems pretty packed.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Well you can always use my sofa, I mean--” Willow’s eyes widened as she realized she’d just invited Buffy’s ex into the trailer with Buffy and her current. “If that’s okay with Buffy and Spike. I just, I’m okay with it. It kind of being my sofa and all. But I have, uh, other places I can go. That’s, that’s all I’m saying.”</p>
<p>Angel didn’t say anything, just nodded slightly and looked at Buffy, who had sat down on the stump on the other side of  Spike from Willow. Angel sat across from Spike, feeling the heat of his glare through the fire.</p>
<p>“Brought dessert,” Buffy said, handing Spike the extra ration.</p>
<p>Spike tore the corner of the plastic bag and drained it promptly without spilling a drop. He had very little patience to warm up his meals properly lately. His eyes were wild and mainly focused on Angel even as he drank.</p>
<p>Buffy and Willow stared at each other and had the kind of silent conversation that only best friends can have. Talk about your awkward silence.</p>
<p>“I should leave,” Angel said, rubbing his thighs with his palms awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Stay,” Spike said, his tone dark and low. “‘S not good out there. They’re animals.”</p>
<p>Buffy perked up at the use of that word and stared at Spike curiously. But his gaze was still fixed on Angel.</p>
<p>“I’ve handled worse,” Angel replied.</p>
<p>“Been worse, you mean,” said Spike.</p>
<p>“Okay!” said Buffy, leaping to her feet. “It’s getting late and I’d like to get in a quick sweep of the camp before bed. Spike? You coming?”</p>
<p>Spike stood, still focused on Angel, “Lead the way, slayer.”</p>
<p>Buffy grabbed his hand and half-dragged him away from the fire, shouting over her shoulder, “Show Angel the trailer, Will.”</p>
<p>Willow nodded and gave Angel an awkward smile as the couple disappeared from their view.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>“So, how long’ve you known Captain Forehead was in town?”</p>
<p>Buffy eyed him with frustration, “About five minutes longer than you have.”</p>
<p>Spike didn’t say anything to that, so they kept walking through the snow flurries. Their feet made soft crunching plops through the dusting of snow on the ground so far.</p>
<p>“You glad he’s here?”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Spike, what do you want me to say? I didn’t choose for him to be here. He is. End of story. Am I jumping for joy? Of course not. Do I hate him? No. He’s Angel. We… I... “</p>
<p>“Loved him?” Spike supplied.</p>
<p>Halting her steps, Buffy’s brow furrowed. She couldn’t argue with Spike, she’d talked about her love for Angel for years without a second thought. Why had those words come so easy with him? Suddenly, she felt extremely uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“I guess… I guess there are maybe some unresolved issues there. I know I forgive him for a lot. And I get why you wouldn’t be thrilled about it all--”</p>
<p>“<em>But</em>?”</p>
<p>Spike turned around to face her, an expectant stare on his face.</p>
<p>“<em>But</em>, Spike... I’m <em>yours</em>. You know that. <em>He</em> knows that. There’s no need for stick comparing or fights in the schoolyard or whatever other testosterone-fueled ideas you have in mind. I’m your girl.”</p>
<p>Spike looked unconvinced. She knew why. She knew this was the perfect time to say it. She knew she was an idiot not to.</p>
<p>He stepped toward her.</p>
<p>“I <em>love</em> you, Buffy,” he gripped her shoulders tight in his hands. “‘S why I will always forgive you no matter what you ever do. Maybe you needta think about why you’re always forgivin’ him. That wanker offed your <em>watcher</em>. Anyone else in the world did that and you’d’ve ended ‘em on the spot, and rightfully so.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes moistened just at the memory. She looked into Spike’s handsome face like a lost little girl.</p>
<p>“You’re right.” She sniffed and bit her lip, reminding herself that she was a woman now, not a heartsick teenager. “There’s something wrong with me. I’m sorry. I really am.”</p>
<p>Spike tilted his head sympathetically and kissed her, “Don’t need apologies, pet. No one knows the consequences of a first love like I do.”</p>
<p>Buffy laughed a little through her stray tears, “Yeah, I’m sure life with Drusilla was no picnic.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t even mean Dru,” Spike grinned at Buffy’s startlement. “Tha’s right, slayer, you don’t know all my dark, dirty secrets. Not yet.”</p>
<p>“Tell me!” she insisted, thrilled to see her more playful Spike emerging again. “I want details!”</p>
<p>“Long bloody story, pet. I’ll tell ya, but not tonight.”</p>
<p>Buffy pouted dramatically and he grinned, kissing her softly on each eyelid, which made her giggle. “What was that for?”</p>
<p>“You’ve snow in your lashes,” he shrugged and studied her face affectionately, kissing her rosy cheeks as well. “Kind of cute when you’re cold.”</p>
<p>She scoffed. “<em>Kind of</em>?”</p>
<p>“Fairest in all the land,” Spike said. “Thought I had myself a California girl, but ya make a pretty little snow bunny ‘s well.”</p>
<p>“Bunny!? Like the magazine kind?” Buffy put her hands on her hips.</p>
<p>“Not exactly where I was goin’ with that, but now you mention it…”</p>
<p>She punched his shoulder, and as had been happening lately at any sort of perceived attack, Spike’s eyes flashed yellow in instinct. He squeezed them shut, feeling the demon strengthening within him.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Spike opened his eyes, blue and beautiful against the falling snow, “I’m just fine, pet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you keep saying that,” Buffy replied warily.</p>
<p>He took her hand and silently implored her to walk on.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>It was a slow night on the patrolling front. Just some squabbles over shelters and a few starving vampires who couldn’t keep their fangs in their own mouths. They’d had to dust one, but that was enough for the others to get the message. Buffy was thankful for the small blessing as she and Spike retreated to their trailer.</p>
<p>Angel was laid out on the sofa with a pillow under his head. His arms were crossed across chest and his eyes were shut. Sometimes Buffy forgot he was actually undead, but the sight before her was a good reminder.</p>
<p>She and Spike glanced at each other uncomfortably. Buffy decided to head straight to their bedroom. She heard the door close behind her, but was surprised to find he hadn’t followed.</p>
<p>Spike knelt down beside Angel’s sleeping form.</p>
<p>“Mornin, sweetheart,” he said into Angel’s ear, not so quietly.</p>
<p>Angel shot up with a gasp, then groaned when he saw Spike and his twisted grin of amusement.</p>
<p>“What do you <em>want</em>, Spike? It’s been a very long day.”</p>
<p>“Skatin’ on thin ice you are, peaches,” Spike continued in a low voice, careful so Buffy wouldn’t overhear him. “Want you t’know I’m watchin’ you. One toe outta line and you’ll be the dusty pile of regret we all know you deserve t’be.”</p>
<p>“I’m not trying to steal Buffy from you, Spike, would you calm down for once in your life,” Angel groaned, rubbing one eye.</p>
<p>“Couldn’t take her if you wanted to. Slayer’s not your puppet. Not like Dru.”</p>
<p>Angel glared at him, never enjoying the reminders of his past manipulations and misdeeds. He could tell with one look at the younger vampire that he had never forgiven him for what he’d done to Drusilla. Love’s bitch indeed.</p>
<p>“You can hurt her though,” Spike continued. “So. Do us all a favor. Make <em>damn</em> sure... you <em>don’t</em>.”</p>
<p>Angel rolled his eyes, “Anything else?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Don’t piss me off.”</p>
<p>“You already seem pretty pissed.”</p>
<p>Spike scoffed and stood up, “Guess it’s been a while since you seen me truly enraged then.”</p>
<p>“I really don’t know what she sees in you,” Angel muttered.</p>
<p>Lying back down, he shook his head slightly and turned his face toward the back of the sofa away from Spike, who backed away with a smile and followed Buffy into the bedroom.</p>
<p>Spike closed the door behind him.</p>
<p>Buffy was already dressed in sweatpants and a long t-shirt, her blonde hair loose about her shoulders.</p>
<p>“And what was that about?”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged, “Just a quick chat with my old friend. Vampire with a soul stuff, ya know.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh,” Buffy said skeptically. “Whatever. I don’t even want to know.”</p>
<p>Spike pulled his shirt off and grinned at her, confirming that she was better off in her ignorant bliss. She rolled her eyes and crawled under the thick blanket on their bed. She had never loved a piece of fabric more than this blanket.</p>
<p>He pulled his dark jeans off and, clad only in his thin boxers, followed Buffy under the covers. He pulled her body toward his and took a deep inhale of Buffy scent.</p>
<p>“Nothin’ pulls me back to this earth like your smell,” Spike whispered into her ear.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you always say that, and I always try to not let that vamp-y smelly bit creep me out.”</p>
<p>She grinned and kissed him anyway, thankful that the cold didn’t bother Spike and he wasn’t as clothing-covered as she was.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for their hands to roam. Buffy dragged hers along his naked abdomen and around to his back, up his shoulders, down his muscular arms. Spike, tracing the curves of her form with appreciation, reached down into her sweatpants and began to stimulate her with his hand.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Buffy clung to him tighter, hooking one leg over his waist to allow him better access.</p>
<p>Never ceasing his soft circles below, Spike prodded her tongue with his own, sweeping from one side of her mouth to the other, absolutely starving for his girl.</p>
<p>Buffy pulled at Spike’s boxers and tugged them as low as she could. He kicked them off quickly, allowing them to get lost in the sea of blanket.</p>
<p>“Well, love, you’ve got me naked and willing, but you’re still’n your socks,” he said in his most lascivious voice.</p>
<p>“Hello, white stuff is falling from the sky,” Buffy pointed out. “And some of us can actually feel it.”</p>
<p>Spike nibbled at her neck lovingly. Buffy noticed he seemed sweeter tonight, less violent and crazed with lust. It must have been the extra dose of blood.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she whispered. “I’m meeting with the slayers tomorrow. I’m going to get you more blood.”</p>
<p>Ceasing his worship of her body temporarily, Spike looked into her eyes with wary apprehension, “Just don’t forget the big picture on account of me, pet. I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Really sick of you telling me how fine you are,” Buffy responded, literally grabbing him by the balls as she spoke. Spike groaned in response and looked at her with new hunger and a dash of amusement.</p>
<p>“Let all mentions of the word ‘fine’ be stricken from the record then,” he gasped as she continued massaging him with her hand. “Far from fine in fact. Desperate I am. Starvin’ and needy for you, my hot, fiery slayer. Burnin’ me to dust with just one, little hand.”</p>
<p>Buffy smirked and held his adoring gaze with her own, “You’re not allowed to dust. Ever.”</p>
<p>She squeezed him tight to punctuate her words and began moving her hand up and down his shaft far too gently. Spike shivered against her before pulling out of her grasp, amused at the girlish pout she made in response. He reached under the blanket and made quick work of her sweatpants. He rolled on top of her briefly, loving the look of lust in Buffy’s emerald eyes as she wondered what he had up his sleeve for her this time. He kissed the tip of her nose and slid down her body like a panther, letting the blanket fall away.</p>
<p>Buffy groaned at the sight of him gently dragging her black panties down her legs with his teeth. She shivered and was grateful he’d at least left her shirt on. It occurred to her where this was going as Spike ran his hands up and down her legs and Buffy sat up and looked at the vampire accusingly.</p>
<p>“You can’t tonight, Spike, you know I can’t keep quiet when you do that…” she gestured with one hand, “<em>thing</em> with your tongue.”</p>
<p>Spike licked his lips dangerously, “Got a point, slayer?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” she swatted his hand as it reached for her. “You <em>want</em> Angel to hear us.”</p>
<p>“You’re off your bird,” Spike eyes flashed yellow and he nipped at her inner thigh. “Not doin’ a thing I wouldn’t be doin’ normally.”</p>
<p>“So much for maturity with age,” Buffy grumbled, hitting the top of his head as he moved in on his target. More yellow. “Seriously, Spike, <em>don’t</em>. I won’t even be able to enjoy it.”</p>
<p>“Highly doubt that.”</p>
<p>She doubted it too as the deep sound vibrations from his voice shot through her like lightning. Spike felt her responding to him and flattened his tongue and dragged it from the bottom to the top of her opening mercilessly.</p>
<p>Buffy gasped and kicked him in the shoulder, which only made him growl and strike her sensitive flesh again. Were those fangs she felt?</p>
<p>“How many times do I have to say <em>no</em>?” she said sharply.</p>
<p>Spike pulled back and raised his head to meet her eyes, his own blue and wide with worry, “Once. Just once. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>He crawled up her and placed his head on her chest in shame, whispering more apologies.</p>
<p>“Sh, stop. It’s okay. I probably should’ve used the safe word,” Buffy admitted, stroking his hair. “These walls are just so thin…”</p>
<p>“Quite worried about forehead’s precious feelings,” Spike grumbled.</p>
<p>“Hey! I wanted to be quiet when Willow was here, too, if you recall. And she still got quite a show…”</p>
<p>Spike smirked at the thought of Willow listening to them through the wall.</p>
<p>“We can do quiet things,” Buffy continued. “Quiet but yummy things.”</p>
<p>Spike lifted himself up onto his arms above her, “Think I can’t make you scream for me if I want?”</p>
<p>Buffy tried to look annoyed but couldn’t help grinning at the challenge, “Bring it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy sat at a round, metal table surrounded by slayers, many of whom she’d trained personally. Sierra, Katherine, all her new pals were here. The girls were all quiet and stony-faced.</p>
<p>“Is this how all your meetings go?” Buffy asked with wide eyes. “No coffee? No bagels?”</p>
<p>Her morning ration drop off had included a note instructing Buffy to be at the unmarked building (the one non-supply one) at noon and to come alone. She’d waited til the sun was high and now here she was in the great mystery building. Turned out that, though it looked as tiny as the supply building, this one was basically just a door that led to some stairs. Secret underground government HQ? Buffy wasn’t sure why she was at all surprised.</p>
<p>They were waiting for the general to arrive. The room was as cold and clinical as the initiative’s digs ever were. Stainless steel tables. Fluorescent lights. Sparse walls. Doors with keypads. Not a lot of interior designers working for secret government organizations, Buffy supposed.</p>
<p>None of the guards seemed interested in chit chat, so Buffy’s mind wandered to the previous night. Spike was always an enthusiastic lover, but the dedication and zealousness of last night’s escapades were intense in a whole new way. Was it his determination to make Angel jealous or was it her fear (well, let’s face it, her knowledge) of being heard by her ex? Either way, it was a major turn on the longer they were at it. Her eyes twinkled in memory of her hands smashed against Spike’s mouth as she pleased him a little too well and he had responded vocally.</p>
<p>He’d bitten her in response and she’d escalated with a punch to his jaw that knocked him back against the pillows. She mentally savored that dangerous glint of fire in his eyes when he’d sat back up and kissed her madly.</p>
<p>“Well well. Good afternoon, Buffy.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked up, startled from her daydream. Damn it.</p>
<p>Double damn it. She recognized “the general,” who was sliding into her seat at the table.</p>
<p>“Jordan,” Buffy greeted unenthusiastically. “Should’ve figured.”</p>
<p>Jordan was a muscular woman with long white hair, pulled back in a ponytail. She had been the peacekeeper who brought Buffy, Spike, and Willow in. Buffy knew she’d been a military contractor before, so it probably hadn’t been too difficult to indoctrinate her into this current insanity.</p>
<p>“It’s General now,” said Jordan, clearly pleased with herself.</p>
<p>“Yippy skippy.”</p>
<p>Jordan looked mildly annoyed but continued speaking.</p>
<p>“You wanted this meeting. I’d rather you didn’t waste my time.”</p>
<p>“Cool. Then I’ll cut to the chase.” Buffy stood and crossed her arms. “I’ve decided to join your little operation like you wanted, but I have a few conditions.”</p>
<p>“Hold up. You’re a prisoner. You’re friends with other prisoners. Your <em>boy toy </em>is a vampire. An exceptionally dangerous vampire at that. How can you expect us to trust you?”</p>
<p>Buffy glanced around the room at all the sitting girls who were looking at her with a mixture of skepticism, but also awe. Jordan may need to go by General to command these girls, but Buffy’s name held true power.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think a history lesson was required, but I’ll remind you that <em>not </em>being on my side has never gone well… for anyone.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked around the room confidently, “No one understands your power better than I do. There’s a reason I shared it with all of you. A reason I changed all your lives forever. We are the strongest when we are together. And the world needs us. Now more than ever.”</p>
<p>Katherine scoffed, “You realize we weren’t all exactly psyched to discover this new destiny you carelessly thrust upon us, right?”</p>
<p>Buffy walked toward Katherine and stood beside her chair, “None of us feel ready when we’re first called. It doesn’t give us the right to ignore it.”</p>
<p>The brunette knocked her chair over, nearly leaping out of it to stand nose to nose with Buffy, who was a few inches shorter than her. “I’m <em>plenty</em> ready. Maybe I just want to have a life of my own.”</p>
<p>“I get it,” Buffy said softly. Compassion in her eyes for the struggle in Katherine’s. “I really do.”</p>
<p>She walked away from Katherine, back to her original place at the table and set her hands on the edge. “<em>Nobody</em> understands the sacrifice, the fear, the pain slayers have and will go through like I do. Whatever government higher ups are telling you to do all this, they will never understand who you are. They will never understand your purpose. <em>They’re taking advantage of you</em>.”</p>
<p>Jordan rolled her eyes, “Would you sit down? We aren’t in need of a pep talk. In case you hadn’t noticed, your line of thinking got you in a cage. Ours did not. I think you’re a little confused about who is in charge here.”</p>
<p>Buffy sat and folded her arms neatly in front of her. “Fine. What do you want? You clearly want <em>something</em> from me or you wouldn’t be sending all the special deliveries and love notes.”</p>
<p>With a slight grin, Jordan conceded. “I have some thoughts, but you need to establish your credibility first.”</p>
<p>“You wanta do trust falls or something?”</p>
<p>“We’d like you to function as a trustee—”</p>
<p>“I was close,” Buffy murmured.</p>
<p>“Not an official peacekeeper because you clearly do not share our values and cannot be afforded the freedom as such. But, we need someone to keep order within the camp.”</p>
<p>Buffy laughed, “Hello. I’ve already been doing that. Me and that awful, horrible boyfriend of mine.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but instead of slaughtering the troublemakers, we want you to bring them to us.”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>slaughter</em>, I <em>slay</em>.”</p>
<p>Jordan shrugged, “Same diff.”</p>
<p>“It’s <em>so</em> not. God, you really are a terrible slayer.”</p>
<p>“We also want to meet with your wiccan friend.”</p>
<p>Her brow furrowed at that, “What do you want with Willow?”</p>
<p>“That’s need to know,” Jordan smiled.</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes at that. “Like I said, I have my own demands. First, I want my scythe back. You need a sign of trust from me? Well, I need one too.”</p>
<p>“That can be arranged. It’ll look great with your new uniform.”</p>
<p>Uniform. Gross.</p>
<p>“I want to be a part of your meetings as well. If I’m going to work with you, I deserve to know the game plan and give my input.”</p>
<p>Jordan paused. “That’s a maybe. Obviously we’re talking huge conflict of interest for a prisoner to attend peacekeeper meetings.”</p>
<p>“There are good people in this camp who deserve representation. You know I’ve been fighting evil for years. No one is better suited to magical liasoning than me.”</p>
<p>Tapping the edge of the table lightly, Jordan stared at her, “Is that all?”</p>
<p>Buffy unfolded her arms from across her chest and took a deep breath, “I need more blood rations.”</p>
<p>“You mean your boyfriend needs more rations.”</p>
<p>“I realize a vampire fighting for good makes about as much sense to you as slayers fighting for the side of evil… oh wait,” Buffy tilted her head and placed a finger to her forehead thoughtfully. “But Spike is my partner. Without blood, a realistic amount of blood, he could <em>actually</em> become dangerous.”</p>
<p>“And if that were to happen, are you prepared to do what needs to be done?”</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes darkened, “I’ve proved that my entire life. But it’s not <em>necessary</em> here. Just give me extra rations, for Spike <em>and</em> for Angel, and they <em>will</em> help us. They have souls just like you and me. They help people. They want to make up for their pasts. Letting them grow feral will only make things worse for all of us.”</p>
<p>“No extra blood. That’s not negotiable.”</p>
<p>Buffy slammed her fist on the table. “Because <em>you</em> say so? Or is there an order from higher up that you’re too terrified to defy?”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>afraid</em> of anyone,” Jordan said sternly. “I simply don’t believe feeding vampires was ever in the slayer job description.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? Did you catch the line about common sense?”</p>
<p>“We’re not feeding your vampires any more than we already are. That’s not negotiable.”</p>
<p>Buffy tried not to let them see how upset she was. She pursed her lips and looked away, ready for this meeting to be over.</p>
<p>“What happened to you, Buffy? What made the lines of good and evil so confusing for you?”</p>
<p>“Life?” she muttered, staring at the wall.</p>
<p>Jordan’s voice lowered menacingly, “What could you possibly see in that bleached freak?”</p>
<p>Still not making eye contact, Buffy responded, “We done here?”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>When Buffy returned to the trailer, Willow and Calliope were both sitting at the table across from Angel. Spike was sprawled out on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, leg and arm dramatically hanging limp off the side.</p>
<p>“I just can’t come down on either side, guys,” said Willow. “I mean setting is everything. Is this fight in the caves or in space? Kind of changes stuff. Oh, hi Buffy!”</p>
<p>Spike’s head was toward the trailer door and as soon as Buffy closed it, sealing them back into comfortable darkness, he tilted his head backward to see her. She leaned down to give him an upside down kiss before standing and sighing dramatically. She leaned her scythe up against the wall.</p>
<p>“Check out my new uniform,” she said with sarcastic brightness, holding up the army green bodysuit she’d been presented with on her way out of the meeting from hell.</p>
<p>“Pretty,” Calliope commented innocently.</p>
<p>Buffy sank into the tiny space on the sofa next to Spike, curling up against him with her face buried in his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Internment camps suck,” she said, the words coming out muffled and pathetic.</p>
<p>Spike squeezed her tightly and kissed the top of her head, “Don’t think the Jews fancied it much either.”</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Buffy sat up. “I’m the worst most selfish person on the planet. Whining about this when people have actually suffered—”</p>
<p>“Sod that. Somethin’ worse’s always happened to someone, pet, doesn’t make this any more fun in the meantime.”</p>
<p>“I’m having a little fun,” Calliope chimed in cautiously. “What with Willow teaching me real magic and all.”</p>
<p>“You can do magic in here?” Angel asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Willow. “There’s like a forcefield or something keeping it in, but we can do plenty from the inside. I’ve kind of formed a little camp coven and been teaching the girls some basic survival spells. You know— for safety.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of which, some new girls arrived last night if we want to go meet them, give them the low down,” said Calliope.</p>
<p>Willow nodded, “Yeah, definitely. Buffy, you mind if I bring them some of these apples?”</p>
<p>“Take whatever. And be careful, Wil, the guards told me they want to meet with you. No clue why, but keep an eye out. You’re on their radar.”</p>
<p>Her friend nodded and Calliope took her hand. The two redheads left the trailer without another word.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it a rule— gingers don’t mix? ‘gainst the laws of mother nature or somethin’?” Spike pondered.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it a rule you don’t canoodle with another girl’s girlfriend?” Buffy said. “Also, Oz?”</p>
<p>“Right,” Spike nodded. “Wait, who has a girlfriend?”</p>
<p>“Calliope.”</p>
<p>“Hum. Red the homewrecker. Sure gets around doesn’t she?”</p>
<p>Buffy laughed, “Stop. Very wrong. It is your boyfriendly duty to love and support your girlfriend’s best friend no matter her crazy choices. And there have been some <em>crazy</em> ones...”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged, “Never said it was a bad thing. I like Willow just fine. Should take her pleasure where she can.”</p>
<p>Angel cleared his throat, “So, Buffy, how was the meeting?”</p>
<p>“Right,” Buffy picked up Spike’s legs and plopped them into her lap and told the tale.</p>
<p>Angel listened to her, but he was also fascinated by the constant interactions between Buffy and Spike. A squeeze on the knee here, a soft caress there. It all seemed so effortless and he didn’t know what to make of it.</p>
<p>“Least you got your scythe back,” Spike pointed out.</p>
<p>“I did miss her,” Buffy agreed.</p>
<p>Angel chuckled, “Your scythe’s a she?”</p>
<p>“She’s beautiful and badass, of course she’s a she,” Buffy responded. “I’m just really mad about the ration thing. It’s so stupid. Why turn two of our strongest allies into liabilities, <em>on purpose</em>?”</p>
<p>“It’s all on purpose, love, they want us droolin’ and dependent on ‘em.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like it one bit,” she said. “Hopefully I can learn more at these meetings so we can get the hell out of here. <em>Soon</em>.”</p>
<p>Angel nodded and tapped his finger against his thigh. Spike stared at the ceiling, willing himself to be less hungry.</p>
<p>“So,” Buffy said awkwardly. “Anyone up for gin rummy?”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Angel joined Spike and Buffy for patrolling that night. Not just because he wanted to help, but because the beginnings of his own hunger were making him unusually itchy for action. Unfortunately for him, it seemed the addition of a new member to the patrol squad, along with Buffy’s new official uniform and shiny scythe accessory, were all pretty intimidating.</p>
<p>There had been one brief fight. Spike and Buffy had immediately leapt into action, quippy banter and all, tossing demons around like they were playing some sort of game. Angel had always known Spike to relish the fight, but when he’d known Buffy, being the slayer had been more of a burden to her social life. Now, well…</p>
<p>She seemed alive.</p>
<p>Had she always had this much passion and life inside of her? Had his own cursed despair spilled into her when they’d been a couple? Buffy had always been an amazing, one of a kind slayer. An amazing girl. But, there was a light in her now that Angel had never seen before.</p>
<p>Watching her and Spike fight was like watching a dance. A beautifully choreographed dance of partners who had worked together for years, who actually took joy in what they were doing together so well. To be honest, Angel had heard enough of their <em>dancing</em> last night.</p>
<p>The fight ended with a stern warning from Buffy that next time she had to take prisoners for the guards. Apparently, she hadn’t been feeling up to that part of her trustee deal tonight.</p>
<p>“Next time ya take a flyin’ leap off my shoulders, commando <em>Barbie</em>, a little heads up would be lovely.”</p>
<p>Buffy shrugged, “What’s the fun in that? No one asks permission to carpe diem. They just carpe!”</p>
<p>“Nearly carpe-ed my head clean off my shoulders with your battle axe!” Spike insisted. “We of the vampire community are quite sensitive about our head to neck connections.”</p>
<p>“I so did not,” Buffy laughed. “But wait a sec, did you just call me <em>Barbie</em>?”</p>
<p>“Surprised it hasn’t happened before, come to think of it.“ Spike ran his hands along Buffy’s army green, form-fitting jumpsuit. “This uniform’s just so fetching.”</p>
<p>Buffy grinned, “Well at least there’s one good thing about it then. That, and it is surprisingly warm. Could use a hat though...”</p>
<p>Spike turned to Angel who was walking beside them, silent and as brood-y as ever, “So what happened to you in the ol’ rough ‘n tumble? Make a wrong turn at the light? Had to run out for a sale on hair gel? Simply too lost in your foggy cloud of melancholy and heartache to find your way back to planet bleedin’ Earth? <em>Perhaps</em>, you were a bit—”</p>
<p>“<em>Enough, Spike</em>!” Angel growled. “You didn’t need my help.”</p>
<p>“So you’re just the chaperone then?”</p>
<p>Glowering, Angel did his best to ignore Spike. His blood ration from a few hours ago had done hardly anything to cut the pang of hunger growing steadily within him.</p>
<p>“I realize Buffy and I’ve been fightin’ the good fight together for the last decade while you’ve spent your time pushin’ papers in your posh ivory law tower, but I still would’ve thought you’d be up for a little teensy scrap.”</p>
<p>“Spike,” Buffy gave him a disapproving stare.</p>
<p>“Two of you even patrol together back in your day?” he asked her.</p>
<p>Buffy and Angel exchanged surprised glances. When she thought back, Buffy <em>didn’t</em> really remember Angel patrolling with her. Not regularly anyway. He’d fought with her, of course. But those long nights in the graveyard were solo missions. She’d swing by his apartment or the mansion when she finished, but it had never occurred to teenage Buffy why Angel had never joined her. Even when she’d hated Spike, he’d tag along.</p>
<p>Spike chuckled, “Takin’ that silence as a big fat no.”</p>
<p>“Going for a walk,” Angel mumbled, turning and disappearing into the darkness in a second.</p>
<p>“Way to go. Why oh why must you work so hard to piss him off?”</p>
<p>“It’s hardly work,” Spike grinned. “Entertainin’ is what it is. Bit too easy really. But it keeps my mind off this pit of nothin’ in my stomach.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of distractions,” Buffy drawled, halting her steps and leaning her scythe against the tree beside her. “Got a present for ya.”</p>
<p>Spike raised his scarred brow inquisitively, “Do tell, pet.”</p>
<p>Buffy unzipped the top of her uniform and reached inside to pull out Spike’s zippo victoriously. “Ta da!”</p>
<p>Her boyfriend positively beamed as he took the lighter, “Not only am I pleased to have <em>this</em> back, but imagining where you’ve been keepin’ it all night has me dead chuffed.”</p>
<p>“I will assume that’s a good thing,” she said, handing Spike his half empty carton of cigarettes as well. “Sorry there aren’t more. They’re not exactly stocking smokes at the supply building. I just got back what they took from you on the bus.”</p>
<p>“It’ll do.” Spike flicked the flame to life for good measure. “Thanks, pet.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him warmly. Spike responded by backing her up against the tree beside them.</p>
<p>“Gonna strip you naked and make you purr like a kitten tonight,” he said into her mouth, reaching behind her and massaging her glutes through the olive green fabric of her uniform.</p>
<p>Buffy made a soft whimper at the mere promise of later, and also at the proof of his arousal pushing hard against her stomach.</p>
<p>Spike began sucking hungrily at the skin of her neck, “Or maybe shriekin’ like a wildcat. Which would you prefer, love?”</p>
<p>He looked at her with mischievous blue eyes as she panted in response.</p>
<p>“Trailer,” Buffy breathed. “Now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you to everyone who has left a comment so far! I love them. I'm curious to know if anyone is reading this who hasn't read the comics? Either way, hope you're enjoying!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Angel had stalked his way through the camp more than once now. It was late and cold but much of the magical community seemed unbothered by these things, including him. One desperate vampire had actually tried to attack him. Angel instinctively drew his own fangs out and threw the fledgling against the wall beside them, growling like an animal as he did. He didn’t think the other vampire actually recognized who Angel was when he put his game face on, but he clearly had enough survival instincts to recognize power and scurried away fast after that.</p>
<p>On his third round through the camp, Angel noticed Willow waving him over from the steps of one of the wiccan trailers.</p>
<p>“Everything all right?” she asked tentatively.</p>
<p>“Yeah, fine,” he said. “It’s just— Spike. You know. Needed some air.”</p>
<p>Willow was hesitant but she nodded, “Need a place to hang for a while? My coven’s just let out for the night.”</p>
<p>“Don’t really have anywhere else to go I guess.”</p>
<p>“That’s the spirit,” Willow said cheerily, unwrapping a protein bar and taking a bite.</p>
<p>She gestured to the steps she sat on. Angel sat down beside her and fidgeted uncomfortably with his hands.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Willow. That was— sorry.”</p>
<p>“No worries,” she said genuinely. “Can’t imagine it’s much fun to be living with your ex and her new boyfriend, who you kind of never liked anyway.”</p>
<p>“No,” he agreed. “Not fun. But I have to admit, it’s been interesting.”</p>
<p>“Like Shark Week interesting?”</p>
<p>Angel looked at her, confused, but Willow just took another bite of her bar and waited expectantly. He sighed, hardly knowing where to begin. “She’s just different now, ya know? Really different.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Willow said slowly. “You realize, you did know us when we were in <em>high school</em>. I should hope we’ve grown up a bit since then.”</p>
<p>“Time’s always felt a little different to me I guess. She thinks of me as her high school boyfriend who she loved for a few years, if that,” his voice trailed off. “But I spent over a century in hell during that time. Thinking of her was the only way I survived. Day in and day out for over a hundred years. That’s a long time to love someone.”</p>
<p>“I’ll say,” Willow whispered, afraid to break his concentration. She’d never talked with Angel this long, probably ever, and never about anything so intimate.</p>
<p>“I guess it’s just hard to get over all that.”</p>
<p>Willow nodded even though Angel was looking at his feet.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ll ever be over Tara,” Willow confessed.</p>
<p>Angel, who didn’t know Tara at all, offered Willow a small smile. They sat in the silence of the night for a few moments. Stars twinkling, firelight glowing all around them.</p>
<p>“I think she’s <em>happy</em> though,” he admitted, almost struggling with the words. “With Spike.”</p>
<p>Willow half-smiled at the way he spat Spike’s name out, “Yeah I think she is. He’s changed a lot, too. He really loves her.”</p>
<p>Angel folded his arms across his chest protectively.</p>
<p>“Maybe one day, I’ll get to change.”</p>
<p>Willow didn’t know what to say to that, so she just waited patiently, fumbling with the end of her green scarf and popping the last bit of protein bar into her mouth.</p>
<p>“Do you think she loves <em>him</em>?” Angel finally asked.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s— it’s been a long, <em>weird</em> journey for Buffy and Spike. They seem to be in a really good place now. Have been for a while. I mean— okay. Spike has these pet cats he shares with Xander. They all have names and he plays with them and seriously <em>loves</em> these cats. And we— we all have Sunday scary movie nights and Spike always brings the take out, which is ironic of course because he doesn’t eat it at all. And we all have our spots, ya know. Like, I sit in the armchair, Xander reclines, and Buffy, Spike, and Dawn get the couch. That’s just how it is. And when Dawn doesn’t get something in school, she goes to Spike to help her. And he does. He’s like, really good with her, even though he bashes like every professor she ever has. And... we have rooftop cookouts where Xander wears funny aprons and Buffy tries to cook and we all tell her how she should so <em>not</em> do that. And I mean... you just wouldn’t believe what our life is like these days, Angel. It’s basically a sitcom.”</p>
<p>Angel stared at her, trying to make sense of this information.</p>
<p>“Spike’s got cats?”</p>
<p>“And a guitar.”</p>
<p>“Hum.”</p>
<p>“Xbox too.”</p>
<p>They sat there awkwardly again.</p>
<p>“Are you trying to tell me, with all that, that the answer is yes? She loves him?”</p>
<p>Willow sighed and thought about how integrated Spike was into all their lives, how different things were from their time in Sunnydale. She thought about Buffy and her struggles in the love department over the years. Even just her struggles in the Spike department. It was all complicated. But…</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she smiled to herself. “She loves him.”</p>
<p>Angel didn’t look surprised by that. He may not have known about Sunday scary movie nights, but... he had seen them.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>“Sure it’s not Christmas, slayer? Cuz I got you something as well,” Spike murmured in Buffy’s ear as the door to the trailer slammed shut behind them. Buffy kissed him hurriedly.</p>
<p>“It better not be a protein bar,” she said.</p>
<p>“Sod that,” Spike said in outrage. “Only the best for my girl.”</p>
<p>Buffy clasped her hands together excitedly, “Oh, chocolate cake!”</p>
<p>“What? No.”</p>
<p>“Peanut M&amp;Ms!”</p>
<p>“Awful fixated on food for the girl with mornin’ room service.”</p>
<p>“I’ve gone over a week without chocolate. I’m going to need my fix eventually.”</p>
<p>Spike laughed, “Well, we’ll work on that one. In the meantime, have a look in the bedroom.”</p>
<p>Buffy eyed him skeptically, “You’re not going to jump on the bed and unzip your pants again are you? You can’t get a girl’s hopes up for presents, like actual presents, and then fail with the gifting.”</p>
<p>“Would you just go in the bloody bedroom you insufferable bint?”</p>
<p>In she went. And Buffy literally gasped.</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> it?” she asked, voice full of wonder.</p>
<p>Spike leaned against the doorframe and watched her, feeling his heart warm and pulse for her.</p>
<p>“Spike?” Buffy was beaming. “It’s <em>warm</em> in here.”</p>
<p>“Now you’re gettin’ the point,” he said.</p>
<p>Inside a glass jar on the built in table beside their bed, was a swirling ball of fire. Little bursts of flame would occasionally spark against the glass walls, but mostly it simply floated in the center of the jar and rotated majestically.</p>
<p>“This is way cooler than a lighter,” Buffy whispered, pressing a finger to the glass, then pulling it back at the slight burn.</p>
<p>“Just fire, love. Enchanted, obviously. But enough to keep this sardine can warm I think.”</p>
<p>Buffy stood and admired Spike’s form in the doorway, his dark pants and white t-shirt hugging him in all the right ways.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said, then grinned devilishly. “Or should I be thanking Willow?”</p>
<p>“Oi, it was my idea! Found the jar myself. Willow did some hocus pocus, but I’m the one who made your dreams of warm ‘n  toasty nights come true, and don’t you forget it.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” Buffy placed her hands on his hips and looked up at him innocently. “How ever will I show my appreciation?”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Spike clasped her face in both hands and ravaged her mouth thoroughly. He pulled back to locate the zipper to her new trustee uniform. He met her green eyes as he dragged it down from neck to crotch, agonizingly and painfully slow.</p>
<p>Buffy nearly tore Spike’s shirt off and unzipped his pants, shoving them toward the floor without ceremony.</p>
<p>He grinned and kicked his boots off, “Lovin’ the enthusiasm, slayer.”</p>
<p>“Well, this was your plan, right? Lots of… heat?”</p>
<p>Spike carefully peeled away her skintight suit, running his hands over her bare arms.</p>
<p>He murmured into her ear, “Will be nice to pound you without your socks on, that’s true.”</p>
<p>“But?” she whispered back, kicking the jumpsuit completely off and shedding her underwear.</p>
<p>“Just want you happy, Buffy.”</p>
<p>Buffy melted and pulled Spike all the way into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. She fell to her knees and ran soft hands up and down his ready cock. She kissed the sides of his thighs sweetly and Spike leaned back against the wall behind him, trying to keep his eyes open and not miss the show.</p>
<p>His slayer looked up at him with lust and emeralds in her eyes before she began worshipping him with her mouth. How? How had his life of reckless rebellion ever landed him this delectable dish of heaven?</p>
<p>Buffy picked up her speed, scratching his legs with her nails while she worked.</p>
<p>“Christ, Buffy.”</p>
<p>She hummed a soft sound of contentment as Spike gently pulled her up to standing. He ran his hands through her long, luscious hair and reclaimed her lips, relishing the taste of himself in her mouth.</p>
<p>“I’ll pass out if you carry on like that, evil woman,” he said.</p>
<p>Buffy grinned and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers running along her scalp and through her blonde locks.</p>
<p>“Angel’s not here, and I remember some sort of kitty cat promise you made me,” she said playfully.</p>
<p>“Please, never ever speak <em>his</em> name while you’ve got <em>my</em> balls in your hand.”</p>
<p>Buffy nipped at his lips and whispered seductively, “Guess you’re gonna have to punish me.”</p>
<p>Spike groaned and squeezed her ass hard, “Feelin’ saucy tonight, eh, pet?”</p>
<p>“Complaining?”</p>
<p>The vampire’s eyes flashed yellow and Buffy shivered in response, pleasantly shocked when he tossed her onto the bed on her stomach. She didn’t even have time to raise herself back up before he was on her, pinning her to the bed.</p>
<p>“Not in the slightest,” he said, running a black nail along her spine.</p>
<p>Spike lifted her hips and entered her from behind without warning. Buffy moaned. Loud.</p>
<p>Only Spike had always walked that tightrope so perfectly between pain and pleasure. Control and helplessness. It felt so good and so right for the slayer in her. The woman, too.</p>
<p>He thrust against her, hard and powerful with a hand between her shoulder blades to keep her still. Buffy relaxed into the feeling, letting him fill her completely and own every part of her. She was safe here, covered in Spike, surrounded by him, body and soul.</p>
<p>The side of her face pressed hard into the mattress, Buffy closed her eyes and echoed his name over and over, clutching desperately at the blanket beneath her.</p>
<p>“You’re mine, slayer. Mine.” Spike punctuated every phrase with a long, deep thrust. “Your body, it’s quiverin’ for <em>me</em> right now. Your pussy, wet and achin’ for <em>me</em>. Your heart…”</p>
<p>He trailed off and Buffy opened her eyes, afraid.</p>
<p>“Your heart <em>belongs</em> to me. It beats for me. I know you feel it, Buffy.<em> I know you</em> <em>feel me</em>.”</p>
<p>Spike suddenly couldn’t bare to not see her face and grabbed her by the hair, twisting her painfully so she could see the truth and desperation in his face.</p>
<p>“I love you you bloody stubborn woman. I love you. And one day, I will <em>die,</em> still loving you.”</p>
<p>He released her then and pulled out of her, Buffy gasping at the loss. So near to release but not quite there. And she knew he knew it. Bastard.</p>
<p>Spike flipped her onto her back and she was surprised to see his game face on. He seemed a little surprised, too.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said. “Just— hold tight. It’ll pass.”</p>
<p>Buffy sat up and shook her head, “I don’t need it to pass.”</p>
<p>He’d always been sensitive about her seeing him as a monster. In battle, he didn’t seem to mind the transformation, but it happened occasionally in bed or during arguments when Spike was particularly worked up. He was always uncomfortable, afraid even, perhaps thinking this time she’d see him for who he truly was.</p>
<p>Buffy stared intently into his golden eyes and traced the lines of his demonic face. The glow from the fireball highlighting every ridge and bump. She swept her lips over every bit of his face and, finally, kissed him. She felt the presence of his fangs with her tongue, but Spike was completely frozen and unresponsive. Terrified.</p>
<p>She broke the kiss and smiled, her next words soft and gentle.</p>
<p>“I know exactly who you are, Spike. And I love you. All of you.”</p>
<p>Spike’s vamp face melted away as soon as the words registered. He tilted his head and stared at her with more shock and awe than she’d ever seen from him.</p>
<p>“What did you say?” he managed to whisper.</p>
<p>“I said I <em>love</em> you, Spike.” Buffy laughed, enjoying the way the words sounded out of her mouth. “Do you want it in writing?”</p>
<p>Spike released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, for years probably, and he was ashamed to feel tears prickling in his eyes, “Bloody hell, slayer, you really make me feel like a ponce sometimes.”</p>
<p>He ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to gain some bloody dignity.</p>
<p>Buffy was practically bubbling with joy as she threw herself into his arms, repeating her new favorite words, “I love you. I really do, babe. I don’t know what took me so long to say it.”</p>
<p>Hugging her as tightly to his chest as he could, Spike wiped one tear quickly away, saying, “I love you, too, Buffy. God, how I love you.”</p>
<p>Still smiling, Buffy twisted and wrapped her legs around Spike’s waist. She gently stroked his cock, placing the tip at her opening before sinking down and clutching his shoulders. They both groaned and let themselves get lost in each other’s eyes. Seas of blue and green.</p>
<p>Spike ran his hands up and down her back, savoring the smooth arch of strength as she rocked and ground against him. He could hardly focus on the movements, his heart still feeling like it would leap out of his chest. A strange breathlessness swelling inside him that he couldn’t shake.</p>
<p>“I have to know,” he whispered. “What changed?”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him with painful tenderness and then shook her head.</p>
<p>“Nothing. Nothing changed at all.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She loved him.</p>
<p>He’d known it long before she did, and yet hearing the words from her lips was still more glorious than life itself.</p>
<p>Spike wandered the camp in the wee hours of the night after Buffy had fallen asleep. He’d wanted to stay with her, had for a while, just stroking her hair and gazing at that sweet sleeping face like he’d never see her again. But he was too high on his now requited love for her to sleep any time soon. So into the night he went.</p>
<p>Buffy didn’t know how violent his nightly brawls had become. He had a lot of aggression to get out now that he was so starving all the time. Every night Spike would pour himself into Buffy and then pour himself into brawling. He wasn’t proud of it. He knew the demons he wailed on didn’t always deserve it, at least not to the extent he was doling out. But if he didn’t distract himself with something viceral, he’d kill. Plain and simple. And that was not an option.</p>
<p>A bloodcurdling, feminine scream erupted from behind him and Spike froze in his steps. Immediately, he dashed toward the sound.</p>
<p>The wiccan trailer.</p>
<p>Willow.</p>
<p>Spike circled the trailer, looking for her.</p>
<p>Instead, he found Calliope, sitting and leaning against the side of the trailer as if she could become a part of the shadows there. She was sobbing incoherently and, blast it, Spike had never been able to ignore a crying woman.</p>
<p>“Calliope? You all right, love?”</p>
<p>She started at the sound of his voice and then she cried harder. His concern was beginning to grow when it hit him.</p>
<p>The smell.</p>
<p>“Are you hurt, pet? Was that you shriekin’ bloody murder?”</p>
<p>“I…” she began, struggling to catch her breath. “Oh, god. Spike?”</p>
<p>Spike stepped closer and kneeled down in front of her, “What happened?”</p>
<p>Calliope looked embarrassed and tilted her head, presenting her neck to him like a Thanksgiving feast. Spike took a deep breath to calm his bloodlust, but it only gave him a greater whiff of that sweet, metallic smell. He jerked to his feet and backed away from her, stumbling and leaning against the trailer about eight feet away.</p>
<p>“Please, don’t leave me alone,” she cried pathetically. “They killed her.”</p>
<p>Spike leaned his head back and stared desperately at the sheet of stars above.</p>
<p>“<em>Who</em>? Who’d they kill?”</p>
<p>“Shane,” Calliope hiccuped with emotion. “She— she was my friend. Oh, God. My shirt. Am I going to bleed to death?”</p>
<p>Spike closed his eyes. This was bloody torture.</p>
<p>“How— how long’d they drink from you?” Spike managed, trying not to imagine the tantalizing process.</p>
<p>Calliope was trying to stand now.</p>
<p>“I— I don’t know. It all happened so fast. Then the fire. I just ran, and then I fell— and kept going. Ugh. I’m so dizzy. Can you help me into the trailer?”</p>
<p>“I’ll wait here with you, pet, but I can’t go near you. The scent’s sendin’ my senses into red bloody alert and I don’t trust myself.”</p>
<p>“I need Willow,” Calliope whispered.</p>
<p>“You ‘n me both.”</p>
<p>Then she screamed again as a vampire seemed to fly toward Calliope’s neck from the top of a nearby trailer. Of course, she’d be drawing them like flies. Spike barely got in between them in time and he staked the female vampire instinctively. No fight required.</p>
<p>It was a momentary distraction, a slight release from the blood scent’s hold on him, but when he turned around he couldn’t even see Calliope’s frightened eyes or her tear-stained face. All he saw was the deep wound, the blood staining her light pink shirt. He felt his fangs descend like he was in some sort of dream, enchanted by a siren song.</p>
<p>Calliope looked confused at first, but when Spike leaned in and opened his mouth, she screamed again.</p>
<p>A flash of light and they both fell to the ground. Spike groaned as it felt like a bolt of lightning had darted through him.</p>
<p>When he could control his limbs again, he looked up into Willow’s blazing eyes.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Willow had taken Calliope inside and without the smell of her wounds clouding his senses, Spike realized what a godawful mess he’d just made. He lay on the ground with a forearm covering his eyes as he hiccuped with stifled sobs. Sobs of guilt. Sobs of hunger. Sobs of fear.</p>
<p>What would Buffy think? She couldn’t possibly love him anymore once she learned what he’d done.</p>
<p>World record in bollocksing up everything.</p>
<p>Spike started to remember his sweet slayer caressing his demon face, the total trust she’d placed in him, when he heard Angel’s voice.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Spike froze, knowing how pathetic he must look right now.</p>
<p>“Do I bloody well look <em>okay</em>?”</p>
<p>He cursed himself for allowing his voice to crack. God, Angel had seen him crying. Could this night have turned any worse?</p>
<p>Spike finally removed his arm from his eyes to see his grandsire kneeling down beside him. Angel’s face was wary, confused mostly, but with that ever-present dash of stoicism. Spike looked away from him, back at Dru’s stars. Angel had a way of making him think of her.</p>
<p>“We saw you kill that vamp,” Angel said hesitantly. “Saw the whole thing.”</p>
<p>“Willow’s gonna murder me.”</p>
<p>Angel sighed, “I don’t think so. You didn’t even get a chance to touch her.”</p>
<p>“I was gonna,” Spike admitted in a low breath. “Lost control for one second too long and there she was.”</p>
<p>The older vampire nodded and looked down at Spike.</p>
<p>“I could smell her from where I was. I felt the urge, too, and I’m not half as hungry as you,” Angel took a deep breath and looked around. “Yet anyway.”</p>
<p>Spike sat up on his elbows, eying Angel with skepticism and, lord help him, a strange sense of gratitude. Angel felt it and looked at his feet uncomfortably.</p>
<p>“I’ll deal with Willow,” Angel added. “But you have to tell Buffy.”</p>
<p>Spike looked at the sky again. It had shifted from black to indigo. Dawn wasn’t far off.</p>
<p>“What if she…” his voice trailed off, thinking of all the ways this would hurt her.</p>
<p>Angel shook his head, “She won’t. Trust me, if anyone knows how forgiving Buffy can be, it’s me.”</p>
<p>Spike scoffed, “Ain’t that the bloody truth.”</p>
<p>Angel stood up abruptly,  “Just tell her.”</p>
<p>Neither vampire fully registered what happened next until it was too late. Spike grabbed Angel’s outstretched hand and the older vampire pulled him up to standing. They both stared at each other dubiously, wondering what had just transpired between them.</p>
<p>Spike readjusted his duster and gave Angel a quick nod before walking away.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Spike opened the door to their bedroom quietly and stared at his peaceful sleeping slayer. Buffy was always on, always in “go” mode. Seeing her still was his own special treat.</p>
<p>Quietly, he began to remove his clothes. An hour ago, everything had been perfect. Well, living in this crackerbox, starving, and under the government’s scrutiny was perhaps not perfect. But everything with his girl had been perfect and that’s what mattered. He’d been an idiot to ever leave this bed.</p>
<p>He crawled under the covers and slid his naked body where it belonged, pressed up against hers. Buffy smiled and sighed deeply, exuding relaxation.</p>
<p>Spike stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ear and kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>He’d let her sleep a while longer.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>It was mid-morning when Buffy stirred. Immediately, she thought of last night and her heart leapt. She had spent her night in the arms of the man she loved. Loved. Capital L. Cross her heart.</p>
<p>Buffy began to carefully disentangle herself from Spike when she gasped slightly, seeing his vivid blue eyes wide open.</p>
<p>“Jesus,” she breathed. “What are you doing awake so early? Er, late?”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t sleep,” Spike said quietly.</p>
<p>“All night?”</p>
<p>Spike half-shrugged, half-nodded. It only took her a second to see that something wasn’t right.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Spike swallowed and bit his bottom lip briefly, “I... did a right stupid thing. I didn’t mean to.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t mean to what?” Buffy was sitting up now, clutching the blanket around her body protectively. How many times would she tell a man she loved him and feel the rug pulled out from beneath her right after?</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Spike sat up with her, instinctively placing a hand on her knee. Buffy jerked at the touch and they both looked at each other anew in response. Her walls were up and he could see it. He’d done it to her so fast.</p>
<p>“What did you do?” Buffy demanded.</p>
<p>Spike could hardly bear the betrayal he saw in her golden green eyes. Betrayal was for everyone else. Not Spike. Never him.</p>
<p>“I’m starvin’ Buffy. I told you. I can’t— I can’t think straight. ‘S makin’ me reckless. Stupid. Makes me bloody stupid. I don’t deser—”</p>
<p>“Spike, did you kill someone?”</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes were wide with anger, or was it fear, and already threatening to overflow with tears.</p>
<p>“No!” he shouted. Then more calmly, “No. I— It was Will’s girl. She was hurt. I was helpin’ her and…”</p>
<p>Spike looked into his lover’s eyes and for a second wondered how much to tell her. But this was Buffy. When had he ever not borne his soul to her, flaws and all?</p>
<p>“She just smelled so damn good, Buffy,” he whispered with a tremble, his own eyes welling up. “I couldn’t stop myself. Couldn’t resist. I lost control. I wanted the taste... She screamed—”</p>
<p>His voice cracked and he was shocked to find Buffy holding his hand, listening intently.</p>
<p>“She screamed, and… well, I s’pose Willow did somethin’ cuz I was on the ground next I knew.”</p>
<p>They were silent for a moment, the tension slightly alleviated by his confession. Spike wanted to cry, his guilt so pungent. <em>Just</em> last night, she’d promised she loved him, demon and all, and he had to go and make it even more difficult. He was certain she must regret it already.</p>
<p>So he was shocked when Buffy pulled him by the hand into her arms and leaned back against the pillows. She cradled his head to her naked breast like a mother with her child.</p>
<p>“You scared the shit out of me,” she said.</p>
<p>Spike was so confused, he lay there speechless.</p>
<p>“The way you were acting… Jesus, Spike,  I thought you’d <em>killed</em> someone, or hurt them at least.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but were you not payin’ attention,” Spike sat back up abruptly. “I nearly <em>ate</em> your friend. Are you so blinded by love you think that’s just peachy bloody keen?”</p>
<p>“So wait, now you’re mad because I’m <em>not</em> mad?”</p>
<p>Buffy sat up, too, nearly nose to nose with the vampire.</p>
<p>Spike growled, “I’m sayin’ it’s no wonder you can’t stop forgivin’ your exes, seems like the love blinders completely fuck your sense of right ‘n wrong.”</p>
<p>She punched him without a second of hesitation and his head swung to the side at the impact.</p>
<p>“Shut. Up. Spike.”</p>
<p>Spike turned back to face her, blood oozing from his nose.</p>
<p>“I know what you want from me right now,” she said darkly, flinging him onto his back and tossing one leg over his waist.</p>
<p>Shaking with rage and complication, Spike looked up at the woman perched on his abdominals. She grabbed for his wrists but he pulled away.</p>
<p>“Get off me, slayer, you clearly <em>don’t</em> know what I want.”</p>
<p>“That so?” Buffy asked. She raked her fingernails down his chest without mercy and Spike couldn’t help but groan. “I think… you feel guilty right now. You want penance. You made a mistake, and—”</p>
<p>“Nearly offin’ someone is no small whoops-a-daisy,” Spike thrashed against her as her nails clawed down his arms this time. “Breakin’ my bloody nose won’t even the score.”</p>
<p>Buffy grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him hard.</p>
<p>“I will punish you if I want to punish you. I will forgive you if I want to forgive you. And I will love you either fucking way.”</p>
<p>Enraged, Spike finally managed to get a leg under her and kick her off of him. Buffy flew and hit the wall at the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes filled with fresh tears and bitterness as she pulled herself to standing, “Isn’t this what you needed from me for so long? I love you, you idiot, and now you don’t even want it?”</p>
<p>He sat up in the bed, face bloody, chest and arms covered in her red marks.</p>
<p>“You’re bein’ soft on me,” Spike said sternly. “I don’t deserve it. I’m a <em>bad</em> man.”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head and pounded the wall behind her with the back of her first.</p>
<p>“You didn’t <em>hurt</em> anyone, Spike. You won’t lose control again. I know you won’t, you’re not so bad—”</p>
<p>“I will!” Spike roared, thrusting himself from the bed to stand in front of her and slam his arms against the wall on either side of her head. “I’ll lose it again. You’ve got to see that, Buffy, or you won’t be able to stop me.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked up at him, aching for the pain and self-hatred she saw on his face. Sometimes she wondered why she’d ever wanted him to have a soul. Sometimes it seemed to only hurt him.</p>
<p>“I see you, Spike. All of you. I saw you last night, and I see you right now.”</p>
<p>Spike hung his head and she could see his biceps straining on either side of her head as he fought whatever thought he was thinking.</p>
<p>Delicately, she pulled his arms down and placed his hands behind her to the small of her back. His hands instantly clung to her and he looked up. Buffy. His savior.</p>
<p>Buffy pulled his face to hers and kissed him with fire.</p>
<p>He couldn’t resist her. Never could. Never would.</p>
<p>Spike pushed her naked form with his own so that she was trapped between him and the wall. He felt her soft caresses, her sweet kisses, and still, he couldn’t shake the sound of Calliope’s scream.</p>
<p>“Come back to me, Spike,” Buffy whispered, sensing every hesitation inside him. “We’ll fix this.”</p>
<p>His icy crystal eyes looked so tired.</p>
<p>“No fixin’ it. Not til we’re outta here.”</p>
<p>“That’s not entirely true,” Buffy responded, letting her hands worship his body while she spoke. “Don’t freak out on me, but I think you need to drink from me.”</p>
<p>She knew he wouldn’t like this idea, and that was confirmed when she felt him stiffen beneath her touch.</p>
<p>“Spike, it’s the only thing we can do.”</p>
<p>“You really are bloody insane, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes. “I told you <em>not</em> to freak out, remember? Don’t be dramatic.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, love, it’s the first time I connected your love for vampires with your slayer death wish. Bit of a revelation it is.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god with the drama already!” Buffy said with disgust. She punched him hard on the shoulder, ignoring how his eyes flashed yellow. “First off, <em>quit</em> bringing up Angel! He has nothing to do with you and me! Secondly, I do <em>not</em> have a death wish!”</p>
<p>“Shall I remind you again, you daft woman? <em>I nearly just ate your friend! </em>Now you’d like to put yourself on the bloody menu?”</p>
<p>“For the love of,” Buffy shoved him away from her and he flopped to the mattress with a grunt. “Don’t be stubborn. I’m the only one you can feed from who can fight back if I need to. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I have no problem punching you when you need to be punched.”</p>
<p>Spike shook his head, “It’s too dangerous. I’m too far gone. You just— you don’t realize what you’re gettin’ into.”</p>
<p>Buffy tilted her head at him, “Yeah, me, zero experience with vampires. I get why you think I’m so clueless about all this.”</p>
<p>“Givin’ your neck to me is <em>not</em> the same as slayin’, Buffy!”</p>
<p>She knelt on the bed between his outstretched legs and took his hands.</p>
<p>“Slayer blood is powerful. You don’t need much. Do this,” she kissed him. “Do it for me. It will make you right again. I need someone strong by my side.”</p>
<p>Spike couldn’t meet her eyes, “Not at the expense of makin’ you weaker. Which it will. You’ve no idea.”</p>
<p>“Of course I have an idea,” she said gently. “This isn’t my first rodeo. Got the scars to prove it.”</p>
<p>Spike glanced at her neck bitterly, always having hated those scars. “Yeah, well, I’m not keen on joinin’ the club with those buggers.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Buffy said, cupping his cheek with one hand. “But I really do need you to do this.”</p>
<p>Spike looked at her and carefully removed her hand from his face.</p>
<p>“Tonight,” he uttered in defeat. “I need to sleep and have my ration first. Won’t take a drop more’n I need.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled sadly, “I know you won’t.”</p>
<p>Spike nodded at her and lay back against the pillows, turning his back to her and crossing his arms. Buffy backed away slowly and began to get dressed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy knocked softly on the door to the wiccan-claimed trailer. A girl Buffy didn’t know answered, but she clearly knew who Buffy was and called for Willow.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Willow appeared and gestured toward the lawn chairs set up around the fire barrel. The girls sat down and Buffy handed her friend an orange. Willow smiled and took the fruit and began to peel.</p><p>“Is Calliope okay?” asked Buffy.</p><p>“She will be,” Willow said, focusing on her peeling. “She’s sleeping still. Rough night and all. I’m guessing Spike told you.”</p><p>“He told me what he knew. What happened before?”</p><p>Willow sighed. “Well, Angel and I heard a scream. We ran over, and well, obviously Angel got there first, so he was already fighting when I got there. But there were a lot of vamps. They’d managed to take two of my girls. They were both so inexperienced, they had no spells, nothing to help them…”</p><p>She looked upset at the thought, but she continued.</p><p>“Anyway. Shane was lying on the ground with vampires on all sides of her. I’ve never seen anyone drained like that, Buffy, it was sick. I mean, it’s never pleasant, but it was just so fast. Two at her neck, one at her thigh…” Willow shuddered. “I saw this vampire bite down on Calliope, and I just lost it. I threw a huge fireball at the pack of them and it exploded and caught all these trees on fire—”</p><p>“Damn, Will.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Willow’s mouth was crooked and her eyes were big like she still surprised by the power she had. “It caused a big enough distraction for Calliope to get away. I stayed though and helped Angel… clean up.”</p><p>Buffy knew what that meant. She was very familiar with the rage slaying that could happen after seeing something truly terrible.</p><p>“When we got back, we saw Spike protecting Calliope from this other vamp. And then, he turned on her,” she looked at her friend warily. “I don’t know what he told you exactly. But… He was going to bite her, Buffy. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, but I saw his face and Calliope was so scared. I had to stop him.”</p><p>Buffy held up her hands in surrender, “I know. He told me. He’s back at the trailer half-suicidal over it.”</p><p>“Look, I get it. I know he’s suffering right now and we all lose ourselves in our instincts sometimes. Myself included.”</p><p>Buffy waited for the inevitable “but.”</p><p>“But,” Willow began. “The girls don’t know him like I do. They’re kind of freaked out. I think he should stay away from them for a while…”</p><p>Folding her arms in front of herself, Buffy nodded and looked out at the pine trees through the chain link fence, “Fair enough. I’ll tell him.”</p><p>Willow smiled a small smile in appreciation. She popped an orange segment into her mouth.</p><p>“So, how was your night?” the redhead asked with mock enthusiasm.</p><p>“Actually,” Buffy laughed bitterly. “My night was pretty amazing.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“I told Spike I loved him.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Buffy,” Willow mumbled, mouth full of fruit. She swallowed, “That’s like huge for you.”</p><p>“Mhmm,” Buffy nodded and said with fake pep, “And then this morning I got all this lovely news and convinced him that he needs to feed from me.”</p><p>Willow stared at her with big eyes, “Wowzers.”</p><p>“Mhmm,” Buffy repeated. “He’s not too happy about it. But if nearly biting innocent people is the alternative, even he can admit it’s necessary.”</p><p>Willow chewed her orange and nodded, absorbing this information.</p><p>“Are you scared?”</p><p>Buffy looked at Willow, surprised, “Of course not. It’s Spike.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Willow sputtered. “It’s Spike. I just— I remember in high school, when you did that for Angel and… well, it didn’t go so good. You said it hurt.”</p><p>“All true, but it did save him and that was kind of the goal. My goal’s the same now. Save Spike. If he really did hurt someone, he’d never forgive himself.”</p><p>“Just be careful, Buffy. Angel was a one time thing. You don’t know how long we’ll be stuck here. And remember how powerful your blood is… it's not crazy to think Spike might get addicted to that.”</p><p>Willow's eyes were soulful and Buffy knew she was thinking of Tara and the struggles with magic she'd faced then.</p><p>Buffy took a deep breath, watching the trees sway with the cold wind. “Don’t worry. Spike would never hurt me.”</p><p>The birds chirped brightly and Buffy tucked her coat in tighter to her body.</p><p>“You didn’t pack an extra scarf did you?”</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy had spent her day avoiding Spike. She told herself it was to let him sleep, but really, she knew he was going to be difficult and try to talk her out of the feeding idea. So she stayed away. If there had been another way, she would have found it. But desperate times.</p><p>She’d attended a brief, uneventful meeting with the peacekeepers and even turned in her first misbehaving prisoner. Well, she’d led them to the car where one of the few surviving vampires from last night was laying low for the day and told them to have at him. After the consequences of last night, she didn’t even feel guilty when they covered him in a tarp while he slept and dragged him off down the rabbit hole. Rather, underground.</p><p>She didn’t have time to worry about what they were doing with their prisoners. She didn’t have time to wonder where Angel had disappeared to. All she could think about today was blood.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike was laying on the sofa flicking his lighter on and off, letting himself get lost in the flame when the door to the trailer burst open. It was nearly sunset but not quite, so he was surprised it was Angel with his coat pulled up over his head. He looked as ridiculous as Spike must have looked, constantly busting into Buffy’s house midday in the days of good ole Sunnydale.</p><p>“What do you want?” Spike said, continuing to play with his lighter.</p><p>Angel took a calming breath and laid his coat down over the bench at the table. He slid into the seat himself and studied Spike briefly.</p><p>“I heard you’re going to drink from Buffy.”</p><p>Spike rolled his eyes, “She out tellin’ the world about it?”</p><p>“Just Willow. Far as I know. I was there when Willow told her friends—”</p><p>“Why’s this suddenly everybody’s business?” Spike sat up with a growl.</p><p>Angel noted the predatory glint in Spike’s eyes.</p><p>“I think Willow just wanted to reassure the girls that you wouldn’t be so <em>dangerous</em> in the future.”</p><p>Spike’s eyes softened at that and he ran a frustrated hand through his hair.</p><p>“Red’s not too brassed then?”</p><p>Angel shook his head, “She gets it. Did Buffy not tell you that?”</p><p>“<em>Buffy</em>,” Spike relaxed back against the sofa. “Has been a very busy girl today. Haven’t seen her at all.”</p><p>Angel tapped the table in front of him uncomfortably.</p><p>“Look, I just wanted to warn you… I’ve drank from Buffy before and that slayer blood is… intoxicating—”</p><p>“Hello. Slayer of slayers here. Had a nip of the slayer blood before, haven’t I?”</p><p>“That was different,” Angel protested. “You meant to kill those girls.”</p><p>“Girl,” Spike muttered, thinking about the girl whose jacket he still wore.</p><p>“You only killed one slayer?”</p><p>Spike groaned, “No, you wanker, I only drank from one.”</p><p>Angel looked confused by that, but Spike ignored him.</p><p>“I’m not gonna hurt Buffy, so you can just be on your merry way then.”</p><p>“It’s different when you love them, Spike. I know you must have thought about biting her before. I know that desire to… make her yours. In every way…”</p><p>Spike eyed his grandsire sternly and then returned his gaze to the zippo. It was true. He had thought of biting Buffy, a thousand times or more since he’d fallen in love with her. Usually during sex.  It was something he’d never admitted, certainly never told Buffy. He’d thought that with his soul the urge would have gone away, but it hadn’t. Just as he still needed blood to survive, he couldn’t help but fantasize about consuming her entirely. Making her a part of him.</p><p>Angel kept going, “I had the same thoughts.”</p><p>“Things that do not comfort me for 500,” Spike mumbled.</p><p>“It’s natural for a vampire. The soul doesn’t take away that part of us.”</p><p>“What’s your point here, gramps?”</p><p>Angel sighed.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he groaned. “But if you want me to… I can— I…”</p><p>Spike’s interest piqued at Angel’s obvious discomfort.</p><p>“Spit it out then.”</p><p>“I can watch. If you don’t trust yourself. I can… make sure Buffy’s okay.”</p><p>Spike raised one brow and then began to laugh.</p><p>“It’s not funny, Spike. You don’t know how you’ll react! Someone should be around in case things get out of hand.”</p><p>But Spike was still cackling.</p><p>“Want to watch us shag, too, mate?”</p><p>Angel stood up and grabbed his coat, thrusting his arms through the sleeves.</p><p>“News flash. This isn’t fun for me either. I thought, <em>maybe</em>, as the only one who could sort of understand what you’re going through right now, I could help. Good luck. Try not to kill her.”</p><p>He reached for the door.</p><p>Spike groaned and stood up, “Wait.”</p><p>Angel turned back to face him. The vampires exchanged bitter looks.</p><p>“You are not bloody <em>watchin’</em> like some kind of pervert,” Spike began, pointing a finger.</p><p>“You know that’s not—”</p><p>“Shut it,” Spike snapped, then shook his head and admitted in a low voice. “But <em>maybe</em> you should sleep here tonight. On the very, <em>very</em> slim chance that I lose control and Buffy simultaneously forgets she’s a slayer who can kick both our asses.”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>Spike slumped back onto the couch.</p><p>“Sun’s set,” he said. “You can go now.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was snowing again. Harder tonight. The flakes were so thick in the air that Buffy could hardly see more than a few feet in front of her as she plodded through the camp for probably the thirty eighth time that day. The sun had set hours ago, and she’d been half-heartedly patrolling ever since.</p>
<p>Why was she so nervous?</p>
<p>Buffy sighed and turned toward the trailer she shared with Spike. And, well, Angel sometimes. The weather was so bad, she didn’t expect a lot of nefarious activity tonight anyway. That, and the community had seemed to pick up on the “don’t mess with me or I’ll end you” vibe that she’d been broadcasting all day long.</p>
<p>Spike was sitting by the fire outside, actually smoking one of his precious cigarettes. He looked up when he heard her coming and raised his chin, giving her a slight nod and exhaling a long puff.</p>
<p>She went straight to him and brushed the accumulating snow from his shoulders, then more playfully, from his hair.</p>
<p>Spike grinned half-sheepishly and looked up at her, “Where you been, pet?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you know, I finally found a Forever 21 in this neck of the woods. Big sale. Many two for ones. And you can’t shop without the obligatory froyo stop. So I froyo-ed. Told you I’d get my chocolate fix eventually.”</p>
<p>Buffy sat down on the stump beside his with a wary smile. Spike tilted his head and looked at her affectionately. She always rambled when she was anxious.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said softly. “Didn’t mean to bail on you.”</p>
<p>Spike shook his head and took a long drag, “‘s fine. Hope the froyo was satisfyin’.”</p>
<p>“Nothing beats imaginary froyo from the imaginary mall in the safe camp from hell.”</p>
<p>They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, eying each other knowingly.</p>
<p>“You can change your mind, ya know,” Spike said gently. “We don’t have to do this.”</p>
<p>Buffy put one hand up in protest and grinned sheepishly, “I’m fine, Spike. I know I’m a little on the wiggy side, but really, I’m fine. I want to do this. It was <em>my</em> idea.”</p>
<p>Spike dropped the butt of his cigarette to the ground and watched the snow cover it within seconds.</p>
<p>“Well, you look like a Buffy ice pop. We’d best go in.”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded and jumped to her feet, eager for the promise of warmth. Spike stood as well and took her hand, kissing the palm of it.</p>
<p>“Oh uh, Angel’s in there,” Spike grumbled reluctantly. “Told him to be close in case…”</p>
<p>Buffy made a face. “Seriously?”</p>
<p>“I know. But, I don’t like takin’ the risk with it bein’ the first time and all.”</p>
<p>She looked at him with her saucer eyes and nodded a little hesitantly, “Right. First time.”</p>
<p>Spike clutched her chin and ran a thumb across her cheek affectionately, “Just say the word and we’ll forget it. I can stay in the trailer and just avoid people til this is all over—”</p>
<p>“No, Spike, stop.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed his mouth shut and then proceeded to open the door to the trailer, waving him inside.</p>
<p>“Chop chop, mister.”</p>
<p>He followed her in.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Angel was playing with a deck of cards at the table, apparently trying to savor his blood ration, which he was sipping from like a fine delicacy.</p>
<p>He hardly looked up when they entered, just waved a hand in greeting.</p>
<p>“<em>Solitaire</em>?” Spike scoffed. “Most pathetic card game in history, mate.”</p>
<p>“It is strangely suited to one player though,” Angel remarked.</p>
<p>He looked up finally and offered a casual, “Hey, Buffy.”</p>
<p>“Man, this is weird,” Buffy said, dropping her scythe on the floor and heading for the bedroom.</p>
<p>Angel and Spike exchanged looks and the latter followed her inside.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Their room was dark but for the soft glow of Willow’s fire charm, happily blazing in its jar. The blinds were open and the snow was still falling furiously outside. There were pines nearby with branches already drooping from the heavy, white weight.</p>
<p>Buffy began taking her clothes off like it was any other night. Spike sat down on the bed and stripped down to his boxers in similar fashion. He waited and watched as she grabbed one of his black t-shirts and threw it on. Finally, she knelt beside him with her legs tucked under her, clad only in his shirt and her lacy, lavender panties.</p>
<p>“So, how do you want to do this, captain?”</p>
<p>Spike stroked her hair, admiring her blonde locks against his signature black.</p>
<p>“Been thinkin’ about that all day. At first, I thought… thought I should make it hurt. So as you’d be more likely to fight back if I you needed. But, I don’t think I can do that to you,” he looked into her curious green eyes. “I think it’s gotta be soft ‘n slow. Mostly, so you don’t hate me, but also just on the off chance you like it.”</p>
<p>“Like it?” Buffy said in disgust.</p>
<p>Spike sighed and ran a hand up and down her back, “Despite what your watcher may have taught you, vampires aren’t traditionally meant to <em>steal</em> blood. We do, of course, ‘specially when we’re hungry. But the real goal is to make you want it. That’s what the invitation thing is all about after all. You invite me in and <em>give</em> me what I desire.”</p>
<p>“But why would any human ever <em>want</em> to feed a vampire? Other than, ya know, these weird circumstances.”</p>
<p>“Ask your soddin’ soldier boy,” Spike arched one brow. “It’s a fix like any other.”</p>
<p>Buffy had never really thought about Riley enjoying the bloodsuckers so much as she’d just assumed it was a weird way he’d chosen to darken himself, to play in her world and come out unscathed.</p>
<p>“So,” she said. “It doesn’t have to hurt?”</p>
<p>“No,” he responded, kissing her gently. “Breaking the skin will a bit, of course. But after that, long as I don’t get carried away, I can be slow and it shouldn’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay if it does,” Buffy whispered. “I just want to help you. You don’t need to make this about me.”</p>
<p>Spike tilted his head, “It’s <em>completely</em> about you, pet. You’re sharin’ your life with me. Nothin’ more precious, no greater gift than that.”</p>
<p>Buffy squirmed uncomfortably and started picking at the blanket in her lap, staring at it intently. “Okay, well, should I like lay down and get comfy or you just wanta go for it right here? Got a left or right side preference?”</p>
<p>“Buffy,” Spike breathed her name like a prayer and pulled her hands from the blanket.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Just relax, love, I’m not gonna hurt you.”</p>
<p>“I’m just not much for the pre-show I guess,” she grumbled.</p>
<p>Spike sighed, exasperated, “Well I can’t just dive in like some kind of monster, no matter how starvin’ I am.”</p>
<p>“Want me to cut myself first?”</p>
<p>He glared at her, pushing the memory of Calliope away.</p>
<p>“This was a mistake,” he said sullenly, turning away from her.</p>
<p>The two of them sat there on the bed, her staring at the fascinating green blanket, him the captivating wood-paneled wall.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Buffy ventured first. “As icky as this is for me, I know it’s like ten times harder for you.”</p>
<p>Spike stayed silent, brooding.</p>
<p>She went on, “It’s weird, ya know. When I think of the things I <em>haven’t</em> done with you… well, it’s a pretty short list. We’ve been through so much. Put each other through so much…”</p>
<p>“You gonna resent me after this?” he asked, glancing at her once before returning his gaze to the wall.</p>
<p>Buffy crawled up behind him, pressing her chest to his back and laying her head on his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his stomach and hugged him close.</p>
<p>“We’re past that,” she whispered. “I’m not that girl anymore.”</p>
<p>Spike covered her arms with his own and turned his neck so they were nose to nose, “I don’t want anything to change. Everything was perfect.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“It’s going to change,” he said. “You’ll see me different.”</p>
<p>“Maybe. But I’ll still love you.”</p>
<p>Spike’s face softened and he chuckled slightly, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearin’ you say that.”</p>
<p>“Oh you will,” she said, kissing him, “Because I intend to say it a lot. Like, <em>a lot a lot</em>. Soon enough, you’ll be begging me to stop.”</p>
<p>He reached behind him and pulled her into his lap in one graceful movement, “Never.”</p>
<p>Buffy grinned and kissed him for a long, happy moment. “Oh, you will. You’ll be all ‘Buffy, enough already’ but I’ll just keep on with the keeping on.”</p>
<p>“Not in a thousand years.”</p>
<p>Spike laid her back against the pillow and kissed her fiercely. She closed her eyes and let the feel of his tongue invading her mouth be her only focus, her only connection to this whole world, until at last she gasped for a breath. He opened his eyes, reminded of his slayer’s need for oxygen, before returning to his work.</p>
<p>He gripped the fleshiest part of her thigh, enjoying how she jumped at the pinch and let his hand trail to the bend below her knee. He used his other hand to pull her underwear down and off, being careful not to rip it this time.</p>
<p>When he took off her shirt and began to massage one breast, Buffy moaned softly.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said.</p>
<p>“Right here, love,” he kissed her and then mouthed over one nipple, teasing it with a hint of teeth.</p>
<p>“Ah,” she breathed deep. “Aren’t you supposed to be—”</p>
<p>Spike fixed his attention on the other breast and wasn’t nearly so gentle, causing Buffy to make the most pleasant of squeaks.</p>
<p>Buffy’s back arched and she pushed into his lips, craving his beautiful recipe of pressure and friction.</p>
<p>His hands ran up and down both legs, spreading them apart scandalously wide. Buffy leaned her head back, panting as he dipped his fingers into her, letting the heel of his hand work against her clit.</p>
<p>Buffy groaned happily and jerked her legs together in reflex.</p>
<p>“Uh uh,” Spike said, pulling them back apart one by one with his free hand. “Stay open for me, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>She moaned again as he worked her gently, still kissing and sucking at her breasts.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said, running a desperate hand through his hair and clutching him tight. “I need you now.”</p>
<p>It was as if she hadn’t spoken at all, but she knew he’d heard her.</p>
<p>“Spike.”</p>
<p>“What do you need, pet? Tell me what you need.”</p>
<p>Buffy exhaled a long, frustrated breath, “I need <em>more</em>.”</p>
<p>She felt his fingers inside her gently swooping in soft circles.</p>
<p>Buffy tried to sit up, desperate to take matters into her own hands and claim what she needed herself. But Spike released his hold on her leg and pressed her chest down against the mattress.</p>
<p>“Where do you think you’re goin?”</p>
<p>“Bastard. You’re killing me,” she whined, still trying to grind harder against his hand. “You know this is too gentle for me.”</p>
<p>Spike laughed and ripped his boxers off. He removed his hand and crawled up the length of her, letting the weight of his body press down on her.</p>
<p>“Always so impatient, my sweet slayer,” he said, kissing her vigorously.</p>
<p>Buffy wrapped her hand around his hard, bare cock and smiled as she guided him to her entrance, “That’s me. Just an eager beaver. Oh, God, scratch that. I did <em>not</em> say that.”</p>
<p>He grinned and pushed into her.</p>
<p>All humor fell away and they gazed intently at one another, letting all the walls between them fall to dust. He was so close against her, so heavy on her chest, so deep within her, she could lose herself in him completely. His rhythmic movements, his creamy skin, his taut muscles.</p>
<p>Spike lifted onto his elbows and kissed her as he pumped into her. She closed her eyes and let her tongue tango with his until he pulled back.</p>
<p>“Are you ready, love?” he asked, eyes dark with lust and hunger.</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes shot open as if pulled from a dream, “Ready?”</p>
<p>He raised his brows at her, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she stammered. “Like right now, like, like <em>this</em>?”</p>
<p>Spike just stared at her intently for a few seconds, stroking the side of her face with one hand, resolute, “Like this.”</p>
<p>Buffy took a breath and wrapped her arms around his back, clutching his shoulders. She nodded.</p>
<p>“<em>I love you</em>,” Spike said emphatically.</p>
<p>She smiled. His expression so earnest and sure. “I love you, too.”</p>
<p>His face morphed before her eyes. She felt her arms fall to her sides as his fangs pierced her neck for the first time.</p>
<p>He was still thrusting into her, and Buffy had the passing thought that this was the first time she’d made love to Spike’s demon side. She felt disoriented, simultaneously pulled by the tight pressure at her neck and the throbbing in her womb. She’d thought he was everywhere before, but this was a whole different level of Spike penetration.</p>
<p>Buffy knew she was gasping hungrily for breath after breath, she could hear her own ragged sounds, but she had no idea how long it had been. Time and pain and gravity, it all seemed far away as she melted. Drifted.</p>
<p>She seemed to orgasm without buildup. It was powerful, like an ocean roaring through her without warning and all she could do was let the crescendo burst and collapse completely.</p>
<p>Then Spike was kissing her again, imploring her mouth to dance with his like before. Buffy opened her eyes. His face was human again.</p>
<p>“How do you feel?” he asked.</p>
<p>Buffy breathed and licked her lips slowly, “Tingly.”</p>
<p>Spike arched one brow and caressed her arm gently.</p>
<p>“Did it hurt?” he grinned a little, “Didn’t <em>look</em> like it hurt.”</p>
<p>She giggled slightly, “It most definitely did <em>not</em> hurt. I— wow.”</p>
<p>Spike looked pleased, and a little flushed. How had he gotten so much paler than normal without her noticing?</p>
<p>“You should eat somethin’” he said.</p>
<p>“Move later, sleep now,” she said dazedly.</p>
<p>Spike laughed, his relief and his satiated stomach lifting his spirits higher than they’d been in a week. “I’ll get you somethin’ just stay here.”</p>
<p>“Roger that,” Buffy replied dreamily.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>“Jesus, Spike, put some clothes on,” Angel grumbled from the sofa as Spike walked by to collect his girl’s bounty.</p>
<p>“Sorry, mate, forgot you were here to be honest.”</p>
<p>He grabbed a can of orange juice and began slathering peanut butter on bread.</p>
<p>“Things seemed to go... okay,” Angel said slowly, staring at the ceiling. “How is she?”</p>
<p>Spike chuckled, “High as a bloody kite.”</p>
<p>Angel knew there were humans who got off on vampires sucking their blood. Apparently it was a rush that could leave them dizzy and relaxed and well, he wasn’t too sure on the specifics. He’d never been the gentle type when he was feeding from humans. He was surprised that Buffy would be one of them though.</p>
<p>“Be careful, Spike, some humans get addicted.”</p>
<p>“Well aware, but thanks for the tip, gramps.”</p>
<p>Spike gathered up the snacks for Buffy and headed back to the bedroom.</p>
<p>“You can go any time,” Spike said before shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p>Angel sighed heavily and muttered to himself, “Thanks for the permission.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Buffy was already asleep when Spike returned. He put the food on the end table beside her and sat next to her. He leaned down and kissed her awake. Eyes still closed, her lips turned up happily.</p>
<p>“Is it morning?”</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but smile too. He pulled her up so she was somewhat upright, leaning against his chest.</p>
<p>“Drink this.”</p>
<p>He held the orange juice can to her lips. Buffy opened her eyes and took a small sip. She cleared her throat and took another. Then another. Until the can was empty.</p>
<p>“Good girl,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she mumbled against him, “Don’t you ‘good girl’ me. I’m not your pet.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, slayer, you’ve never responded to ‘pet’ once in your entire life.”</p>
<p>Spike laid her back on the pillow and tucked the blanket around her shoulders. He closed the blinds and slid in beside her. He was vibrating with energy after experiencing quite the rush of his own. But he wouldn’t make the same mistake as last night. No.</p>
<p>Tonight he wouldn’t be leaving her side.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Buffy woke the next morning, she felt limp and heavy. Spike’s arm was draped lazily across her waist and from the soft glow through the blinds, it seemed to be morning.</p>
<p>She began to stretch a bit and Spike released his hold on her, opening his own eyes and looking down at the sleeping kitten beside him.</p>
<p>“Mornin’ sleepin’ beauty,” he purred.</p>
<p>Buffy yawned. “Is it late?”</p>
<p>“Been hearin’ voices from the livin’ room off ‘n on for a few hours, so I’m guessin’ yes.”</p>
<p>Buffy listened for a moment, noticing the soft murmurs herself. Willow and Angel she assumed. Willow had probably worried for her all night. Buffy began to swing her legs over the edge of the bed to get up, but Spike pulled her back and she rolled into him with a brief laugh.</p>
<p>“Where’s the fire?” he growled, eyes mischievous and nose pressed to hers.</p>
<p>“They’re waiting to see if I’m okay,” she said.</p>
<p>Spike nuzzled the side of her neck, “And you are. Right?”</p>
<p>“I am,” Buffy nodded affirmatively. “Kind of hungry though. Ravenous actually.”</p>
<p>He kissed the wound from last night and took a deep inhale, relishing the faint scent of blood he still detected on her skin, saliva and sweat.</p>
<p>“How does it look?” she asked skeptically.</p>
<p>“Like you let a very bad monster into your bed last night,” Spike said, nipping at her neck.</p>
<p>“Spike!” she pushed him away playfully. “Seriously, does it look that bad? Am I going to be broadcasting vampire appetizer everywhere I go?”</p>
<p>“Dessert, you’d definitely be dessert,” he said devilishly.</p>
<p>“Spike.”</p>
<p>"Crème brûlée."</p>
<p>"<em>Spike</em>!" </p>
<p>“It’s not that bad,” he said, capturing her lips.</p>
<p>She let herself get lost in the kiss for a moment, relishing her newly reinvigorated lover who had always been enthusiastic and devoted, but had seemed guarded lately with his attention more focused on curbing his hunger and not making dangerous mistakes. Less about his own desires.</p>
<p>Spike reached between her legs and she whimpered as he began to stroke and massage her just the way she loved. His other hand wrapped around her neck and pulled her toward him with such desperation she wasn’t sure she could escape if she wanted to.</p>
<p>Buffy gasped for breath, mumbling briefly about Willow and Angel, but Spike didn’t let up, just rolled on top of her and thrust his tongue deeper into her mouth. He captured every escaped sound she made with his lips and was so unrelenting in his demands, Buffy began to see darkness closing in from the edges of her vision. In a slight panic, she pushed Spike’s chest hard enough to break their mouths’ seal and take a deep gulp of air.</p>
<p>“Spike, are you okay?” she whispered hurriedly before he could attack again.</p>
<p>Spike groaned affirmatively, and began licking and lapping hungrily at the side of her neck. His hand movements ceased and Buffy’s eyes widened and her breath filled once more as he pushed into her. With that, she released the sliver of doubt she’d been entertaining and squeezed her inner muscles around him with every bit of strength she could muster.</p>
<p>The vampire groaned with abandon and Buffy cut him off halfway with one hand on his mouth and the other behind his head. His eyes, lidded and dark, darted to hers as he began sucking and biting at her hand instead. Buffy grinned and pulled him toward her, kissing him deeply.</p>
<p>“Want me to be quiet, love? You’ll have to do as I say then.”</p>
<p>He pulled back, breaking the kiss, and lifted one of her legs high into the air, propping it on his shoulder. Spike tilted his head at her, admiring the brazen beauty of his golden slayer, laid before him like the most delectable of desserts.</p>
<p>He grabbed her thin, little wrists and held them tight to the mattress above her head. He was looming over her face, daring her with his eyes to resist him, but Buffy just smiled demurely.</p>
<p>Never did his girl do what he expected her to.</p>
<p>Spike made love to her with total abandon then, filling her and fucking her with as much passion as he’d ever mustered for his wild, wondrous slayer. Her neck craned so that she could bite down on his forearms as he pummeled into her. His skin muffled the sounds, but he could hear the breathlessness in her, the wildness aching to be free. He nuzzled his face into her neck and growled like an animal.</p>
<p>Buffy’s free leg tried to wrap around his waist, but he shoved it down with his hips, nearly losing his balance in the process. He abandoned her wrists and instead grabbed her ass with both hands and pulled her against him. Buffy’s hands clutched the sheet below her and she was chewing her lips to keep from moaning. The sight of it reignited Spike and he erupted in orgasm, falling hard against her chest.</p>
<p>They both lay panting for a moment, but he recovered quickly and crawled down between her legs again.</p>
<p>“Spike, no, you don’t need to—”</p>
<p>“Not leavin’ my girl hangin,” he said, nipping at her clit and then tonguing her silent.</p>
<p>She didn’t protest, mostly because she knew it would never work. Spike took her ankles once more and spread them out across the bed as he lapped at her center, so warm and smelling of him. Them.</p>
<p>A far too loud moan began to come from Buffy’s lips and she slapped her hands over her own mouth then, squeezing her eyes shut and thrusting her sex against Spike’s mouth. Spike chuckled, sending deep, pleasant vibrations coursing through her entire body.</p>
<p>“Please, hurry,” she managed to say, returning her hands to her mouth between words. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>His face was covered with her now. Spike added his fingers to his recipe of torture and began mumbling sweet nothings against her wet skin.</p>
<p>“Love you so much, Buffy, love how wet you are, how hot. You burn me, you know? I’m burning and full of ash but you’re all water and life and fruit, so sweet, my love. So sweet for me…”</p>
<p>His words sent her over the edge with a rush. Buffy lay limp on the bed, stroking his hair lazily with her eyes shut and struggling to catch her breath.</p>
<p>“So,” she breathed. “What the hell was that about?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Spike responded, crawling up to lay his head beside hers.</p>
<p>Buffy turned toward him and gave him a knowing look.</p>
<p>“Just wanted you,” he said, confused and almost embarrassed by her skepticism.</p>
<p>Spike’s confusion confused her and Buffy began to think she was overthinking everything. Maybe the bite hadn’t actually changed anything at all. It’s not like they’d never had morning sex before. There was just something she couldn’t quite name...</p>
<p>“Okay,” she smiled. “Sorry. I must just be feeling paranoid lately. This place I guess. Gives me the creeps.”</p>
<p>Spike looked concerned and ran a hand softly down her cheek, kissing the puncture wounds from the night before.</p>
<p>“Always safe with me, pet.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Buffy made a quick pit stop in the bathroom before joining Spike in the main living area with Angel and Willow. She had taken the speediest, most frigid shower of her life, combed through her hair, and tossed on some sweats and a t-shirt. After all, who was she trying to impress?</p>
<p>“Hey guys,” she said, darting for the food supply.</p>
<p>Spike and Willow were sitting on the sofa and Angel was playing with his deck of cards at the table.</p>
<p>“Buffy, hey,” said Willow, watching her friend carefully. “How ya feeling?”</p>
<p>Buffy was assembling a small, personal feast of peanut butter sandwiches, fruit, and protein bars.</p>
<p>“Hungry. Very, very hungry. But good,” she said, focusing on the food.</p>
<p>“Told you,” Spike said, folding his arms defiantly.</p>
<p>Willow elbowed him in the ribs, “I <em>believed</em> you! It’s just not every day your best friend feeds a vampire, okay? Gotta do my due diligence.”</p>
<p>Buffy gathered her food and sat at the table across from Angel with it. They made eye contact and she noticed his gaze lingering on the bite on her neck. He didn’t turn away, and she glanced at Spike uncomfortably, who was watching her just as intently.</p>
<p>“Jeez, do I smell like vampire bait or something?” she grumbled, taking a bite of sandwich and looking between Angel and Spike expectantly.</p>
<p>Neither responded so Willow cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“I actually met with the peacekeepers this morning,” she said. “Well, the guards. I can’t actually call those jerks peacekeepers.”</p>
<p>“Amen,” Buffy nodded with a mouthful of food. “So what did they want from you?”</p>
<p>Willow took a deep breath and began fidgeting with a protein bar wrapper, crinkling it as she rambled, “They asked me a lot of questions about magic, the nature of magic, what I’ve been doing for the government in the past, you know my freelance work stuff… they asked about the other wiccans, the big attack with fire-splosions the other night, and um, they asked a little about you guys too.”</p>
<p>Spike snapped the wrapper out of Willow’s hands and smiled.</p>
<p>“They kept asking about you guys and your souls. They seemed to be trying to figure out what your souls really do, how they change you, if it makes you more or less vampire-y. They asked if the low blood supply was getting to Spike,” she added the last line quietly.</p>
<p>The vampire in question tilted his head at her. “And what did you tell ‘em?”</p>
<p>Willow raised her brows, “I told them the truth. I said you’ve been just as hungry as the other vampires, but you’re better than them. You won’t use that as an excuse to hurt people. That you’re team good guy now. To the max.”</p>
<p>“Guessin’ they loved that,” Spike murmured in reply.</p>
<p>“But uh,” Willow looked nervous. “The biggest thing I guess is they told me that anyone who could be de-magicked was free to leave the camp.”</p>
<p>“<em>De-magicked</em>?” Buffy chimed in.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I mean, witches have done it for centuries, to themselves and others. Sometimes when they’re being persecuted. Sometimes they just… can’t handle the power anymore. But, basically, there’s a way to give it back to the earth. To release your connection with the power and be normal again.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s an option for the witches then, but obviously not going to do the trick for vampires,” Angel said. “We’d die without our magical abilities. Do they just plan on keeping us here forever?”</p>
<p>“Immortal prisoners sounds expensive,” Buffy muttered, popping a piece of orange into her mouth.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I dunno,” Willow shrugged.</p>
<p>“Were they nice to you?” Buffy asked.</p>
<p>“Fairly,” Willow replied. “Brought me some tea. I mean, they seemed pretty aware I could crush all their lungs from the inside if I just thought about it.”</p>
<p>“Never brought <em>me</em> tea,” Buffy grumbled to herself.</p>
<p>Spike chuckled, “And why exactly <em>aren’t</em> we firin’ the bloody canons already?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t do much good to kill all the guards and still be trapped within this magical forcefield,” Buffy pointed out. “Better to make with the nice-y nice and try to get them on our side.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if that’s going to work, though, those girls are… jaded,” Willow settled on that word, knowing it wasn’t nearly good enough to describe what those girls really were. “But I think they want my help with whatever they’re doing.”</p>
<p>“Just keep playing nice,” Buffy said, placing her empty can of orange juice on the table. “We can make a plan once we know what they’re really up to.”</p>
<p>Spike groaned and leaned his head back against the sofa, “All this bloody waitin’ around.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a better idea?” Angel asked.</p>
<p>“Big fan of Red’s lung crushin’ strategy to be honest,” Spike said, staring at the ceiling.</p>
<p>“We can wait,” Angel said, nodding at Buffy, trying not to look at her marked neck but finding it more difficult than pretending he hadn't noticed the bite marks on Spike's forearms. </p>
<p>Spike laughed and crossed his arms behind his head, “You say that now, mate. Gonna reach a whole new level o’ hunger soon. Waitin’s not gonna sound like a swell plan to ya then.”</p>
<p>“We’ll figure something out,” Buffy said in her most confident leader-y voice. She stood up and grabbed her coat. “I should probably go make some rounds.”</p>
<p>“Oh! I’ll join you. But wait!” Willow turned to her discarded coat on the sofa and rummaged under it til she found what she needed. “Brought you a scarf!”</p>
<p>She jumped up and presented it happily. Buffy took the light brown scarf, gratefully, and wrapped it around her neck. “Thanks, Wil.”</p>
<p>“Calliope knits,” she added for good measure.</p>
<p>“Knitting. Nifty.”</p>
<p>“Send her my best would you, Red?” Spike said, staring at the witch earnestly.</p>
<p>Willow nodded and smiled, “I will.”</p>
<p>Buffy grabbed her scythe and the girls disappeared into the snow-frosted camp. The vampires were left alone again. Waiting for the moon.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Spike showered. He tried to nap. He even played a few rounds of poker with Angel (who was total rubbish at the game). Nothing could take Buffy off his mind though. He could feel her coursing through his veins and it lit him up like fireworks. He’d never been so full of energy or infatuation. And he’d been plenty full of both in the past.</p>
<p>Angel caught on to the younger vampire’s jitteriness quickly, doing his best to distract Spike from what he knew was really on his mind and bursting through his blood. All blood was intoxicating for vampires, but slayer blood, slayer blood from the woman you loved? Slayer blood from the woman you loved after drinking just enough animal blood to survive for more than a week? On top of years of never biting anyone at all?</p>
<p>It was actually amazing how normal Spike was behaving.</p>
<p>The blonde vampire was currently scribbling words onto paper at the table across from him and Angel was shuffling his cards mindlessly. Whatever Spike was writing, he seemed into it.</p>
<p>“What rhymes with life?” Spike asked suddenly.</p>
<p>Angel looked baffled, “What the hell are you doing?”</p>
<p>Groaning, Spike mumbled a quick, “Nevermind.”</p>
<p>They were silent for a moment, save for the scratching pencil on paper.</p>
<p>“Strife,” Angel murmured.</p>
<p>Spike paused his writing to consider that then nodded off-handedly and kept going.</p>
<p>“Knife, wife, scythe.”</p>
<p>“Scythe don’t rhyme,” Spike said, still staring at his paper.</p>
<p>Angel shrugged and shuffled the cards against the table again, “It’s close enough.”</p>
<p>Spike shook his head, “The English language really ain’t your forte is it?”</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Angel repeated.</p>
<p>“What’s it <em>look</em> like I’m doin’, sweet peaches?”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Angel conceded with an exasperated sigh. “But when the hell did you become a writer?”</p>
<p>Spike laughed lowly and shook his head, finally looking up at Angel, “Never really knew me at all did ya, gramps?”</p>
<p>Quietly, Spike returned to his paper and Angel to his cards.</p>
<p>“You still love her,” Spike said, looking up.</p>
<p>It wasn’t a question and Angel knew it was useless to deny.</p>
<p>“I… try not to,” he said.</p>
<p>Spike nodded as though his suspicions had been confirmed. “Don’t fret about it, not plannin’ to off you in your sleep for it. I know I could never stop lovin’ her either.”</p>
<p>Angel didn’t say anything to that, wondering where Spike was going with all this.</p>
<p>“You touch her though ‘n all bets are off,” he added. "Don't give a toss how hungry you are."</p>
<p>Angel just grinned bitterly and looked away, “Wouldn’t matter if I did, Spike.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>Spike looked inquisitive, but Angel couldn’t bring himself to say the words. After a moment, though, he was pretty sure Spike gathered his meaning.</p>
<p>Buffy was in love. And it was obvious to everyone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy was hardly through the door before she had a Spike in her face. He wrapped her into a crushing bear hug, forcing a slight “oof” out of her as her scythe clattered to the floor.</p><p>“Uh, missed you too?” she said, looking over Spike’s shoulder at Angel who was sitting on the sofa and shrugged in response.</p><p>“Sorry, love,” Spike said, pulling her back to arm’s length but not releasing his hold on her. “Goin’ positively mad without you.”</p><p>“Right,” Buffy eyed him skeptically. “It just… I wasn’t gone that long. Sun’s not even set yet. Are you sure you’re okay?”</p><p>Spike’s face was alarmed, as if it had just occurred to him that these rampant feelings weren’t normal.</p><p>“No. Not okay. I’m an idiot,” he muttered, letting go of Buffy’s arms.</p><p>She carefully unwrapped the scarf from around her neck and stared at him cautiously, noticing how his eyes went straight to her wound and stayed there.</p><p>Buffy took his hand and pulled him to the table, sitting across from him with both her hands clutching his one.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked, the epitome of patience.</p><p>Spike hung his head and sighed, “It’s the blood. Your blood.”</p><p>“Yeah. Gonna need a few more deets than that,” she coaxed.</p><p>“It’s—” he paused and glanced at Angel before continuing, “It’s like… a drug, or at the least, an aphrodisiac.”</p><p>“What? No it’s not,” argued Angel.</p><p>“Told Dru it was when I fed her with the slayer in China,” Spike said softly. “And, well… sort of seemed to be…”</p><p>Buffy grimaced at that the thought of Spike presenting a dead slayer’s body to his psychopath girlfriend and then consummating the whole sick thing. She looked at Angel helplessly.</p><p>“You and Drusilla obviously didn’t need any encouragement in that department,” Angel said, then adding in a low, bitter voice. “Much like the two of you.”</p><p>Spike shook his head and implored Buffy with his eyes. “This is different. Everything in me’s been jumpin’ for you all day. Cravin’ you.”</p><p>Buffy nodded and tried not to look concerned. “Okay. Well, that sounds like a normal reaction to the blood. Right? I mean, if I hadn’t eaten a proper meal in ten days and had my first taste of real food again, I’d probably be chomping at the bit, too.”</p><p>Angel and Spike looked at her skeptically, knowing this was not at all the same thing.</p><p>“Maybe we should stop,” Spike said.</p><p>“No,” Buffy said abruptly. “Spike, all the reasons we did this in the first place are still true. I need you to be strong. I need you by my side. Not huddled away punishing yourself over hypotheticals.”</p><p>Spike was quiet, uncomfortable. “It could get worse.”</p><p>“It also could <em>not</em>. I propose waiting for a problem to actually be a problem before fixing it.”</p><p>Angel folded his arms across his chest. “And if he kills someone trying to get to you, Buffy? Or kills <em>himself</em> because he was craving you and the sun was still up?”</p><p>Spike looked at Buffy with guilty eyes and she knew he had thought of finding her while she was gone today. She squeezed his hand.</p><p>“You can control yourself, Spike. You’ve proven that to me over and over again.”</p><p>“Never been able to control how I feel about <em>you</em>, pet,” he responded timidly. “‘S the only reason I’m frettin’ at all. When it comes to you, I’ve never been much with the logic ‘n good sense.”</p><p>Buffy stared resolutely into her boyfriend’s eyes. “I am <em>not</em> worried.”</p><p>She released her hold on him and stood up to grab a protein bar.</p><p>“I’ll also try not to leave you for long. Maybe Willow can do a spell. There are solutions. Leaving you hungry is not one of them.”</p><p>The boys were quiet in response as Buffy bit into her protein bar and looked back and forth at these two men, vampires, who had meant everything to her in one way or another. Who had taught her so much about herself but still needed to learn from her sometimes.</p><p>“Also, um, just so we aren’t repeating all of this drama a few days from now,” Buffy mumbled quickly and gestured to Spike. “We should probably give your rations to Angel so he also isn’t accidentally almost killing anyone.”</p><p>Spike sighed and tilted his head toward the ceiling, not arguing because it made sense, but also not pleased.</p><p>Buffy tossed her wrapper away and nodded at Spike, then their bedroom door. “Come on, you’re hungry. Let’s feed you and then go get your rations for the day.”</p><p>Spike stood immediately, but hated himself for doing it.</p><p>“Like a whipped dog,” he grumbled as she led him to the bedroom.</p><p>Angel closed his eyes. And waited.</p><p>*****</p><p>“Just enough to get you through the night, okay?” Buffy said, plopping down onto the bed matter-of-factly. “You can have more when we go to bed and I have more time to recover.”</p><p>Spike sat gently beside her and she hated how afraid he looked.</p><p>“Spike,” she whispered, palming his cheek with one hand. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “It’ll be okay. This is the best way.”</p><p>“My head knows,” he whispered back. “The rest of me’s screamin’ ‘Buffy in danger’ and I can’t get it to stop.”</p><p>“The danger is small,” she said, kissing his opposite cheek. “Come on, now, we’ve been over this.”</p><p>“I know. Just wasn’t ready for this level of rush.”</p><p>“You can handle it.”</p><p>Spike opened his eyes and connected with hers, pulling from her strength like he always did.</p><p>“Now, Spike,” she said tentatively, tilting her head, “I know you’re thirsty.”</p><p>Buffy tried to ignore the painful expression on his face as she used one hand to gently caress the bite mark on her neck, enticing him. Spike swallowed and stared, transfixed. His fists clenched, then unclenched and he took hold of her shoulders and pulled her in close to him.</p><p>Her heart was racing and she could feel his breath on her neck.</p><p>Spike inhaled slowly and focused on the faint thumps he heard from her chest. She could act so confident, but he could hear the telltale pitter patter within her.</p><p>“Gotta relax, pet,” he said into her skin. “Blood’s rushin’ because you’re nervous.”</p><p>Buffy took a deep breath, trying to calm herself and let the adrenaline slow.</p><p>“For the record, I’m not nervous. This is just really important and— and I need this to work. <em>We</em> need this to work.”</p><p>Spike nodded, closing his eyes and kissing her neck gently, then her face, then her lips. He ran his hands through her hair, down along her spine. Buffy relaxed into his touch and kissed him back with slow, thoughtful tenderness.</p><p>“Gonna make my blood rush in a different way if you’re not careful,” she said with a smile.</p><p>He smiled, too, and pulled her onto his lap. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck with another quick kiss. Spike cradled her to him with his arm supporting her head. He shifted from human to demon, feeling Buffy’s heart rush a bit at the sight. He paused, his one last bit of resistance. But Buffy tilted her head back, lounging into his hold on her. That did it.</p><p>Spike carefully bit down, piercing her just where he had the day before.</p><p>And God she was delicious.</p><p>He pulled the scarlet elixir from her as slowly and gently as he possibly could. He couldn’t imagine anything ever tasting better to anyone, but he was determined to be careful. Couldn’t take too much. Just a bit this time. Distantly, he heard Buffy moaning his name.</p><p>Buffy.</p><p>Spike took another long, careful, deep drink and then pulled back.</p><p>A trickle of deep red oozed out of each hole in her neck and he lapped it up until the blood was no longer flowing.</p><p>Spike let his human face slide back and he looked at his slayer, still relaxed against his body. He lifted his elbow up so he could see her face.</p><p>“Buffy, you all right, love?”</p><p>He was relieved when her eyes opened and she exhaled dramatically.</p><p>“I didn’t want you to stop,” she whispered.</p><p>Slayers and their bloody death wishes.</p><p>*****</p><p>Later that evening, Buffy stood with her two vampires as they waited in line for their rations. She was actually hoping to pick up some more food herself this time, as she was blasting through her supplies pretty quickly now.</p><p>“When’s Thanksgiving?” she asked, crossing her arms across her coat and actually thankful for her new scarf, not just for modesty’s sake.</p><p>Angel shrugged, “It was Halloween when they took me, so Thanksgiving’s not for a couple weeks at least.”</p><p>“Think we’ll be home by then?”</p><p>Neither Angel nor Spike responded. Everyone was feeling a bit dismal lately.</p><p>“I miss Dawn,” Buffy said, almost to herself.</p><p>Spike put an arm around her shoulders, “Me too.”</p><p>“Do you miss the cats?” she said with a slight grin.</p><p>Spike glanced at Angel self-consciously and rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t have to worry about the bloody cats if Harris would learn how to clean a litter bin every now and again.”</p><p>Buffy laughed, “I’m sure Dawn’s helping him.”</p><p>“That man’s an overgrown child.”</p><p>There was a sharp “next” alerting them it was their turn.</p><p>Angel handed his card to Sierra first. She looked down from her elevated step at the window and nearly stumbled at the sight of the three of them.</p><p>“Got your whole vampire crew tonight, huh, Buffy?”</p><p>Sierra turned back to the refrigerator and grabbed a blood pack, handing it to Angel.</p><p>Buffy just shrugged, “Miss me at the meeting today?”</p><p>“You actually missed a really good one. We were talking about inmates who start fires and what the punishment should be for that.”</p><p>Buffy thought of Willow and the aftermath of the fight the other night. Apparently that little battle hadn’t gone unnoticed.</p><p>“I say you kick ‘em out, show ‘em who’s boss,” Spike chimed in, handing the girl his card. “Eh?”</p><p>Sierra took it and begrudgingly swiped, collecting his ration for him.</p><p>“Heard some especially nasty rumors about <em>you</em>,” she said.</p><p>“Sorry, love, I’m monogamous myself. Unable to fulfill fantasies at the moment.”</p><p>Sierra was outraged at that and nearly threw Spike his bag of blood which he managed to tuck into his duster safely.</p><p>Buffy smiled and handed Sierra her own white card. Sierra swiped the card in her reader with a beep and then handed Buffy a protein bar.</p><p>Buffy stared at it skeptically, “Huh.”</p><p>“Jordan said to tell you if you want special treatment, the least you can do is show up to the meetings <em>you</em> begged to attend,” she explained.</p><p>“Too bad she’s the only slayer actually doin’ her bleedin’ job, fightin’ all the baddies while you’re all snoozin’ in your beddy-byes.” Spike protested.</p><p>“Hey, it’s fine,” Buffy said, putting a hand on his arm.</p><p>“Is that so, Buffy? Were you <em>fighting</em> last night during the snowstorm?”</p><p>Buffy stared at Sierra incredulously. Did she know? How could she know?</p><p>“Move it, slayer! We’re starving back here!” a demon a few spots back in line shouted angrily.</p><p>Spike turned and growled, game face on, and the onlookers piped down.</p><p>Buffy took the protein bar and started to walk away.</p><p>“Love the new scarf!” Sierra hollered.</p><p>Angel, Buffy, and Spike walked silently, leaving three sets of tracks in the snow as they did.</p><p>“They know,” Buffy said quietly. “They know I’m feeding Spike.”</p><p>“How?” asked Angel.</p><p>“I don’t know, but she definitely knew.”</p><p>“Maybe one of Red’s girls is a leak,” Spike suggested.</p><p>“Hm, maybe,” said Buffy. “Ugh this is not good. This does not make a great case for you guys and your goodness.”</p><p>Spike shoved his hands into his pockets uncomfortably.</p><p>“I’m going to go talk to Willow,” she said. “You guys gonna be okay without me for a bit?”</p><p>“Think we’ll survive,” Spike said sarcastically.</p><p>She glared at him. “I’m sorry, did we not just discuss this at great length?”</p><p>Spike took her by the hand and spun her into his chest, kissing her protests away. Angel, who was still walking, glanced back over his shoulder, and kept going.</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy found Willow strangely alone in her trailer. The wiccan trailer was generally very popular, lots of girls going in and out at all times. But for now, it was just the two of them.</p><p>This trailer had no private space, just two sets of build in bunk beds behind curtains and one pull out sofa. Apparently, sometimes the girls even slept two to a bunk. It was a crowded space.</p><p>“Where is everyone?” Buffy asked cautiously.</p><p>Willow sighed, “I think they’re having a meeting without me.”</p><p>“What, why?”</p><p>Buffy sat down beside Willow on the sofa, which was already set up like a bed. They leaned against the back of it and stretched their legs out.</p><p>“Well, I was telling Calliope about my meeting with the guards and their stupid de-magicking idea,” Willow grumbled. “And she got all excited-like. I mean, the idea of relinquishing her magic actually sounded good to her. Can you believe that?”</p><p>Wide-eyed, Buffy absorbed what Willow was saying. “So, she wants to get rid of her magic and go home?”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“Doesn’t sound so crazy to me,” Buffy shrugged.</p><p>Willow squinted at her, “Seriously? You too? Don’t tell me you’re going to de-slayer yourself.”</p><p>“No,” Buffy said quickly. “Definitely not. I mean, it’s different for me. This is my calling. Calliope, lots of the girls I’m sure, they were just kind of experimenting right? Dabbling? They didn’t know much about magic at all, that’s why you’ve had to teach them so much. Of course they want to tabula rasa the whole thing and go back to their cozy lives.”</p><p>Willow crossed her arms and made her pouty face, “I guess. I just— I just don’t know how they can’t see that magic is a special thing. It makes <em>them</em> special to be a part of it.”</p><p>“Specialness isn’t right for everyone,” Buffy said softly. “Just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should.”</p><p>Willow sighed, “Doesn’t it? You’re the slayer because you’re the one who <em>can</em> slay right?”</p><p>“Spike and Angel can survive forever off of human life. Should they?”</p><p>“That’s different,” Willow said begrudgingly.</p><p>“I think you gotta let these girls make their own choices, Wil. This place is no picnic. They may be ready to end their field trip into crazy camp.”</p><p>Willow looked pensive and nodded at Buffy.</p><p>“In other news,” Buffy went on. “I’m kind of afraid one of your girls is a peacekeeper informant or something.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“They know about me and Spike and the drinkage.”</p><p>Willow let her jaw fall open in outrage, “I’m sorry, Buffy. I thought telling them would be a comfort. I never should have. That’s between you and Spike.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. We don’t blame you. I just want you to be careful. Not every wiccan here is of the good.”</p><p>“Man, I could really go for a pizza right about now.”</p><p>Buffy sighed. “With extra cheese and pepperoni.”</p><p>“And pineapple.”</p><p>“No pineapple.”</p><p>Willow shrugged. “Okay, no pineapple.”</p><p>They both nostalgically entertained that daydream for a while.</p><p>“I better go,” Buffy said. “Spike’s real on-the-edge with all the blood stuff. And before you say it, yes, we’re being careful. Just kind of an unavoidable consequence of being your boyfriend’s walking buffet.”</p><p>“Okay. See you later, Buff.”</p><p>Buffy wrapped her scarf around her neck, zipped her coat, and stepped out into the darkness, wondering how much longer they could all keep this up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Buffy returned to her trailer, she found Spike outside it tossing crumpled paper into the fire.</p>
<p>“Whatcha doin?” she asked, sitting beside him.</p>
<p>Spike hesitated and then tossed the last bit in, watching the paper blacken and crumble. “Keepin’ my lady from runnin’ out on me.”</p>
<p>Buffy arched a brow curiously, but Spike just grinned in reply.</p>
<p>“Want to go beat up some bad guys?” she asked chipperly.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>She took his hand happily and they set off to patrol the camp.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>“Still don’t feel right turnin’ these blokes in like guinea pigs to those mental slayers. God knows what they’ll do to ‘em. Reminds me of my dear chip benefactors.”</p>
<p>They had turned in two demons tonight, one who had killed three other demons and the other who had tried to kill them. Neither of which were on the list of acceptable campmate behavior.</p>
<p>Buffy sighed, twirling her scythe absent-mindedly by her side. “Yeah, I don’t like it either. I’m hoping to get more details on that tomorrow at the meeting. That, and this de-magicking mumbo jumbo they were telling Willow about.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, this place could give The Initiative a run for their money,” Spike said, fingering an unlit cigarette as he and Buffy strolled home together.</p>
<p>“A vampire without magic would just dust right? As far as de-magicking goes?”</p>
<p>Spike cocked an eye at her, “I assume so, seein’ as I’ve sure as hell met my human expiration date and then some. You think that’s what they’re doin’ to their so-called prisoners?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Buffy said softly, staring at the snow-dusted ground as she walked. “Willow said Calliope was interested in giving up her powers.”</p>
<p>“Well, if you’re human, only makes sense,” Spike said carefully, eyeing her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess.”</p>
<p>They walked silently for a moment until they reached the outside of their trailer.</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t be a bad idea, pet,” Spike ventured, assuming he knew exactly what was going on in that head of hers.</p>
<p>Buffy looked startled, surprised as always by his perception. Though why she was still surprised, she wasn’t really sure.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to do it!” she blurted out. “That’s crazy. I’m the slayer for crying out loud. If anyone is not giving up their powers it should probably be the one girl in all the world. Right?”</p>
<p>“Puttin’ aside you’re not the one anymore.” Spike shuffled his feet and tilted his head at her. “You know Red could fix you back up in a jif. Lose your magic here. Get out, do some real good from there.”</p>
<p>“No way. I’m not leaving you here.”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Just a thought. To keep in mind.”</p>
<p>Buffy folded her arms across her chest, “Well, it’s not a very good thought. In fact, it’s a bad, bad one. Very bad. Never think it again.”</p>
<p>Spike couldn’t help but shake his head and smirk, tugging her toward him. “You are very stubborn, Summers.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you forget it.”</p>
<p>She kissed him and they went inside.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Angel was nowhere to be found and for the first time all night, Buffy wondered where he’d gone. But that thought quickly passed when she realized she and Spike had some real privacy tonight. She went straight to the bedroom and unzipped her uniform, letting it pool at her feet. She dropped her bra and grabbed one of Spike’s black t-shirts, her favorite thing to sleep in, and tossed it on.</p>
<p>Spike watched the whole process, removing his own clothing slowly as well. He’d never said anything about it, but he loved when she wore his clothes and left her scent in them. His shirts, his duster. The way she inserted herself into every part of him filled him with satisfaction. Plus, the way her brightly colored panties peeked out from beneath when she went pantsless was always a turn on.</p>
<p>He followed her under the blanket and laid his head back on the pillow, leaving his left arm out and relaxed as Buffy automatically filled the empty spot and nestled herself into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her tiny form and kissed the top of her head without thinking.</p>
<p>The fire swirled in its jar and cast an ethereal, hypnotic pattern on the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Tell me a story,” Buffy said, kissing his chest.</p>
<p>Spike smiled and focused on the light above him, leaning his head against hers and thinking.</p>
<p>“What kind of story, pet?”</p>
<p>“A happy one.”</p>
<p>“So, fiction then?”</p>
<p>“No, something about you. One hundred plus years, don’t you have any happy memories? A beautiful place you’ve been to or something? A cool concert?”</p>
<p>Spike sighed. “Not very many that aren’t tainted by something awful, usually myself.”</p>
<p>Buffy said nothing. Waiting. Persuasively silent.</p>
<p>“All right. I’ll tell you my favorite. The only happy story I got. Years ago, pre-soul, pre-chip, I found myself in this dark, seedy club. Band was playin’ some insipid pop crap, but I hardly noticed. My senses were all ablaze. This blonde vixen was gyratin’ on the dance floor like the bad, beautiful rebel she was. My sworn enemy, my prey and my predator, but so alive and so like me she was. I could see it from the start, exactly where she lived ‘n breathed. She wasn’t like the others.”</p>
<p>Buffy grinned against his skin, rolling her eyes. “I don’t gyrate. And since when is The Bronze seedy?”</p>
<p>“Fell completely under her power that night. Didn’t know it at the time of course, but I did. She told me to fight her without a weapon, to bare myself to her completely and I submitted without a thought because… because… well, because of those green eyes, darin’ me to.”</p>
<p>She smiled at that, thinking of that night herself. How magnetic his presence had always been, even when she’d been afraid of him. Even when she’d wanted him dead, but also hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Fightin’ her was like nothin’ I’d ever experienced in all my life. She was unpredictable, graceful and sloppy at the same time. Raw. Sizzlin’ and sexy.”</p>
<p>Buffy giggled at such a description of herself, “And then my mom nearly took your head off and ended it all right there.”</p>
<p>Spike chuckled, “Shush you. You’re the listener, not the teller. I was plannin’ to skip that less flattering part.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sorry. Go on.”</p>
<p>“Months went by and I observed this woman doin’ the most insane combination of daft and brilliant things. I watched her break when her incredible poof let his true colors fly. Then I watched her kill the thing she loved because it was the right thing to do. I admired the hell out of her. And I was terrified of her.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s heart lurched, thinking of those days in a whole new way. Thinking of Spike studying her reactions to Angelus. She and Spike really had been so similar then, completely controlled by love. Until she broke free.</p>
<p>“I left her then. Confused. Haunted. I’d been touched by the sun and walked away. Escaped her inferno. She’d challenged every bit o’ me and I’d abandoned the bloody fight. Dru knew it right away, that I hadn’t escaped at all. I was always a bit naive in matters of the heart, though. And that damn slayer, she’d sunk her claws into me without me even knowin’ it.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t love me then,” she chastised.</p>
<p>“No. But I was hooked. Addicted to the light. And that’s one thing a vampire should never be.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and whispered, “What happened to poor Spikey next?”</p>
<p>“He did what he always does and followed that seductive song despite his natural inclination to survive. I thought I was fightin’ that vicious woman. Settlin’ the score and showin’ her she couldn’t best me, the slayer of slayers. Never could win though. Always found myself on my knees. ‘Til one dangerous day I realized that’s where I belonged. Where I wanted to be. Before her. Completely at her mercy. If that meant death then it did. My slayer would always do what was right, so I surrendered to her. Because that was one thing I’d never known how to do. Maybe she could make me right. Maybe she could make it all make sense... She was the only one who ever could.”</p>
<p>Spike found himself getting lost in the memories of their love story, their long, imperfect story. But Buffy was silent and he took that to mean she wanted him to go on. He swallowed and continued.</p>
<p>“Not really sure how the next part happened but she started lookin’ at me different. I could see her seein’ me anew and it was all I could ever have hoped for, to be seen by such a glorious creature. But I was never good enough. I knew it. She knew it. We tried to ignore it. Hide the fact under loads of fights ‘n sex…”</p>
<p>“Pretty great sex, though,” Buffy chimed in.</p>
<p>“Oh, positively brilliant it was. Mind-meltin’ body-bashin’ sex that woulda killed a lesser man.”</p>
<p>“So humble.”</p>
<p>“My slayer was ruthless,” he said with pride. “Owned my body. Knew it was hers. But she deserved more.”</p>
<p>“Your soul,” she whispered, touching a finger to his bare chest.</p>
<p>“Mmhmm. Body and.”</p>
<p>“So, then what happened?”</p>
<p>Spike thought about it.</p>
<p>“Then, somehow, she became my friend. She began to trust me as I’d trusted her. I gave up on actually having her. I just… tried to be a man worthy of her presence. Tried to live in her light, even though it’s never where I’ve belonged. Not really. But it was better’n tryin’ to drag her down into the dark with me.”</p>
<p>“Then, she fell in love,” said Buffy dreamily.</p>
<p>“No. Then, I temporarily roasted like a marshmallow. Came back for god knows what reason. All the while she hemmed and hawed for years, put an ocean between us, had experimental lesbian sex, and nearly ruined everything courtesy of filthy Captain Forehead entanglement. Was pretty sure you’d finally gone mental. Probably never would have come back if Dawn hadn’t been in trouble.”</p>
<p>Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at the summary of her interim life without him, “You can always count on Dawn to get into trouble.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s a Summers thing I suppose.”</p>
<p>She punched his shoulder playfully.</p>
<p>“Would you get to the good part already?”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>Spike released his hold on her and arranged himself so he could lie on his side nose to nose with her. Her head lying on his arm. He stroked her hair back behind her ear with his free hand and looked at Buffy fondly.</p>
<p>“So, I came back. And that wild girl dancin’ in the club had blossomed into this magnificent, glorious woman. She’d been incredible before, but now, she was so sure of herself. It was like, she finally saw herself the way I had all along. She was—”</p>
<p>“Glowing,” she whispered against his lips.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He tilted his head, scrutinizing her. “How did you know I was gonna say that?”</p>
<p>Buffy looked bashful and stammered, “That time. When I was... walking in your memories. It wasn’t just the bad stuff I saw. I saw me… the way you see me. And I was glowing. It was... ”</p>
<p>She shook her head and took a deep breath, smiling at him in an effort to control her emotions. Seeing herself through Spike’s eyes had been a revelation. He smiled at her crookedly and wiped away one traitorous tear from her cheek.</p>
<p>“You’ve always had me, slayer. Always will.”</p>
<p>He kissed the track of her tear and then her lips. She kissed him back and took his erection into her hand.</p>
<p>“I love you, Spike. I wish I’d known it sooner.”</p>
<p>Spike groaned and closed his eyes, “I don’t. Or I’d never have made myself better. You always deserve better.”</p>
<p>Buffy guided him in and Spike moaned, reveling in her wet heat.</p>
<p>“How does the story end?” she asked, kissing his cheekbones, his chin.</p>
<p>Spike sighed and rocked into her, stroking one cheek with his hand. “Can’t say, love. But I hope I never find out.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and pulled him into a deeper kiss, moaning into his mouth as she felt him building within her.</p>
<p>“Drink from me, Spike,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He kissed her once more and pulled back long enough to savor the love in her eyes as she invited him completely in. There was no level of trust they didn’t have anymore.</p>
<p>It was all he’d ever wanted.</p>
<p>Spike’s fangs emerged and he drank. Enough to make her dizzy and delirious with pleasure. Enough to make him pulsate with life and taste.</p>
<p>Buffy shook with orgasm and he readily joined her as he pulled his fangs from her neck. Every muscle in her body seemed to melt away but he only tightened his hold on her. Her head was still on his bicep and she turned to kiss his arm lightly, eyes still shut in the bliss of aftershocks. When she opened them, she smiled sleepily then scooted closer, rolling Spike onto his back and resting her head back on his chest.</p>
<p>“I love you, Buffy. I love you so much.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for the story.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike woke with a jolt to the sound of a loud thump.</p>
<p>Reflexively, he reached beside him for Buffy, but it was morning and she had presumably already left for the day.</p>
<p>He heard something smash against the trailer again and he stood, pulling his pants on and throwing the door to the living area open. Spike looked around, but everything on the inside appeared normal.</p>
<p>Then he noticed the muffled voices. A few of them. Right outside.</p>
<p>Buffy.</p>
<p>He could hear her high-pitched argumentative tones. She sounded brassed.</p>
<p>Spike rushed to the window and reached beneath the blinds to throw the glass pane up, letting the blinds hang down to shield him.</p>
<p>“Buffy!?” he shouted, when the window was up. He snapped his hands back into the safety of shadows and shook them to relieve the burning sensation. He didn’t even notice the smoke.</p>
<p>“You stay inside— oof!” he heard her say.</p>
<p>“Your bloodsucking bodyguard ain’t so helpful in the daytime is he?”</p>
<p>Spike growled and smashed a fist against the wall beside the window. He hung his head low in frustration, trying to control his breathing, trying to not dart into the sun.</p>
<p>Buffy.</p>
<p>He heard fighting. Kicks, punches, falling to the ground. Buffy was uncharacteristically quiet. Where was her cocky banter? He’d give anything to hear a pun right now. He scanned his surroundings once more for anything that could become a weapon.</p>
<p>“Buffy! What’s happenin’?” he hollered.</p>
<p>Something smashed against the trailer, probably right below the window.</p>
<p>“A little busy here!”</p>
<p>Spike breathed a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>Another smash.</p>
<p>A grunt from Buffy.</p>
<p>A final thump.</p>
<p>Footsteps.</p>
<p>And then.</p>
<p>“Hope you enjoyed your morning beat down. Next time, bring coffee.”</p>
<p>There she was.</p>
<p>“Buffy!” he shouted once more.</p>
<p>Her voice was softer now and he could hear her gulping big breaths, “Coming.”</p>
<p>The trailer door opened and she stumbled in, tossing her scythe to the floor. Spike slammed the door shut behind her, ignoring the singe as a ray of light scorched his arm. Buffy collapsed against him.</p>
<p>“They were waiting for me,” she said quietly against his chest.</p>
<p>Spike wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her up, gently guiding her toward the sofa.</p>
<p>“Who were they? What did they want?”</p>
<p>He settled her down and she leaned back, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as Spike knelt down in front of her.</p>
<p>“Christ,” Spike whispered, finally getting a good luck at her. Her eye was swollen. It would be black soon. There were three short gauges on her opposite cheek, claw marks of some type. Puffy, cracked lips from a punch to the mouth. And her shoulder had a deep wound she was bleeding badly from.</p>
<p>Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him, “I’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“How many?”</p>
<p>She shook her head, “Seven? Eight?”</p>
<p>“You kill ‘em all?”</p>
<p>His eyes were dark, filled with bloodlust, and she briefly thought of telling him yes just to satisfy his urges, but she settled on the truth.</p>
<p>“A couple ran at the end.”</p>
<p>Spike scoffed.</p>
<p>“What did they look like?”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter. I got the sense they were merely representatives of a big group of unsatisfied customers.”</p>
<p>“Buffy,” he growled. “You were nearly killed.”</p>
<p>“I’ve got it under control. Look, see, all my parts are still here. All in good working order.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Spike tilted his head indignantly. “Lift that arm up then.”</p>
<p>Buffy glared at him, “It’ll heal.”</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be walkin’ around out there alone.”</p>
<p>“Since when can I not handle myself?”</p>
<p>Spike groaned and rolled his eyes, “You’d never charge in and battle eight wankers all at once without help. ‘S what makes you so unstoppable a force. You pick your battles and you take help when you need it.”</p>
<p>“I would charge in if I had to. And I have to.”</p>
<p>“No, slayer,” Spike stood and looked down at her. “You don’t have to. Dawn’s not in trouble. The end of the world ain’t at stake. It’s more important for you to survive than do the bloody peackeepers’ biddin’.”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed, knowing there was truth in his words. “I can’t just stay in here all day. I need to meet with the peacekeepers. I need to talk to Willow. I have things I have to do. I’m sorry, Spike, I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”</p>
<p>He crossed his arms defiantly and looked away.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she whispered with a slight shrug.</p>
<p>Spike glared at her and then laughed bitterly, “What? You just gonna do that any time you need me to roll over?”</p>
<p>Buffy half-smiled and reached for his hand. He took it and sat beside her on the sofa and arched a brow at her.</p>
<p>“I’m not trying to manipulate you,” she said reassuringly.</p>
<p>“I know,” he grumbled, examining her wounded knuckles. “Those words are just annoyingly effective.”</p>
<p>They smiled at each other before Spike returned his gaze to her hand.</p>
<p>Carefully, he lifted it up to his lips and began to slowly lick her wounds. Buffy’s eyes were big and full of surprise. He’d never done this before. And he’d seen her wounded plenty. She wondered if the smell of her blood was more powerful to him now.</p>
<p>Spike placed her hand back into her lap and the blood was mostly gone. He glanced at her cautiously before leaning in and gently kissing the cuts on her cheek. Buffy inhaled sharply at the sting and he pulled back momentarily, but she nodded for him to go on. He grinned and began to lick those wounds as well.</p>
<p>The sensation was strange. It stung, but it was comforting too. Like when someone else brushed the tangles from her hair, only that feeling times a million.</p>
<p>Spike pulled back and examined her face. She wanted to blush beneath his intense gaze, but she just looked back at him curiously. He looked at the worst of her wounds, her shoulder, and then back at her. Silently asking the question.</p>
<p>“It— it’s okay,” she said, still a bit flummoxed by this new careful procedure of his.</p>
<p>This time he started at the edges, cleaning the skin around the wound and working inward. When he got to the gash itself, he tongued it so gently, but Buffy still whimpered at the touch. Spike paused, looking at her for reassurance and she nodded. She laid back against the sofa and made more sounds mixed with pain and pleasure as he continued to work.</p>
<p>“All right, pet?”</p>
<p>Buffy opened her eyes and Spike was staring at her with a satisfied glint of accomplishment in his eyes.</p>
<p>“What’re you looking so smug about?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Just makin’ lemonade.”</p>
<p>Buffy tried to look skeptical, but it hurt her face.</p>
<p>“Hold it. Think I forgot one,” he said, taking her lips with his and suckling the puffy bottom one. He seemed to get distracted sometimes and relish in the rest of her mouth, but always returned to the lip.</p>
<p>When he pulled away, her heart was racing.</p>
<p>“There.” He smiled. “Right as rain.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Hours later, Buffy was sitting at the round table in peacekeeper HQ. Or whatever they were calling it. The fluorescent lights were humming. There was no coffee or tea to be seen. Some of the slayers were talking quietly amongst themselves, but Buffy just leaned her head back against her chair and stared at the ceiling, waiting for Jordan’s next predictably dramatic arrival.</p>
<p>Katherine still stared at Buffy with the look of wonder she’d had when she first arrived at the camp. She was sitting beside her today and Buffy couldn’t help herself.</p>
<p>“Take a picture already,” she grumbled.</p>
<p>Katherine looked surprised, “Sorry. You know, you can take your coat and scarf off. You must be warm.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“We won’t take them from you.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Jordan slammed a folder against the table as she sat down in her seat.</p>
<p>“Buffy can’t take off her scarf, Katherine. She doesn’t want you to see that her noble vampire is sucking her blood.”</p>
<p>A hush fell over the room and a few girls actually looked frightened.</p>
<p>Buffy lowered her gaze to meet Jordan’s, “So, who’s your informant?”</p>
<p>Jordan laughed, “Wouldn’t you like to know my secrets? God, it’s going to kill you when you find out...”</p>
<p>Buffy folded her arms in front of her. “I want to know what you’re doing with the prisoners I bring you.”</p>
<p>“We’re taking care of them,” Jordan replied with a smile.</p>
<p>A few girls at the table actually seemed uncomfortable and it didn’t escape Buffy’s notice.</p>
<p>“Are you killing them?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Are you stripping them of their magic?”</p>
<p>Jordan’s brows lifted slightly at that, “What gives you an idea like that?”</p>
<p>“Willow,” Buffy responded. “You think I don’t talk to my best friend?”</p>
<p>“You’ve seemed so busy lately, entertaining your hungry vampires and all. Is Angel feeding from you, too?”</p>
<p>Some of the girls laughed, but Buffy’s face was stone.</p>
<p>“You didn’t answer the question.”</p>
<p>“What question?”</p>
<p>“What are you doing to them?”</p>
<p>Jordan sighed, “Nothing worse than what they’re clearly doing to you.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked away, wishing those demons had left marks on her anywhere other than her face.</p>
<p>“Look,” she said slowly, eyes focused on the floor. “I’ve killed more demons than all of you combined. I’m not trying to defend these… things. I know they’re evil. I know they deserve what’s coming. That’s why I bring them to you. I’d just like to know that I’m contributing to something that’s right. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Everyone seemed surprised. Buffy kind of was, too. It hadn’t been her plan, but her gut told her this was the way to go.</p>
<p>“The more I understand your agenda, the more I can help you. And hopefully, get the hell out of here.”</p>
<p>“You want to leave?” Katherine asked hesitantly, glancing at Jordan afterward as if the words had been completely involuntary.</p>
<p>Buffy’s voice shrank, “I miss my sister. And I— I hate him feeding from me.”</p>
<p>Her stomach dropped and she couldn’t believe she’d said those words. Suddenly, she was filled with panic, but she had to commit.</p>
<p>“I mean— I do want him to, so he doesn’t hurt anyone else. I have to. But, I wish I didn’t. You know? It’s just— it’s the only way.”</p>
<p>Every eye was on her and Buffy gripped her elbows tightly, knowing her hands would shake otherwise. Had she just put Spike in danger? Or would this finally win the slayers’ trust?</p>
<p>She hoped that her discomfort was coming across as shame instead of the fear and strangeness of lying she truly felt.</p>
<p>The silence felt like an eternity.</p>
<p>Jordan tapped a pen against the table and stared at Buffy intently, “Maybe we should de-vampire your boyfriend for you, Buffy.”</p>
<p>“No!” Buffy said reflexively. “That would kill him! Wouldn’t it?”</p>
<p>She shrugged, “How powerful is a soul? You claim he has one. So, maybe not.”</p>
<p>“Well, shockingly, I’m not willing to bet his life on that ringing endorsement,” Buffy snapped.</p>
<p>“You can leave, too. If you want to sacrifice your power.”</p>
<p>Buffy tucked some hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>“No,” she said. “You can’t. I— no. Being the slayer is who I am. I mean, how are you even doing that? Taking people’s magic?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jordan grinned devilishly. “So I guess your best friend doesn’t tell you everything.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Buffy nearly knocked down the door to the wiccan trailer.</p>
<p>“Willow!”</p>
<p>She burst in and there were a group of ten girls, Willow included, sitting in a circle holding hands as a ball of fire floated in the center. Willow looked up at Buffy, surprised.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Outside. We need to talk.”</p>
<p>Willow nodded and stood up, telling the girls she’d be right back. The fire extinguished as she left.</p>
<p>Outside, the sky was cloudy and it was beginning to darken for the night. Buffy stood by the fire and Willow could instantly see how upset she was.</p>
<p>“Buffy, what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Are you helping the peacekeepers?” Buffy asked with a look of disgust on her face.</p>
<p>Willow held up her hands in protest, “No! Buffy, no. What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“They told me you were taking people’s magic from them.”</p>
<p>“I... “ Willow looked around wildly and contorted her face. “I took Calliope’s.”</p>
<p>Buffy stared, not sure what else to do or say.</p>
<p>“She wanted it, Buffy. She hated it here, and I knew I could do it for her safely. I didn’t want her to, but you know, it was like you said a few days ago. It was her choice. I just helped.”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed, “And they saw it happen?”</p>
<p>“We did it this morning at HQ. They said they’d only believe the magic was really gone if they were there to see it happen. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. When I went by your trailer, Spike said you’d gone already. I— I wanted to. It wasn’t supposed to be all secret-y.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Wil,” Buffy slumped into the lawn chair beside her, plopping her scythe into her lap. “I’m sorry for the freak out. I just— I don’t know what I was thinking.”</p>
<p>Willow sat beside her and smiled hesitantly, “It’s okay. Are you okay? You don’t look okay. And I don’t just mean the non-okay looks...”</p>
<p>“No,” Buffy said pitifully. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Wil. I lied at our meeting today. I told them I hated Spike drinking from me. I probably ruined everything. I just wanted them to think I was on their side you know? So they’d give me more information and put a little trust in me.”</p>
<p>“But don’t you? Ya know, hate it?” Willow asked cautiously.</p>
<p>“Not really,” she responded. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s kind of... nice. Like, like I’m taking care of him or something? And he’s taking care of me...”</p>
<p>Willow looked interested, but not sure how to respond.</p>
<p>“I think it’s actually made us closer,” Buffy finished.</p>
<p>“That’s… well, that’s great.”</p>
<p>“Not if the peacekeepers stage an intervention or something. God, I’m such an idiot.”</p>
<p>“You’re not an idiot, Buffy,” Willow reassured her. “It’s not a bad plan. You need to earn their trust somehow and there aren’t a lot of options right now.”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed, fingering the handle of her scythe. “What do you think would happen if Spike’s magic was taken from him?”</p>
<p>The redhead weighed her response before speaking.</p>
<p>“Well, if he were a regular vampire, I’d say, he would die. Dust. Poof. With the soul… I really don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Do you think they have the ability to take it?” Buffy asked.</p>
<p>“They didn’t offer when Calliope said she wanted to do it, but maybe? I know they’re not telling me everything.”</p>
<p>“I mean, how could they? Right? This is the US government we’re talking. How would they even begin to know how to control magic?”</p>
<p>Willow made a face. A “who the hell knows, so many crazier things have happened to us” kind of face.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Buffy breathed, standing up and shaking her head. “I gotta get back. Do you think you could swing by and do a protection spell for us? Keep intruders and what not out of our trailer?”</p>
<p>Willow stood with her, “Of course. Don’t worry, Buffy, we’ll figure this all out.”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded and turned to go, letting her scythe hang by her side as she walked home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for your encouragement as I share this story! I appreciate everyone who has left a kudos or comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few days since the meeting with the peacekeepers where Buffy had let slip that she wanted out. They’d been more trusting, less hostile, and Buffy found herself receiving some extra food rations again. She was still constantly on edge, terrified that someone would be coming to drag Spike away at any moment, but so far, not so much.</p>
<p>Spike, himself, didn’t seem worried at all. Buffy was afraid she was going to have to convince him that telling the peacekeepers she didn’t want him biting her was just a crazy ill-conceived plan that spilled out of her mouth, not some deep, dark secret she’d been harboring all this time. But Spike, the master of half-baked plans and impatience seemed to completely understand. That, or he was high on slayer blood and couldn’t spare the energy to care.</p>
<p>Angel had returned after a few days of mysterious disappearance. And he was hungry.</p>
<p>When Buffy had asked him where he’d been, he’d told her he was trying to gain some control of the vampire community. Trying to establish some dominance so that he could lead them to make better decisions.</p>
<p>It only took a couple days before he gave up on that.</p>
<p>Currently, Buffy was stoking the bonfire outside her trailer, surrounded by white as another burst of snow flurries had covered the ground this afternoon. Spike and Angel had gone to collect their rations, which, of course, Angel would drink both of.</p>
<p>“Hey,” said a soft voice.</p>
<p>Buffy looked up and was surprised to see Lily, the oracle she’d spoken with weeks before.</p>
<p>“Hey yourself,” she said, gesturing to the empty seats around her. “Enjoy a log.”</p>
<p>Lily smiled and sat beside Buffy.</p>
<p>“How are you holding up?” Buffy asked.</p>
<p>“I’m okay. I’ve made a lot of wiccan friends. It’s kind of been nice to meet so many other magical people.”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded.</p>
<p>“But uh,” Lily looked at the ground. “I wanted to ask you if those angel wings I told you about had helped you?”</p>
<p>“Well, my friend Angel showed up about thirty minutes after you told me, so I guess?”</p>
<p>Lily looked surprised, “Oh, Angel is someone you know?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Buffy said.</p>
<p>“It’s just, I keep having that vision. It feels incomplete. There’s something there and I was hoping I had helped you somehow. But I guess not. Maybe that’s why I’m still seeing it.”</p>
<p>Buffy stared at the girl, not quite sure how to respond. “Am I still in pain in your vision?”</p>
<p>“You are,” Lily said gravely. “That’s why I wanted to see how you were doing.”</p>
<p>“Well, I am fine. You know, as far as camp prisoner life goes and all.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay.” Lily stood up and shrugged, her violet hair falling to one side. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to freak you out or anything. Sometimes my visions mean things. Sometimes they don’t. I just keep seeing it.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Buffy said softly.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you later, Buffy.”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head and dragged her foot across the snow, thinking about Angel. Thinking about Spike. Thinking about blood and vampires. Getting out of here. It was really time to get out of here.</p>
<p>That’s when the snowball hit her in the shoulder, erupting with a burst that sent bits of snow into her face.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Buffy squinted her eyes and shook the snow off, not at all surprised to see Spike’s grinning face about ten yards away.</p>
<p>“Really shouldn’t let big bad monsters sneak up on ya like that, slayer,” he said, plopping down beside her.</p>
<p>Angel walked by, holding both blood rations, and disappeared into the trailer to warm them up. He was still meticulous about temperature.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I was under the impression that the most annoying vampires were still in line for their rations, but clearly I was wrong.”</p>
<p>“Clearly.”</p>
<p>Buffy kicked some snow in his direction, but he didn’t even flinch.</p>
<p>“You think we could like, dig out of here with spoons or something?” Buffy said with an exhausted sigh.</p>
<p>“Shawshank style? Think that would take more time’n you’re willin’ to invest.”</p>
<p>“I want to go home.”</p>
<p>“Oh, love,” he reached to grab her hand. “We’ll be home soon.”</p>
<p>Spike tugged and pulled her petite form into his lap. Buffy let her head rest on his shoulder and buried her face into his neck.</p>
<p>“Dawn must be worried sick.”</p>
<p>“Probably,” Spike agreed.</p>
<p>“What haven’t we thought of?” Buffy asked with a petulant sort of impatience to her voice. “God, I wish Giles were here.”</p>
<p>“You’re more of a problem solver than you give yourself credit for, you know. Don’t need to rely on anyone to get you out of a jam.”</p>
<p>“Jams I can do. Excellent at un-jamming a situation. It’s long, stupid dragged out political mumbo jumbo that does not compute in the Buffy brain. Need to punch stuff.”</p>
<p>“Right you do, pet,” Spike said. “Shall we?”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed and stood with an unenthusiastic, “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>They were laying in bed a few hours later, on their sides facing one another. Hands touching each other’s faces, arms, sides with deep familiarity, but not the half-crazed passion they often had.</p>
<p>“I think,” Buffy whispered softly, “I think I need to join them. Really join them.”</p>
<p>Spike eyed her strangely, distracted by how beautiful her skin was in the light of the swirling fire, “The peacekeepers you mean?”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded. She had her determined face on.</p>
<p>“There’s just not enough I can do from inside. You were right. Coming here was a mistake. I need to take on the higher ups who are really controlling this operation.”</p>
<p>Spike gripped her hand tight and held it against his chest where his heart should beat. His eyes focused on her shoulder.</p>
<p>“When you goin’?”</p>
<p>Buffy grimaced, “Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>He didn’t react but she felt dread in the pit of her stomach, and she knew it was the same for him. She took his chin and tilted it slightly to steer his eyes back to her own.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go. It’s just something I think I have to do.”</p>
<p>Spike nodded and took the hand on his chest and lifted it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles.</p>
<p>“Both know it is. You gonna renounce your powers?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I hope I won’t have to. But you were right before, Willow can fix it if it comes to that. If that’s what it takes to get outside these walls, that’s what I’ll have to do.”</p>
<p>Buffy inched forward, planting a soft kiss on his lips.</p>
<p>“I’m going to get out of here. I’m going to kick some butt. And then I’m going to come back here for you.”</p>
<p>He smiled and ran his fingers through her hair.</p>
<p>“Gonna miss you somethin’ fierce, pet.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled sadly and nuzzled into his neck, kissing him.</p>
<p>“Give me something to remember you by?” she teased.</p>
<p>Spike snorted and bent down to bite her ear in response, “Silly girl, even jokin’ about forgettin’ me.”</p>
<p>“I get very busy sometimes.”</p>
<p>He pulled her hips hard against him, causing Buffy to “oh” against her will.</p>
<p>“Happy to give you some partin’ gifts, love, the kind you won’t soon forget.”</p>
<p>Spike tweaked one nipple beneath her shirt until she purred back. He pulled the shirt up and over her head, tossing it onto the floor and rolled on top of her. His lips were in her ear, half-whispering half-growling.</p>
<p>“And I’ll have you so sore ‘n achin’ you’ll curse me with every step you take away from me, slayer.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I was hoping for,” Buffy said with a grin, sliding his boxers down his thighs as far as she could reach.</p>
<p>Spike shrugged them completely off and pulled her panties down her legs slowly, letting his fingers trail on the soft flesh of her thigh, under her knee, down her muscular calf.</p>
<p>He knelt over her and stared down appraisingly, but Buffy didn’t have time for that. She shot up and pulled his face to hers with a blazing kiss.</p>
<p>“Mmm, Buffy,” he murmured against her mouth.</p>
<p>She pushed him onto his back, so his head was now at the foot of the bed and straddled him so that she was the one looking down on him. Spike sat up on his elbows, not quite able to reach her lips, but close enough to smother her breasts with kisses and bites. Buffy leaned into his mouth, groaning happily as she slid onto his cock and his mouth worked its magic.</p>
<p>Spike fell back against the bed and panted as she squeezed and rocked on top of him. His hands gripped her hips, her ass, her thighs, whatever he could reach.</p>
<p>“Come to me, love,” he said, despite enjoying his view very much at present.</p>
<p>Buffy leaned down, letting her breasts touch his chest and her lips greet his. Spike gripped the back of her head like he would never let her out of reach again and returned her affection with tongue and fire.</p>
<p>Buffy moved against him like a rolling wave and as her tempo increased, Spike couldn’t help but orgasm abruptly. Buffy smiled as he shook and let his head fall back against the mattress. He didn’t release his vice grip on her neck, but every other part of him seemed to relax.</p>
<p>“Too soon for that, pet,” he breathed. “Gross miscalculation on your part.”</p>
<p>She kissed him.</p>
<p>“I have every confidence that I can nurse you back to full strength soon enough.”</p>
<p>Spike’s free hand squeezed her hip and they stared at one another intensely, catching their breath.</p>
<p>“Can’t stand the thought of partin’ from you,” Spike whispered, blue eyes alight. “Can’t bare thinkin’ of you out in the world without your powers. It’s wrong.”</p>
<p>Buffy twirled a finger through his messy platinum hair. “I’ll still be me.”</p>
<p>Spike rolled to pin her beneath him.</p>
<p>“Thank god for that.”</p>
<p>He kissed her and she could feel him hardening again inside her.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said, making sure he was looking at her. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“You’re perfect,” he whispered back, pushing deep into her. “My sun and my moon, Buffy, you’re everything in the sky.”</p>
<p>Buffy moaned and giggled and thrust her hips against him, “I like when you get all poetic on me.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps I’ll write you love letters while you’re gone,” Spike said, kissing her neck.</p>
<p>“Mmm, yes please,” Buffy said appreciatively as his hands held her wrists to the mattress. “And I bet they won’t be the first love letters you’ve written me.”</p>
<p>Spike grinned and shifted to her breasts, worshipping them with his mouth while his hands held hers tight, all while he continued to rock against her, “Maybe not, but what would you know about it?”</p>
<p>“I just know you,” she replied smugly.</p>
<p>Abruptly, he shifted to his demon face and Buffy felt her heart lurch. Pausing to look at him completely.</p>
<p>“I know you, too,” she whispered, unafraid.</p>
<p>Spike growled and pierced her neck, pulling her blood from her. So deliciously hot and scintillating as it slid down his throat. He heard his girl panting and moaning beneath him and he managed to buck against her wildly while holding her neck and shoulders relatively still.</p>
<p>“More,” she managed to say, dizzily. “Take me.”</p>
<p>One last deep pull. One last deep push.</p>
<p>Buffy exploded with sensation, no longer surprised by the strange tingling effect his feeding from her had on her hands and feet. She felt like she was floating, lost among the stars.</p>
<p>Reality was a step away and gradually, she came back.</p>
<p>She knew he was done and was licking her wound, but she was only dimly aware of it. Spike had released her wrists but her palms were still facing up toward the ceiling exactly where he’d left them.</p>
<p>He kissed her lips and she slowly returned it.</p>
<p>“There’s my girl,” he said softly.</p>
<p>Buffy took a long, slow breath and willed her arms to lift and hug him to her. They held each other for a moment, but Spike eventually lifted his head and kissed her deeply again.</p>
<p>“Not done with you, pet,” he said, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Made a promise to a lady that I intend on keepin’.”</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and attempted to open her eyes, failing miserably, “Trying to keep up. Buffy.exe has failed to load.”</p>
<p>Spike laughed at her and scooped her into his arms, turning them to lay Buffy with her head on the pillows.</p>
<p>“Comfy,” she muttered happily.</p>
<p>“We’ve really got to get you on some psychedelics,” he said. “Such a little lightweight you are. Be a blast seein’ you actually stoned.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m…” Buffy lost the energy to protest. “I’m fine, just sleepy… and sleepy.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Spike said with a coy smile. “Only now’s not the time for sleepin’, princess.”</p>
<p>Buffy could feel in her bones that he was entirely wrong about that, but then was startled by the activity suddenly going on between her legs. She moaned abruptly, as Spike sucked just the right spot. Peeking with one eye, she got the loveliest glimpse of his blonde hair between her thighs.</p>
<p>“Oh, Spike,” she said into the air between them, not really intending anything, but releasing everything she felt. “Spike, Spike, oh. Mmm.”</p>
<p>She could feel him vibrating into her as he moaned his response, whatever it was. His fingers were slipping in and out of her with long, dramatic flourishes. Buffy felt him slow his pace and she thrust against his mouth in protest.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, please more,” she said desperately.</p>
<p>Spike licked her scandalously and lifted his head to look at her face, “Beg for it again, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>Buffy dug one heel into his back in frustration, “Please, Spike, give me more. I need more.”</p>
<p>He kissed her wet thighs playfully, lazily slipping some fingers into her core and working at her most sensitive flesh like he could care less.</p>
<p>“Spike,” Buffy gasped and cried his name like it would save her life. “Spike, please, Spike. I need you. Need more.”</p>
<p>Spike pinched her hard and Buffy groaned.</p>
<p>“Need more of what, love?”</p>
<p>“Ugh! Fucking hate you,” she said, tossing her head to the side, burying her face in her pillow.</p>
<p>“That’s not very nice.”</p>
<p>Spike grinned and massaged her clit with his lips, then teeth, putting a hand on her pubic bone to hold her thrashing body still.</p>
<p>“Gonna make you pay for this later,” she sputtered as he continued torturing her.</p>
<p>“Oh, I hope so,” Spike said.</p>
<p>Buffy gasped loudly as she felt one finger enter her ass. He inched it in slowly as Buffy panted and shuddered above him. Finally, he felt her relax enough that he added another finger and began to massage and kiss her with abandon. She felt every muscle in her body contract around him and toward him as she cried his name once more.</p>
<p>She felt numb and heavy and like she’d never move again when somehow, some impossible how, Spike was above her, slipping his cock into her soaking womb once more. Buffy shook her head and opened her eyes, laughing with complete exhaustion at the prideful look on his face.</p>
<p>Sore. She was definitely sore already. But she knew he didn’t care. Well, he cared. But that had sort of been the goal hadn’t it? Buffy remembered suddenly with a stab of heartache that she didn’t know when they’d get this chance again. Despite her exhaustion, she decided to lean into the pain and relish every feeling he gave her right now, every sound he forced from her mouth, and every expression on his face as he studied his effect on her.</p>
<p>Spike watched the whole thing happen in her eyes and kissed both her cheeks, then her mouth. He wrapped an arm around her hips, leaned back, and lifted her up so that she was sitting in his lap, feeling him as deep as possible within her. Buffy moaned and tightened her legs around his waist. She slipped her arms around his shoulders and he held her hips as they squeezed and rocked and made each other groan.</p>
<p>There had been a time when Buffy hated this position, hated facing him so openly, being so close to those soulful eyes of his. But now it was her favorite thing to mirror him exactly. To feel this cherished. This full and protected.</p>
<p>“Love you so much, Buffy.”</p>
<p>She moaned at the words that once had struck fear in her heart and kissed him. He felt the jolt of orgasm sweep through her, but he didn’t stop kissing her even as her mouth stilled. At the sound of his name from her lips, Spike, too, reached his peak.</p>
<p>They were breathing raggedly still, face to face.</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and whispered, “Done with me yet?”</p>
<p>“Never,” Spike nuzzled into her neck and pulled her tight to his chest. “Never will I ever be done with you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike had convinced Buffy to wait until sunset before attempting her departure with the peacekeepers. He told her that he deserved to be there to see her out properly, and also, practically speaking, he needed to know what their plan for Buffy was. If they stripped her powers, he wanted to know.</p>
<p>That afternoon, they sat around the table in their trailer with Angel and Willow. Nobody was happy about the news, but they all understood. You don’t get in the way of Buffy when she has a mission.</p>
<p>Willow looked down at the table, her red hair softly framing her face. “I want to go with you, Buffy, but I feel like these girls need me in here.”</p>
<p>“Bollocks,” Spike said. “Angel ‘n I can mind the girls. You should help Buffy.”</p>
<p>“They’re afraid of you, Spike!” she protested. “They’re afraid of everyone else.”</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, but Buffy put a calm hand on him.</p>
<p>“I think,” Buffy said. “Willow is a pillar of strength in this place. The peacekeepers are afraid of her. I know. I’ve seen it. She keeps them from getting too out of control with their power. I think you should stay, too.”</p>
<p>Willow nodded gravely, “You’ll have Giles and Dawn and Xander. You’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Buffy agreed with a deep breath and mustered enthusiasm.</p>
<p>She kept catching Spike staring at her longfully, but she was doing her best to avoid his deep gazes.</p>
<p>“Sun’s set,” she said softly, standing and grabbing her scythe.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>The peacekeepers on duty hadn’t seemed surprised when Buffy and her crew arrived with the news. All four of them were ushered into the underground bunker, but not into the meeting room that Buffy was accustomed to. This room had several monitors on the walls, computer stations, a large, glass shower-like chamber, and a long table with chairs. It was smaller than the meeting room, and obviously intended for a smaller group.</p>
<p>“This is where they had me de-magic Calliope,” Willow said, sitting at the table and looking around nervously. “I don’t get a good vibe here at all.”</p>
<p>“Extra wiggy for sure,” Buffy agreed, sitting beside her and clasping her hands on the tabletop.</p>
<p>Angel was pacing around the room inspecting everything he could inspect. Spike had his arms crossed and was leaning against one wall with a stern expression of defiance.</p>
<p>Willow sighed, “I don’t know how I’m going to take your powers, Buffy. This just doesn’t feel right.”</p>
<p>“You can bring them back,” Buffy whispered conspiratorially.</p>
<p>“I know. It’s just—”</p>
<p>“Wrong,” Spike chimed in.</p>
<p>Buffy looked at the ceiling in exasperation, “Guys, we settled this! Now’s really not the time to change our minds. And I would appreciate if you could pretend to be supportive as I’m not exactly psyched about this decision either. It’s the only way. We all agreed. Or at least I thought we did.”</p>
<p>Angel was opening the door to the glass chamber when Jordan, with an assembly of peacekeepers, entered the room.</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t mess with that if I were you,” Jordan said.</p>
<p>Angel closed the door and held his hands up innocently, moving to join Buffy and Willow at the table. Most of Jordan’s army of eight also sat down, though two remained flanking the door. Jordan herself stood at the head of the table.</p>
<p>“I know what you’re all thinking,” Jordan began. “And don’t get any bright ideas. I have more girls outside. These are just the best of the best.”</p>
<p>“Think you underestimate who you’re dealin’ with,” Spike offered.</p>
<p>“Planning to sit or is that not punk rock enough for you?”</p>
<p>Spike didn’t twitch, “View’s just fine.”</p>
<p>Jordan rolled her eyes and looked to Buffy, “Let’s cut to the chase. You want out. And you’re wanting to sacrifice your powers in order to do that.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Buffy breathed.</p>
<p>“Well, we have no interest in doing that. See, you’re no good to anyone without your powers. Certainly not any good to us. And you’re not a threat to humanity. So, why on earth would we take your magic?”</p>
<p>Buffy was flummoxed briefly. “So, what do you want? I can be a peacekeeper, but I need to do it from home. I need to be near my sister. In San Francisco. Is there work for me there?”</p>
<p>Jordan laughed, “You’re more delusional than I expected.”</p>
<p>The room was silent as Jordan collected herself.</p>
<p>“You’re not going anywhere, Buffy, and we know perfectly well that you’d be a horrific informant and peacekeeper. Your loyalties have been proven and they’ve never been to the government.”</p>
<p>Well, there was no argument there.</p>
<p>“However,” Jordan went on. “There is something you can give us if you really want your freedom. Well, someone.”</p>
<p>She looked at Spike who arched one brow in response.</p>
<p>“Um. Excuse me?” Buffy stood and put one hand on her hip. The other had a firm grip on her scythe.</p>
<p>“You keep telling us that these vampire pets of yours have souls that make them harmless. Well, that hasn’t been what we’ve heard around camp. And we think you know perfectly well that that isn’t the case.”</p>
<p>“What the hell are you talking about, Jordan? Spike and Angel have only been helping me to keep order in this hellhole. You know, doing the job you asked me to?”</p>
<p>Jordan nodded at one of the girls, sitting at a computer. A few keystrokes later and the monitors on the walls all lit up with a green night vision scene.</p>
<p>It was Angel, drinking from a man.</p>
<p>Buffy turned to Angel who looked annoyed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.</p>
<p>“That was completely consensual!” he protested. “We had a deal. Blood for protection. He had much bigger problems than me to worry about.”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head, “Why didn’t you tell me you were doing this?”</p>
<p>Angel appeared frustrated but ultimately shook his head and sighed.</p>
<p>“Because you wouldn’t understand.”</p>
<p>Jordan smiled as the screen changed, “Oh, I think she’d understand.”</p>
<p>Spike’s stomach dropped as he watched himself on screen in his demon form, cradling his slayer like a doll and piercing her neck. He watched her body jerk and his hold hers tightly to his chest. He knew it looked more violent than it had been, but seeing it was visceral, even for him. Buffy’s bare breast flashed as Spike lay her back against the pillows of their bed before covering her with his body again.</p>
<p>“Turn it off,” he growled.</p>
<p>“I have to say,” Jordan began, nodding at the computer girl to do as Spike said. “That’s one of the tamer videos we have. You two have a pretty sick relationship if you ask me. And I thought that before he was biting you.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been watching us the whole time,” Buffy whispered, her face dripping with disgust. “You sick, perverted—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” Jordan cut her off. “Do you really think we were going to leave you unsupervised? You of all people?”</p>
<p>“Look, I told you Spike was feeding from me. We had no choice when you decided to basically starve all the vampires. You don’t need to throw it in our faces.”</p>
<p>Jordan sat down, “I just wanted you to know what’s at stake. Videos like these get out into the world and, well, it won’t just be vampires having a tough time. I’m not sure anyone would ever listen to what you have to say ever again. And these two bloodsuckers are certainly done for.”</p>
<p>Buffy folded her arms and glanced at Spike, holding his intense gaze a little too long in the silence.</p>
<p>“You can’t have him,” she reiterated, finally breaking his eye contact. “Not an option.”</p>
<p>Jordan shrugged, “Your choice, but for what it’s worth, we don’t want to keep him. We just want to take his magic. De-vampire him. Make him safe for our world.”</p>
<p>“You mean kill him,” Willow piped in. “A vampire needs magic to live.”</p>
<p>“That has definitely held true from our experiments so far,” Jordan said. “But our scientists have a theory that that may not hold true for a vampire with a soul. Sure would be fun to find out.”</p>
<p>“I won’t let you,” Buffy said sternly.</p>
<p>Willow’s face was crinkled in thought, “Wait. What experiments so far? You’ve been taking magic without me?”</p>
<p>“Yes! In fact, it was all thanks to you. Our technology never would have worked if we hadn’t been able to process and study what you did for your witch friend.”</p>
<p>Jordan sat back in her chair and grinned, reveling in the outrage and dismay on Willow’s face.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, guys, we’ve only been experimenting on the prisoners Buffy brings us. You would have just killed them anyway, right? What we’re doing is so much better. It’s rehabilitation!”</p>
<p>Buffy gripped her scythe tight in her hand and glared at Jordan.</p>
<p>“You’re sick. This place is sick. And I won’t be a part of it for another second.”</p>
<p>“Give us the vampire.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Buffy—”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Spike. I’m handling this.”</p>
<p>Jordan snickered, “You know, Buffy, you’re really not thinking this through. I mean, if you love him so much, think about the possibilities if we’re right. What if we can make him human? You could actually take your boyfriend out into the sunlight. Can you even imagine such a life? You wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving you when you’re old and wrinkly. You could even make pale little human babies and get a real happily ever after.”</p>
<p>“I— that’s— that’s not what I want.”</p>
<p>“I would never leave Buffy because she was old and wrinkly,” Spike muttered grumpily.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jordan smiled and shrugged. “That’s not what you want. Sure. Well, we offered.”</p>
<p>Buffy said nothing and the room was filled with tension.</p>
<p>“I suppose we’re done here, then?” Jordan stood and gestured toward the doorway back to camp. “Do let us know if you change your mind.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Buffy and Spike walked side by side through the camp. Angel had vanished without a word and Willow had gone toward the wiccan trailer, still upset that her magic had been the key to the peacekeepers’ plot.</p>
<p>They were quiet, but the feeling was heavy between the two of them.</p>
<p>“Don’t even try to convince me to give you up,” Buffy said, breaking the silence.</p>
<p>Spike eyed her cautiously, but didn’t respond. His fists clenched inside his coat pockets.</p>
<p>“I’m not taking the risk. It’s idiotic. You could die.”</p>
<p>He nodded, eyes on his boots.</p>
<p>“They just held all that human fairytale perfect life stuff up in front of my face like a pretty carrot. Only not a carrot because I’m not a horse. Like a— a— a Snickers bar. Like a caramel-y, peanut-y, chocolate-covered non-carrot that I have zero interest in!”</p>
<p>Buffy waved her scythe in the air dramatically for emphasis.</p>
<p>“Nope. No interest. None. I mean, babies?! Who do they even think I am? I am Buffy Summers. The slayer. Slaying is kind of the opposite of domestic bliss, right? And you and me, playing house together for the rest of our lives? Getting old and married and having some sort of happy married life together? That’s like, ridiculous. Right?”</p>
<p>She stopped in her tracks and grabbed his arm.</p>
<p>“Right? Spike, please, halt this train of freak out. Say something— anything.”</p>
<p>Spike looked at her and shrugged, “I think you’d be a great mum.”</p>
<p>Buffy frowned, “Anything but that.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but… it did all sound… bloody perfect.”</p>
<p>He said it hesitantly, almost like a question. Afraid of her reaction.</p>
<p>“Perfect? Spike, is that the life you see for us?”</p>
<p>“Of course not.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked confused.</p>
<p>“That can’t be our life now, pet. I’ve never let myself dream it. But there was a time, a very long time ago, when that’s all I ever wanted. Me ‘n my girl, a few rugrats, and a cozy life together.”</p>
<p>Buffy shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.</p>
<p>“Even if— even if we could. If you could. If you were human. I don’t know if I’m that kind of girl. I don’t know if I can picture a life different from this. Or do a life different from this. This skillset is not very versatile.”</p>
<p>Spike took her hands in his.</p>
<p>“Buffy, you can do anything you wish. The question is what do you want?”</p>
<p>Tears began to fill her green eyes.</p>
<p>“I want you to not be dust. Beyond that, I don’t know or care.”</p>
<p>Spike smiled and pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his cheek against the top of her head.</p>
<p>“We’ll find another way out of here, pet. Don’t you fret.”</p>
<p>Buffy took a deep breath and closed her eyes, leaning her weight against his solidness and pushing the future far, far out of her brain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy and Spike were sitting by the fire outside their trailer a little while later when Willow appeared, out of breath and afraid.</p><p>“Guys, we have to hurry. It’s Angel.”</p><p>Buffy looked perplexed, “What do you mean? Is he okay?”</p><p>“He just said he was going to go make a deal… to fix all this,” Willow said, wringing her hands. “I think he’s going to let them take his magic. Instead of Spike’s.”</p><p>Buffy stood, mouth open, glancing at Spike and then back to Willow.</p><p>“We should go,” Willow reiterated.</p><p>Spike stood and grabbed Buffy, who seemed frozen in place, by the arm.</p><p>“Come on, pet.”</p><p>*****</p><p>The door to the bunker was locked, but Willow burst it in with a quick wave of her hand. She led the way, systematically destroying any lock or obstacle they encountered until they were back in the room they’d left a mere hour before.</p><p>Angel was sitting with Jordan at the table. Women and men in white coats were working at computers around the room and there was a frenzied atmosphere of anticipation all around.</p><p>“Well, does this surprise anyone?” Jordan muttered at the sight of them.</p><p>“Angel, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Buffy asked.</p><p>The vampire in question took a deep breath.</p><p>“Jordan, would you mind if I spoke to Buffy alone for a minute?”</p><p>His good guy attitude was irritating and Buffy huffed and crossed her arms in response, looking to Jordan defiantly.</p><p>Jordan smiled, “No problem at all, Angel. We’ll wait for you here.”</p><p>Angel tilted his head toward the hallway. Buffy glanced at Willow and Spike briefly before exiting the room, Angel at her heels.</p><p>“Explain yourself,” she said, arms still crossed.</p><p>Angel shook his head, “Why are you mad, Buffy? I’m trying to do you a favor.”</p><p>“No. You’re trying to take matters into your own hands— as usual!”</p><p>“That’s not what I’m trying to do. Look, I have nothing left to lose. It should be me they experiment on. You—” Angel sighed. “You need to get out and put an end to all this. And, well, you need Spike more than you need me.”</p><p>“We can find another way. That’s the plan. Find another way. It’s too dangerous. For Spike or for you.”</p><p>“That’s not a plan! That’s you stalling because you don’t know what to do!”</p><p>He was nearly shouting and Buffy had rarely seen him so emotional. So angry. She cautiously watched him catch his breath before looking down at her own feet.</p><p>“I can’t let you do this, Angel.”</p><p>His voice was softer now, “Look. I’ve been trying to make amends for the things I’ve done for a very long time now. Nothing ever feels like enough. Maybe nothing ever will be. But this, I can do. I can get you out of here. I can save— Spike. I—”</p><p>Angel tilted his head painfully.</p><p>“If I can’t be the one who makes you happy, then I’d like to make sure you get to keep the guy who does.”</p><p>Buffy’s heart felt like it might thud right out of her chest. She felt tears in her eyes and they threatened to fall when she saw the solemn look of resolve on his face.</p><p>“Angel, I appreciate the gesture. Really. It’s sweet, but there has to be another way. There just has to.”</p><p>“This is the other way. I’m not trying to be sweet. I’m trying to do the right thing. Let me do it. For you.”</p><p>Buffy frowned and she wiped away the tear that darted down her cheek.</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered.</p><p>Angel swept her into a tight hug and Buffy immediately remembered the feeling of his long arms wrapped around her, his tall form always making her feel so safe no matter what was happening.</p><p>After a moment, she stepped back. She sniffed and wiped her eyes a little bit to regain her composure. When she was ready, she stepped back into the room.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike could instantly sense that all was not well with his girl. Buffy stood beside him and gripped his hand a little tighter than normal, attempting to give him a smile and failing miserably.</p><p>Willow and Jordan were arguing about magic manipulation and hardly seemed to notice that Buffy and Angel had reappeared.</p><p>“All right, love?” Spike asked under his breath.</p><p>Buffy looked at him, fear in her eyes, and shook her head. Spike looked perplexed and then noticed the unusual confidence in Angel’s stance. Somehow, the wanker had managed to convince her to go along with it all.</p><p>Spike wrapped an arm around her shoulders, not knowing what else to do.</p><p>Angel finally interrupted Jordan and Willow.</p><p>“Are you guys ready?”</p><p>Jordan turned in her chair to face him. She looked at Buffy briefly and then to Angel again.</p><p>“Just enter the chamber.”</p><p>She gestured to the small glass room in the corner. Angel wasted no time, opening the door and stepping inside.</p><p>“Angel, you can’t do this! Please,” Willow turned to Jordan. “Let me do it. Don’t use whatever that is. I can do a spell that makes him safe. You’ll get exactly what you want.”</p><p>Jordan acted as though she were contemplating it, before getting up and slamming the door shut behind Angel, “No thanks, witch.”</p><p>Willow turned to Buffy and Spike, looking shocked that they were just standing there, “Buffy? What are you doing?”</p><p>But Buffy didn’t say anything. Her eyes were on her former love as she stood in the arms of her current. A million thoughts were racing through her mind, a million instincts being suppressed. If she broke her eye contact with Angel, she knew she may do something regrettable.</p><p>“Begin the withdrawal sequence,” Jordan announced to the room.</p><p>Angel shifted his eyes to Spike, who gave a subtle nod of acknowledgement. Then his eyes were back on Buffy.</p><p>There was a whirring sound like a vacuum that silenced the whole room. Buffy gasped when the glass chamber filled with a white light, too strong to look at. There was a thud and everyone turned away to shield their eyes.</p><p>Then it was silent.</p><p>At first, Buffy wanted to sob because he was gone. Just like she’d expected.</p><p>But then, she realized he wasn’t gone. He was laying on the floor of the chamber, crumpled into a ball.</p><p>Buffy broke out of Spike’s hold and slammed herself against the glass door. She tried to pull it open, but the door was locked.</p><p>“What happened? Is he dead? Someone open this!”</p><p>Jordan and her team looked just as curious, and someone pushed a button that unlocked the door with a click.</p><p>Buffy flung it open and dropped to her knees, turning Angel so she could see his face and grasping his hand.</p><p>“Angel, can you hear me? Are you there? Are you—”</p><p>She stopped suddenly, looking down at his hand in hers.</p><p>Feeling the hand in hers.</p><p>“Oh my god,” she breathed.</p><p>Willow was beside her then, “What is it?”</p><p>Buffy couldn’t tear her eyes from Angel’s face, but she smiled.</p><p>“His hand is… warm.”</p><p>Willow looked shocked, but relieved. She looked to Spike, who had silently stepped closer. He looked like he had just walked away from a car wreck, but lived to tell the tale.</p><p>Jordan chuckled to herself, “Well I did tell you you could have your happily ever after, Buffy. I guess we all just had the wrong vampire in mind.”</p><p>Buffy didn’t even hear her. She was too distracted by the hand, warm in hers, and by Angel’s eyelids beginning to flutter open.</p><p>But Spike heard, and he tried to submerge the tight knot of dread that was suddenly filling his chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy was shaking.</p><p>It took a moment to process that Angel was awake and speaking to her.</p><p>“Huh?” she muttered.</p><p>“I said, ‘did it work?’” Angel responded, looking up at her from the floor.</p><p>Buffy swallowed nervously, “Shouldn’t— uh, shouldn’t you tell us? How do you feel?”</p><p>Angel thought about it.</p><p>“Cold. Hungry.”</p><p>Willow put a hand on Angel’s forehead, “I think your body is heating up. Can you stand?”</p><p>Bracing himself against the tile floor, Angel jumped slightly at the sensation, “Sorry. I just— everything feels so cold.”</p><p>“Well, when you’re used to being room temperature,” Willow said with a shrug and a small smile. She looked to Buffy, who had a visibly strange mix of feelings on her face. “Let’s help him up.”</p><p>Buffy nodded mechanically and, together, they hoisted him to his feet. Angel steadied himself on the glass wall, but seemed okay to stand alone. The girls backed away and let him exit the chamber.</p><p>Spike stood stone still all the while.</p><p>“We need to check his vitals,” one of the scientists said to Jordan, who nodded and crossed her arms, carefully observing.</p><p>Angel was ushered into a chair and poked and prodded with various tools. They were checking his temperature, his reflexes, his vision, his hearing, etc.</p><p>Spike could feel the nerves rolling off of Buffy’s skin as she stood beside him. Quietly, he handed her her scythe, which she had dropped when she rushed to Angel’s side.</p><p>For the first time in many moments, she made eye contact with him, whispering a soft “thanks.”</p><p>Spike longed to pull her close to him, to wrap her into his leather coat and smell that reassuring Buffy-ness of vanilla and power. But he hesitated and chose to watch her instead.</p><p>“Well, looks like you’re truly human now, Angel. Congratulations.”</p><p>Jordan, the scientists, the slayers, everyone looked truly happy for Angel’s transformation.</p><p>“You know what this means. You’re free to leave the camp now. And, Buffy, we had a deal. So you are free to leave as well.”</p><p>Buffy’s eyes widened, but she nodded.</p><p>“The next bus should arrive in the morning. You’ll be able to take that to a station and from there, travel freely. Any questions?”</p><p>Buffy shook her head, still silent.</p><p>“Yes,” Spike said. “She wants those tapes.”</p><p>Spike’s voice seemed to shake Buffy from her trance.</p><p>“Yeah, I do,” she confirmed.</p><p>“That wasn’t part of the arrangement.”</p><p>Buffy scoffed, “I can’t possibly trust you to not use them against me. Against us.”</p><p>“Let’s compromise then,” Jordan smiled. “I’ll destroy Angel’s, seeing as he’s no longer a liability. When you decide to de-vamp your boyfriend, we’ll destroy those tapes too.”</p><p>Fists clenched, Buffy shook her head and walked to the door, “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Willow followed her. Spike stepped toward Angel and held out a hand, pulling him up from the chair he was in.</p><p>“All right, mate?”</p><p>Angel nodded awkwardly. Spike waited a beat and then turned and exited the room in a whirl of leather. The rest followed.</p><p>*****</p><p>Outside, Buffy rushed to catch up to Spike who was striding urgently in the direction of their trailer.</p><p>“Hey, where’s the fire?” she said when she reached his side.</p><p>“What? Afraid a human can’t keep up?”</p><p>“Spike,” Buffy started, grabbing his hand. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>He kept his eyes straight ahead, knowing that her face would unravel him.</p><p>“Nothing at all, love. Seems everything worked out just smashing.”</p><p>“Spike, talk to me. You’re obviously upset.”</p><p>Spike stopped abruptly, jerking Buffy’s arm as she continued moving despite their joined hands.</p><p>“It’s your dream come true, ain’t it? Prince Charming’s finally got a pulse, directly on the heels of his great and mighty sacrifice. I mean, what more could you possibly want?”</p><p>“I don’t want Angel,” Buffy responded.</p><p>“A white horse? Or is that over the top?”</p><p>“How could you feel this way after— everything?”</p><p>Spike shook his head and stared at her so intently she thought briefly that he might actually punch her, “I saw how you looked at him.”</p><p>“And how did I look at him?”</p><p>“Like…” He shook his head and then looked at her, speaking softly, slowly. “Like the impossible had suddenly become possible again.”</p><p>As his anger melted away, so did hers.</p><p>“Spike,” Buffy whispered, putting one hand on his cheek. “I was thrown. Okay? I was— I was so relieved when he offered to take your place. And then I felt guilty for being relieved. I— I was terrified I was about to watch him die. I was hating myself for just standing there, doing nothing. And then— for him to be okay… I was happy. Shocked, but happy. I didn’t want him to die.”</p><p>Spike tilted his head, listening but saying nothing.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean I want him over you,” she continued.</p><p>“That life we talked about,” Spike said, begrudgingly. “The stupid bloody married life with kids and sunny beach trips and getting old. You can have that now. If you want it.”</p><p>“I told you then, I don’t even know if that’s what I want.”</p><p>“Used to be.”</p><p>“Well, things change.”</p><p>Spike sighed.</p><p>“You deserve everything, Buffy. The whole world if you wanted it.”</p><p>“I have everything I need.”</p><p>He looked at her and he knew that she meant it. But he also knew that he understood her better than she did herself sometimes. He couldn’t shake the feeling. Seeing her eyes light up when she felt Angel’s warmth.</p><p>There had been something, whether she knew it yet or not.</p><p>“We better get you packed,” Spike said, putting an arm around her waist, urging her to walk with him.</p><p>Buffy leaned into him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that things were being left unsaid.</p><p>*****</p><p>“Jesus, I feel like such a wimp,” Angel muttered as Willow threw a blanket over his shoulders.</p><p>“It’ll take time to get used to human sensations again,” she said reassuringly. “You look very cool and not wimpy at all in your bundle of blankets.”</p><p>Angel glared at her and then chuckled lightly.</p><p>“So, are you psyched at your newfound humanness?” Willow said, sitting down at the log beside him and warming her own hands by the fire.</p><p>“I guess. I didn’t really think too hard about it before I did it.”</p><p>“Well, it’s pretty cool that you didn’t die if you ask me,” Willow said perkily.</p><p>“Yeah,” Angel agreed. “But what do I do now?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, I can’t exactly fight the forces of evil like this. And I’m not much good for anything else.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s not true. You have tons of skills I’m sure. What did you do before you, ya know, got vamp-y?”</p><p>Angel didn’t say anything, scanning his memory for anything beyond booze and women, “Not much.”</p><p>“Well,” Willow hesitated. “I’m sure we will always need your help. Xander’s always found a way to contribute.”</p><p>“Xander,” Angel repeated. “Oh God. I’m like Xander now.”</p><p>Willow forced a smile, but didn’t respond.</p><p>“I think I’m going to go inside. I’m pretty hungry and— well, it’s really cold out here.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll just— I’ll see you guys in the morning. Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”</p><p>Angel stood up and nodded, “You got it. Thanks, Willow.”</p><p>*****</p><p>The atmosphere inside the trailer was tense to say the least.</p><p>“Where’s your ration card?” Spike asked abruptly as Angel entered.</p><p>“Uh?”</p><p>“Not as though you’ll be needin’ it. Might as well try to score some extra sustenance while I wait around for you two to save the world and all.”</p><p>Buffy rolled her eyes, shoving some clothes into her bag with no thought of folding.</p><p>Angel handed Spike his card and grabbed an apple off the counter.</p><p>“Oh wow,” he said, biting into it with a crunch. His eyes lit up. “That’s really good.”</p><p>“You’re a right ponce, you know that?”</p><p>Angel leaned against the counter, looking confused, “What’s your problem, Spike?”</p><p>“Nothing!” Buffy intervened with an artificially perky voice. “Spike is completely fine with the current situation and everything is just fine. Right, babe?”</p><p>The bedroom door slammed shut behind him.</p><p>Angel chewed the apple slowly, looking to Buffy for an explanation.</p><p>“He just,” Buffy began with a shrug. “He’s going to miss me. That’s all.”</p><p>*****</p><p>She shut the door behind her much more quietly than Spike had.</p><p>“Is it safe to come in?” Buffy whispered.</p><p>Spike was laying on the bed, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling. She gently laid beside him, nestling her head onto his chest.</p><p>“Please don’t be like this. I don’t want to have to go when things are not good with us.”</p><p>“Things are fine,” he said quietly, quoting her previous comment.</p><p>Buffy sat up and took a deep breath, so as not to punch her boyfriend in the jaw.</p><p>“So what kind of jealousy is this exactly? You’re jealous he gets to leave with me, obviously. But are you jealous he’s human, too?”</p><p>He glared at her.</p><p>“Because I’m pretty sure those slayers would happily convert you if that’s what you wanted.”</p><p>“It’s what you want.”</p><p>“Come again?”</p><p>“I’ll never be good enough for your high and mightiness, will I, slayer?”</p><p>Buffy groaned, “God, how many times do we have to fight this fight?”</p><p>“I don’t know. How much more do I have to bloody well do for you? Answer me that!” He sat up now, so they were nose to nose. “Whatever I do, it’s pointless. Forehead will always be along to do a better job of it in no time.”</p><p>“Oh stop it, Spike.”</p><p>“Hope for your sake he doesn’t shag you like you’re still some virginal flower. Think I bollocksed that one up for you both.”</p><p>The slap didn’t surprise either one of them, but it cracked the air around them into silence.</p><p>“I love you,” Buffy said, daggers in her eyes. “Stop being an ass.”</p><p>Spike was breathing heavily, meeting her eyes and daring them on with his own icy ones.</p><p>“I know you’re upset. I get it. You hate Angel. I get that, too. But you have got to get a grip. I do not want you to lose your powers.”</p><p>“Oh? Thought girls wanted the fairytale,” Spike grumbled, falling back to his elbows.</p><p>“What makes you think we don’t have our own fairytale?”</p><p>He laughed, “Right. I make a gallant prince.”</p><p>“You saved the world, Spike,” Buffy said, completely serious. “You nearly killed yourself to get a soul and be a better man for me. You fight by my side every day. What more do you think I could possibly want?”</p><p>“I know you, Buffy, I know—”</p><p>“No,” she said, crawling on top of him. “You’re not going to do this. Have you not realized at this point, a hundred plus years in, that you tend to ruin things by doing one especially stupid thing?”</p><p>Spike looked up at her, perched on his lap, “What’s that?”</p><p>“Talking.”</p><p>Buffy grinned and leaned down to kiss him. She kissed him with all the feeling and fire she could muster, determined to show him what a fool he really was. He broke the kiss and looked up at her apologetically.</p><p>“Buffy, I—”</p><p>“Shh,” she said, pulling his shirt off and unzipping his jeans.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>Her lips swallowed whatever it was he was trying to say. She broke away briefly only to remove her shirt and slide his pants completely off. She was removing her own when he grabbed her face with both hands.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Buffy smiled and climbed back onto his lap, taking both his hands into hers and lacing their fingers together.</p><p>“I know. Sometimes you just need to be slapped to remember that.”</p><p>Spike grinned, squeezing her hands and kissing her neck.</p><p>“I’ll be anything you want me to be, pet,” he said between kisses.</p><p>Buffy arched her back, so her breasts were at his mouth. He closed his eyes and sucked at one nipple.</p><p>“Just be you, Spike.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I appreciate all the kudos and comments! Thanks so much, lovely readers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy gazed out the window at the clouds stretched beneath the airplane’s wing. White and bright against the sharply blue sky. It was such a different scene than the green-y gray, muted one she’d inhabited the past few weeks, even just that morning.</p><p>More surreal than her setting was her current companion. Angel sat beside her, also enchanted by the view. But for very different reasons. It was hard for Buffy to imagine centuries gone by without the sun. The ex-creature of the night seemed to be relishing his new superpower.</p><p>They hadn’t said much since leaving the camp that morning. They’d focused on the logistics of getting home, booking their flight, boarding the plane. Now there were hours to pass with only the sky and a screen full of advertisements to distract them.</p><p>“Can’t wait to give these clothes a real washing,” Buffy muttered.</p><p>Angel grinned, “At least the smell’s a lot less offensive to me now than it was.”</p><p>“Hey!” Buffy elbowed him in the ribs but couldn’t help smiling. “So is that a good thing in your book? Happy to trade your super nose for some vitamin D?”</p><p>Angel shrugged, “Time will tell. It’s a lot to take in.”</p><p>“Yep,” she nodded, staring at the seat in front of her and sighing. “Yep yep. That it is.”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Buffy met his eyes and uttered in a voice pitched a little too high, “Sure.”</p><p>Angel smiled a bit, knowingly.</p><p>“Okay. Not really. But, you know, how could I be? Spike and Willow are still there. God knows how long it will take us to get them out again. And in the meantime, how is Spike going to cope without my blood? And you— you’re human. It’s weird. Really freaking weird.”</p><p>She looked at him nervously and then took a swig of Diet Coke.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re not dead,” she went on. “Really glad. But you being human now, it’s like you’re a whole different person. It changes so much.”</p><p>“I know,” Angel agreed. “It’s all I wished for for a long time.”</p><p>Buffy kept looking straight ahead, but said in a small voice, “You did?”</p><p>“Of course. When I left,” he hesitated. “Sunnydale. When I left Sunnydale, I really wished it then. It’s what I wanted— for you. It’s what I always thought you deserved. You’re better than the demons of this world, Buffy. You deserve better.”</p><p>She smiled bitterly and glanced at him before taking another sip of her drink.</p><p>“Maybe now you can finally get some true happiness. I want you to have that.”</p><p>“We’ll see.”</p><p>Angel stared at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the window.</p><p>*****</p><p>“Spike!” Willow shouted as she watched a blur of platinum and black leather slam into a tree. She heard him growl and push off the trunk, launching himself back at his attacker with a violent fury.</p><p>Two other vampires charged him from the other direction and Willow easily brushed them aside with a powerful gust of wind. She lowered her hand as they scampered off and looked back at Spike who was punching and kicking, spinning and darting.</p><p>Willow charmed a branch from the tree to the ground and snapped it, tossing it to Spike. He instinctively caught it and with only a second’s hesitation dropped it to the ground.</p><p>“Spike!” Willow repeated in frustration. “Come on!”</p><p>The other vampire laughed and dove for the stick, holding it out in front of himself, only feet from Spike’s chest.</p><p>“Big mistake. Shouldn’t be so cocky without your slayer around to save you.”</p><p>Willow rolled her eyes and whispered a quick, “Incendium.”</p><p>The branch burst into flames, startling the vampire. Spike seized the moment and pushed the fiery stick through his enemy’s chest. The vampire disappeared in a puff of sparks and dust.</p><p>Spike was panting, hunched over with his hands on his thighs. </p><p>“You’re being reckless,” Willow said plainly. “I don’t mind helping you patrol, but I don’t want to be your babysitter.”</p><p>“I’m fine. Thanks for the note.”</p><p>“You’re not. And it’s okay. I get it.”</p><p>Willow grabbed his arm gently, standing in front of him and forcing him to look into her eyes. </p><p>“I don’t expect you to be fine,” she said. “You have to be more careful though. Buffy will want you still standing when she returns.”</p><p>Spike groaned. “Seriously. Message received, Red.”</p><p>She let go of his arm and tilted her head, eying him cynically. Spike ignored the look.</p><p>“I’m done for the night. You stayin’ with me or the girls?”</p><p>Willow folded her arms in front of her and looked at him defiantly, “You.”</p><p>Chuckling, Spike nodded, “‘Course you are.”</p><p>They turned and began walking toward the more well lit areas of camp where their trailer was.</p><p>“So did Buffy tell you to hover about like my fairy godmother or did you take this upon yourself?”</p><p>“Little bit of A, little bit of B,” Willow replied, smiling a bit.</p><p>“I can take care of myself. Got a pretty good track record of it.”</p><p>“You do.”</p><p>They walked together in silence until they reached the trailer. Spike held the door open for her to go in.</p><p>“You know, I’m going to miss her too,” Willow offered.</p><p>Spike felt a stab of pain and saw an echo of that loneliness in Willow’s face. He let go of the door, letting it slam shut. He pulled Willow in close and squeezed her. After a moment, she took a step back, keeping a tight grasp on each of his arms.</p><p>“You’re not alone,” she said emphatically.</p><p>Spike smiled, “Thanks pet. You’re not either.”</p><p>Willow seemed pleased and went inside. Spike hesitated, leaning against the trailer wall instead. He took a deep, unnecessary breath of night air and stared up at the sky, feeling very alone regardless. As kind as the witch’s gesture may be, part of him was missing.</p><p>*****</p><p>“Buffy!” </p><p>Dawn’s squeal actually hurt and Buffy blinked rapidly before holding her sister tight against her chest.</p><p>She couldn’t get a word in as Dawn chattered excitedly.</p><p>“I’m so, so glad you’re back. It’s been so unbelievably weird here without you guys. We’ve been working on a plan to get you out and now you’re here. Did you break out? What happened? Where are Spike and Willow? Why’s Angel here? Are you okay? Say something, please.”</p><p>“Um, hello, would love to, Miss Twenty Questions.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just— sorry!”</p><p>Dawn stepped back from her sister and smoothed her hair with a deep breath.</p><p>“Give us the scoop.”</p><p>“Yeah, where’s my roomie? He owes me rent,” Xander chimed in.</p><p>Buffy sat down on the sofa in her, Dawn, and Willow’s apartment. Angel sat beside her, looking terribly out of place. Dawn sat in the armchair near Buffy, with Xander leaning on the arm, one hand on Dawn’s shoulder.</p><p>“So,” Buffy began, trying to think where to start. “Spike and Willow are still at the camp. Angel and I made a deal that resulted in him turning human, and they let us go. We’re here to find out what you know, assemble the troops, and make with the prison break. ASAP because Spike is surviving off limited blood right now and he really can’t be there without me for long. Or else he’ll— you know.”</p><p>“That explains your neck,” said Xander.</p><p>“Yeah,” Buffy touched the bite mark gently. “Trust me, it was very necessary.”</p><p>Xander and Dawn both looked a bit uncomfortable but had the good sense to say nothing more about it.</p><p>“So you’re human now?” Dawn asked, turning to Angel.</p><p>“Yeah,” he replied.</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“You’ve got that right,” added Buffy. “So what do you guys know? Anything that’ll help us break in there and stop all this?”</p><p>Dawn shot up and retrieved some papers from the kitchen table, “Yes actually. It took us a while to even figure out where you guys were, but Giles knows some people and Faith got some tips from some of the less loyal peacekeepers.”</p><p>“Faith,” Buffy lit up. “Is she here?”</p><p>“Yeah! She’s been staying at Spike and Xander’s place. Figured we needed some muscle for the rescue mission.”</p><p>Xander cleared his throat, “Muscle beyond yours truly of course.”</p><p>“Any idea who’s behind this?” Angel asked.</p><p>“It goes up, way way up high on the food chain. We’re just not sure exactly how high,” Dawn said. “It’s been tough because normally it would be Willow who could do some hacking and get us the information we need. Andrew’s helped some from afar, but well, it’s Andrew.”</p><p>“Right,” Buffy agreed, shuffling through some of the documents on the coffee table. She held one paper up and turned her head left and right, rotating the page and orienting herself to the map she was examining. She handed it to Angel.</p><p>“Does this look right?”</p><p>Angel examined it. It was their camp. The supply building was clearly marked, the non-descript one beside it that led down to the underground rooms where Angel had lost his magic. There were a lot of other rooms they hadn’t seen of course. But there was also a long tunnel.</p><p>Dawn touched the paper delicately, “That’s how we thought we could get in.”</p><p>“Yeah, that should work. Once we’re in the tunnel, Angel and I will know the way.”</p><p>“Angel, human Angel,” said Xander.</p><p>“Xander,” Dawn lifted her brows reproachfully.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Angel shrugged, “It’s fine. I’m not insulted to be human.”</p><p>“No, you shouldn’t be. It just makes you more of a liability than an asset.”</p><p>“Seriously, Xander, wow, are you a liability?” Dawn put her hands on her hips.</p><p>“Of course I am! That’s why I’m the one eyed wonder over here. I provide charm and comedic cutting of the tension when the apocalypse strikes. I’m just not so sure Angel can offer even that.”</p><p>“Okay!” Buffy stood abruptly. “I’m tired. And starving. Let’s save this conversation for later. I could really go for a cheeseburger right now and I bet Angel could, too. You guys in?”</p><p>“Definitely!” Dawn began pulling on her shoes and grabbed her purse. She grabbed Buffy’s arm and led her out the door.</p><p>Xander and Angel diligently followed.</p><p>*****</p><p>An hour later, they were sitting in a diner booth sipping on drinks. Buffy and Angel on one side, Xander and Dawn on the other. The waitress placed their meals in front of them.</p><p>“Oh how I have waited for this moment,” Buffy uttered before taking an enormous bite of her burger and closing her eyes as she savored the mouthful.</p><p>Angel did the same. They groaned in unison and laughed.</p><p>“You may have been craving one of these for the last month,” Angel mumbled with food in his mouth. “But I haven’t enjoyed food since 1753.”</p><p>“Probably not a lot of cheeseburgers then,” Buffy added. “And airplane food hardly even qualifies.”</p><p>“There was nothing like this,” Angel agreed, shoving some fries into his mouth. “Wow.”</p><p>Buffy grinned and offered him her milkshake, “Seriously. You need the trifecta.”</p><p>He took the glass and sipped from the straw. His eyes widened and Buffy giggled, delighted by the joy on his face.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s amazing.”</p><p>Xander cleared his throat. He and Dawn were staring at them both uncomfortably. Buffy looked at the two of them in surprise.</p><p>“So how was Spike with you leaving?” Dawn asked, pointedly.</p><p>Buffy’s smile faded, “He never wanted me there in the first place, you know that. He wasn’t happy to see me go though. I mean, obviously. But it was the right thing to do.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dawn said, munching on a fry. “I hope he’s okay. Willow, too.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Buffy agreed solemnly. </p><p>When she looked over at Angel’s plate, his food was completely gone.</p><p>“I’m ordering another,” he said with a grin.</p><p>*****</p><p>That night, everyone had split ways and gone to bed. Faith, who still hadn’t returned from whatever she was doing, had been staying in Xander’s room. So Buffy offered Angel Spike’s. Angel hovering behind her, she opened the door with an armful of linens so he could change the sheets.</p><p>As soon as she entered the room, the smell overwhelmed her. That distinctly Spike blend of leather, whisky, and smoke. She froze.</p><p>“You okay?” Angel asked.</p><p>The moonlight through the blinds created a grid on his face and Buffy felt disoriented just looking at him. Being alone in the room with him. It was all surreal.</p><p>“I have to— you can do this yourself, right?” she said, shoving the linens into his arms and leaving the room before he could say anything else.</p><p>She hurried across the hall, through the living room, and into her own room, where Spike’s scent was more faint. Still there, but less overwhelming. She sat on her bed and took a very deep breath.</p><p>Then she stood up and grabbed one of his shirts from the chair full of dirty clothes. She stripped, put it on, and slipped under the covers. Alone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Would love to know your thoughts! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike had forced Willow to take the bedroom. For lots of reasons. He could come and go throughout the night without disturbing her if he slept on the sofa. It was warmer in the bedroom. Mostly of course, it kept him from thinking about everything that had happened in that room over the past month.</p><p>Sleeping on the sofa didn’t feel quite as empty as that big Buffy-less bed.</p><p>He couldn’t shake that final image of Buffy walking away from him. She and Angel leaving the trailer, stepping into the morning light where he could not follow. He’d peered out the window from the safety of the shadows, thinking how small she looked walking beside his grandsire.</p><p>“You won’t even notice I’m gone. I’ll be back that fast,” she’d whispered to him just before leaving. Her hands on his cheeks, her forehead against his. Angel standing awkwardly by the door, pretending not to hear their goodbyes.</p><p>Spike couldn’t even respond. And it wasn’t often he was at a loss for words. He pulled her waist tighter to his and nuzzled into her neck, smelling her fresh bite and aching to possess her once more.</p><p>“I love you. Be strong. Don’t forget who you are,” she’d said.</p><p>She’d tried to step away from him then, but he couldn’t let go. His grip was strong.</p><p>“Spike,” Buffy whispered, running her hands up and down his back. “I have to go now. This is too hard.”</p><p>Spike pulled back only enough to look into her green eyes. They were dryer and more stony than his own, but he knew her. Nobody could compartmentalize like Buffy. Hiding his feelings had never been an option for him. It’s why she was the leader and he just attempted to keep up.</p><p>“Be safe, pet,” he managed to say, voice wavering only slightly.</p><p>Buffy nodded, “You’ll be guarding my weak side again soon. Just survive til then.”</p><p>“You don’t have a weak side,” he replied, lifting her hands and planting a kiss on the backs of each.</p><p>Their hands lingered together before Buffy let go and stepped to Angel’s side, giving Spike a weak smile.</p><p>“Let’s go,” she said to Angel, very business-like in her tone as she turned toward the door.</p><p>“Tell Dawn I miss her,” Spike added abruptly.</p><p>Buffy halted and looked back at his solemn face. She rushed back to him and kissed him greedily until she was out of air. An extra peck for good measure. Then she bolted out the door.</p><p>Angel and Spike exchanged glances, Spike looking a bit dazed, before Angel followed her.</p><p>Spike knew he’d revisit that scene in his mind every night until they were together again. He’d hold her in his mind for as long as it took.</p><p>*****</p><p>Dawn, Xander, Faith, and Angel were all in a heated argument over when and how exactly to launch the prison break. Faith and Dawn were pushing to go now. Angel and Xander wanted more information first.</p><p>Buffy wanted another bagel and coffee.</p><p>She lay on the sofa tapping her fingers against legs, listening to them go back and forth and repeat. The real problem was there was no more information that they had access to right now. And without Willow, that wasn’t going to change in the foreseeable future.</p><p>“There is no more reason to wait. We have the dream team back together again!” Faith proclaimed, gesturing to Buffy. “Me ‘n B, we’ve got this.”</p><p>“The two of you versus a literal army of slayers is not enough,” Angel replied.</p><p>“I’ve got a few girls of my own. Good ones,” Faith replied.</p><p>Dawn turned to her sister, “What do you think, Buffy?”</p><p>Buffy stared at the ceiling and sighed, “I think… We’re out of options. We need to make this work. Now.”</p><p>“Damn right,” Faith said, plopping into a chair at the kitchen table. “Let’s strategize!”</p><p>She and the boys continued debating as Dawn gestured to Buffy to follow her into her bedroom. Reluctantly, Buffy sat up and followed her sister.</p><p>*****</p><p>Dawn’s room was girly and purple. Pops of red and the faint smell of jasmine body lotion.</p><p>The two girls sat down on the edge of Dawn’s bed.</p><p>“Buffy, are you okay?”</p><p>Buffy groaned, “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”</p><p>“Because you’re not yourself and we’re worried about you.”</p><p>“I will be fine as soon as we kick some government ass and I get my people back. It’s a little distracting having them gone.”</p><p>Dawn nodded, “Okay. Fair enough. And what about Angel?”</p><p>“What about him?” Buffy snapped.</p><p>“There’s something weird going on there. I’m not an idiot, Buffy. Even Xander can see it.”</p><p>“Oh my god, there’s nothing going on there. Why am I answering juvenile questions like I’m back in high school again?”</p><p>“Buffy,” Dawn looked at her sternly. “Are you having feelings for Angel? Be honest.”</p><p>Buffy gripped the edge of the bed and eyed her sister warily, “I’m not, Dawn. I don’t feel like that for him anymore. I am... “</p><p>Dawn raised her brows expectantly as Buffy trailed off and looked away, “What? You are what?”</p><p>Buffy grabbed a throw pillow and clutched it to her chest.</p><p>“I am imagining what could be. Me and Spike. It’s the real deal I think. So I’m… I don’t know... thinking future-y thoughts for the first time in my life…”</p><p>“You’re imagining if Spike were human,” Dawn said softly, filling in the blanks.</p><p>Buffy looked up at her sister, “Is that terrible?”</p><p>“Of course it’s not.”</p><p>“It kind of is though, right?” Buffy said. “First I’m so obsessed with his soul that he goes out and gets one for me and now I can’t stop thinking about him being human. Every time I see Angel all enamoured with the sun or eating food, laughing. Angel is laughing, Dawn. I can’t help picturing that life and wonder if it’s what I want.”</p><p>“Is it?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>The girls sat with that thought for a moment.</p><p>Dawn said, “Spike laughs. He even eats.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“What do you think Spike wants?” Dawn finally ventured.</p><p>“I think,” Buffy said slowly. “Spike would do anything I asked.”</p><p>Dawn grinned, “Unfortunately, you’re right about that. Poor guy.”</p><p>Buffy laughed, “Seriously. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”</p><p>“I really miss him,” Dawn said. “It’s not right without him or Willow here. We’re family.”</p><p>Buffy smiled at her sister and leaned into her.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike was sitting on a stump by the bonfire, enjoying the cool night air and smoking one of his last cigarettes when a beautiful vampire with long blonde hair sat down beside him. Her lips were ruby red and her skin was milky white. She smiled at him.</p><p>“Hi,” she said.</p><p>Spike returned his gaze to the fire and took a long inhale from his cigarette, content to pretend she wasn’t there.</p><p>“Thought you looked lonely,” she added.</p><p>When Spike still showed no interest in replying, let alone acknowledging her existence, she continued.</p><p>“Rumor has it you like blondes.”</p><p>Spike finally met her eyes. She was grinning devilishly.</p><p>“Sod. Off.”</p><p>“Are you hungry?”</p><p>“Are you deaf?”</p><p>She sighed, “Well my name is Alexandra, thank you for asking. And I thought, vampire to vampire, I might be able to help you out. Everyone knows you were feeding from the slayer, and there’s not an undead creature in this place who isn’t feeding from someone. You won’t last if you don’t find a replacement.”</p><p>Alexandra stood up and leaned close to his ear, placing one hand on his shoulder, “Some company is always a nice release during stressful times.”</p><p>“Touch me again, bitch, and I’ll give you a real good release,” he growled.</p><p>She held her palms up in the air and rolled her eyes, “Fine! So cranky. Die for all I care.”</p><p>“Sod. The fuck. Off.”</p><p>Alexandra huffed away just as Willow breezed in.</p><p>“She seemed friendly.”</p><p>Spike exhaled and returned his cigarette to his lips as Willow sat down.</p><p>“Okay, so,” Willow began, looking at him eagerly. “I had a brilliant idea.”</p><p>“Peachy,” Spike grumbled.</p><p>“We’re going to train my girls to fight.”</p><p>Spike eyed her dubiously, “We?”</p><p>“Well, I mean, I’m already teaching them the witchy stuff, but I thought you could teach them the combat stuff.”</p><p>She said it with the level of enthusiasm a kindergarten teacher might introduce an exciting new art project.</p><p>Spike cocked his head, “You really think a bunch of human girls should be fightin’ off vampires and the like?”</p><p>“Not unless they have to, which they might. And when Buffy comes back, we need to be prepared. For war.”</p><p>Spike thought and smoked and thought.</p><p>Willow added, “You need something to do, Spike.”</p><p>“Aren’t the girls terrified of me?”</p><p>“They trust me. They’ll listen if I suggest it. Or not, I guess, but it’s worth a shot,” she said. She added hastily, “I’ll be there the entire time.”</p><p>After a long moment of silence, Spike finally said, “All right.”</p><p>“Yes!” Willow said, clapping her hands together. “Awesome. Tomorrow. I’ll talk to them tomorrow. In the meantime, patrol? Poker? Campfire storytime? What sounds good?”</p><p>“You’re very camp counselor as of late, Red.”</p><p>“Sorry, I just—”</p><p>“Want to keep me busy, yeah I gathered as much.”</p><p>Willow smiled guiltily, “It’s just too bad we don’t have a TV to watch trashy horror movies.”</p><p>“I’d definitely prefer watchin’ em to livin’ in ‘em.”</p><p>“You’re a vampire, you’re eternally living in them.”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>*****</p><p>They had just finished cleaning up from dinner when Giles peeked in the front door and warily entered the girls’ apartment.</p><p>“Giles!” </p><p>Buffy threw the dish cloth in her hands onto the counter and raced to her watcher, hugging him close.</p><p>“I’m so so so glad to see you.”</p><p>Giles smiled, returning her embrace, “Not as glad as I.”</p><p>They let go and Giles assessed his former slayer head to toe.</p><p>“No prison tattoos?”</p><p>Buffy grinned, “I decided to skip that rite of passage, but wait til you see Willow.”</p><p>“I do look forward to it,” he replied, reaching out and softly touching her bite mark. “I heard about this.”</p><p>It suddenly felt like she was sixteen and standing in the Sunnydale library.</p><p>“Heard about it, huh? Thanks, Xander!” she called out loudly toward the kitchen.</p><p>“Civic duty!” Xander replied, followed by a quieter, “ow!” that must have meant Dawn had smacked him.</p><p>Buffy sat down on the sofa, Giles following suit.</p><p>“Are you all right? Is Spike? Continuous feeding from a slayer is certainly not a well-documented or perhaps, ever occurring at all phenomenon. But I know how you feel about precedent.”</p><p>“We’re both fine. It went fine. It was super necessary, Giles. They’re literally starving them. It’s insane. Spike was so careful, and it didn’t even hurt. Quite the opposite, actually.”</p><p>Giles looked a bit disturbed by that thought.</p><p>“You liked it,” he ascertained.</p><p>“I—” Buffy scrambled but then shrugged guiltily. </p><p>“Fascinating.”</p><p>“I know it’s weird.”</p><p>Giles looked torn and had that far off look in his eyes that told Buffy he was mentally recounting some past reading, “Not as unusual as you may think. That much is certainly well-documented. It really shouldn’t surprise me given your particular predilections.”</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“Let’s move past it. I’m relieved you’re here, you’re whole, and that Willow and Spike are well as far as you know.”</p><p>“Yeah, we’re just waiting on some of Faith’s contacts to get here and then we’re blowing that popsicle stand to smithereens.”</p><p>“Really, explosives?” Giles asked.</p><p>“No, not really. Just— a passionate figure of speech. Though explosives could be fun.”</p><p>“Right. Well, I’m here to assist you in whatever way I can.”</p><p>“Dawn will show you the blueprints and our current battle plan. No explosives, but it does involve electricity. You should let us know what you think.”</p><p>Giles looked at her fondly, “I’m so relieved you’re back, Buffy. It wasn’t right, you being there.”</p><p>“It isn’t right for anyone to be there,” Buffy said. “And if I have anything to say about it, they won’t be for much longer.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know Giles is a child at this point in the comic timeline, but to hell with that. I want real, lovable father figure Giles in my story and I will have him gosh darn it. I do what I want.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a week since Buffy left. The days began blurring together for Spike. Willow occupied him as best she could. But the nights were long and she had to sleep eventually. </p><p>Spike wandered the camp with a steely resolve in his walk.</p><p>The oppressive, all-consuming hunger he’d felt before feeding from Buffy had returned. He was snippy with Willow, who was more forgiving than he deserved. He was hard on the wiccan girls, most of whom hadn’t a fighting bone in their body. Mostly, he was just delirious with need, wandering the camp alone, trying desperately to ignore the whiffs of blood clouding the air.</p><p>“Don’t forget who you are,” she’d said.</p><p>He wondered sometimes if Buffy had any clue who he really was. She always seemed to believe in him when he deserved it the least. How could she possibly understand the monster he waged war with every day? The one who obsessed over the beating pulse in every human’s neck he encountered. The one who fantasized about Alexandra’s supposed stock of humans to feed upon. The one who had nearly forced him to his knees before Willow, begging for a spell or a taste. Something.</p><p>Spike thought about Angel and how he’d traded protection for blood. It was worth considering. Would any of Willow’s girls be up for that? Doubtful. They knew he would protect them regardless. At least he hoped they did.</p><p>He kept seeing that blonde bird everywhere he went. She seemed to always sense him and catch his eye when he strode by. </p><p>Tonight, Alexandra rushed to walk by his side.</p><p>“There are some new girls, fresh, who want it. Practically begging for a bite. Might be your perfect opportunity.”</p><p>Spike stopped walking out of pure exasperation, “Why do you even give a toss?”</p><p>“We’re all family, right? I look after my own kind.”</p><p>“I am not your kind. Not anymore.”</p><p>Alexandra tilted her head, “If that were true, you’d be enjoying protein bars like the rest of them.”</p><p>Spike glowered and looked off into the trees. Alexandra softened her voice.</p><p>“You don’t have to suffer. There are plenty of people here who want it. We’re not even killing them.”</p><p>“You’re makin’ junkies of ‘em for your own gain,” Spike returned.</p><p>Alexandra laughed, “Here or outside, they would have had that problem anyway. You’ve seriously spent too much time with the slayer and her friend. Everyone’s happy with the arrangement. You’re just making it complicated.”</p><p>“Bugger off,” he grumbled half-heartedly, hands in his pockets.</p><p>She laughed again, “Right. Find me when you change your mind.”</p><p>She scampered away in her tight jeans and motorcycle jacket and Spike tried to look away but he couldn’t. He willed his feet not to follow.</p><p>Buffy’d said not to forget who he was. And he was a vampire, wasn’t he?</p><p>*****</p><p>Their plans were set. Faith’s crew had finally assembled. It had taken a while for the girls to gather from all over the globe, but now they were all here. Squished into bedrooms, spread out across the floor. Slayers everywhere. It made Buffy remember the final days before Sunnydale went full crater. Before Spike burned to ash.</p><p>She was up on the rooftop, perched on the edge, enjoying solitude and a rich orange sunset when Angel sat down beside her.</p><p>“You don’t tingle my spidey senses anymore,” she said with a grin.</p><p>“Didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” he said, looking out across the cityscape. “It’s really beautiful.”</p><p>Buffy took a deep breath and nodded, “You ready for tomorrow?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Angel replied. “It’ll be weird and not the kind of fighting I’m used to, but better than no fighting at all.”</p><p>“Question for you,” Buffy began. “If Willow or someone could make you a vampire again, would you?”</p><p>Angel hesitated, looking torn. “I don’t know. I guess that would depend.”</p><p>“On?”</p><p>“You,” he said begrudgingly.</p><p>Buffy squinted, “Huh?”</p><p>“Come on, Buffy, isn’t it obvious? If this had happened to me ten years ago, you and I would have sailed off into that sunset by now.”</p><p>Buffy tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and suddenly felt very uncomfortable.</p><p>“Ten years ago, maybe,” she shrugged. “Things are very different now.”</p><p>“I know. And I’m not an idiot. I know what you and Spike have is real. It’s plain enough to see.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>Angel sighed, “Is it what you want forever? I guess it used to be easy for me to be patient. What’s another decade right? But now, time feels different. I feel like I have to...”</p><p>“Carpe diem?” she said warily.</p><p>“Be honest.”</p><p>The sun was just touching the horizon now and Buffy felt a pit of dread in her stomach.</p><p>“I’m listening,” she said cautiously.</p><p>“I love you, Buffy. I never stopped. And I don’t want to mess things up for you anymore than I already have, but I have to tell you the truth. I know you love Spike right now, but how long can that really last? I mean sure he’s the exciting concert going, motorcycle riding guy with the cool coat. And that’s probably fun for a while, but is that how you want the rest of your life to be? Impulsive and wild? Don’t you want to have a family some day? Peace? I feel like you deserve to grow old with someone after everything you’ve been through.”</p><p>Buffy stared at him expectantly, “Is there more?”</p><p>“No, not really. I don’t expect you to answer, I just—”</p><p>“Oh, I can answer.”</p><p>“Okay,” Angel said, fidgeting with his hands nervously. “Great...”</p><p>“You were right about one thing. I do love Spike,” Buffy stood up and began pacing. “And I loved you once. But let’s be frank, Angel. I was in high school. I was a child. I am not that girl anymore. You left her and she’s gone now. The only time Spike ever left me was to save the world. He fights for me, even when he didn’t want to he always fought for me. You didn’t.”</p><p>“That’s not fair. Spike’s too selfish to think of anyone but himself. I wanted a better life for you.”</p><p>Buffy lifted one finger and said with emphasis, “You do not get to decide what is best for me.”</p><p>They stared at each other, silent and tense. Angel stood but turned his back to her, watching the sun disappear completely as the sky morphed to purple.</p><p>“I don’t want you to settle,” he finally said.</p><p>“Good. I won’t.”</p><p>Buffy crossed her arms and turned to walk away.</p><p>“Buffy, wait,” he said, still not looking at her.</p><p>She stiffened and stilled, looking back over her shoulder.</p><p>“I’ve said my piece. I’m never going to mention it again,” he said. “Ever.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Are we okay?”</p><p>Angel turned to look back at her. Buffy nodded and opened the door that led down to their apartment.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike had forced himself away from the wiccans when one of them had kicked a little too ambitiously and given her sparring partner a bloody nose. The scent had instantly paralyzed him with pure instinct, screaming at him to lunge and take. Breaking away from it had been one of the most challenging things he’d ever done.</p><p>He stomped through a thin layer of snow now, bitter and starving.</p><p>Alexandra appeared.</p><p>“Bloody hell, woman, why you always poppin’ up?”</p><p>She giggled, “You’re not exactly subtle when you walk by you know.”</p><p>“Not lookin’ for a pal.”</p><p>“Yeah yeah. Sod off,” she mocked in a British accent. “You changed your mind yet?”</p><p>Spike hesitated for too long and they stopped walking.</p><p>“You have! I knew you would.”</p><p>“No,” he uttered half-heartedly. “I— Well, you said they wanted it. Right?”</p><p>“Mhmm,” Alexandra grinned lasciviously. “Very very badly.”</p><p>Spike glared at her, “I’m not interested in getting a bunch of humans off on some twisted vampire fantasy.”</p><p>“What they get out of the arrangement is kind of up to them, is it not?”</p><p>“Can’t believe I’m even talkin’ to you right now. Buffy would—-” but he couldn’t finish that sentence. He couldn’t even think about it.</p><p>Alexandra grabbed his upper arm and guided him, “Come on. Just meet the girls.”</p><p>Spike was shocked to feel his feet walking with her.</p><p>*****</p><p>Despite taking an extra day longer, Buffy’s group was forced to drive back to the safe camp. Dawn had arranged for an enormous bus that they could load up with all the slayers, weapons and equipment they needed. It looked just like the ones that had taken them to the camp initially. Driving it, however, wasn’t something any of them had prepared for.</p><p>Buffy crossed her arms, “Xander, you’ve driven those giant construction-y type vehicles, I nominate you.”</p><p>“Sure, let the guy with one eye drive the giant box of death down the highway.”</p><p>“Dawn will look left for you.”</p><p>Xander glared.</p><p>“Okay, well we all know it shouldn’t be me,” Buffy said with a shrug.</p><p>“Agreed,” Giles, Angel, Xander, and Dawn said in unison.</p><p>Buffy made a face and they all looked at each other expectantly.</p><p>*****</p><p>Giles wound up taking the wheel. Buffy sat in the seat directly behind him. Angel behind her. Dawn and Xander were across the aisle.</p><p>And Faith, it seemed, was incapable of sitting still and preferred to march up and down the aisle high fiving and joking with the girls.</p><p>“Gotta rally the troops!” she said when Buffy cocked a cynical brow at her.</p><p>She had to admit, even hours into their trip, that the atmosphere was electric and she could feel adrenaline coursing through her every time she thought about what they were about to do.</p><p>She was nervous, though. Being without Willow and Spike was really illuminating how much she’d come to rely on them. Willow had become her magical safety net, and Spike her second pair of fists and eyes. It was bittersweet relying on only her own instincts again and the bookish guidance of her watcher and friends.</p><p>“Perhaps you should try sleeping,” Giles suggested when she stood up and grasped onto the pole beside the driver’s seat.</p><p>Buffy grimaced, “I wish I could. There is no rest for the Buffy.”</p><p>“One day I hope.”</p><p>She tapped the pole with her fingertips, looking out at the dark road before them, and said softly, “Maybe.”</p><p>The bus engine hummed and the constant chatter of girls behind them blurred the silence.</p><p>“What would happen, you think? If I just… disappeared one day?”</p><p>Giles didn’t look surprised at all, eyes steadfastly on the road.</p><p>“I think the world would continue to turn, and greatness would rise again.”</p><p>“You sayin’ I’m replaceable?” Buffy said, grinning.</p><p>“Hardly,” Giles glanced at her with a smile. “It would be quite a hole to fill. But, look behind you. There are those willing to try.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Is that what you want, Buffy?” Dawn added gently, obviously having overheard everything.</p><p>Buffy sighed.</p><p>“What Buffy wants has become the million dollar question,” she said with exasperation before plopping back into her seat and leaning against the cold window glass.</p><p>Too much future talk, too much thought. All she wanted was her vampire back. She wondered what he was doing right now.</p><p>*****</p><p>The smell and feel inside Alexandra’s trailer was seedy with blood and sex. Spike knew the instant he set foot inside what had been going on in here.</p><p>Two male vampires were arguing with Alexandra, clearly displeased that she’d brought Spike here.</p><p>“What is your obsession with that traitor?” one of them growled.</p><p>Spike ignored them. He was far more interested in the two women lying on the mattress in the center of the trailer. They were whispering with one another and eying Spike with a mix of demure suggestiveness that made him cringe.</p><p>Survival. That’s why he was here. Angel had done exactly what he was about to do. They’d seen the tape. And Buffy had forgiven him. She always forgave that prat. She’d forgive him too. So long as he didn’t hurt anyone.</p><p>Right?</p><p>Spike felt so twisted. What was right? Even since having his soul returned, he’d never struggled so much with what to do. Buffy was his compass and without her, he felt adrift.</p><p>“You look like a bad boy,” one of the girls said naughtily, appraising him up and down.</p><p>He took a subconscious step back. This definitely didn’t feel right.</p><p>“Come on, Amber, be a good little snack for Spike-y, he hasn’t done this in a while,” Alexandra said, pulling the dark-haired girl up to stand and leading her toward Spike. “Unless you prefer lying down.”</p><p>Spike looked from one girl to the other with utter disgust, “This isn’t right. I’ve— changed my mind.”</p><p>“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Alexandra’s face shifted and she dipped down and bit into Amber’s neck. Amber closed her eyes and began to waver and fall but Spike caught her in his arms. </p><p>Alexandra stood up straight, fangs glistening with ruby droplets.</p><p>If it weren’t for the smell, the sight, the pleasant little smile on Amber’s face. Well, maybe this would seem more wrong?</p><p>Spike found himself kneeling on the ground, the girl in his arms and everyone waiting expectantly. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the stream of blood dripping from her wound.</p><p>He felt his face morph.</p><p>“That’s right. This is who you are. You’re doing the right thing,” Alexandra said, kneeling beside him, stroking his arm and eagerly anticipating his next move as the other vampires laughed behind her.</p><p>The right thing.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Spike roared and tossed Amber to the mattress and staked Alexandra before anyone had registered anything. The other two vampires weren’t laughing anymore as Spike swarmed them in his game face. Kicking one out of the way, he instantly dusted the other.</p><p>“Chill, man,” said the one lying on the floor.</p><p>Spike wasted no time piercing his heart and watching him disappear.</p><p>He stood there breathing deeply. He couldn’t shift out of his game face with the smell of blood so prevalent. He turned to the girls, who looked absolutely terrified huddled together in a corner.</p><p>“Please don’t kill us,” they were begging.</p><p>So he was the monster now.</p><p>Spike growled with frustration and stormed out of the trailer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Willow gasped awake when she heard crashing coming from the main living area of the trailer. She stumbled out of bed and opened the door to see Spike, yellow eyes alight with fire as he kicked and smashed every loose object around him. </p><p>“Spike! What’s going on? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Do I bloody well look okay?!” Spike shouted with the distinct lisp of fang.</p><p>Willow stood in the doorway, mouth open and eyebrows furrowed in thought. It was dark and she looked innocent and more helpless than she truly was in her pink flannel pajamas. The desperate vampire in front of her finally let out a choked sob and slumped to the floor in front of the kitchenette cabinets. His face, defeated.</p><p>“You shouldn’t sleep here anymore, Willow,” he said gravely and without looking at her. “Not safe.”</p><p>She took a hesitant step toward him.</p><p>“Spike, whatever happened, it’s going to be okay. Let me help you.”</p><p>“I need...” he began, but stopped.</p><p>Willow stepped closer and knelt down in front of him. Spike was panting and he started with surprise when he realized she was so close.</p><p>“I’m not bein’ noble, pet, you need t’ stay clear from me.”</p><p>Willow had the thought that often popped into her mind ever since meeting her friend so long ago now. What would Buffy do? </p><p>Crouched before him, she took Spike’s hand and looked into his yellow eyes with determination, “Whatever you need, we’ll get it.”</p><p>Spike looked at her and his vampiric form melted away as if she had simply willed it so. And perhaps she had. Willow exhaled with relief and smiled nervously.</p><p>“See, that wasn’t so hard was it? Think you’re some Mr. Tough Guy or something?”</p><p>He snorted with some degree of amusement, but she could tell his face was still wavering with emotion and his voice was shaky when he finally spoke.</p><p>“I nearly fed from a girl tonight. Held her body in my arms. Smelled her. It was so…”</p><p>His blue eyes hardened like steel.</p><p>“Chain me up. I don’t care if they’re chain chains, or hocus pocus chains, but I can’t be near anyone. I can’t fight this anymore. I just can’t. Don’t you have a spell or anything?”</p><p>Willow hesitated, but he was so desperate.</p><p>“I could bind you. But, Spike, is that really—”</p><p>“Yes. Please, Willow.”</p><p>“But, Buffy—”</p><p>“Isn’t here.”</p><p>And there was nothing to say to that. She wasn’t there and all that either of them could do was imagine what she’d want.</p><p>“It’s just, we don’t know when she’ll be back. I don’t know how long it will be. I can’t just lock you up for some indefinite future while you starve, Spike, I’d feel horrible.”</p><p>“You’d feel worse if I hurt someone,” he shook his head and laughed bitterly. “I’m literally thinkin’ about what you might taste like right bloody now, pet.”</p><p>“Well,” Willow looked at him anxiously. “Maybe we should do that.”</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“See what I taste like?”</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy stood at the front of the bus as it rolled into a motel parking lot. They were just miles from the safe zone, but they needed to wait until sunset to launch their attack.</p><p>“We meet back at this bus at sun down. What you do between now and then doesn’t matter to me. Sleep, eat, do your nails, whatever. I’ll see you all at sunset.”</p><p>Buffy sat back down as Giles parked the bus awkwardly across about twelve parking spaces before shrugging and cutting the engine.</p><p>“It will do.”</p><p>“Hey I’m just impressed you got us this far, G,” Faith said as she hopped off the bus and ushered the other slayers to follow her.</p><p>The girls streamed out into the parking lot, off to book rooms in the motel. Dawn, Xander, and Angel followed until it was only Buffy and Giles on the bus.</p><p>Giles rested his head against the driver's seat with his eyes closed, “A nap sounds heavenly right about now.”</p><p>“Go sleep,” Buffy encouraged. “We’ve got everything under control.”</p><p>“And will you sleep?”</p><p>She shrugged and stood up to lean against the pole near his seat, “I’ll try. Haven’t slept very well lately.”</p><p>“They’re both fine I’ve no doubt. Willow and Spike, they’re survivors.”</p><p>Buffy smiled and nodded, saying softly, “I know. But I really need them, Giles. Willow is everything I’m not. You know. I don’t have to tell you that. She’s careful and thoughtful and brilliant. Our plan is good and all, but I know if Willow were here, it would be so much better. And Spike...”</p><p>Giles waited expectantly as Buffy looked away with a far off look of pain in her eyes.</p><p>“He’s my partner in every way,” she took a deep breath, gripping the metal pole tight as she looked at her watcher. “I know that without him, I wouldn’t be here anymore.”</p><p>“You love him.”</p><p>Buffy looked startled to hear Giles say it so unremarkably when she’d only just realized it herself weeks ago. He laughed.</p><p>“Well, Buffy that’s been clear for years. Even when you hated him, he has always been the fixture of your attention. It used to baffle me, frankly. But over time, I’ve observed how you make one another better. I truly didn’t think it possible for someone who was once as deplorable as Spike to become a... champion. And I certainly didn’t think it possible for you to be even greater than you already were.” He shrugged and smiled. “I was wrong on both counts.”</p><p>Buffy gripped the pole even tighter.</p><p>“Okay I must be really tired because my eyes are leaking and they never do that,” Buffy mumbled as she rubbed her face and wiped her eyes.</p><p>Giles stood up and patted Buffy on the shoulder, “We should both get some rest.”</p><p>Buffy nodded and stepped down out of the bus. Giles followed, closing the doors behind him. Buffy turned around and, much to his surprise, hugged him tightly.</p><p>“Thanks, Giles,” she whispered.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike was in full on despair that morning. He lay on the sofa trying to sleep but knowing he wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to make it. Whenever Buffy returned, it wasn’t going to be soon enough.</p><p>It had taken about thirty minutes of arguing with Willow to get her to pipe down about him drinking from her. It was simple to her. She was strong. She could fight him if needed. And she could help him by offering this. As much as he truly appreciated the gesture, Spike knew it wasn’t the same as drinking from Buffy. It was more akin to drinking from those girls in Alexandra’s trailer. Willow didn’t truly understand what she was offering and neither did they. Buffy knew. More importantly, Buffy was his.</p><p>So, at his insistence, Willow had reluctantly put a magical barrier on the door to keep Spike from leaving the trailer. </p><p>He nearly fell off the sofa when Willow burst back into the trailer after a few hours’ disappearance.</p><p>“You will never believe what we did, Spike!”</p><p>Spike sat up and looked her up and down incredulously.</p><p>“You pulled a bleedin’ rabbit out your pointy white hat?”</p><p>Willow beamed and victoriously held up an actual, white rabbit.</p><p>“Truly not the kind of magic trick I was expectin, pet.”</p><p>“I know. Me neither,” Willow said excitedly, sitting down beside him on the couch. “But I went to the girls and we did some brainstorming. And you know how you told me you wouldn’t drink from me because blood is life and taking my life was wrong and yada yada?”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Spike said slowly, skeptically.</p><p>Willow paid him no mind, stroking the bunny absent-mindedly, “Well, it got me thinking about life forces and energy and the collective wiccan power and— well, long story short, we all came together and used a little bit of our own life energy to create… life!” </p><p>She plopped the rabbit into Spike’s lap.</p><p>“I wish it was more. I know it’s kind of a small thing, but it was our first attempt and maybe we can get something bigger next time and then the girls and I will have something to eat other than nasty nutty protein bars.”</p><p>Spike shook his head, “It’s no small thing at all, Red. Thank you. You have no idea.”</p><p>Willow smiled and stood up, “Okay well I’m going to leave you to it because the idea of watching you kill sweet little Cindy there is not very appealing.”</p><p>“You had to name it?”</p><p>“Well, you know, I did birth her kind of.”</p><p>Spike arched a dubious brow, “Right. Well I’ll enjoy the fruits of your labor then.”</p><p>“Very punny!” Willow said, pointing at him as she disappeared through the door. Her head popped back in not a second later. “Don’t get rid of it when you’re done. I’m serious about the whole ‘if I eat another protein bar I might kill myself’ thing.”</p><p>“Aye aye.”</p><p>When she was actually gone, Spike held up the rabbit, eying its furry face skeptically before throwing all caution to the wind and letting his instincts take over.</p><p>*****</p><p>The bus was running and the girls were filing in. It was officially go time.</p><p>Buffy, Angel, and Faith stood by the door ushering in the others. </p><p>Dawn, Xander, and Giles were staying at the motel.</p><p>“You know, Angel, you might be better off here. Protecting the others. I can remember my way around just fine and we have plenty of muscle,” said Buffy.</p><p>Angel had his arms crossed in front of his chest, his back against the wall of the bus, “I’m coming.”</p><p>“Right, okay,” she said, making quick eye contact with Faith.</p><p>Faith just shrugged, “Once a fighter always a fighter.”</p><p>Buffy rolled her eyes, “Whatever. You’re sure you can drive this thing, Faith?”</p><p>“How hard could it be?!” Faith asked with a laugh.</p><p>“That answer is seriously uninspiring.”</p><p>“I think you’re just wound a little tight right now, B.”</p><p>“I am not—” Buffy stopped and put her hands up in the air as the last of the girls stepped onto the bus. “Let’s just follow the plan.”</p><p>Faith mouthed a silent “okay” and hopped up and into the driver’s seat. Angel gestured for Buffy to get in as well.</p><p>“Ladies first,” he said.</p><p>Buffy plopped into the seat behind Faith and took some deep, steadying breaths. Was she a little on edge? Sure. But there was so much on the line.</p><p>*****</p><p>Spike felt like a whole new man after draining that rabbit. He wouldn’t call himself satiated, but he was finally seeing clearly without the constant thrum of hunger vibrating through every sense.</p><p>Willow had dispelled the barrier and as soon as the sun set, Spike was off to procure his blood ration. A bit of dessert after a hearty drink. Bless that little witch.</p><p>He’d given up on chit chat with the guards and simply snatched the bag of blood he was handed and drained it immediately, dropping the bag on the counter. The slayer looked at him with disgust and picked up the bag with two fingers, tossing it in the trash can beside her.</p><p>“You are gross,” she said vehemently.</p><p>Spike smirked and turned to go.</p><p>Tonight was a good night. He hadn’t felt this refreshed since Buffy had left and he was relishing the renewed energy. It made him really want to fight.</p><p>He was surprised to see another bus pull up to the gate entrance in between the supply building and the peacekeeper headquarters. It had been weeks since he’d seen a new group. Spike paused and decided to check out the new meat.</p><p>He could hear two women arguing. The peacekeeper and the bus driver. He leaned against the wall of HQ and waited, idly wondering what the bickering was about.</p><p>The bus began to roll back in reverse until it was out of sight. Then he heard the engine rev and was shocked to see the bus actually ram right through the gate. The magically enchanted gate. How in the—</p><p>“Buffy,” he breathed, darting toward the bus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Slayers armed with all sorts of spears, batons, and even swords poured out of the bus and began to storm the headquarters and supply buildings. Demons and magical creatures of all sorts caught on to what was happening and began to join in with glee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike was scanning the crowd for a blonde ponytail, but instead he found Faith, tossing a peacekeeper at a brick wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Buffy?” he shouted amongst the mayhem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Faith put her hands on her hips, “Well, hey, nice to see you too, blondie. You like my bus ramming technique?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Brilliant, yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not exactly what Buffy </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do, but it worked. Sometimes you gotta improvise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The peacekeeper stood up and launched at Faith with a grunt, but Faith easily swung her right back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, girl, I’m tryin’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to kill you and you’re making this way harder than it has to be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike tried not to growl with impatience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Buffy not here? I don’t see her, don’t feel her nearby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Faith cocked her head, “Aw. You two still a thing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike stared at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. You are. Got it. Explains Buffy’s slightly bitchy behavior lately. No offense to your girl or nothin’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Faith</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “She’s underground. Dropped her and Angel off at an exterior entrance. It tunnels into this place. They were destroying the transformer powering the forcefield. And since the bus went through no prob, looks like they did it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The peacekeeper had gotten to her feet again, but looked confused, like she didn’t know if it was even worth attacking Faith again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You need any help here?” Spike asked, nodding toward the girl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Faith swung some handcuffs on one finger, “Nah. I’m good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he was gone, bolting for the headquarters door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*****</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Destroying the transformer had been easy. Even getting into the tunnel had been relatively simple. Honestly, the Initiative would have been ashamed of the subpar security the actual government was utilizing. It told Buffy that this was not the end game plan for whatever was going on here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The most dangerous thing about this mission was that Buffy felt uncomfortable killing the peacekeepers. It would be easy to charge in and slay anyone who stood in their way. But these were people, </span>
  <em>
    <span>slayers</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Some of them had lost their way, but they didn’t deserve to die for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, it’s hard to be sneaky and </span>
  <em>
    <span>quiet</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” said Buffy with distaste. “It’s not very often I’m secret agent-ing it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really your style,” Angel said with a grin. “I don’t mind the shadows.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy stifled a laugh, "That is so something you would say."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were slinking through hallways, dark with only a small strip of emergency light in the ceilings that had glowed on when they cut the power. Occasionally they’d hear a peacekeeper run by and they would grab her, bind and muzzle her, and drag her into a nearby room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait,” Buffy whispered, grasping Angel's arm to halt him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room beside them was full of computers and monitors. Some were still glowing in the darkness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy walked in and looked around. She had a bluish glow on her skin from all the screens.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should take these.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All of it?” Angel said skeptically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy gathered up a few laptops.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, just grab what you can. Put them in your backpack. We can bring them to Willow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have a backpack,” Angel murmured, running his hand over one of the laptops.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have a backpack?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well neither do you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, I’m here to kick things. You have to be practical now, Angel. You need to do human things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like carry backpacks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy was opening drawers, but most everything seemed to be empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guess no one uses pen and paper anymore,” she lamented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oof!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Angel hit the floor hard. Buffy whirled around at the sound and wasn’t at all surprised to see Jordan standing in the doorway with a machine gun in her hands. Angel lay unconscious on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew letting you leave would be a mistake.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy groaned, “Really? A gun? That’s totally cheating. You are seriously the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst</span>
  </em>
  <span> slayer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Jordan. Why are you even fighting this fight? Just cut and run. We’re not concerned with the peacekeepers, we’re concerned with the people you’re taking orders from.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan stepped closer, no sign of empathy in her eyes, “I hate you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy raised her eyebrows, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay…</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s not what I expected you to say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not an idiot. I know there’s no point fighting this anymore. Half the camp’s already gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But,” Buffy said slowly, “You hate me? Like on a personal level.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you don’t give a shit what my life was like before you decided to make me this. Whatever. I don’t need that life or those people anymore. I have power now. But even after creating all of us, you were still too good to join in and do the dirty work that needed to be done. You were too good to join this cause. We could have done something truly good for people, but no— you don’t do anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t want to do! Too busy on your high horse judging the rest of us and stuck in your old ways. And the nerve of it all, to act like you’re better, when you’re the one rolling around fucking vampires.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, “Jesus, would you let that one go? I’m starting to think you have a thing for my boyfriend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m starting to think you don’t take me seriously!” Jordan yelled, thrusting the gun at Buffy threateningly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room was tense and silent. Jordan’s eyes were blazing in the blue light of the screens surrounding them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jordan, I’m sorry. You’re obviously hurting. I see that now and I can help you if you let me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan shook her head and laughed cynically, “There you go again. So high and mighty. Always ready to help the poor lesser people around you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not what this is,” Buffy said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just save it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what? You’re just going to shoot me? I don’t think so. You would never have been a potential if you had that darkness inside you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your pal, Faith. She murdered people.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy nodded, “Faith made mistakes. Just like me. Just like all of us. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s how you come back from it that matters.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan groaned and kicked the chair beside her, sending it flying across the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what you’re doing,” she said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything. And I’m not stopping you. Because I know you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> evil.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed bitterly, “Then I guess you’re not such a great judge of who’s good and who’s not after all. That will surprise no one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy refused to break eye contact with Jordan. In her peripheral vision, she saw her finger move to the trigger, but Buffy stood resolute.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of the shot blasted through the room and echoed down the dark hallways outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy cried out and fell to the floor with a grimace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jordan was on the ground, too, with a very angry vampire crouched on top of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike tossed Jordan’s weapon away and began to beat her mercilessly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You bitch! You're not </span>
  <em>
    <span>worthy</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the callin', not worthy of Buffy’s bleedin' presence!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When blood oozed out of Jordan’s mouth and her eyes were no longer focusing on his face properly, Spike left her and rushed to Buffy’s side, gently pulling her to sit up against the wall behind her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Buffy, love, you all right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy nodded, panting, with a look of shock and devastation on her face. She said in a small, disappointed voice, “I didn’t think she would.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike was inspecting her bleeding shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just a flesh wound,” he said with relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you jump her before or after the shot?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Bout during,” he said. “Didn’t have so much faith in her humanity as you did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy looked pained by that revelation, “So she… she only missed because you…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He said nothing, taking her hands in his, still crouched before her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy looked up, tears in her eyes, as if she’d just realized who she was talking to, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hi</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike smiled, misty-eyed himself, “Hey, pet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could feel her hands still trembling in his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You gonna kiss me or what?” she said, wiping away a tear with her good arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at his slayer fondly, thinking how beautiful her mixture of fierce and soft was. Releasing her hands, he placed his own on either side of her face and kissed her deep and long, relishing every shock of electricity that charged him when he touched this woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy’s eyes closed, savoring him until he finally pulled back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s get the hell out of here, slayer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded and let him pull her up to standing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike nodded to Jordan, “What do you wanta do about her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy knelt down and pulled one of the handcuffs from her belt and snapped them into place on Jordan's wrists. She groaned incoherently in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We all make mistakes," Buffy said softly before looking away from the girl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike watched her in wonder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stood up and grabbed Jordan’s gun before turning back to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Grab Angel. Let's go."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*****</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy and Spike emerged from the tunnels and were back in the camp, which was mostly empty now. There were echoing, faraway whoops of joy from the freed magical population who mostly seemed long gone by now. There were some frightened lingerers standing near the bus, hoping for a ride. Mostly Willow’s crew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Willow herself ran up when she saw them approaching.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Buffy! Are you okay? That’s a lot of blood.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It looks worse than it is,” she assured her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And Angel?” she said, gesturing toward the former vampire flung over Spike’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is heavy as a house,” Spike grumbled, walking past them to put Angel in the bus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll be okay, too,” Buffy said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, in that case,” Willow smiled big and squeezed Buffy tight, avoiding her injured shoulder. “It’s really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> good to see you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy smiled back, “I missed you guys so much. I am secure enough to admit that I was wigging a bit there by the end.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had some wigging of our own going on, so don’t feel too bad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I definitely want to know more about that and everything that has happened since I left, but we should probably bail before reinforcements arrive. We found a techie room when we were down in the tunnels. There were laptops we should take to gather some intel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect, let me grab my backpack and Faith and some of the others and we’ll do a quick sweep and then we’re outta here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Willow darted off in search of Faith, Buffy shouting after her, “Be careful!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked around at the now empty trailers. Fires still burning that would be ash by morning. It was even more eerie now that it was empty. And cold. Still very cold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spike hopped down the steps of the bus and slipped an arm around her waist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure you’re all right, love?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Buffy looked up at him, inhaling a long breath of smoky leathery goodness, “I am now.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew! Thank goodness!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dawn, Xander, and Giles had been eagerly awaiting the bus’s return in the motel parking lot. As soon as Spike stepped out, Dawn threw herself into his arms.</p><p>“Hey, bit, you weren’t actually worried about me were you?” Spike said with a grin, smoothing her hair a bit.</p><p>“Nope, not worried at all,” Dawn replied, her cheek still pressed against his chest.</p><p>She pulled back and looked him up and down, “Though to be honest, you do not look good.”</p><p>“Thanks ever so.”</p><p>“You’re like extra pale or something,” she asserted, crossing her arms and inspecting him skeptically. </p><p>Spike rolled his eyes, “I’m <em>fine</em>, Dawn.”</p><p>“I should have gotten you blood. I’m an idiot.”</p><p>Willow emerged, hugging Giles right away. Dawn pointed at her accusingly as well.</p><p>“And you! You’re definitely skinnier than when you left. You had better eat something immediately! Xander and I ordered Chinese.”</p><p>Willow was wide-eyed and confused, “I did have some rabbit for dinner, but Chinese sounds good. Even though it’s like almost morning.”</p><p>Buffy and a sluggish Angel joined them.</p><p>“You with the arm!” Dawn pointed at her sister.</p><p>“I’m fine, Dawn, I promise.”</p><p>“Gonna go sleep this off,” Angel muttered. “My head is throbbing. Everything hurts so much more when you’re human.”</p><p>“Could’ve told you that, batman,” Xander piped in.</p><p>Angel ignored it and walked off.</p><p>Faith hopped down off the bus, “I’m so pumped I don’t think I could sleep, who’s up for some all night diner recon?”</p><p>Willow turned toward Faith and pointed, “Oh, I like that plan. I need pancakes and coffee and eggs and bacon and definitely coffee. And maybe some spaghetti.”</p><p>“We can make all those dreams come true, girl. Anyone else who wants to come, let’s go!” Faith said, practically bouncing back up the bus steps.</p><p>Xander and Dawn followed, leaving Giles, Buffy, and Spike to themselves.</p><p>“I’m glad to see you in one piece, Spike,” Giles said, patting him on the shoulder as the three walked toward the motel.</p><p>“Thanks, Rupe, pretty pleased about it myself.”</p><p>Buffy grabbed Spike’s hand and held it tight as they walked.</p><p>“Let’s get you some bandages for that wound, Buffy,” Giles said, leading them to his room.</p><p>Spike stood in the doorway until Giles belatedly remembered to invite him in. It was easy to forget he was a vampire at times.</p><p>“I still can’t believe Jordan shot me,” Buffy said. “<em>Shot</em> me! With a gun!”</p><p>“We should have killed her,” Spike added.</p><p>Buffy shook her head and crossed her arms, grumbling, “No. That would be wrong. She’s still a human.”</p><p>Giles was rummaging about in his bag looking for his first aid kit.</p><p>“A lousy waste of a human you mean.”</p><p>Spike was idly walking about the room, inspecting all the things Giles had strewn about.</p><p>“Spike may have a point, Buffy,” Giles said, finally pulling out his kit.</p><p>“Seriously? You think we should have killed her?”</p><p>Giles gestured to Buffy to sit on the bed as he pulled up a chair and set about cleaning her wound.</p><p>“It’s not as though Jordan is a civilian. Like it or not, we are at war and she is a general of the enemy.”</p><p>“Damn right,” Spike added enthusiastically.</p><p>“Please stop touching all my possessions,” Giles said, never looking away from his work on Buffy’s arm.</p><p>Buffy grinned and raised her eyebrows at her nosy boyfriend. Spike set down the book he’d been flipping through.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Buffy sighed. “Killing her didn’t feel right.”</p><p>Giles began wrapping her shoulder with long white gauze.</p><p>“We all trust your judgement, Buffy. But if you have to make the choice again, I don’t want you to be hard on yourself if you change your mind.”</p><p>Spike added, “Or on me if I accidentally stab her in the windpipe.”</p><p>“Spike,” Buffy rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I’m not sorry. I’ve had it with that bitch. Leave her alone in a room with me and you won’t have to decide anything.”</p><p>Buffy and Giles looked at each other knowingly.</p><p>“So, I’m assuming you feel rather hungry at the moment?” Giles said, glancing at Spike.</p><p>“I— “ Spike cocked his head and realized suddenly that Buffy and Giles were both staring at him with that look that meant he’d said something he shouldn’t have. “A bit. I stand by it though.”</p><p>“Just remember if you feed from Buffy tonight that she’s lost some blood already.”</p><p>“I’m not <em>feeding</em>, present tense, from Buffy!” Spike threw his hands up. “You told him ‘bout that?”</p><p>“It’s not that big a deal, Spike. Nobody’s judging you. You can save the flip out.”</p><p>Giles gave his wound dressing a final pat and looked to Spike, “She’s right. I’m certainly not. I know you’re aware, more than most, how serious the act is. Just doing my due diligence to advise caution, despite knowing the warning unnecessary.”</p><p>“Extremely unnecessary,” Spike reiterated bitterly.</p><p>Giles smiled and gave Buffy a hand, pulling her up to standing.</p><p>“You two had better go to your room now. The sun will rise soon.”</p><p>“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy said, grabbing Spike by the hand and leading him away. </p><p>*****</p><p>She couldn’t seem to let go of his hand.</p><p>They’d made it to her room and Buffy immediately pulled Spike to lay beside her in the bed.</p><p>“Don’t you want to put your jammies on first, pet?” Spike said with a grin as he lay facing her.</p><p>Buffy’s eyes were closed, reveling in the act of lying down. “Tired.”</p><p>He kissed her forehead.</p><p>“Happy to do the heavy liftin’ if you like,” he said, nuzzling her cheek.</p><p>She didn’t open her eyes, but she smiled.</p><p>Spike took that as a yes and began to disrobe her. First her shoes, then socks, then jeans. Buffy opened her eyes and watched him sleepily. She sat up and kissed him, sending a breathless butterfly through his entire core. She was grinning when she pulled back and he had that desperate awe on his face that she loved so much.</p><p>“I need help with my shirt,” she said.</p><p>Spike nodded and carefully slipped the cotton top over her injury and over her head. Then he pulled the hair tie from her hair and let her locks loose. His fingers combed through her blonde strands, one stroke after another. Buffy sighed peacefully.</p><p>She slipped into the sheets and took off her bra and panties, tossing them away. She leaned back against the pillow.</p><p>“You’ve majorly overdressed.”</p><p>“Too right.”</p><p>Spike shed everything he was wearing in a few seconds and joined her under the sheets in record time. Buffy giggled at his haste and shameless grin.</p><p>“I missed you so much,” she said, cupping his cheek with her hand.</p><p>Spike pulled her waist tight against him and breathed in her scent. His lips so close to hers he felt he was breathing in her every word.</p><p>“Hardly noticed you were gone to be honest,” he jested.</p><p>Buffy bit his lip rebelliously, “Not nice.”</p><p>“Punish me.”</p><p>“Oh I will. When the Buffy cylinders are all firing again, you’d better watch out.”</p><p>“I’m quiverin’ slayer.”</p><p>Spike rolled to his back, cradling her against his side. Buffy leaned her head against his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist.</p><p>“It was really weird and quiet without you,” Buffy said off-handedly. “You talk a lot.”</p><p>“Says <em>you</em>? Yammer Master 5000?”</p><p>“Hey at least I can watch a movie without talking through the entire thing.”</p><p>Spike scoffed, “Wouldn’t have to if your Hollywood writers could learn to pen a bloody story.”</p><p>“No argument there,” Buffy said, snuggling closer.</p><p>They were both silent for a beat, happily staring at the ceiling, thinking how they’d missed each other.</p><p>“You should sleep, pet.”</p><p>“I know,” she said lazily, sliding her body on top of his and kissing him anyway.</p><p>Spike moaned contentedly into her mouth, kissing her back and sliding his hands to her hips.</p><p>“You’re tired. You said,” he murmured before pressing his lips to hers again.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>He wrapped one hand behind her head and drank her in a bit deeper.</p><p>“Buffy,” he whispered. “You’re hurt.”</p><p>“When has that ever stopped me from getting what I want?”</p><p>Spike chuckled and rolled them so he was on top, “Want me do you?”</p><p>“<em>Desperately</em>,” she added with much drama and playfulness.</p><p>Spike shook his head.</p><p>“Tell it to me true,” he said, eyes still alight with mischief and pleasure, running his hand down the length of her body as he leaned over top of her. “Tell me how you want me, love.”</p><p>Buffy smiled and ran the fingertips of her good arm along his chest, turning serious, “I want you more than anything. I felt like I was drowning when you were gone. I just wanted to breathe again.”</p><p>Spike kissed her enthusiastically.</p><p>“Liked that answer did you?”</p><p>“It’ll do,” he replied with a boyish smile.</p><p>He pushed inside her without warning and Buffy gasped and then sighed happily, remembering just how right he felt within her.</p><p>“But see, pet, I feel that I’m drownin’ when I’m <em>with</em> you.”</p><p>He arched against her slowly and deliberately, receiving a long moan in response.</p><p>“Swallowed up in a sea of Buffy and nothin’ matters but surrenderin’ everything I am to you.”</p><p>Their mouths were starving for each other and she felt every move of his lips as he spoke against hers. She swept her legs around his waist and pulled him in deeper.</p><p>“I love you, Spike,” she uttered breathlessly.</p><p>Spike groaned in response, nearly losing all control as he looked into her earnest, mossy green eyes.</p><p>“Drink,” she whispered in his ear.</p><p>He faltered in his rhythm, kissing her lightly, “I don’t need it, pet.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>She squeezed all her internal muscles and his forehead fell against hers like a bow to his master.</p><p>“Please,” she said. “Surrender to me. Like you said.”</p><p>Spike panted, “That’s so bloody unfair, Buffy.”</p><p>“Don’t you want to?”</p><p>He lifted his head and looked at her, dark and serious, “Of course I <em>want</em> to.”</p><p>Buffy ran her hand through his hair comfortingly, “Well so do I.”</p><p>Spike only hesitated for another moment and then his face morphed and he was piercing her neck. Buffy slipped into a light-headed bliss, her rapid breaths reverberating in his ear as she convulsed in ecstasy.</p><p>When she opened her eyes, his were blue again.</p><p>Sun was beginning to illuminate the drawn curtains and dimly light the room.</p><p>Spike kissed her. Cheeks, forehead, nose, lips.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>He had a way of saying it that was drawn out and stamped with emphatic passion.</p><p>He collapsed on top of her, resting his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat return to normal.</p><p>“Go to sleep now, love.”</p><p>She already had.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Warm water rained down on Buffy’s head inside the green-tiled motel shower. She knew the world wasn’t quite right yet, but hers was. It was a relief and she was letting the muscles that had been tense for so many weeks finally relax. She took deep breaths of warm humid air, closed her eyes, and let the water pour down her body.</p>
<p>She wasn’t surprised when she sensed Spike enter the room and slip behind the curtain with the stealth of a panther.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d sleep a little longer,” Buffy said, turning toward him and opening her eyes.</p>
<p>He was glorious and more innocent to her with his gel-less curls and chestnut roots. Nearly two months of imprisonment may have roughened his carefully-maintained exterior, but his skin was still perfectly creamy and his muscles as lean as ever.</p>
<p>“Disappointed? I can bugger off if you’d prefer,” he grinned, knowing the answer.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Spike,” she said, rolling her eyes and pulling him into the spray with her.</p>
<p>They kissed, very wet and messy about it. He was squeezing the flesh on her hips. It took all her willpower to part from him and take a much-needed breath of air.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” she uttered, running her good hand through his wet hair. “I love you all naked and wet and <em>here</em>.”</p>
<p>Spike laughed, “I’d say the same for you, pet, but it’s almost too easy.”</p>
<p>Buffy grinned, peppering his chest with open-mouthed kisses.</p>
<p>“You know,” he said, somewhat breathlessly as she adored him. “I actually joined you thinkin’ you’d need some assistance. Tryin’ to be noble and all.”</p>
<p>“Assistance?”</p>
<p>Spike held up a shampoo bottle, “You know, of the two-handed variety?”</p>
<p>“Ah,” Buffy said, standing up straighter at the sight.</p>
<p>“You’re bloody welcome to have your way with me if you prefer though.”</p>
<p>She pretended to contemplate it, as if the idea wasn’t so enticing after all.</p>
<p>“Turn around you minx,” he said, spinning her to face the wall.</p>
<p>Buffy placed one hand on the cold tile while Spike squeezed some shampoo into his hands and began massaging it into her scalp. Buffy moaned with pleasure and arched her back, pressing her bottom against his blatant hardness.</p>
<p>“Naughty girl,” he whispered, sending a shiver up her spine, but continuing his work. “Got to get you all clean first, if you want to get dirty.”</p>
<p>Buffy turned her head over her shoulder, looking back at him, “I think you’ve got that backwards, babe.”</p>
<p>“I love it when you call me that,” he said, almost to himself. “But no, I do not have that backwards at all.”</p>
<p>Spike lowered his voice to a deep timbre, “Because when I’m done with you, your knees will be too weak to stand here and let me shampoo you like a good girl.”</p>
<p>Her heart skipped a beat and she closed her eyes, grinning with delight.</p>
<p>“Now, rinse,” he instructed, guiding her neck back gently into the water. He ran his hands through her hair, rinsing away every sud. Then he squeezed conditioner into his palm and coated her locks with that. He let his hands trail down her neck to massage her shoulders too.</p>
<p>“Feels so good,” she breathed.</p>
<p>“I like taking care of you,” he said softly, kneading away. “Don’t get to very often. Not as if you need taken care of.”</p>
<p>“It’s still nice to know I am,” Buffy said, turning to face him. “That I’m safe. Right here.”</p>
<p>She pointed at his chest for emphasis and he hugged her to him.</p>
<p>“<em>Always</em>, love.”</p>
<p>Spike tipped her chin up and captured her mouth with his. He pressed her back against the cool tile and let his hands slide along her slick skin, cupping her breasts as he ravished her mouth.</p>
<p>Buffy reached between his legs and stroked him just as eagerly. She gasped for a quick breath, before returning to his face. </p>
<p>There was mist everywhere, as if their heat had finally been externalized. Drips of warm water lubricating their kisses and touches.</p>
<p>He tweaked her nipples and she groaned, feeling that knee-weakening thing he’d mentioned. She was lost in the sensations from his hands and his mouth and the hard wall behind her, trapping her body to his.</p>
<p>Spike was relentless, claiming her tongue as his own as he throbbed in her hand.</p>
<p>“You are mine, Buffy. Always,” he uttered as he nipped at her neck. “I will never let you go. Never let anything harm you. Never leave your side.”</p>
<p>Buffy lowered herself down and took him in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Bloody hell,” he groaned, bracing himself with the wall and clenching his eyes shut. “S’posed to be— takin’ care of <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>He barely got the words out. It didn’t matter anyway. Buffy ignored his protests and continued her work.</p>
<p>“Jesus fucking fuck. Fuck me. <em>Bloody—</em> ah, Buffy <em>Buffy</em>,” Spike continued, rambling nonsensical profanities under his breath, and gripping Buffy’s hair. “Can’t last when you—”</p>
<p>He really couldn’t.</p>
<p>Buffy stood with a smirk, “You really <em>don’t</em> ever stop talking.”</p>
<p>Spike panted before her and stared, water dripping down his face. She brushed a loose curl from his forehead.</p>
<p>“Actually, I guess eventually you do,” she said victoriously.</p>
<p>He was still trying to catch his breath, but Spike grabbed her head and pulled her in for a rough and wonderful kiss. No words necessary.</p>
<p>“Your turn, you little she-devil.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>They had just dried off and reclothed, mostly, when there was an urgent knock at the door.</p>
<p>“Sounds like the real world’s callin',” Spike grumbled as Buffy toweled her hair. He raised his voice, high and American, “<em>Buffy, save us. Buffy, we need help. What do we do, Buffy?</em>”</p>
<p>“Stop,” Buffy said, swatting him playfully and hanging her towel.</p>
<p>Spike begrudgingly walked toward the door, his navy blue shirt hanging open, “Had to fall in love with the bleedin’ chosen one. Course I did.”</p>
<p>He stopped and turned back to her, “We could just never leave this room, you know.”</p>
<p>“No more shopping, no more restaurants, no more scary movie night or rooftop barbeques. No more blooming onions, motorcycle rides—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said, swinging the door open.</p>
<p>“Who is it?” Buffy called from the bathroom.</p>
<p>“The whole bloody platoon,” Spike said as Willow, Dawn, Xander, Giles, Faith, and Angel came pouring in.</p>
<p>“We have to talk,” Willow said, looking grim.</p>
<p>Dawn went right to the TV and turned it on. Buffy came out of the bathroom, brushing her wet hair.</p>
<p>Faith pointed at Buffy and back to Spike with an evil grin, “Lot of wet blonde hair in here. I see what you two’ve been up to.”</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes and began buttoning up his shirt.</p>
<p>“A little late for that now, cowboy.”</p>
<p>“Would you just watch this?” Dawn interjected, looking very nervous.</p>
<p>Buffy sat at the foot of the bed beside her sister and watched the press secretary talk.</p>
<p>“... <em>at the time of the escape, the safe zone’s population had been reduced to internees who were completely supernatural, including thousands of vampires. Within little more than an hour, while troops were still struggling to stabilize the safe zone itself, our greatest fears were realized</em>.”</p>
<p>The camera cut away from Joanna Wise’s face and instead showed security camera footage. Waves of vampires storming the streets, grabbing innocent people and biting them.</p>
<p>“They can’t show this on TV…” Buffy muttered to no one.</p>
<p>The press secretary continued speaking, “<em>The small neighboring town of Elmont was attacked by escapees. The entire population of some two thousand souls was brutally murdered, as well as well as two dozen soldiers and slayers dispatched to protect it</em>.”</p>
<p>“This legit?” Faith asked, crossing her arms. “Or some kinda false flag?”</p>
<p>Spike shook his head despondently, “They were rationing the blood. We were starving. Wish I could say it surprised me.”</p>
<p>Buffy gasped when the next image appeared.</p>
<p>“<em>Suspected leader of this rebel vampire group goes by the name of Spike and should be avoided as he is exceptionally dangerous.</em>”</p>
<p>There were clips of Spike walking through the safe zone looking menacing, snapping at other vampires, fighting in vamp face. Never a shot where you could really see who he was attacking, until a close up of him with fangs drawn and a limp Buffy in his arms.</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>,” Buffy whispered, shaking her head.</p>
<p>“Damn,” said Faith, brows raised.</p>
<p>"Oh Goddess," added Willow.</p>
<p>“<em>Given the level of danger, the president has authorized lethal force against vampires, at the discretion of the law enforcement officer. If you see any vampire, notify authorities immediately.</em>”</p>
<p>The program cut to a McDonalds commercial and Dawn quickly snapped the cheery jingle off. Everyone was silent and dazed by what they had just seen.</p>
<p>Buffy looked longingly across the room at Spike, who had turned his face stony and unreadable.</p>
<p>“I knew they wouldn’t really destroy those tapes,” Angel grumbled.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe this,” said Dawn. “They’re just going to blame Spike for all those people dying? Why would they do that? Why would they lie?”</p>
<p>“Simple,” said Giles. “To punish Buffy for the prison break.”</p>
<p>“As if two thousand people dying because of me wasn’t punishment enough,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“They didn’t die because of you,” Willow argued, sitting on the other side of Buffy on the bed. “When you freed them, they made their own choice.”</p>
<p>“What kind of slayer frees a hungry vampire mob?” Buffy asked, staring at the floor.</p>
<p>“You had no choice, Buffy,” Xander added.</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head.</p>
<p>“There’s always a choice. Maybe this time I made the wrong one. Maybe I should have thought more about all those starving vampires… and less about my own.”</p>
<p>She looked at Spike, who raised his head at that. His cool eyes boring into hers.</p>
<p>“Maybe I was selfish,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Giles spoke to his slayer sympathetically, “Buffy, we were all in agreement that this camp was unethical and inhumane—” </p>
<p>“<em>Vampires are inhumane</em>!” she snapped, standing up. “Two thousand people died. Two <em>thousand</em>. And I made the call that let that happen.”</p>
<p>“No, Buffy, you didn’t,” Faith said, never afraid to speak up. “I mean you did. But you didn’t round them up and put them there all snug together like one giant ticking murder bomb. <em>You</em> didn’t starve them like animals.”</p>
<p>Buffy shook her head, crossing her arms defiantly.</p>
<p>“Our plan wasn’t perfect,” Dawn added. “But we did the best we could. What alternative did we have?”</p>
<p>No one said anything for a beat.</p>
<p>“Is everyone ready to go?” Buffy asked abruptly. “We should really hit the road. We have a lot of digging to do. Targets to paint. Heads to roll.”</p>
<p>Everyone stared at her with confusion for a moment before agreeing and shuffling toward the door. Giles was the last to leave.</p>
<p>“We’ll fix this,” he said, patting her on the back and nodding as he left.</p>
<p>Buffy closed the door and looked back at Spike. He hadn’t moved. He was still leaning against the wall with his arms folded, brooding.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she said.</p>
<p>His eyes met hers, but his stance didn’t change.</p>
<p>She walked to him and cupped his face with one hand.</p>
<p>“Spike,” she repeated.</p>
<p>“Right here, pet.”</p>
<p>His expression was pained and she knew the source.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter what they saw, Spike, they already knew. Everyone knows you. And trusts you.”</p>
<p>“Seein’s different.”</p>
<p>Buffy shrugged, “So? What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“<em>So</em>, Dawn’s never gonna look at me the same again. None of them will.”</p>
<p>“So what if they don’t?”</p>
<p>“You don’t get it,” Spike said, looking away.</p>
<p>Buffy exhaled loudly, “If they’re going to judge you for doing what it took to survive then so be it. I don’t think they will. But honestly I have bigger things to worry about that have nothing to do with your ego.”</p>
<p>“Ego?” he snapped at that. “You think this is ‘bout my ego? That’s rot and you know it. I sacrificed every bit o’ pride I had a long damn time ago. <em>For you</em>.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? Well I just sacrificed two thousand innocent people for you. Cheers!”</p>
<p>She flung her hand up for emphasis but he grabbed her arm and held it tight, leaning into her.</p>
<p>“Don’t you put that on me,” he growled menacingly. “I have enough to atone for. I didn’t kill those people and neither did you.”</p>
<p>Buffy snapped her arm free of his grip and huffed away from him. She began furiously throwing her things into her bag. He watched her without remark until he noticed the tears.</p>
<p>Spike walked to her, grabbed her wrist and tossed away the pair of jeans she was holding. He pulled her to his chest and she began to sob.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, pet. You’re all right.”</p>
<p>Buffy sniffed and sputtered into his shirt, “Two thousand’s so— so many.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know.”</p>
<p>He stroked her hair as she cried some more for people she didn't know at all. God how he loved her.</p>
<p>“Do you think I did the wrong thing?”</p>
<p>Spike kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>"I think your mates were right. You made the only choice you could with the situation we had."</p>
<p>Buffy sniffled and clung to his shirt, "I wanted you back so bad though. Loving you, what if it blinds me sometimes?"</p>
<p>"You didn't just want me. You couldn't be that superficial if you tried. You were <em>in it, </em>Buffy. You knew how wrong it was then. You knew it was evil. When's your gut ever been wrong? You'd have done what you did whether I was there or not. Because you <em>always</em> do what's right. That's why you're you."</p>
<p>"Even if it doesn't seem so right after?"</p>
<p>"It still was."</p>
<p>Buffy took a calming breath and looked up at his steady expression.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. For before."</p>
<p>Spike shrugged, "I was bein' a ponce."</p>
<p>"You weren't. I don't think. What exactly is a ponce again?"</p>
<p>"A vampire who cries at the thought of people rememberin' he is in fact a vampire."</p>
<p>Buffy looked at him, rubbing her hand along his arm soothingly.</p>
<p>"I'm just tired of bein' the monster. The whole bloody world thinks it now."</p>
<p>She kissed him, unloading all of her messy emotions into the act. </p>
<p>"I don't think you're a monster," Buffy said, kissing him again more chastely this time.</p>
<p>Spike smiled and stroked her hair, "Yeah. That's the only reason I know I'm not."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had taken almost two days for the scoobies to return to San Francisco. The group had decided to split. Angel, Faith, and a few of her slayer trainees had rented a car to scope out Elmont and search for the vampires responsible for the massacre. Everyone else had gone home to investigate the computers they’d stolen and figure out their next move.</p>
<p>At the girls’ apartment, Giles was making tea and Buffy, Dawn, and Willow were unpacking when they heard shouting from across the hall. Giles raised one brow in Buffy’s direction.</p>
<p>“Should we be at all concerned?” he asked, pouring his hot water.</p>
<p>Buffy shrugged and continued sorting laundry on the sofa until Spike burst in.</p>
<p>“You let Angel sleep<em> in my bed</em>?”</p>
<p>Buffy hesitated but looked up with wide eyes, “Well, I didn’t think you’d want him in mine…”</p>
<p>Spike squinted at her and growled, “That wanker left my door open and now there’s bloody cat piss <em>in my bed</em>.”</p>
<p>“Bloody cat piss, gross,” Dawn shouted from her bedroom with a laugh.</p>
<p>“Spike, I’m sorry. Maybe <em>Xander</em> should have checked the door before we left to prevent the cat piss-age.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you throw me under the bus!” Xander said, standing in the doorway hugging one of the cats to his chest. “Spike has made it extremely clear that I’m never to touch anything that belongs to him. Ergo, no door touchage. Ever.”</p>
<p>Spike groaned with frustration, “Bit different when you’re pillagin’ my booze and records!”</p>
<p>“I thought when we agreed to live together, what’s mine became yours and vice versa,” Xander said with an innocent shrug. </p>
<p>“I have no interest in your Star Wars toys or dirty mags.”</p>
<p>“First of all, they’re Futurama figurines, totally different. And secondly, come on. Would you just look at the kitties, Spike? Poe is terrified of you right now. They hate it when we fight.”</p>
<p>“You’re buyin’ me a new mattress, Harris,” Spike said, pointing his finger at his roommate. He whirled to Buffy, “And don’t think I’m forgettin’ you lettin’ Angel into <em>my</em> domain. <em>Angel</em> for Christ’s sake.”</p>
<p>“Hey, at least the cat pee kind of drowns out that icky Angel smell, right?” Willow added optimistically as she sat down at the kitchen table with her laptop.</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Buffy agreed. “Maybe Poe was just trying to do you a solid and erase all evidence of Angel.”</p>
<p>Spike remained unamused, but took the cat out of Xander’s hold and held him up at eye level, “You’d never, would you, pet? It was Iago wasn’t it? That bastard.”</p>
<p>“Well, sure, when you name your cat Iago,” Willow murmured, eyes on her computer screen.</p>
<p>Giles sat beside Buffy on the sofa and sipped his tea, “Is this quite how you all function when I’m not around?”</p>
<p>“There are usually donuts or egg rolls,” Buffy said. “Speaking of. Dawn placed our order twenty minutes ago—”  </p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m goin’,” Spike grumbled, tossing the cat onto the sofa. “Not that you lot deserve my take away services. At <em>all</em>. But I need to see the butcher anyway.”</p>
<p>Buffy stood and wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing his lips, “I promise until you have a new bed, you’re very welcome and very encouraged to be in mine.”</p>
<p>Spike rolled his eyes, “Tryin’ to be mad at you, love. Don’t ruin it with your bloody charm and bedroom eyes.”</p>
<p>“Just glad you’re home, honey,” she said with a grin, kissing him again before releasing him.</p>
<p>Spike smiled begrudgingly before turning and heading out.</p>
<p>Buffy sat down again, exchanging a look with Giles, who looked quite amused.</p>
<p>“What?” she said.</p>
<p>Giles took a sip of tea.</p>
<p>“What? <em>Giles</em>?”</p>
<p>Xander piped in, “I think he’s amused by you and Spike’s get-a-roominess. You get used to it though.”</p>
<p>“Spike is my boyfriend. We’re allowed to be handsy and with the gush on occasion.”</p>
<p>Dawn sat down in the armchair near Buffy and laughed, “On occasion? Please. I share a wall with you and I have to hear you guys almost every night.”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes. “We are quickly heading into TMI territory. Could we maybe talk about something else?”</p>
<p>“Giles started it,” said Xander.</p>
<p>“I said absolutely nothing,” Giles responded indignantly. “Though I concur with Buffy’s sentiment in quickly course correcting this conversation.”</p>
<p>“So, what’s the plan, Buffster?”</p>
<p>Buffy looked at Xander and half-shrugged, “Willow checks out those computers. We figure out who’s really in charge, where they are. We punch and kick and magic and stuff til kerplowy.”</p>
<p>“It may not be so simple with a wide-reaching national operation such as this,” Giles pointed out. “Destroying a figurehead may not be enough.”</p>
<p>“We’ll think of something. We always do.”</p>
<p>Dawn nodded and turned on the TV, “And in the meantime, Hallmark Christmas movies are on!”</p>
<p>“Christmas,” Buffy uttered. “Almost forgot about that.”</p>
<p>“It’s the most <em>magical</em> time of the year,” Willow added from the kitchen.</p>
<p>Dawn was flipping through the channels when a familiar scene popped up. It was Spike in game face with a banner reading “Please alert the authorities if you see this dangerous fugitive vampire. $100,000 reward for capture.”</p>
<p>“Wow, $100,000, maybe <em>we</em> should turn him in,” said Xander.</p>
<p>“Turn that off,” Buffy said gruffly.</p>
<p>Dawn looked at her sister with concern and quickly changed the channel.</p>
<p>Buffy grumbled, “Remind me why we sent Spike to get the food.”</p>
<p>“He just always does it,” Dawn said with a shrug. “Xander should go from now on.”</p>
<p>“Happy to be volunteered,” Xander said. “What I lack in fighting abilities I make up for in food procurement skills.”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded, but the mood of the room had shifted dramatically and suddenly everyone was tense.</p>
<p>“You know, he hasn’t been gone that long, I think I’ll just go make sure he doesn’t need some back up.”</p>
<p>Everyone ignored the nervousness in her voice.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’s fine, but do be careful, Buffy,” Giles said with an approving nod.</p>
<p>She threw on a red leather jacket and hurried out the door.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Spike already had the bag of Chinese food when she found him outside the butcher’s shop. He smiled when he saw her. Buffy threw herself into his arms. He managed to hug her and hold the bag of hot food off to the side simultaneously.</p>
<p>“Know I was brassed and all but I’m <em>fine</em>, love. I was thinkin’ I should just take Xander’s mattress when he’s not home. Problem solved. ‘ppreciate the concern though.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked up at him, stepping back and gripping his leather lapels, “You’re all over the news, Spike. There’s a reward for you and everything.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? How much?”</p>
<p>“100k.”</p>
<p>“<em>Nice</em>!”</p>
<p>“<em>Spike</em>!” she pushed him hard enough that he fell back against the brick shop wall.</p>
<p>“Oi! Watch the wonton!”</p>
<p>“This is serious!”</p>
<p>Spike straightened up and readjusted the bag.</p>
<p>“Buffy, what human in their right mind would try to capture me?”</p>
<p>“They don’t have to be human! Every demon in San Francisco knows you live here.”</p>
<p>Spike sighed, “Yeah, well, so does the government. They came right to our door and took us to their special camp of fun and games if you recall.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Buffy said slowly.</p>
<p>“So they already know where I am. Not like they need hotline tips.”</p>
<p>Buffy’s brow furrowed and she shook her head, “Why then— what are you saying?”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>sayin’</em> that I don’t buy it. If they wanted me, they’d come ‘n get me. They’re just tryin’ to make things inconvenient for us. Maybe keep an eye on our location if we decide to leave. They know you ‘n me aren’t splittin’ up again any time soon.”</p>
<p>“I guess,” Buffy said, unconvinced. “But we don’t know. Which means you need to be super duper extra careful.”</p>
<p>“Super duper extra huh?”</p>
<p>She shrugged and flicked his chest.</p>
<p>“I’m getting tired of rescuing you, that’s all I’m saying.”</p>
<p>“That so? You poor hero you. Need I remind you I’ve saved your cute little ass a time or two myself.”</p>
<p>Buffy crossed her arms in front of her and eyed him defiantly.</p>
<p>“Guess I’ll just have to be your official bodyguard.”</p>
<p>“This body’s yours as you please, slayer,” Spike said, blue eyes all alight.</p>
<p>“Good,” she said perkily. “Now how’s about some blood for the most wanted vampire in all the land?”</p>
<p>Spike opened the door and tilted his head, “Ladies first.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>They made it back to the apartment without incident. Though Buffy was feeling a bit paranoid and thought she could sense some extra stare-age from the butcher and a customer or two.</p>
<p>Willow had set up multiple laptops all around the kitchen table. There were cables everywhere and she seemed very focused on her work. She didn’t bat an eye as Buffy pushed an egg roll into her hand, just kept reading her screen as she munched reflexively.</p>
<p>Dawn, Xander, and Giles were on the sofa watching the latest Hallmark Christmas movie.</p>
<p>“He seems like a stand up chap though,” Giles said.</p>
<p>Dawn shook her head, swallowing a mouthful of soup, “You haven’t watched enough of these, Giles. She never goes for the city guy.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand what’s wrong with Christopher. He has a good job, he’s perfectly nice. He even bought her those earrings she wanted.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got a lot to learn about women, G man,” Xander said, wrapping an arm around Dawn’s shoulders. “See, real women like the homely type. Good with his hands. Plaid shirts. Scruffy hair. That kind of thing.”</p>
<p>Spike sat down in the armchair and propped his feet up on the coffee table. He was feeling good after a steaming mug of blood and a whiskey chaser.</p>
<p>“I’ve found leather and fangs pretty effective with the ladies myself.”</p>
<p>He arched a brow at Buffy and reached for her hand. She rolled her eyes and reluctantly took it, letting him sweep her into his lap.</p>
<p>“Actually it was all the peroxide,” she said brightly. “I just can’t stand a man who has an ounce of color in his hair!”</p>
<p>Spike smirked, nipping at her ear.</p>
<p>“Christopher’s just boring,” Dawn said. “Jessica was bored from the moment he said ‘hi.’ She wants someone who will make her weak in the knees.”</p>
<p>Giles was watching the screen intently, “Surely some women want a nice man, comfortable life, flowers, some chocolates....”</p>
<p>“Not the ones worth havin’, Rupert,” Spike said, raising his brows knowingly. “The leading ladies want a partner in crime, not some insecure vanilla wanker who can’t keep up with ‘em.”</p>
<p>“We do like chocolate though,” Buffy affirmed. “And flowers never hurt.”</p>
<p>“Noted.”</p>
<p>“No roses.”</p>
<p>“Not everyone wants the leading lady, Spike,” Dawn interjected. “Some guys want her beautiful, intelligent sister who manages to hold her own <em>without</em> a spotlight or super powers.”</p>
<p>“Okay that was a teensy bit on the nose. I think we’re taking this all a little too far you guys,” Buffy said, leaning her head against Spike’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Xander kissed Dawn’s cheek, “The supporting cast is so underrated. I mean, gosh, just look at Willow chippin’ away over there.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you ‘supporting cast’ me!” Willow responded. “Doin’ some heavy lifting as we speak thank you very much.”</p>
<p>The gang kept arguing and making fun of the movie while they ate.</p>
<p>Buffy whispered in Spike’s ear, “I missed you. I missed this. I missed our life.”</p>
<p>He squeezed her and wrapped a hand around her neck to pull her in and kiss her deeply. She couldn’t help responding. She’d never been one for the PDA but his singular attention often made her forget anyone else was even in the room.</p>
<p>“All right, enough you two,” Xander said, throwing a handful of fortune cookies at Spike’s head. “Buffy’s room is that way if you can’t contain yourselves.”</p>
<p>“Brilliant idea, mate. Shall we, slayer?”</p>
<p>“No! I want to see Jessica pick the lumberjack guy and kiss with the snow falling all around.”</p>
<p>Spike scoffed, “Like you’re actually watching the movie. And you hate snow.”</p>
<p>“What can I say? I’m cozy,” she said, grinding into his lap with a grin.</p>
<p>Spike narrowed his eyes at her, a ghost of a smile on his lips, “I love you, you evil bloody woman.”</p>
<p>“I love you too,” she whispered, much to his delight.</p>
<p>With those magic words, Spike was satiated and settled in to watch the rest of the holly jolly film.</p>
<p>Dawn looked over at her sister and smiled at her very approvingly, raising her eyebrows. Buffy rolled her eyes and pretended not to notice the attention from the room that the words had garnered. She may not have said it in front of them before, but it wasn’t as if anyone was surprised.</p>
<p>She leaned her head against Spike’s shoulder and intertwined her fingers with his, keeping her eyes on the screen and soaking up the calm of being home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was nearly 5am. Spike closed the apartment door shut behind him as he reentered the girls’ apartment.</p><p>After their Christmas movie fest, he’d tucked his lady into bed and held her close until he’d felt her drift off to sleep. Then, as was his routine, he had slithered out of the sheets, redressed, and headed out into the night.</p><p>San Francisco wasn’t like Sunnydale where, aside from the Bronze, life pretty much came to a halt at 9pm for everyone but the demons. There was always something happening in the city. He could almost pretend he was just a normal guy as he walked the streets, leather coat flapping, surrounded by young people, laughing and generally intoxicated on something or another.</p><p>Tonight, he’d had an appointment with Dowling at their usual diner. The news hadn’t been good.</p><p>Spike crossed the apartment living area and opened Buffy’s door gently. He was surprised to see the bed empty, the window open.</p><p>“Buffy?”</p><p>He crept toward the window and found her on the fire escape, sitting in the corner, leaning against the brick wall behind her. She had wrapped herself in a fluffy red blanket.</p><p>“Buffy?” he repeated softly, his head poking out.</p><p>Buffy jolted at the sound and looked at him with wide green eyes. </p><p>“Hey you,” she said, smiling accommodatingly and returning her gaze to the lights and city below.</p><p>Spike ducked through the window and moved to sit beside her.</p><p>“What are you doin’ awake so late, love? It’s cold out here.”</p><p>Buffy shrugged and clutched her blanket a little tighter against the wind, “Dreams. Of the blood and horror-filled variety.”</p><p>She sighed heavily and leaned her head onto his shoulder.</p><p>“Two thousand people,” she whispered, staring into the distance. “Families, babies, grandmas. Just people. Regular people.”</p><p>Spike slipped his hand around her shoulders and squeezed her but said nothing. A car horn honked and a siren echoed far in the distance.</p><p>“I’m just ready for the credits to roll on this nightmare. What’s the scoop from Dowling?”</p><p>“He told me there have been a lot of flights in from DC lately, but he didn’t know much more than that. He can’t meet with me anymore though. Seems the good folks of the San Francisco PD would have a problem with him associating with a wanted criminal. Let alone havin’ one on payroll.”</p><p>“Maybe you should learn to tend bar,” Buffy muttered.</p><p>“Bet I’d get lots of tips from the sorority girls,” he added, grinning at her eye roll. “Think I should wear a shirt?”</p><p>“In all seriousness, that really majorly sucks. So no more info from the inside?”</p><p>“Just for now. He doesn’t know what’s goin’ on with the feds anyhow.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>Spike furrowed his brow, staring at her intently. He could see the worry etched in her face, softly illuminated by the golden light of the street lamp below. “Don’t lose hope, slayer. We’re almost at the finish line.”</p><p>“Are we? I kind of feel like we’re right back where we started. Except now you’re a wanted criminal. Angel has no powers. I’ve pissed off every slayer in the government. Our insider guy is out. Pretty sure there are some hardcore sex tapes to my name. And, oh, we got a whole lot of people killed in the process.”</p><p>“It’s always darkest before the dawn, pet. It’s not like you to wallow.”</p><p>Buffy sighed, “It was the dreams. They were just— bad. Very very bad.”</p><p>“Let’s go to bed. I’ll give you somethin’ new to dream about.”</p><p>Buffy shook her head but tried to smile, “I don’t know if even you can stop this mental bullet train of freak out.”</p><p>“Careful, pet, that almost sounded like a challenge,” Spike said, standing and offering her his hand. </p><p>She took it and for a moment, he was right. There was just him, his sharp blue eyes, the smell of leather, and the cold of the night.</p><p>He kissed her with every bit of passion he had. Pulling her tight to him until she was breathless beneath his lips and hands.</p><p>“Mmm,” she moaned against his mouth.</p><p>Spike nibbled at her lips, unrelenting, and guided her back a step so her back was against the wall. He trailed his kisses down her neck, his hands exploring up inside of her shirt. Rather, his shirt that she was wearing. He let his hands wander from the curve of her hips, along her waist, and up to her breasts, pinching her nipples slowly but firmly.</p><p>“Ah, Spike,” she breathed, eyes closed, leaning her head back. </p><p>“Oh Buffy, my Buffy,” he whispered back into her ear.</p><p>He knelt down, bringing her pajama bottoms and panties down with him. Buffy stepped out of them and finally opened her eyes to look down at her lover. He gave her a crooked grin and kept his eyes on her while he kissed the insides of her thighs, which began to tremble.</p><p>“Love how you light up like fire when I touch you, Buffy. I can feel you burning for me.”</p><p>She was still holding the blanket around her shoulders and she clutched it around her chest protectively, feeling exposed as the night air hit her legs and— her legs.</p><p>“Someone might…” she began hesitantly. The thought wasn’t even worth finishing though. They both knew she didn’t really care.</p><p>Spike’s eyes danced with mischief, looking up at her as he moved his face to her center. Buffy gasped instantly, her trembling intensifying. She clutched her blanket with one hand and used the other to grab the metal railing beside her.</p><p>“Spike,” she whispered desperately.</p><p>Looking down, all she saw was his bright hair as he pillaged her with his mouth. She groaned and bucked against him when she felt his fingers slip inside.</p><p>“Oh, oh, that’s good. Oh God.”</p><p>Buffy arched her back, effectively forcing herself harder against his mouth. Spike added another finger easily into her slippery depths, moving it just right.</p><p>“I’m gonna—” </p><p>And she did.</p><p>But he wasn’t finished. </p><p>Spike couldn’t stop. He flattened his tongue against her, reveling in her tremors and sounds.</p><p>“Please, Spike,” she begged, releasing the railing and grabbing his hair instead, roughly pulling him up to standing. “I can’t wait. I can’t take it any longer.”</p><p>“You’ll take it and you’ll like it, slayer,” he said, kissing her with his dirty rebellious mouth.</p><p>Buffy grinned, kissing him back and groaning very loudly when his fingers shifted to her anus and slowly pushed their way inside one at a time.</p><p>She was panting at this point as he stroked and pressed within her. She was truly struggling to stand, but his other arm had her tight around the waist.</p><p>“Unzip my pants,” he told her.</p><p>Buffy did what he said, shoving his jeans down to his knees, the belt buckle clattering against the railing beside them. At this point, she would have done anything that came out of his mouth.</p><p>There was a loud female laugh below them. It jolted Buffy to reality and she looked down over the edge. The woman was hanging all over a man, giggling as he punched the keycode to enter the building.</p><p>Spike moved his hand from her waist to her face, forcing her attention back to him, pressing harder inside her. He kissed her vigorously and she melted back into him.</p><p>“Better hold on to something, pet,” he said with a grin, using his free hand to guide himself inside her, from the front this time.</p><p>“Oh, God,” Buffy grunted at the double penetration, lifting one leg and bracing it against one of the metal bars beside her as she leaned back into the brick wall. She grabbed the railing with one hand and wrapped the other around Spike’s neck, letting the blanket fall to the floor.</p><p>They heard the door shut loudly beneath them as the couple presumably went inside, their faint voices disappearing.</p><p>Spike thrusted into her, slow and firm, never removing his fingers from behind.</p><p>“What are you thinkin’ of now, slayer?” he breathed out between thrusts. “Tell me fucking everything.”</p><p>“I—” Buffy was gasping for air, digging her fingernails into his skin. “I— Spike. Spike, I can’t— I— oh. Words—”</p><p>Spike laughed very wickedly and intensified his pace, “You’re going to have to— do better than that.”</p><p>She suddenly noticed she wasn’t even on the ground anymore. Buffy wrapped her other leg around his waist, clinging to him, leveraging the wall behind her.</p><p>“I can’t think straight,” she said, frantically kissing his neck. Then groaned and added, “There’s just you.”</p><p>“Just me,” he repeated. “Just <em>you</em> and me. Look at me, sweetheart.”</p><p>Buffy lifted her head from his shoulder and looked. Everything forgotten in the depths of his eyes.</p><p>She smiled and so did he. Her eyes were primal. Strands of disheveled hair whipped against her face. He wanted nothing more than to consume her in all her wild glory. </p><p>“You’re bloody gorgeous you know.”</p><p>He quickly overtook her mouth with his tongue, prodding into her greedily from every direction. She couldn’t resist the assault on her senses any longer and bucked wildly against him with total abandon.</p><p>Spike slammed into her a few more times, muttering endless strings of love and profanity until he too was shaking against her.</p><p>After a moment of stillness and breathing, slowing heartbeats, Spike gently removed his fingers from her backside. Buffy whimpered and clung harder to his neck. With both hands free he scooped her more securely to his chest.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” he said certainly, carrying her and turning toward the window to her room.</p><p>Spike leaned down, examining the opening, holding her against him.</p><p>“Bugger,” he murmured, setting her down onto her feet. “Wanted to carry you in there all romantic-like and lay you down on your bed, but I don’t think we can both fit through the window at the same time. And I’m about to trip over my trousers.”</p><p>Buffy giggled, looking down at the jeans still scrunched around his knees, and kissed his lips.</p><p>“That’s all right, Romeo, my legs are starting to do leg things again.”</p><p>She climbed through the window, wearing only Spike’s black tee. Spike leaned down to snatch up her blanket and pajama pants. Then he yanked his shoes off, shrugged his jeans down, tugged his boxers up, and followed her in. He tossed all the things onto the floor. Buffy was pulling back the covers when he scooped her up like a bride and arched an “I told you so” brow as he set her down onto the bed theatrically.</p><p>Buffy laughed and pulled him down on top of her.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, nuzzling the side of his face.</p><p>Spike leaned into her, “For my noble transport?”</p><p>“For quieting my brain.”</p><p>“Any time, love.”</p><p>*****</p><p>When Buffy and Spike emerged from their room a few hours later, there were cold pancakes on the counter and Willow, Giles, and Dawn were at the kitchen table chatting and clicking through the laptops Willow had arranged last night.</p><p>Buffy yawned and poured lukewarm coffee into her UC Sunnydale mug, popping it into the microwave for thirty seconds.</p><p>“Old microwaved coffee, that’s a travesty that is,” Spike said, attending to his own mug of blood.</p><p>“Says you with the O positive,” Buffy countered with a mild look of disgust.</p><p>She was still in his shirt, with short red shorts peeking out from beneath. Her hair was in a messy bun, makeup nonexistent, feet bare, and Spike thought she couldn’t look more perfect. He would never get over how something so cute could be so deadly a force. He kissed her without warning and she pushed him away playfully.</p><p>Buffy took her coffee out of the microwave and swapped it with his mug of blood, starting the timer again. </p><p>“There’s pancakes,” Dawn said, pointing to the counter, eyes on her screen.</p><p>“Thanks,” Buffy said, picking one up and nibbling on it. “Any breakthroughs on the intel front?”</p><p>Willow nodded, “Yeah, I’ve got everything unencrypted. We’re just sorting through it all. It’s a lot to read. It all falls under something called the Pandora Project, which is headquartered here in San Francisco at a research facility called Land’s End.”</p><p>“Okay. Do you think you can find out if they have eyes on us currently?” Buffy asked, removing Spike’s mug from the microwave and handing it to him.</p><p>“I doubt it. This will give us all the information the computers had up until we took them. As soon as we left their network, the updates stopped.”</p><p>“Can you get on their network from here?”</p><p>Willow looked doubtful, “Probably not. Maybe. It would be difficult.”</p><p>“Sounds like a rousing yes to me,” Buffy said, smiling at her friend over her coffee cup.</p><p>Willow laughed, “No. Sounds like Buffy still doesn’t know how computers or VPNs work, but I will try to think of something.”</p><p>“Guys, someone look at this and tell me I’m not crazy,” Dawn said, looking at her computer. “It looks like plans for a satellite of some sort.”</p><p>Giles perked up, “Satellite. I just read something about that. A magic-absorbing device that could penetrate the atmosphere from space.”</p><p>Buffy looked from Giles to Dawn to Willow, “A who in the what?”</p><p>“Oh Goddess,” Willow’s face fell. “It’s the machine they were using in the camp. The one I accidentally helped them make. Like what they did to Angel. They’re going to extrapolate the data from that machine and put it in these satellites. Then they can de-magic everyone without any rounding up of the herd whatsoever. No camps required.”</p><p>Buffy glanced at Spike and then back at Willow, “When? Does it say when they’re ready?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Willow said, turning back to her computer.</p><p>“Keep looking,” Buffy said. “Spike, Dawn, we may need to send you guys underground or something. Without your magic, you’ll both die and we are so not playing that game.”</p><p>“Can’t hide from a satellite, pet,” Spike said, setting his mug down on the counter and crossing his arms in thought. “We gotta stop ‘em before they get the chance.”</p><p>“But who is ‘<em>them</em>!?’” Buffy snapped in exasperation. “I’m tired of fighting some invisible ‘them!’ Point me in the punching direction. I need names for crying out loud.”</p><p>Right on cue, Willow blurted out, “Joanna Wise, Ophelia Reyes.”</p><p>“Ask, and you will receive,” muttered Giles.</p><p>“The press secretary?” asked Dawn.</p><p>“Yeah and the secretary of the supernatural.”</p><p>“Right,” Dawn nodded. “Because we have one of those now.”</p><p>“Their names are all over these documents. They check in to the Pandora Project all the time,” Willow added.</p><p>Buffy was frowning, “I still think Spike and Dawn should get out of dodge. We can’t risk losing them.”</p><p>Spike took her hand and squeezed, “If I thought we could hide, I would. For the little bit’s sake. But there’s no running from this.”</p><p>“You don’t know that. Dawn could open a portal. You guys could go to another dimension.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me, Buffy?” Dawn stood up and put a hand on her hip, “You know how risky that would be. We need to stay and fight this just like you.”</p><p>“Tomorrow,” Giles added solemnly, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. “They’re planning to initiate the operation tomorrow.”</p><p>Buffy stared at him blankly. Then she shook her head.</p><p>“No. That’s not enough time. No.”</p><p>“I’m afraid I didn’t book the appointment,” Giles said, leaning back in his chair.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Willow said, typing away. “We know where the Pandora Project is. We can go there tonight. We can stop this.”</p><p>“How?” said Dawn, looking forlorn.</p><p>“We have to confront them. Stop them before they initiate the launch,” Willow replied with a shrug. “We can do that.”</p><p>“It’s not enough,” Buffy said softly, glancing at Giles. “Destroying a figurehead is not enough. That’s what you said.”</p><p>“That is what I said,” Giles confirmed. “The press has been complicit in constructing an anti-magic narrative. Wise may have been the most prominent mouthpiece, but she has a country full of believers now who won’t relent until all magical creatures have been exterminated.”</p><p>“So if we off <em>her—</em>” Spike began.</p><p>“The fight won’t be over,” Buffy finished.</p><p>Willow’s brow was furrowed in thought, “We can still get in there and sabotage the satellites. Destroy their technology. Maybe I can crash their entire system so they lose all their magic-sucking data.”</p><p>Buffy pointed at her and smiled, “Yes. Me likey all of that. But I think we can do even better.”</p><p>Spike grinned and clapped his hands together excitedly, “My girl’s got a plan.”</p><p>“Yes indeed,” she said. “Time to turn the tables on these bureaucratic buffoons.”</p><p>Everyone looked at Buffy expectantly, but the front door opened first.</p><p>Xander walked in, whistling loudly. He closed the door behind him and paused when he realized everyone was staring at him.</p><p>“Did I... miss something?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was in some kind of mood when I wrote the first half of this. I'm going to blame it on Spike and his dangerous hands. Hopefully you all enjoyed ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy put down her mascara and picked up her hair brush, looking into her bathroom mirror. She began stroking through her hair, noting how long she’d let it get lately. Her roots needed a touch up, too. She began working her locks into a french braid down along the nape of her head. She focused on the careful folding and tucking and resolutely ignored the sounds of chaos coming from the rest of the apartment.</p><p>With her hair and face perfect, she felt the pre-battle calm she’d grown so used to over the past decade of battles and apocalypses. She wasn’t just a warrior, she was a commander. She was born for it. And she knew it.</p><p>Buffy took a deep breath, relaxed her shoulders, and left the solitude of the bathroom.</p><p>*****</p><p>“Cute braid,” Dawn commented as soon as Buffy emerged from the bathroom. She was whisking around the apartment filling bags with weapons and gear, instructing Xander to help her every so often.</p><p>Willow and Giles were still reading at the kitchen table, absorbing every bit of knowledge that might come in useful for their forthcoming infiltration.</p><p>Spike was lounging on the sofa, watching the TV, looking unreasonably delicious in a simple white t-shirt and black jeans.</p><p>Buffy stood in front of him, blocking his view of the screen, “Seriously?”</p><p>“What? I haven’t watched a thing in months. Give a bloke a break.”</p><p>“We kind of have something to do today, snookums,” Buffy said in her most patronizing voice.</p><p>Spike cocked a brow at her, “Did you just call me snookums?”</p><p>“Get up!”</p><p>“And do what exactly?”</p><p>“I don’t know! Get the weapons ready or something,” she said hesitantly, realizing a little too late that she didn’t know what he should be doing.</p><p>Spike looked at her and shifted into game face, “Weapon acquired. Now could you scurry a bit to the left. This show’s about vampires. Need to see how my kind’s bein’ represented.”</p><p>“Didn’t Harmony already take care of that representation?”</p><p>“Please don’t remind me of that atrocity.”</p><p>They were saved from further Harmony Bites conversation by the front door opening.</p><p>“Honey, we’re home!” Faith said with a grin. Angel followed her in and closed the door behind them.</p><p>“Brilliant,” Spike murmured, turning the television up a little louder with the remote.</p><p>Buffy smacked the TV off and smiled innocently at her boyfriend before greeting Faith and Angel.</p><p>“Hey guys. Everything go okay?”</p><p>Faith plopped into the armchair beside Spike.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s good news. Well, kind of. Is it good news, Ange?”</p><p>Angel sat down in the other chair.</p><p>“I think it will ease your conscience a bit at the least, Buffy,” he said. “We tracked down some demons who were at Elmont when the massacre happened. We think the footage was real, and vampires did kill a lot of people.”</p><p>Buffy moved Spike’s legs out of the way and sat down beside him on the sofa.</p><p>“Great, I feel so much better,” she said sarcastically.</p><p>“But it wasn’t like they said on TV,” said Faith. “They didn’t take out the town. Something majorly big and powerful did.”</p><p>“Something magical,” Angel added. “The demons we talked to had lost their powers. They said there was a green glow that came from the sky.”</p><p>“It poofed all the vamps and then there was another blast that took the humans out too.”</p><p>“What kind of blast?” Buffy asked.</p><p>“Dunno,” Faith said, stretching her arms out and leaning back.</p><p>Buffy looked thoughtful, “Sounds like they may have been testing one of their satellite magic absorbing thingamajigs. Doesn’t exactly make me feel better, but it’s good to know.”</p><p>“It should,” Spike added. “Means the government sacrificed those people, not you.”</p><p>“I guess. They still died though.”</p><p>“But it wasn’t your fault,” Angel added resolutely.</p><p>Buffy looked skeptical.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. I’m just glad you guys are here now. We’ve got a lot to fill you in on. And we’re leaving in an hour,” she added with a smile.</p><p>“Aint no rest for the wicked,” Faith grumbled. </p><p>“Tell me about it,” said Spike. “I just wanted one episode of The Vampire Diaries.”</p><p>“You don’t really watch that trash do you?” Faith asked with a grin.</p><p>Buffy widened her eyes, “Oh here we go.”</p><p>*****</p><p>They had covered Spike with a hoodie and blanket and packed into a big van an hour later. By the time they’d reached the former tourist spot and current Pandora Project locale, the sun had fully set.</p><p>The gang was huddled together, looking down at the complex from atop a nearby cliff where Giles had parked.There was a tall barbed wire fence surrounding the main building, guards patrolling the grounds with large rifles.</p><p>“Nobody said there’d be a tank,” Xander grumbled, staring through his binoculars.</p><p>“Don’t worry about the tank,” Buffy said, gripping her scythe with both hands. “You guys have your phones?”</p><p>Dawn rolled her eyes, “For the millionth time, yes. And yes they are charged. And yes we know what to do.”</p><p>Xander was still surveying the grounds, muttering to himself, “‘Don’t worry about the tank’ she says…”</p><p>Buffy turned to Angel, “You’re on protection duty. We’ll be fighting humans here, so you should be able to hold your own if you need to.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about us,” Angel said.</p><p>It was strange to see him with a crossbow, rather than fangs and fists.</p><p>“There <em>is</em> only the one entrance,” Giles noted, pulling out some papers from the inner pocket of his jacket and examining them. “You will have to circumvent that tank. And the multitude of guards.”</p><p>“It won’t be a problem,” Willow confidently assured them all.</p><p>Spike grinned and rubbed his hands together, “Cheers to that. We ready, kiddies?”</p><p>“Let’s do this,” Faith agreed enthusiastically.</p><p>“Remember to go easy on the guards. They’re just people doing their jobs,” Buffy reminded everyone.</p><p>Willow turned to her friend, “Ready, Buffy?”</p><p>Buffy nodded once and Willow raised her hands above her head, summoning a giant orb of green energy. Wind tossed her red hair about as if Willow was channeling all the forces of nature toward her. She swung her arms and guided the ball to the complex below. It blasted the ground, incinerating a large opening in the fence and stunning all the nearby guards who instantly fell over from the blast.</p><p>Buffy, Spike, and Faith charged down the hill as Willow soared majestically above them, shooting blasts of white electricity at any guard she noticed lifting their gun.</p><p>Spike arrived first and leapt at the first guard he saw, smashing him in the chest with booted feet. He caught himself on the ground with his hands and kicked the legs out from the next nearest guard, whose rifle clattered to the ground as he fell with an “oof.”</p><p>Faith and Buffy began disarming men at rapid pace, destroying their weapons easily and knocking the humans out almost instantly.</p><p>“It’s so easy, I almost feel bad,” Faith said, laying one unconscious man onto the ground.</p><p>“Tank tank <em>tank</em>!”</p><p>Buffy looked up the cliff to where Xander, Dawn, Angel, and Giles stood. Xander and Dawn were practically jumping up and down with their shouts of warning and crazy pointing. Buffy saw the tank’s gun swinging toward her as she threw a guard to the ground behind her and snapped his gun in half across her knee like a toy. She heard the pop before the blast and then all she saw was a flash of blinding light.</p><p>When she opened her eyes, there was an invisible wall between her and a cloud of thick puffy smoke. She looked up to see Willow float by and wave cheerily.</p><p>There were shouts from the guards who were still standing, “A witch! Magic! Fall back!”</p><p>“Nice forcefield, Wil!” Faith shouted, then looked at Buffy. “Gotta say being a witch looks like a hell of a good time.”</p><p>Spike was eyeing the tank, mischief in his eyes.</p><p>“You know what looks like a good time...” he said, before launching into a sprint.</p><p>“Uh, Spike?” Buffy watched him uncertainly.</p><p>Spike leapt unnaturally high and landed with a thud atop the tank. He tugged on the cover, but it wouldn’t release.</p><p>“Oi! Open up in there!”</p><p>“Liquescimus,” Willow uttered, waving at the door. The metal melted and there were screams from someone inside as the hot metal dripped down.</p><p>Spike peered into the tank, “Better get out while you can, mate.”</p><p>Spike reached down and grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him up and tossing him to the ground. He stood up shakily, clutching his burnt arm and looking around wildly.</p><p>“Your friends already bailed. Personally, I don’t think you’re paid well enough to take this level of abuse,” Spike said with mock concern, hopping into the driver’s seat.</p><p>“Spike, what the hell are you doing?” Buffy called out from the ground below, hands on her hips.</p><p>“Christ, Buffy, it’s a bloody <em>tank</em>!” he yelled, as if it was obvious.</p><p>Spike began playing with the controls, aiming. It was all too obvious which button was the fun one. He made sure the coast was clear, and then… </p><p>The entrance to the building crumbled in an explosion of fire and debris.</p><p>Spike popped out of the cabin and stood atop the tank, leather coat flapping in the wind dramatically.</p><p>“Did you see that?” he laughed.</p><p>“Are you done?” Buffy snapped.</p><p>Spike leapt to the ground and stood beside her.</p><p>“Jealous doesn’t look good on you, pet,” he smirked.</p><p>“I am not jealous. That was unnecessary.”</p><p>Spike shrugged, “It was fun.”</p><p>Buffy stared at him and shook her head, “Okay, well as long as you had some <em>fun</em> while we attempted to take down the United States government.”</p><p>Willow floated toward them and landed on the ground.</p><p>“The area is clear. We should go now. We <em>may</em> have attracted some attention.”</p><p>“What with the exploding of the front door? Who’s gonna notice that?” Buffy said, glaring at Spike.</p><p>“This was never meant to be a <em>secret</em> mission!” Spike countered. “We were gonna have to break in somehow.”</p><p>“And Willow could have done it without possibly <em>killing</em> innocent people or announcing to the entire complex that we are here!”</p><p>The rest of the scoobies had made it down the cliff now and were gathering around them hesitantly.</p><p>“<em>Willow</em> blasted the fence down with a giant whirling sphere of destruction, and she wasn’t bloody <em>quiet</em> about it!”</p><p>Willow looked from Buffy to Spike, “I’m feeling very uncomfortable right now.”</p><p>“Buffy’s just jealous, wanted to play GI Jane herself,” Spike sniped, tilting his head provocatively.</p><p>“I kind of wanted to play with the tank,” Xander admitted quietly.</p><p>“I am <em>not—</em> “ Buffy growled with frustration and pointed an angry finger into Spike’s chest. “Are you intentionally trying to piss me off?”</p><p>“Well at this point,” Spike shrugged.</p><p>Buffy punched him in the jaw.</p><p>“I need you to focus on the mission,” she said sternly.</p><p>Spike slowly turned his face back to hers, rubbing his jaw. He met her intensity with his own. She was only inches from his face looking resolute and full of fire.</p><p>“You are sexy as hell when you’re pissed off, slayer.”</p><p>He saw her crack at that and couldn’t help the grin that started to form on his face.</p><p>Buffy looked up at the sky and then back at him, taking a deep breath and shaking her head, “And <em>you</em> are absolutely infuriating with a heavy heavy dose of impossible.”</p><p>Spike laughed and kissed her. She kissed him back, but pulled away and squinted at him, daring him to piss her off again.</p><p>The tension from the group dissipated with relief.</p><p>“You guys are so weird,” Dawn said with a cross of amusement and repulsion on her face.</p><p>“I think it’s hot,” said Faith.</p><p>Angel exhaled loudly, “So about this whole infiltration operation we’re supposed to be doing.”</p><p>“Heavens yes,” Giles added.</p><p>“Let’s go,” Buffy said, charging forward toward the opening, Spike stepping in line beside her.</p><p>The rest of the group followed.</p><p>“You know I’ve got your back, slayer,” Spike said as they walked.</p><p>Buffy glanced at him and smiled begrudgingly, “I know you do. In the most annoying way possible, of course, but I know. I just want you to be careful.”</p><p>Spike grinned and raised his brows in acknowledgement.</p><p>“I’ve lasted a long time bein’ not so careful, you know. Same goes for you.”</p><p>“Yeah yeah.”</p><p>“Just admit you wanted to make the fireworks yourself.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Buffy looked straight ahead, hopping over some of the rubble as they entered the building.</p><p>Spike laughed, high on the fight and the dangerous look in Buffy’s eyes.</p><p>She grinned reluctantly, “Something is seriously wrong with you, Spike.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here we GO y'all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies for the delay on posting this chapter! I have been busy writing a holiday story for the Elysian Fields Spuffy community. I'll be sure to post it over here, too, for some December Christmas cheer!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The floor was tiled white and the ceiling was high and arched with glass windows that showcased the night sky above them. Buffy’s boot heels echoed as they marched down the long, brightly lit entry room of the Pandora Project base. Cameras loomed in the corners ominously.</p><p>Giles and Dawn were saying something about the map they’d brought, arguing over where the control room was.</p><p>“You guys keep a good distance back,” Buffy said to the group trailing behind them. “I don’t want to worry about you if a fight breaks out. And Willow, try to save your power til we need it. Don’t want you passing out on us.”</p><p>“Yep,” Willow agreed. “I’ve still got some oomph, but I should be fully recharged soon.”</p><p>“<em>If</em> a fight breaks out,” Xander laughed. “How many years have we been doing this now?”</p><p>Buffy smiled and kept walking.</p><p>“Humans, that way,” Spike said with a sniff, nodding toward the main door at the end of the room.</p><p>Buffy nodded and picked up her pace, clutching her scythe tight in her hands.</p><p>Before they could reach the door, it opened.</p><p>A robotic female voice said, “<em>Intruder alert. Lethal force authorized</em>.”</p><p>And then appeared the robot. Or half robot, half human. It was difficult to tell.</p><p>“Wowzers,” Buffy said, looking at it. </p><p>The human/bot hybrid loomed much taller than them. Metal tentacles replaced every digit where hands should be. One eye was artificial, glowing red, and attached to a helmet that covered most of the person’s face. Metal clad its limbs and chest.</p><p>Whatever it was, it stepped forward. Then it locked its gaze on Buffy.</p><p>“<em>Analyzing enemy</em>.”</p><p>Spike charged the bot just before it began running toward them. It swatted him away like a fly and Spike slid across the shiny white floor.</p><p>Buffy was just behind him and was lifted up off the ground by mechanical tentacles around her neck. She struggled and gripped at her own neck, trying to relieve the pressure there. At eye level with the bot, she looked at that one human eye quizzically.</p><p>“Jordan?” she barely managed to utter.</p><p>Buffy fell to the ground with a gasp. Faith had jumped on the bot from behind, hanging by its neck, managing to tear its helmet and red eye off with a shower of electric sparks.</p><p>“Die, you bastard!” Faith yelled, tossing the helmet behind her. </p><p>The bot spun in a circle, flinging Faith away. She hit a wall with a loud, painful smack.</p><p>“Bitch,” Buffy said.</p><p>Faith coughed and glared at Buffy, “Um what did you just say to me, B?”</p><p>“Bitch, not bastard,” she replied, nodding at the bot.</p><p>It <em>was</em> Jordan. Her telltale white hair was flattened into a bun against her head, but it was her.</p><p>“<em>Buffy</em>!”</p><p>Spike leapt and knocked Buffy out of the way of a whistling missile that had come from Jordan’s mechanical forearm. They crashed to the floor together in a pile, Spike covering her body with his as the missile exploded on the wall behind them.</p><p>Another round of missiles fired toward the scoobies, but Willow threw up a shield just in time.</p><p>“It’s Jordan,” Buffy said to Spike, eyes wide, inches from his face.</p><p>Spike glanced at Jordan, who was fighting Faith off again.</p><p>“Doesn’t change anything.”</p><p>Buffy looked unsure, breathing rapidly.</p><p>Spike stood up and pulled her up with him.</p><p>“It <em>doesn’t</em> change anything,” he reiterated. “You need to hack off those mechanical bits. I can’t bite a robot.”</p><p>Buffy hesitated, “She’s not a—”</p><p>“<em>Slayer</em>!” Spike shouted. “Hesitating will get you bloody killed.”</p><p>Buffy stilled at that but eventually nodded, knowing he was right. Feeling more confident, she tilted her head at him, “Give me a boost?”</p><p>Spike looked relieved.</p><p>“You bet,” he said with the ghost of a grin.</p><p>Spike and Buffy ran toward Jordan. He stopped just shy of her and spun around, clasping his hands together and making a step for Buffy. She jumped into his hands and he thrust her into the air so she was on the robotic shoulder. Her scythe melted through the machine parts as she swung with all her might.</p><p>Jordan bucked against the slayer on her shoulder, but it was hard to fight her without her forearms. She roared with frustration and ran into the closest wall, causing Buffy to fall too.</p><p>Buffy was on her feet quickly, hacking at the mechanical bits on Jordan’s legs. She lay there helpless without her limbs.</p><p>Buffy was panting as Spike and Faith ran to stand on either side of her.</p><p>“How did this happen, Jordan?” Buffy asked, shaking her head.</p><p>“<em>You</em>,” Jordan accused. “It’s always because of you.”</p><p>Buffy looked pained, “I don’t understand. You’re a slayer. Why would they robocop you?”</p><p>Jordan looked at Buffy with pure malice in her eyes, “Because <em>slayers can’t be controlled.</em>”</p><p>“Those assholes were always going to use you,” Faith said. “It was just a matter of when.”</p><p>Even with Faith speaking, Jordan’s eyes were trained on Buffy alone.</p><p>“Are you hurt?” Buffy asked, still pained at the thought of her fellow slayer’s suffering.</p><p>Jordan laughed, “Am I hurt? You just chopped off all my limbs!”</p><p>“But those weren’t yours. They weren’t real.”</p><p>“They were all I had. I’m nothing now. A one eyed freak with no legs, no arms. No reason to exist.”</p><p>Buffy shook her head, “<em>Jordan</em>.”</p><p>“Just kill me,” she said, her venom gone. “Please.”</p><p>Buffy looked helplessly from Faith to Spike.</p><p>“We should,” Faith said, crossing her arms across her chest.</p><p>“Spike?”</p><p>“You know I want to,” he said with a shrug. “Not nearly as satisfying when she asks though.”</p><p>“Even killing me, you have to check with your boyfriend first. You’re <em>so</em> empowered,” Jordan said with a bitter laugh. “But hey. Maybe if I’d had a vamp helping me, I would have lived longer like you.”</p><p>“Maybe. But I can’t kill you,” Buffy said softly, surprising Jordan.</p><p>Spike knelt down in front of the wounded slayer, piercing her with his eyes, “That honor would be mine.”</p><p>His face transformed and Jordan actually did look afraid then. </p><p>But Buffy couldn’t watch. She just turned away.</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy and Faith walked back to the group solemnly.</p><p>“Are you okay, Buffy?” Willow asked, touching her arm.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Buffy replied. “You guys all good?”</p><p>“Yep. Got some excellent footage!” Dawn said, holding up her phone happily.</p><p>“I’m already feeling recharged,” Willow said. “But I think we should be looking for the control room. I need to get into their system.”</p><p>“Right,” Buffy said, sounding exhausted. “Um Giles?”</p><p>“Yes. Everyone, follow me,” he said, leading the way down the empty hall, Dawn and Angel by his side.</p><p>Buffy followed them slowly, but stopped, looking back over her shoulder. Spike had laid Jordan’s body down and was jogging to catch up with them. He made it to her side and squeezed her hand.</p><p>“We’re set,” he said.</p><p>Buffy nodded but still looked distressed. Spike tilted his head and cupped her cheek with his hand. Always looking at her like it was the first time.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Buffy smiled at that.</p><p>“Somehow, when you say that it always sounds like a recent revelation.”</p><p>“More like I was reminded of the fact yet again.”</p><p>Buffy rolled her eyes a bit and grinned, “We’d better catch up.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and walking with her. “Think Jordan was the big gun?”</p><p>“I think she was the sacrificial lamb,” Buffy said.</p><p>Spike raised his brows at that, “She tried to kill you, love. She’s no lamb.”</p><p>“Well, she wasn’t much of a gun.”</p><p>The gang had entered a room. Buffy and Spike followed them in. The room was large with long tables full of computers along the walls. A large gun was at the end of the room on a platform in front of floor to ceiling windows that showcased the ocean, tossing beneath the bright December moon.</p><p>Willow was already sitting at a computer with her external hard drive plugged into the USB port, typing away furiously.</p><p>“Are these cameras everywhere making anyone else nervous?” Xander asked.</p><p>“At least my clothes are on this time,” Buffy said with a shrug.</p><p>Giles wiped his glasses clean, “We are all thankful for that.”</p><p>“Does anyone think it’s weird there isn’t more security for this room?” asked Faith. “It’s kind of important right?”</p><p>No sooner had she said it then the doors burst in from three directions and young girls poured into the room with weapons in their hands and metal on their limbs. Slayers. Robo-powered ones.</p><p>“You just had to say something,” Dawn said, shaking her head.</p><p>Then an older woman entered who was obviously no slayer. She looked at Buffy pointedly.</p><p>“You have no business being here, girl.”</p><p>Giles uttered beneath his breath, “That’s Ophelia Reyes, the secretary of the supernatural.”</p><p>Buffy glanced at him and then stepped forward.</p><p>“If you’re dealing with magic, then it is my business. You’re the one who’s out of line.”</p><p>Reyes smirked, “Silly girl. This is beyond you and your vigilante fight. You have absolutely no idea the scale of this operation you’ve sauntered yourself into. ”</p><p>“What? Your super subtle destroying all magic scheme? We kind of sussed that one out.”</p><p>“<em>Destroy</em>,” Reyes said, looking from person to person within their group. “What a waste that would be.”</p><p>Spike squinted in understanding, “You’re pilferin’ the magic for yourselves.”</p><p>Buffy looked around her, recognizing many of the slayers as former peacekeepers from their camp.</p><p>“Why do you all follow her? Why do you let them use you? Without you they have no real strength! It doesn’t have to be this way.”</p><p>There was no response, but many of the girls looked at each other uncertainly.</p><p>“<em>Fight with me</em>!” Buffy shouted, looking as many girls in the eyes as she could. “Fight with me and you will be free. Nobody will ever change you or take what is yours— what makes you special. If you just listen to yourself— trust yourself, you <em>will</em> know what’s right. You’ll know your own power.”</p><p>“Enough. Girls,” Reyes said, waving a dismissive hand. “Kill them all.”</p><p>There was a moment of stillness but then the first slayer charged toward Buffy and the rest followed with the primal shouts of battle.</p><p>Reyes stepped back and watched like a proud mother.</p><p>“Glacio,” Willow uttered from her seat, spreading her hands out wide as the floor turned to ice and all the charging slayers slipped and fell to the ground. She continued her typing.</p><p>“Fight to kill?” Faith looked at Buffy.</p><p>Buffy looked pained, but shook her head, “They’ve made their choice. It’s kill or be killed now.”</p><p>Angel aimed his crossbow, “Then there’s no time to waste.”</p><p>He fired an arrow and hit one girl in the chest, just beside the metal piece covering her sternum. She fell to the ground, clutching the wound.</p><p>“Nice shot, mate,” Spike said approvingly, sliding into his fangs and eying the girls predatorily. “Me, I always fancy a fight with a slayer.”</p><p>Spike ran toward the girls, but found himself off balance when he hit the icy floor.</p><p>“Bollocks!”</p><p>He threw his hands out to balance himself as he slid directly into one girl who had made it up to standing. With the momentum of the slide, he spun her with him in a chaotic dance and threw her back onto the floor, leaping at her neck.</p><p>Buffy jumped and slid majestically across the ice like the skilled skater she was, letting her scythe’s blade skim the ice beside her. When she reached one of the slayers she raised her scythe and let it come down across her shoulder. The metal limb fell off and the girl screamed as her very human shoulder began to bleed.</p><p>The scarlet pool of blood on the ice was startling for Buffy. She looked from it to the screaming teenager in front of her and stifled a bit of nausea. She’d never been to war with humans before. Slayers or not. </p><p>Spike noticed her stillness and shouted, “<em>Slayer</em>?”</p><p>He was now sparring with two of the girls at once, easily immobilizing one and focusing on the other who definitely had more skills. And a notable pointy wooden spear. </p><p>Buffy looked at him helplessly, “They don’t poof!”</p><p>“Get a grip, B. Kill or die, your choice,” Faith said with a grimace.</p><p>She had chosen to avoid the ice altogether and was running across the tabletops leaping onto the slipping and sliding slayers below.</p><p>“Yeah, Buffy, do you want <em>me</em> to go poof?” Dawn yelled. “Just slay these psycho bitches!”</p><p>Buffy knew they were right, but she also knew that this wasn’t slaying. It wasn’t slaying at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some dialogue borrowed directly from the comics.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something happened after a few moments of fighting. Buffy had killed five slayers herself. Their blood was on her clothes. Their bodies were still lying on the ground. But the slayers still standing seemed different. Hesitant. Confused.</p>
<p>Buffy let her scythe dig into the ice behind her to balance her as she slid to standing right before the next closest girl. She looked into Buffy’s eyes with tears in her own and threw down her sword.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to fight you,” the girl said. “Please.”</p>
<p>“Well, that complicates things,” Buffy murmured, lowering her scythe. She eyed the girl skeptically but picked up her sword and handed it back to her. “Help us. Fight with us and we won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>She looked surprised, “You trust me?”</p>
<p>“My track record may not be the best, but yeah, I trust you,” Buffy said. Her face turned stern, “<em>Don’t</em> let me down.”</p>
<p>The girl nodded and gripped her sword with two hands and turned to face her sister slayers. True to her word, she began fighting them. It caused a chain reaction of confusion as suddenly the robo-slayers didn’t know who was supposed to be fighting whom.</p>
<p>Buffy glanced back at Willow at the computer. She was working furiously. Any time anyone got close to her a wall of fire shot up from the ground and deterred them away instantly. Willow’s focus was unbelievable.</p>
<p>Angel had followed Buffy’s order well and was firing his crossbow any time an enemy came near Xander, Dawn, or Giles. Dawn and Xander had their phones out, recording the battle. GIles was keeping busy supplying Angel with a steady stream of arrows.</p>
<p>Reyes seemed to sense the shift in the battle and picked up a walkie talkie, “We need reinforcements. The troop isn’t going to hold.”</p>
<p>She backed toward the exit, reaching for the door handle and pulling it open. But the door was slammed shut and suddenly she was looking into the face of an angry vampire.</p>
<p>“Where do you think you’re flyin’ off to, pigeon?”</p>
<p>Spike smiled wickedly, letting her see his blood-drenched fangs.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” she said. “I can make it happen. We’ll lift the bounty on you, no problem.”</p>
<p>Spike tilted his head, “Go on, and do be specific”</p>
<p>“We’ll— I’ll— see that <em>you</em> get the reward money.”</p>
<p>He laughed then, “You must take me for a right stupid git.”</p>
<p>An enormous blast of green energy shot through the glass windows, knocking everyone to the ground and shattering all the glass. Press Secretary Joanna Wise floated into the room with an arrogant smile and a naughty librarian exterior.</p>
<p>“I used to have quite the fascination with the slayer,” she said, looking around the room. “All that power. One girl. It was so… mythological. But seeing how absolutely useless my enhanced slayer army turned out to be, well, doesn’t make me think I have much to fear from you, Miss Summers.”</p>
<p>Buffy stood up confidently, “I have my own army.”</p>
<p>“So you do,” Wise said, stepping forward with her hands clasped. “Two slayers, a witch, a vampire, and some humans. Quite a militia indeed.”</p>
<p>Everyone was on their feet now. Spike noticed with frustration that in the commotion, Reyes had managed to disappear.</p>
<p>“Why?” Willow asked Wise. “If you’re magical yourself, why would you be pushing this anti-magic agenda?”</p>
<p>“You of all people should know what it’s like to realize just how insignificant you are without magic.”</p>
<p>Willow shuddered at that, “No. You’re no witch. You may fling magic around like one, but you clearly don’t understand what it means to yield that power.”</p>
<p>“Can we skip the talking part and kill this psycho?” Faith asked as she sprinted toward Wise and managed to slice her just before Wise slammed her into the ceiling with a wave of her hand.</p>
<p>There was no blood though. Wise’s wound revealed her robotic interior.</p>
<p>She levitated into the air and laughed, “You’re correct, Miss Rosenburg. My natural abilities were of no significance. That’s why I had to look into enhancements. I’ve spent years grooming my body to hold mystic energy.”</p>
<p>“You’re harnessing stolen magic,” Willow said, looking appalled. “You don’t want to destroy magic. You want to take it for yourself.”</p>
<p>In perfect synchronicity, Buffy and Spike charged the press secretary from opposite directions. </p>
<p>Wise extended her arms and lifted then both into the air. Ropes of magical energy slithered around them, binding their arms to their sides while they both kicked aimlessly.</p>
<p>“Be good, children,” she said, wagging a finger at them.</p>
<p>Buffy and Spike looked at each other helplessly.</p>
<p>Willow’s gaze darkened as she lowered her chin and shouted, “Ignis!”</p>
<p>A column of fire shot up from beneath Wise’s feet. She stepped out of the flames unharmed, but it distracted her enough that her hold on Buffy and Spike broke and they both fell to the ground, which, thanks to the fire, was no longer the sheet of ice it had been.</p>
<p>“Why?” Willow asked. “Why would you play with magic this way? Why would you need it?”</p>
<p>Spike was on his feet, full of rage, in an instant. He leapt onto the floating woman and tried to bite her neck.</p>
<p>“Metal!” he grumbled, spitting the ill taste out.</p>
<p>Wise laughed and tossed Spike into a wall, blasting him with a powerful beam of purple energy.</p>
<p>“Having a taste of power is worse than none at all,” she said, in reply to Willow.</p>
<p>“Spike!” Buffy shouted as he slumped against the wall with his eyes shut. She ran to his side and dropped to her knees.</p>
<p>Wise kept talking, unperturbed, “It’s really very simple. In a world where no one has magic, she who does rules.”</p>
<p>Buffy cradled Spike’s head in her lap. His eyes fluttered open.</p>
<p>“All right,” he mumbled, gazing up at her incoherently. “I’m all... right. You’ve always had three heads, yeah?”</p>
<p>Willow locked her legs and raised both her hands, summoning a tornado of glistening green energy around Wise.</p>
<p>“Rookie mistake,” she said menacingly. “Magic’s about so much more than power.”</p>
<p>Willow flung Wise into a wall, crumbling the concrete with the impact. She walked confidently toward her.</p>
<p>“Get her, Wil!” Xander cheered, his phone held high.</p>
<p>“Experience matters,” Willow continued, wind blowing her hair around wildly. “You’re nothing but an amateur.”</p>
<p>Spike was sitting up now. Buffy stood by his side protectively, watching Willow.</p>
<p>Wise grumbled and crouched, glaring at Willow.</p>
<p>“Maybe I am an amateur, but there is one spell I know that changed everything for me. Let’s see how a professional deals with it. <em>Zhaohuan shenlong!</em>”</p>
<p>There was an unnatural, high-pitched screech from outside.</p>
<p>“She’s summoning the dragon that attacked San Francisco,” Giles explained.</p>
<p>Angel shook his head, “I am so sick of dragons.”</p>
<p>Faith ran toward Wise again with her sword drawn. Wise managed to cover herself with a protective shield.</p>
<p>“Willow, you have to go!” Buffy shouted, running toward her friend. “You’re the only one who can hold the dragon off!”</p>
<p>Willow looked around desperately, “But you guys can’t fight her without me!”</p>
<p>Buffy stopped in front of her and put her hands on Willow’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“We’ll figure it out. Thousands could die. <em>You have to go</em>!”</p>
<p>Willow nodded, “Okay, but first… there’s a source of power you can draw on, too. All the slayers.”</p>
<p>“What are you—” </p>
<p>“You shared what made you special with all the potential slayers and it’s grown in them. I can reverse the spell, put that power back in you. The power of thousands of slayers.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked over at Faith who was fighting Wise, “But they’ll all be powerless. <em>Faith</em> will be powerless.”</p>
<p>“Not my first choice,” Faith said with a grunt as WIse’s shield knocked her backward. “But dying’s a hard pass. We need a hail mary here. Do what you gotta do, B.”</p>
<p>Buffy turned to Willow and nodded. They both clutched her scythe together and closed their eyes. A blast of white light swept through the room.</p>
<p>“Whoa, tinglies,” Buffy said.</p>
<p>She stretched her arms and rolled her shoulders, feeling the power surge through her.</p>
<p>“You’ve got this, Buffy,” Willow said, leaping into the air and flying toward the broken windows. “And I’ve got the dragon.”</p>
<p>“Happy dragon slaying,” Buffy said, turning her attention back to Wise. </p>
<p>Faith and Spike were trying to break through her shield still but it didn’t seem to be working. Buffy ran toward them.</p>
<p>Wise sent a wall of purple energy that swept through the three of them. Faith and Spike fell to the ground, but Buffy kept going, hardly feeling a thing.</p>
<p>“You powered up,” Wise commented. “Good for you. But I’ve been doing that for months.”</p>
<p>Buffy sliced through the wall of magic with her scythe.</p>
<p>“Guys, are you seeing this?” she said with delight, giving her scythe a victorious twirl.</p>
<p>Dawn turned to Giles, “Is she cutting through magic?”</p>
<p>“It appears so,” he answered.</p>
<p>Wise growled and raised a hand, shooting purple beams from her fingertips directly at Buffy, “Rain of death!”</p>
<p>“Is it just me or did someone get lazy with that spell name?” Xander said.</p>
<p>Buffy took the blast directly. The beams had left holes in her clothes.</p>
<p>“That did hurt,” she said, brushing off her clothes before looking back up at Wise. “For like a minute.”</p>
<p>Spike ushered Faith back to the rest of the group, “Reckon all the likes of us can do is watch now.”</p>
<p>Faith looked displeased, “Yeah and it majorly sucks.”</p>
<p>Wise and Buffy were sparring now, both radiating magic with every hit. In the distance, Willow’s form was glowly softly as she flew around the dragon, which was still shrieking and shooting the occasional blast of fire into the night sky.</p>
<p>“You’ve got the power of slayers,” Wise said, kicking Buffy in the stomach. “But I have the power of witches, werewolves, vampires, demons. Let’s see who’s stronger.”</p>
<p>Buffy dodged a thick beam of energy, “There’s your problem. You want to know what you can do. I <em>already</em> know.”</p>
<p>She leapt into the air and kicked Wise to the ground with both feet.</p>
<p>“I’ve been doing this my whole life,” Buffy grunted, stabbing Wise with her scythe. “While you were sitting behind a <em>desk</em>.”</p>
<p>Wise blasted Buffy away from her.</p>
<p>“Need more power,” she mumbled, turning her eyes to the gun on the platform by the windows. “And I know just where to get it.”</p>
<p>“Buffy!” Angel shouted. “She’s going to use that thing to drain more magic.”</p>
<p>Buffy scrambled to her feet and began running toward the platform. Spike had started running, too.</p>
<p>They weren’t fast enough, though. Wise reached the gun and aimed it at the dragon.</p>
<p>“Why should a dragon get all the fun?” she said, a malicious grin on her face.</p>
<p>She activated the machine and an enormous gold beam shot through the sky and hit the dragon. The dragon screamed and fell into the ocean below.</p>
<p>Spike reached Wise first, tackling her away from the machine. She blasted him away from her and levitated up above him.</p>
<p>“Stupid vampire,” she said. “I could wipe you right off this planet.”</p>
<p>“Go on then!” Spike shouted at her. “Reckon I’ve had a better run than I deserve.”</p>
<p>“Spike, no!”</p>
<p>Buffy reached them just in time and threw herself in between the blast of magic and her vampire. Spike fell to the floor, all his skin covered in burns. </p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Buffy said, her voice strangled by emotion.</p>
<p>Faith and Angel came running.</p>
<p>Spike sputtered and coughed and Buffy nearly collapsed with relief.</p>
<p>“Still undead,” Spike croaked, his voice gravelly and rough. “Barely.”</p>
<p>“We’ve got him, Buffy,” Faith said, pulling Spike up with Angel’s assistance. “Go kick that bitch’s ass.”</p>
<p>Buffy turned to Wise with fierce determination and rage on her face.</p>
<p>“That was a big, <em>big</em> mistake,” she said, launching at Wise with reinvigorated fury.</p>
<p>Wise’s magic was stronger now and Buffy felt the pain of fighting through it, but she didn’t stop. She was grunting and screaming as she wailed and attacked.</p>
<p>Wise herself was laughing as Buffy put her head down and charged directly into a powerful beam of red magic trying to reach Wise.</p>
<p>“I’m not even tired, silly slayer. You’ll never last.”</p>
<p>She hovered in the open window, magic crackling around her like electricity.</p>
<p>And then there was a shriek that pierced everyone’s ears.</p>
<p>Wise’s magic beam dissipated at the distraction and Buffy fell to her knees as the shenlong dragon roared through the window, swallowing Wise entirely. It crashed into the floor right before Buffy and lay there panting, smoke coming out of its nostrils.</p>
<p>Buffy was breathing rapidly and her eyes were enormous as she looked into one giant yellow eye of the dragon.</p>
<p>“Uh. Who’s a good dragon?” she croaked nervously.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Willow landed on the ground beside the dragon.</p>
<p>“Enjoy my little reanimation trick?”</p>
<p>“You are the ultimate in dragon puppeteering, Wil,” Buffy said, reaching out and hesitantly touching the dragon gently. “It’s a little too alive and burny for my taste though.”</p>
<p>“Is everybody okay?”</p>
<p>Buffy looked back at the group, “I think so. Spike got pretty hurt. I’m gonna go check on him. You still have some computer-y stuff to do?”</p>
<p>“Yep. I’m almost done. And then there will be no more magic-stealy information in their records.”</p>
<p>“I seriously don’t know what we’d do without you. I would have just hit the computer with my scythe.”</p>
<p>Willow smiled and slid into the chair and began typing again. She paused and looked at Buffy inquisitively.</p>
<p>“Buffy, this may sound crazy and I am definitely not trying to put ideas into your head or anything, but,” she glanced at Spike. “Do you want to use the machine before we destroy it?”</p>
<p>Realization hit Buffy and she looked startled.</p>
<p>“On Spike you mean?”</p>
<p>“With his permission obviously. I just—” Willow shook her head a little. “We know it’s safe now. Because of Angel. I don’t know. It’s totally you guys’ call. I just wanted to ask before I set it all on fire. Figuratively ya know.”</p>
<p>Buffy took a deep breath, “I think I need to talk to him.”</p>
<p>“Of course. I’ll grab Dawn and we’ll work on opening a portal and getting this dragon out of here.”</p>
<p>Buffy nodded, “Right. You dragon. I’ll…yeah.”</p>
<p>She turned away from Willow and walked slowly to where Spike was leaning against a wall, Faith and Angel on either side of him. He looked exhausted. It was startling to see him with all the deep red burns on his face and hands.</p>
<p>Somehow, he still managed to smile when Buffy approached.</p>
<p>“You were amazing,” he said, his voice rough but full of pride.</p>
<p>“All the props, B,” Faith reiterated.</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and looked at Spike, “Can I kiss you? Would that hurt?”</p>
<p>“Are you daft?”</p>
<p>She gently laid her hands on his leather and gave him a very chaste kiss on the lips. Burns and all, his eyes were still full of life and adoration.</p>
<p>Buffy looked from Faith to Angel.</p>
<p>“Would you guys mind giving us a minute?”</p>
<p>“Jeez, even now you guys need privacy?” Faith laughed. “I’m as adventurous as they come, but—”</p>
<p>“<em>Faith</em>. Please,” Buffy said with an insistent look on her face.</p>
<p>Angel grabbed Faith’s arm, “Come on.”</p>
<p>When they were alone, or at least out of ear shot of anyone else, Buffy took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“What is it, pet?” Spike tilted his head curiously. “Shouldn’t we be celebrating right about now? I’m sure we could scrounge up some marshmallows and teach the dragon some new tricks.”</p>
<p>There were shouts in the background as everyone argued about the dragon and portals and what kind of portal Dawn could open.</p>
<p>“I have to ask you something important and I’m not sure how to do it without making you think—- something. And I don’t want you thinking—- I don’t want the wrong thought—-”</p>
<p>“Thinking’s never been my forte. You’re in the clear, love.”</p>
<p>Buffy sighed and decided to just spit it out. “Do you want to be human? Because we have that nifty magic-blaster 5000 over there and, well, we know it worked on Angel. So… Do you want that?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Spike said softly, thinking.</p>
<p>Buffy wanted to squeeze his hands so badly. She settled for his non-burnt forearms.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to influence you,” she said. “I just want you to be… whoever you want to be.”</p>
<p>Spike studied her face intently, “Buffy, you know I only want to be the man who’s right for you. The man with you.”</p>
<p>There were happy cheers and much dragon coaxing from the group as Willow finally managed to persuade the dragon to fly out toward the ocean where a portal loomed high in the sky, swirling black and purple.</p>
<p>Buffy went on, “That kind of doesn’t sound the healthiest, Spike. Your identity shouldn’t have anything to do with me. If I weren’t here, would you rather be a vampire with superpowers or a guy who can go out for lunch without bursting into flames?”</p>
<p>He laughed, “If you weren’t here?<em> If you weren’t here</em>?”</p>
<p>Buffy looked at him innocently as the dragon disappeared through the portal and everyone cheered and shouted goodbyes.</p>
<p>“You really are daft. Buffy, if you weren’t here, that’d be the end of old Spike. Only reason I’m not dust now is ‘cause of you. Only reason I do anything is ‘cause of you. So I need to know what <em>you</em> want.”</p>
<p>“No. This is too important. I can’t decide this for you,” Buffy said.</p>
<p>“‘Course you can. Me? I don’t give a toss. I’ll be your superhero boyfriend or your daytime boyfriend. So long as I’m yours.”</p>
<p>“Spike,” she uttered desperately.</p>
<p>“What life do you want, pet? Whatever it is, you can have it. As a vampire, I can’t give you little brats or sunny picnics or grow old with you or a whole lot of other things. If you want that life, I want you to have it. You deserve it. And I’d be happy as Larry the whole time.”</p>
<p>“Who’s Larry?” Buffy scrunched up her face in confusion and Spike just smiled and waited.</p>
<p>Then she sighed and turned thoughtful, “It sounds nice. With you, it sounds nice. A life of our own. Little psycho baby Spikes running around with cute curly hair destroying everything in sight…”</p>
<p>Spike grinned at her, amused.</p>
<p>“Big white wedding, tropical honeymoon...” she continued wistfully. Then looked at him, startled. “I mean— I’m not saying we would <em>ever</em> do that, get married or ya know, any of that kind of—”</p>
<p>“No need for panic, love. Never been the kind of bloke who runs away shriekin’ when you mention lifelong commitment.”</p>
<p>“Yeah I guess you’re not,” she said with a smirk. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured.”</p>
<p>Spike spoke softly, “I don’t care about pressure, Buffy. I want to give you what you want. That’s all.”</p>
<p>“I just,” Buffy hesitated. “It shouldn’t be all about me. I don’t want to take this chance away from you if being human is something <em>you</em> want. Angel seems to like it.”</p>
<p>Spike shrugged his shoulders and looked at her as if it couldn’t be more simple, “I want <em>you</em>. Nothin’ else holds a candle to that.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him gently, slowly, and pulled back.</p>
<p>“Okay. Then, I want you too.”</p>
<p>Spike arched one scarred brow curiously.</p>
<p>“I want you,” she explained. “Just as you are. I don’t need anything more. Yeah it’s weird that I heat up your blood in the mornings and it would be nice to hang out on a sunny beach with you. Babies and weddings and a place of our own sound... romantic. Like some sort of fairytale ending that I never thought I could have. But it doesn’t sound like my life. And you know, it’s really unbelievably cool that I’ve got a partner who can charge into every apocalypse with me. I know that when my last day of fighting comes, you’ll be there. In all my most important moments, you’ll be there.”</p>
<p>“I can take a punch when you’re brassed off, too,” he reminded her.</p>
<p>“That is also nice,” Buffy agreed, smiling. “I do appreciate that I never have to hold back.”</p>
<p>“Never ever,” he said, managing to sound as lascivious as possible.</p>
<p>Buffy laughed and exhaled dramatically, “Okay. Well, that’s that I guess. Glad we sorted that one out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Spike said, eyeing her fondly. “I love you, slayer.”</p>
<p>She ran a hand through his hair, “I love you, <em>vampire</em>.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Buffy and Spike had both collapsed into bed as soon as they’d made it back to the apartment. Their part in the war was finished and Spike had a lot of recovering to do.</p>
<p>When Buffy finally stirred hours later, the slanted golden light peeking through her blinds told her it was nearly sunset all over again. She rolled over to look at Spike. He was on his back, looking very vampire-esque with his lack of breathing. She trailed a hand along his unmarred stomach and watched him, enjoying the quiet.</p>
<p>She knew he was awake when he took a breath. His eyes fluttered open shortly after. The side of his mouth twitched with a smile when he saw her looking at him.</p>
<p>“Mornin,” he said, voice gravelly.</p>
<p>“Evening I think.”</p>
<p>Spike reached for her instinctively and flinched, remembering his scalded hands.</p>
<p>“You know I’ve got the antidote for your boo boos, right?” Buffy said, raising her brows and tossing her hair back off of one shoulder.</p>
<p>Spike looked at her with a hint of amusement, “So you do.”</p>
<p>“Don’t move,” she said, crawling over him, careful to avoid injuries. “I have the power of all the slayers in the world right now.”</p>
<p>“True,” he said, desperately wanting to touch her as she slid onto his lap.</p>
<p>Buffy leaned down so her neck was just at his lips. He breathed her scent in and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Don’t deserve you,” he exhaled.</p>
<p>“Just drink, Spike.”</p>
<p>He growled as his face changed, irritating the burns there. But then he sunk his fangs into her neck and pulled the blood.</p>
<p>Spike began to shake and groan from the rush of consuming so much power.</p>
<p>He drank.</p>
<p>And he drank.</p>
<p>He pulled away, but Buffy grabbed him by the chin and ushered him back, moaning when he conceded and sank his fangs back in.</p>
<p>He drank some more.</p>
<p>When he was finished, his head collapsed back onto his pillow. His face turned human and looked up at her, stupefied.</p>
<p>“Holy <em>fuck</em>,” he said.</p>
<p>Buffy looked at him and smiled.</p>
<p>All his burns were completely gone.</p>
<p>“How do you feel?” she asked, caressing the unmarred skin on his face.</p>
<p>Spike responded by grabbing her face and kissing her thoroughly, rolling them both so that he was on top of her. Buffy laughed and returned his kisses.</p>
<p>“We should go check on the others,” she mumbled against his mouth.</p>
<p>He shook his head no, “Sod that.”</p>
<p>“I want to know if they sent the footage to the press yet.”</p>
<p>“And I want to fuck you sideways.”</p>
<p>Buffy rolled her eyes, trying to contain her grin, “<em>Spike</em>.”</p>
<p>“All right, fine,” he grumbled. “But you may be passing up your final opportunity to sleep with a dangerous, wanted criminal. Don’t you say I didn’t warn you.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him with a trio of rapid fire kisses and then rolled out of his embrace, out of the bed, and up to standing. She began getting dressed.</p>
<p>Spike followed suit, more slowly.</p>
<p>“Guess you’re not so woozy this time around?” Spike said, pulling a long army green shirt on over his head.</p>
<p>“Not at all. Honestly, I kind of liked the rush without the super slayer mojo.”</p>
<p>“Must be hard bein’ so powerful,” he quipped.</p>
<p>Buffy shrugged and smoothed out her white sweater, reaching for her hair brush, “If it’s my lot in life, I’ll make do.”</p>
<p>Spike took the brush from her hands and began grooming her himself. Buffy closed her eyes and let him. When he was finished, he turned her around and kissed her.</p>
<p>“Out to the kiddies?” he asked.</p>
<p>Buffy took a stabilizing breath, as his kisses often required a bit of recovery time. Then she opened the bedroom door.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>An hour later, everyone was sitting around the kitchen table passing around a bag of tortilla chips. Buffy and Spike had emerged just in time for the 5:00 news. It had been strange seeing the highlight reel of their fight, but a relief to see Spike’s name cleared and Ophelia Reyes in handcuffs.</p>
<p>“It was like we were action stars from a comic book movie or something,” Buffy mused, thinking back to the clips of her fighting while she crunched on chips.</p>
<p>“You <em>are</em> like an action star from a comic book movie, idiot,” Dawn said, snatching the bag away.</p>
<p>“Do you think this will change things?” Angel asked. “For magic? For demons? For slayers?”</p>
<p>“Make it more acceptable, more open you mean?” Willow added.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Angel shrugged. “People know we’re the good guys now. They have their proof. They heard Wise’s whole plan from her own lips.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Buffy said. “Back in Sunnydale, people knew what I was doing. Not all of them. But enough—”</p>
<p>“Class protector,” Xander interjected.</p>
<p>“Right. But it was like they couldn’t say it out loud. It was too much I think. For regular people, the magical world is usually too much for them to even think of.”</p>
<p>Spike was tapping the table with his fingers, “We all prefer our monsters in shadows and closets.”</p>
<p>“So you think everything will just go back to normal?” Faith asked, skeptically.</p>
<p>“Normal is… normal,” Buffy said with a shrug. “It’s what’s right.”</p>
<p>“It’s balance,” Giles added. “The way of the world is in balance. That’s history. The way it’s always been and always will be.”</p>
<p>“Magic was never meant to be mainstream,” Willow confirmed. “And I don’t think any of us are going to trust the government enough to be out and proud about it any time soon.”</p>
<p>“<em>So</em>,” Dawn clapped her hands together happily. “On to more important topics. Christmas is Saturday. You guys missed Thanksgiving, so we are holiday-ing it up big time this year. Who’s coming with me to get a tree?”</p>
<p>“Christmas. Heavens. I have shopping to do,” Giles muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.</p>
<p>Dawn looked very eager, “Spike, was that you I just heard volunteering?”</p>
<p>“No it bloody well was not.”</p>
<p>“I think it <em>was</em>,” she said in sing-song, standing up and hugging Spike from behind with her best “try to resist me” eyes.</p>
<p>Spike looked from Dawn to Buffy beside him, “Make her stop. She’s <em>your</em> kin.”</p>
<p>Xander shook his head, “A Summers woman can never be stopped until she gets what she wants.”</p>
<p>“Don’t I know <em>that</em>,” Spike agreed with an eye roll.</p>
<p>“Come on, it’ll be fun! I need someone strong,” Dawn said.</p>
<p>Buffy scoffed, “Hello, power of all slayers sitting right here. Do you like Spike better than me now?”</p>
<p>Dawn ignored her. “Who else wants to come? Angel? You can totally come, too, you know.”</p>
<p>Spike looked at Angel, “Remember when we used to be cool?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As is obvious, this story is reaching its conclusion. Which is exciting because it felt unfinishable at times. It's sad because oh my goodness, saying goodbye to my first monstrously long Buffy fic will be hard. But I've really appreciated all the encouragement in writing this and hope you enjoy the final few fluffy chapters!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Buffy awoke feeling new. For the foreseeable future, there was no world to save. No government to hide from. No training to be done. No dirty trailer or dirty slayers to deal with.</p><p>Just fun and festivities.</p><p>Which meant something would definitely go wrong soon so she needed to enjoy it while it lasted.</p><p>She’d gotten dressed and kissed Spike, who mumbled a goodbye before plopping his head back into the pillow muttering something about mashed potatoes.</p><p>It was the most wonderful time of the year.</p><p>It was time for shopping.</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy, Willow, Faith, and Dawn were soon enjoying a leisurely stroll through Union Square with their purses slung over their shoulders and coffees in their hands, ready for a full day of browsing the shops and enjoying the festive atmosphere. Garland wrapped every street lamp and Christmas music was playing softly in every store.</p><p>“Okay I have no idea what to get for Xander,” Dawn said, sipping her peppermint mocha latte.</p><p>Willow scoffed, “Xander is possibly the easiest person on the entire planet to buy a gift for, Dawnie.”</p><p>“Not when you’re his girlfriend! Gifting becomes its own extreme sport when it’s for a significant other.”</p><p>“Please,” Buffy said. “<em>My</em> boyfriend has lived for forever and his only hobbies are watching soap operas, listening to music I don’t understand, and fighting monsters. What do you think I’m going to find for <em>him</em> at Macy’s?”</p><p>“Nail polish?” Faith said with a shrug, tossing her empty coffee cup into the trash.</p><p>“A new sweater!” Willow suggested brightly. “Spike could do with a wardrobe refresh.”</p><p>“No and no,” said Buffy, raising one finger. “Spike has loved me for nine years and I only just told him I loved him back like a month ago. A week ago he was starving and living in an insane-o government internment camp. He just had his skin extra crispified by a wantabe witch. I can't just give him a sweater and some black nail polish and call it a day. This Christmas has to be special.”</p><p>Nobody responded for a moment, thinking.</p><p>“Yeah but like, a <em>really nice</em> cashmere sweater,” Willow said, nodding enthusiastically.</p><p>Faith shook her head, “That’s a lot of pressure to be putting on one gift. Be like me, ditch the gifts entirely.”</p><p>“What are you doing here if you aren’t buying gifts?”</p><p>Faith shrugged, “Wanted to see the city. Get out. Hang with my girls.”</p><p>Dawn groaned, “Does no one remember that we were supposed to be helping me find a gift for Xander?”</p><p>“New tools,” Willow responded automatically.</p><p>Buffy swallowed some caramel macchiato, “A leather belt for said new tools. Oh, or a tool box!”</p><p>“<em>No</em> tool-related gifting!” Dawn snapped.</p><p>“What about all those cartoon figures he’s got on the shelves above his bed?”</p><p>Willow raised her eyebrows at Faith.</p><p>“What? I’ve been crashing in the guy’s apartment.”</p><p>“A flannel shirt, jeans, socks, funny eye patches” Buffy added.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dawn said glumly. “None of this is meaningful girlfriend gift stuff.”</p><p>“Well, sweetie,” Willow put an arm around Dawn as they walked. “I don’t think it would be very meaningful unless his girlfriend thought of it.”</p><p>Dawn pouted, “Stop being so right all the time, Wil.”</p><p>“She’s a pain that way,” Buffy added with a smile. Her eyes lit up. “Oh! Look at that sparkly dress! Let’s go in there.”</p><p>“Gonna find a present for your boy toy in Bloomingdale’s?” Faith asked skeptically.</p><p>Buffy shrugged and pushed the glass door open with a devilish look on her face, “Maybe not the present. Maybe just the wrapping paper.”</p><p>Faith grinned, “I am so unbelievably proud of who you’ve become, B.”</p><p>*****</p><p>Many shopping bags later, the girls burst into their apartment still chattering and laughing. Their faces fell when they saw a group of girls sitting in the living room, many of whom Buffy recognized as former peacekeepers.</p><p>“Aw man, we were going to go get the tree,” Buffy grumbled, setting her bags on the ground. “Okay, who am I fighting first?”</p><p>“No one,” one of the girls said, holding her hands up in the air in peace.</p><p>Spike, Xander, and Angel were sitting at the kitchen table playing poker, looking entirely disinterested in all of these proceedings.</p><p>“Yes,” Giles said, standing up from his spot with the girls and walking toward Buffy. “These girls are actually not here to harm anyone. It appears they’ve come to— er, well, repent.”</p><p>Buffy looked past Giles to the nervous girls sitting on the sofas and chairs, “Repent for what exactly? For betraying your kind? For locking me, Willow, and Spike up for weeks? Starving my boyfriend? Taking Angel’s magic away? Torturing magical creatures? Being completely seduced by the dark side? All of which led to thousands of people dying. Which part are you guys sorry for?”</p><p>“Star Wars reference! Nice, Buff. Very proud,” Xander hollered from the kitchen.</p><p>“I recognize some of these girls from Pandora,” Faith added, folding her arms in front of her defiantly. “Took a swing at me and lived to tell the tale. They’re lucky to be alive, really. And ballsy as hell to even come here.”</p><p>“We know,” said another girl, dark brown hair and fierce eyes. “<em>We know</em>. We made such a huge mistake. We just got sucked in. The government recruiters were so kind and made us feel… special. Like, they really needed us. You guys have never really <em>needed</em> us. It was nice to feel important.  Necessary.”</p><p>An Asian girl piped in, “They offered excellent healthcare and benefits.”</p><p>“But we know now that we did a very wrong thing. They were manipulatin’ us the whole time. We just had no idea we couldn’t trust the US government!” said a girl with wide blue eyes and a twangy southern accent.</p><p>Buffy and Willow looked at each other and dissolved into a hysterical fit of laughter.</p><p>“Trust the government,” Buffy said between laughing fits. “That is a really good one.”</p><p>“Sweet innocent things,” Willow added.</p><p>Dawn shook her head solemnly, “So young they are.”</p><p>The girls were staring at them, embarrassed and dumbfounded.</p><p>Faith pointed a finger at the group, “I know why you lot are here. Just admit it. You don’t like feeling powerless again.”</p><p>Buffy and Willow were still composing themselves.</p><p>“Faith isn’t wrong. Losing our powers sucks,” said one of the girls. “But it’s not just that. We feel like the only way we can make it right is to get back to doing what we were supposed to be doing all along.”</p><p>Buffy stopped laughing and lifted her chin, “Which is?” </p><p>“Slayin’,” said the Southern girl.</p><p>“Very good, class,” said Buffy in her teacher-y voice. “Slayers slay. We are not muscle for hire. Well, sometimes. Kennedy kind of—- it doesn’t matter. <em>You all </em>are not muscle for hire. Because your judgement is clearly not so with the judgey.”</p><p>The girls stared at her hopelessly.</p><p>“But coming here did take courage,” Buffy admitted, crossing her arms and glancing at Faith beside her. “And I do believe in redemption.”</p><p>Faith looked at Willow, “Think you can mojo our mojo back?”</p><p>Willow looked to Buffy, who nodded, and then scurried into Buffy’s room. She reemerged with Buffy’s scythe and looked at her friend.</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>Both women gripped the scythe between them. They both glowed white for a moment and then all the potential slayers in the room, and out of the room, felt the impact of their power bestowed upon them once more.</p><p>The girls were all beaming and looking at each other excitedly.</p><p>“Don’t make me regret sharing these gifts with you ever again,” Buffy said sternly. “Now you should go. I have Christmasy things to be doing and time is of the essence.”</p><p>Everyone stood up and looked around shakily.</p><p>“Chop chop! She said move it!” Dawn said with a clap of her hands.</p><p>Spike looked up from his cards, “You’ve gotten real bossy, little bit, you know that?”</p><p>When the apartment was cleared, Faith laughed and stretched her arms before flopping onto the sofa, “Damn. Feels good to be back.”</p><p>Dawn stared at her cynically, “Tough 24 hours without your powers, huh?”</p><p>“Maybe if I’d had them, I wouldn’t be so beat right now.”</p><p>Buffy walked over to where the boys were playing cards and stood behind Spike. She rubbed his upper arms and took a peek at his hand.</p><p>“You’re going in on <em>that</em> hand?” she said.</p><p>Spike looked up at her with vague irritation.</p><p>“How was shopping?” he asked, voice low and dangerous.</p><p>“It was therapy of the most retail-y. But you, mister, are not the easiest guy to buy a Christmas present for.”</p><p>“I resent that. I enjoy all kinds of liquors. Not choosy at all.”</p><p>Giles sat down at the table, “Unfortunately, I can confirm that.”</p><p>“Me, too,” said Angel.</p><p>“Yup,” Xander added.</p><p>“You may actually have a drinking problem, babe.”</p><p>Spike shrugged, “‘s never been a problem for me.”</p><p>Buffy rolled her eyes and went to pick up her bags and drop off the bounty in her room, safe from prying eyes.</p><p>“Who’s ready to go pick a Christmas tree?” Willow said with a clap of delight.</p><p>Xander looked confused, “Since when are you so down with the non-Hanukkah?”</p><p>“Trees pretty. Cookies yummy," she shrugged in reply.</p><p>Dawn was putting her coat on, “Spike’s already volunteered to carry the tree. Let’s go guys.”</p><p>Spike smacked his cards onto the table, “I did no such bloody thing. <em>Buffy</em>!”</p><p>*****</p><p>Hours later, Spike was finnangling a Christmas tree through the door of the girls’ apartment.</p><p>He growled as Xander tried to help him.</p><p>“That was a sodding pine needle you just shoved in my eye.”</p><p>Xander pointed to his eye patch, “Try some protection next time.”</p><p>Spike rolled his eyes and shoved the base of the trunk with his shoulder and popped the tree through the doorway.</p><p>“There. I’m done. Enjoy your Christmas cheer.”</p><p>Spike stepped over the tree, took off his coat, laid it over the back of a chair, and sat down on the sofa. He immediately turned the TV on and began flipping through channels.</p><p>Buffy sat down beside him and sank into his shoulder, “You’re not being a grinch are you? Oh, you smell delicious, like a Christmas forest.”</p><p>“Ho ho ho,” he said, pulling her into his lap. “Come tell Santy what you want this year, little girl.”</p><p>Dawn sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table with a box full of decorations and looked up at them, “This is your daily reminder that you two are grosser than gross.”</p><p>Spike nibbled Buffy’s ear, “A pony? Pink roller skates?”</p><p>Buffy hummed and smiled, pretending to think, “Well I did lose my ankle knife the other day. Do you have any of those lying around, Santa?”</p><p>“All the sharp pointies you desire, so long as you’re a very good girl.”</p><p>They started to kiss and Dawn just rolled her eyes, sorting through Christmas lights.</p><p>“Can someone please distract me!” she yelled. “What are you guys doing in there?”</p><p>Willow held up a bowl and spoon, “Making cookies! Want some dough to snack on?”</p><p>“Oh! Yes, please!” Dawn nearly squealed, leaping to her feet.</p><p>*****</p><p>Hours later, the tree was tacky and blinking obnoxiously with color and sparkle. Most of the cookies had been eaten and much wine devoured. Everyone had made their way to bed except for Buffy and the creatures of the night. Well, one current and one former. They were sitting in the living room with glasses of red wine, the lights off except for the tree. Buffy and Spike were still on the couch while Angel was in the armchair, his feet up on the coffee table and his arms crossed securely over his chest.</p><p>“I was thinking I should leave tomorrow,” Angel said abruptly. “Not really my place to be here anymore.”</p><p>“Cheers. Happy travels.”</p><p>Buffy looked at Spike with a small amount of amusement, “You don’t have to go, Angel. I mean, it’s Christmas. Stay for the holiday. Be merry. You can do that now, right? Be merry?”</p><p>“Yeah, I can be merry,” Angel said slowly. “I think anyway. I just don’t want to ruin your holiday by being here.”</p><p>“You’re really not that important, mate.” Spike said, lifting his glass a bit before taking a sip.</p><p>“What Spike means is of course you’re not ruining the holiday. I mean, if you go, do you have anyone to be with?”</p><p>Angel looked at her with amusement, “No. Not really. But it’s fine. Been around for a lot of Christmases. It’s not as special for me as it is for you.”</p><p>“You say that but I just watched you eat nine Christmas cookies.”</p><p>Angel shrugged and sipped his wine.</p><p>“I’ll stay, but only if you want me to.”</p><p>Buffy felt a stab of pressure at that. Without looking, she could feel Spike stiffen and stare at her.</p><p>“Faith and Giles are staying," she ventured hesitantly. "I think you should, too.”</p><p>Angel’s gaze was intent. He shifted to Spike.</p><p>“Are <em>you</em> sure?”</p><p>Spike raised his brows, surprised even to be asked.</p><p>“Slayer makes the rules.”</p><p>Buffy squeezed his hand and smiled at him in subtle thanks.</p><p>“All right then. Guess I’ll see you guys in the morning.”</p><p>Angel stood up and left out the front door for Xander and Spike’s apartment where he had been sleeping.</p><p>“Alone at last,” Spike whispered, raising his glass of wine to Buffy’s lips.</p><p>Buffy giggled and drank his final sip, “Why’d you say yes?”</p><p>“To Angel?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Because you did.”</p><p>Buffy stroked his cheek, “I don’t make all the decisions you know. You have a say too.”</p><p>“Even when it comes to Angel?” Spike challenged.</p><p>“<em>Even</em> when it comes to Angel.”</p><p>Spike shrugged, “I’m not so worried ‘bout Angel.”</p><p>“Really?” Buffy said in her most skeptical tone.</p><p>“I was a bit off my bird at the camp. I know it. ‘Specially when you left together. But— I don’t know. You ‘n me, well, I reckon we’re solid.”</p><p>Buffy smiled at him, looking beautiful and warm, glowing in the twinkling light from the tree.</p><p>“Right?” he implored.</p><p>“The solid-est. Stone solid. Diamond solid even.”</p><p>“Diamond?” Spike cocked his head. “That’s about as hard as one gets.”</p><p>“Am I wrong?”</p><p>He shook his head and grinned, “Not on this end. Always hard for you.”</p><p>Buffy kissed him happily, “Let’s go to bed.”</p><p>“Oh, let’s.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With one hand, Spike held Buffy’s wrists together above her head, pinned against the pillow. She was panting with her eyes shut as she finally stilled and relaxed beneath him. Her skin was glistening with perspiration and her lips were parted open. He kissed her, slow and lingering. Buffy smiled and purred as he shifted to lay beside her and spoon her into his embrace.</p>
<p>He kissed the back of her neck and waited until she was asleep.</p>
<p>Then he was up and quietly redressing.</p>
<p>Spike closed the bedroom door behind him very softly and then crept toward Dawn’s room. </p>
<p>Her door was unlocked. Xander was lying beside her snoring on his back. Dawn was on her side and had her hands folded beneath her face like a sleeping angel. Spike stooped down so that he was close to her face.</p>
<p>“Little bit,” he whispered. “Wake up.”</p>
<p>Dawn grumbled and Spike rolled his eyes. He put a hand on her arm.</p>
<p>“Bitty Christmas Elf…”</p>
<p>Dawn opened her eyes and promptly screamed. Spike instantly covered her mouth with his hand before she could get too carried away.</p>
<p>“Relax, pet.”</p>
<p>Xander snorted and shot straight up, seeing Spike with his hand over Dawn’s mouth.</p>
<p>“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. What in the hell are you doing, Spike?”</p>
<p>Dawn bit him and Spike snatched his hand back, looking very annoyed.</p>
<p>“Need Dawn for something,” Spike explained cryptically. “Don’t need you. You can go back to beddy bye.”</p>
<p>“Need me for what?” Dawn whined, glancing at the glowing red clock. “It’s 1:30, Spike!”</p>
<p>“Yeah and my appointment’s at 2, so we’d better scurry.”</p>
<p>“What in the hell are you talking about?”</p>
<p>Spike stood up and looked around the room nonchalantly.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain on the way, bit. Get dressed. It’s important.”</p>
<p>Dawn still looked baffled, but got out of bed and began gathering clothes. Spike appeared satisfied and went to wait for her in the living room.</p>
<p>“Seriously?” said Xander, flopping backward onto the mattress. “Summers women will do anything if you wear a leather coat and speak all British.”</p>
<p>“Oh please, Xander. He wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”</p>
<p>Dawn pulled on her jeans and a thick sweatshirt, then grabbed her purse.</p>
<p>“Don’t wait up,” she said with a smile, blowing a kiss and shutting the door behind her.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>It was Friday. Christmas Eve. Buffy’s favorite day of the year. There was something about Christmas Eve that held the promise of magic in a way that Christmas Day itself often failed to deliver on. Not that Christmas wasn’t great, but the anticipation the day before couldn’t be beat.</p>
<p>Buffy shuffled out of her room in some fluffy slippers and her pajamas and made her way to the kitchen. Xander, Dawn, and Giles were drinking coffee, standing around the kitchen island. Dawn kept yawning, looking a bit droopy.</p>
<p>“Sleep okay, Dawn?” Buffy asked, noting her sister’s particular sluggishness.</p>
<p>Xander laughed, but Dawn just smiled and nodded.</p>
<p>“So what’s everybody up to today?</p>
<p>Buffy poured herself some coffee and looked around expectantly.</p>
<p>“We need to go grocery shopping and do some cooking if we’re going to have our spectacular Christmas feast tomorrow,” Dawn said. “And I have presents to wrap. Oh, we could watch Hallmark Christmas movies and have a wrapathon!”</p>
<p>“Possibly,” Buffy contemplated. “But everyone I bought gifts for kind of lives here…”</p>
<p>“Good point.”</p>
<p>“I still have some shopping to do,” Giles said.</p>
<p>“Oh, are you getting me something Giles? What is it? Tell me,” Buffy grinned. “It better be good. I probably saved your life this year. You know, at some point.”</p>
<p>Giles smiled but ignored her, “Xander mentioned something of the sort himself. We were going to go to the mall. Shall we wait for Spike to get up and join us?”</p>
<p>“Aw, like a man shopping date? That’s so sweet. And you’re inviting Spike,” Buffy said with surprise.</p>
<p>“Almost like he’s a man, too,” Xander quipped.</p>
<p>Buffy contemplated, “I don’t know if he’d want to go. He’s usually more of a lone wolf when it comes to that sort of thing.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you guys should just go without him,” Dawn agreed.</p>
<p>“All right,” Giles put his coat on. “Xander?”</p>
<p>“I’m coming, G-man, just grabbing my wallet.”</p>
<p>There was some shuffling about and then Buffy and Dawn were alone.</p>
<p>“Hey, what do you think of going out tonight?” Buffy proposed.</p>
<p>“Out out?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, high heels and ‘Buffy gets to wear her new sparkly dress’ kind of out.”</p>
<p>Dawn arched one brow at her in a far too Spike-like way, “You want to get lit on Christmas Eve?”</p>
<p>“Well, no, not like that,” Buffy said, setting her mug down. “I’m thinking less with the beats and more with the swing. Champagne not shots. Something classy and Christmasy.”</p>
<p>Dawn nodded and looked stern, “I’m picking up what you’re laying down, sis. I’ll talk to some of my friends, see what they recommend.”</p>
<p>“I love that you have friends who can hook us up when we want to go normal it up for a night.”</p>
<p>Dawn finished her coffee and began pouring herself another cup, still yawning.</p>
<p>“Unless of course you don’t think you can make it to tonight,” Buffy mocked.</p>
<p>“I’m fine! Let’s wrapathon while everyone else is out.”</p>
<p>“Oh! Yes please!”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Everyone spent the day sneaking around, wrapping gifts, sticking them under the tree, and preparing for the holiday. Christmas movies played in the background. More cookies were baked because what else were they going to eat for lunch? And eventually it was evening. Buffy and Dawn had successfully convinced everyone except Giles to go out to a Christmas Eve party at a swanky club downtown. Giles insisted an evening alone would be all the merrier.</p>
<p>Buffy was curling her hair in front of the bathroom mirror when Spike walked in wearing a gray, slim cut sport jacket over top a white cotton t-shirt and deliciously tight black pants. He arched an inquisitive brow at her.</p>
<p>“How do I look?”</p>
<p>Buffy turned her head just enough to look him up and down. She gestured in a circle with her index finger, “Turn around. All nice and slow-like.”</p>
<p>Spike smirked and gave her a slow spin and then cocked his head at her devilishly, “Does the lady approve?”</p>
<p>“The lady likey,” she said enthusiastically, returning her attention to her careful curling. “You sure you don’t mind going out tonight?”</p>
<p>“Why would I mind? Booze, dancing, Buffy in a skintight dress, what’s not to love?”</p>
<p>Buffy smirked and clicked off her curling iron. She began carefully combing through some of the curls with her fingers until she had the perfect wavy, piecey locks.</p>
<p>“Women truly <em>are</em> magnificent creatures,” Spike noted, almost to himself, as he watched her tedious preparations, leaning against the door frame.</p>
<p>“<em>Women</em>?” Buffy asked, carefully lining her eyes in black.</p>
<p>“Women,” Spike affirmed. “One in particular of course.”</p>
<p>She smiled, “You’ve been very busy today. I’ve hardly seen you at all.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true. We got to see that red-nosed bugger save Christmas together.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Buffy confirmed, moving on to eye shadow. “But you’ve been in and out all day. Buy me something good?”</p>
<p>Spike grinned but said nothing. She glanced at him.</p>
<p>“Oh, it <em>is</em> good! I can tell from your face,” she said excitedly.</p>
<p>“Puttin’ a lot of pressure on the bloke who lost his job not four days ago.”</p>
<p>Buffy shrugged, “And you’d have it back tomorrow if you asked.”</p>
<p>“Probably.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m excited. Tell me what it is. You know some people exchange gifts on Christmas Eve and I know you fancy yourself a rebel and all.”</p>
<p>Spike was still grinning, watching her speak enthusiastically into the mirror as she combed mascara through her lashes. She was still talking when he turned around to leave.</p>
<p>“Spike!”</p>
<p>She shook her head and continued working on her makeup.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Spike was leaning against the wall beside the front door, watching with some amusement as all the girls dashed this way and that preparing themselves, finding just the right purses to match their outfits, and pulling strappy heels onto their feet. One hand fiddled inside his pocket as he waited.</p>
<p>Giles, Angel, and Xander were at the kitchen table.</p>
<p>“It looks unbelievably tiresome to be female,” Giles noted.</p>
<p>Willow was the first girl ready. She did a proud twirl for the boys in her long sleeved, shimmering purple dress.</p>
<p>“Am I festive?”</p>
<p>“As a pinata,” Xander replied.</p>
<p>Willow didn’t look so pleased with that.</p>
<p>The rest of the girls eventually followed suit. Faith was in a short black dress and monstrously high heels. Dawn was wearing a navy blue dress with spaghetti straps and tight ruching, her hair down in soft curls.</p>
<p>“Wow,” Xander said, standing up and putting his hands on her waist. “You look— wow.”</p>
<p>Dawn rolled her eyes but looked very satisfied with his reaction.</p>
<p>“Hurry up, Buffy!” she called out.</p>
<p>Buffy came hobbling out of her bedroom in one heel, the other in her hand.</p>
<p>“My strap doesn’t want to strap,” she pouted.</p>
<p>Xander took the shoe from her and examined it, finangling something, and handing it back to her.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Xander,” she said, leaning down and attaching the shoe to her foot.</p>
<p>When she stood up, all she could see were Spike’s intense eyes, drinking up the sight of her. Her dress was a sparkling deep emerald green with a V cut in the front and a much lower V in the back. Thin straps criss-crossed over her shoulder blades but otherwise her back was bare.</p>
<p>“I look okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>Spike scoffed and stepped toward her, pulling her in by the hips and kissing her. Buffy laughed and pushed him back slightly.</p>
<p>“You’ll mess up my makeup and I did a particularly good job on that tonight.”</p>
<p>“Makeup’s meant to be mussed, love.”</p>
<p>“We ready to go already?” Faith asked.</p>
<p>“Yes!” said Dawn, leading the charge out the front door.</p>
<p>Willow followed, looking back and waving, “Night, Giles!”</p>
<p>“Be back by midnight if you want Santa to leave you something,” he replied, sipping his hot tea and settling onto the sofa with a book.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy’s first thought when they entered the club was that Dawn had delivered. Operation swanky celebration achieved. There were cozy, candle-lit tables with curling red leather booths lining the sides of the room. A giant round bar with shiny, polished wood was in the center with dance floors on either side of it. Thousands of twinkling white lights crisscrossed the ceiling in pretty swoops and a band was playing festively. Was it swing? Jazz? She didn’t even know, but it sounded fun and there were horns, of the non-monster variety.</p><p>Faith charged in like she owned the place.</p><p>Dawn grabbed Xander’s hand and immediately took to the dance floor.</p><p>Spike looked at the others, “Bar?”</p><p>“Bar,” Buffy, Angel, and Willow said in unison.</p><p>“Go claim us a table, ladies. Any beverage requests?”</p><p>Buffy shrugged and began scanning the room for a free table, “You know what I like.”</p><p>“Chardonnay please,” Willow said perkily.</p><p>Willow grabbed Buffy’s arm and pointed her toward an open booth.</p><p>Spike nodded toward the bar and he and Angel went over.</p><p>“So, when’s the last time you went out with the intention of havin’ fun, mate?”</p><p>Angel leaned against the bar, watching the band play, “It’s been a long time. Cordy used to make me. Fred, too.”</p><p>“Fred was a long time ago,” Spike said somberly. “Cordelia even longer.”</p><p>The bartender approached and they ordered the drinks.</p><p>“Maybe you’ll meet a pretty bird tonight,” Spike said while they waited.</p><p>Angel glared, “Probably best for the birds if I don’t. Doesn’t seem to work out well for any of them.”</p><p>“Buffy’s doin’ all right.”</p><p>“Buffy’s different. She’s—” Angel paused. He was going to say strong, but he knew Cordelia and Fred had been strong, too. “She’s a slayer.”</p><p>“More than one of those runnin’ around now,” Spike said, looking mischievous. “Came here with one in a little black dress in fact.”</p><p>Angel shook his head, amusement and annoyance battling for his facial expression, “Thanks, Spike, but I don’t need your assistance.”</p><p>“Yeah? Faith already put the moves on you? She’s a firecracker.”</p><p>“No. There were no moves.”</p><p>Spike nodded, “She’s a force. Hard to deny her.”</p><p>“How would you—?”</p><p>Spike shrugged as if the answer were obvious.</p><p>“Your slayer fixation is something else, Spike.”</p><p>The bartender handed them five drinks and they went to join the girls, setting their bounty on the table. Willow and Buffy were sitting in the center of the cushioned semi-circle.</p><p>“Oh, pretty!” Buffy said, picking up her drink, which was garnished with cherries and a sprig of mint.</p><p>“Called the mistletoe,” Spike informed her, scooting into the booth beside her. “Looked like the most disgusting thing on the bloody menu, so I knew you’d love it.”</p><p>She sipped happily as Faith scooted into the empty space beside Spike. He slid one of the drinks toward her.</p><p>“Angel got you this,” he said.</p><p>Angel looked up abruptly from the other side of the table.</p><p>“Did he now?” Faith grinned, taking a generous swig. “Old Fashioned. A strong one. Solid choice. Looks like I owe you a dance later, huh?”</p><p>Spike and Buffy eyed Angel with much amusement.</p><p>“Happy to dance with you any time, Faith,” Angel said with a smile, holding his drink out.</p><p>Spike looked amused and held out his glass, “Cheers to that!”</p><p>Everyone clinked glasses and took their sips.</p><p>“You know, I’ll dance with you, too, Faith,” Willow said, a playful look in her green eyes.</p><p>Faith tossed her hair and laughed. She stood up after a final gulp, “You guys are so much more fun than you were in Sunnydale.”</p><p>“We’re only fun when the bad guys are dead,” Buffy said.</p><p>“Yeah that’s kind of our motto,” Willow agreed. “Come on, Angel, to the floor. Buffy, Spike?”</p><p>Buffy snuggled closer to her vampire, “We’ll guard the table til Dawn and Xander take a breather.”</p><p>“Uh huh,” Willow said skeptically as Angel stood up to join her and Faith. “Enjoy your makey outies.”</p><p>Spike took that as his cue to take Buffy’s chin and tilt her face towards his, kissing her smoothly.</p><p>Buffy smiled and took a breath, “Wow. That mistletoe really packs a punch.”</p><p>“Nah. Just an incredible lightweight you are. And very susceptible to a sugar rush.”</p><p>Buffy tartly bit his ear. He leaned into it despite the pain. He was grinning when she looked at him again.</p><p>“You look particularly luminous tonight, love. Know you know it, but had to say it anyhow.”</p><p>She rewarded him with another kiss and when they pulled apart, his expression had turned serious, clutching her hand underneath the table.</p><p>“What?” she whispered, knowing he could hear her despite the loud instruments.</p><p>He shook his head, “Nothing.”</p><p>Buffy looked skeptical, but squeezed his knee and took a sip of her drink as Dawn and Xander approached. They collapsed into the booth, both smiling and panting with exhaustion.</p><p>“Xander any better at dancing than he was in high school?” Buffy asked playfully.</p><p>Dawn laughed, “Still a spaz, but a cute one.”</p><p>“Thank you, ladies, I’ll be here all night.”</p><p>Spike scooted around to the edge of the booth and stood up, holding out a hand to Buffy.</p><p>“Let’s dance, slayer.”</p><p>Buffy grinned and moved to take the offered hand, “All we’ve ever done, right?”</p><p>*****</p><p>An hour later, everyone was laughing and recuperating from their dancing exertions at the table again. Everyone except Willow who seemed to be having fun of her own at the bar with a petite blonde.</p><p>“I’m headin’ to the bar. Anyone want anything?” Spike asked, standing up.</p><p>Buffy pouted and stood with him, grabbing his arm. “But they just started playing a nice slow one and I need a partner.”</p><p>Spike hesitated, but then he said, “I’m sure Angel could help you out with that problem, pet.”</p><p>Buffy raised her eyebrows in surprise. In fact, the entire table looked surprised, Angel perhaps most of all. She looked at him, amused.</p><p>“What do you say, Angel?”</p><p>Angel eyed Spike skeptically, but saw no ulterior motive on his face.</p><p>“Okay...”</p><p>Angel stood up and looked at Buffy a bit awkwardly.</p><p>“Don’t let me fall down, now, I’m a teensy tipsy,” she said.</p><p>Buffy kissed Spike daintily on the cheek and then took Angel’s hand and led him to the dance floor with an amused smile.</p><p>“Wow, Spike,” said Xander. “Never thought this day would come.”</p><p>“Not a big bloody deal,” Spike said curtly.</p><p>Xander turned to Faith, “See, he says that but if you knew what those three have—” </p><p>“Everyone knows about those three the instant they’re in the same room with ‘em,” Faith said, downing her drink and slamming it on the table.</p><p>“<em>Dawn</em>,” Spike said. “Help me with the drinks?”</p><p>“Sure,” she said, joining him eagerly.</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy had her arms around Angel’s neck, his hands around her waist as they slow danced to the saxophone’s solo.</p><p>“So should I be worried?” Angel asked. “That was strange, right?”</p><p>Buffy shook her head, “I think he just wanted to show off how completely not jealous he is. He knew you’d never ask on your own.”</p><p>“Well, that much is true.”</p><p>Buffy smiled and they swayed to the music.</p><p>“It’s been nice having you around, you know,” she said. “In a non-apocalyptic or dramatic kind of way.”</p><p>“Yeah. Same. It’s been good to see how you live here.”</p><p>“There are usually less cookies.”</p><p>“You seem really good.”</p><p>“Actually, there are always cookies,” Buffy said, looking thoughtful. “Lots of cookies.”</p><p>“You seem happy.”</p><p>Buffy nodded, “Yes. That. Very.”</p><p>Angel pulled her a little closer and she leaned her head into his chest like she was eighteen and she was back at the prom. Only this time she caught another vampire’s gaze from across the room. Spike was leaning against the bar, chatting with Dawn, watching them.</p><p>“I’m happy for you,” he said to the top of her head.</p><p>Buffy smiled at Spike and lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers in a tiny wave that Angel didn’t seem to notice. Spike mimicked her with a smile, still making conversation with her sister.</p><p>Buffy and Angel rocked together quietly until the song ended and transitioned to something more upbeat. They broke apart and Buffy smiled up at him.</p><p>“Thanks for the dance, Angel.”</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy had finished her next round of holiday-themed cocktail when Spike invited her to the next slow dance.</p><p>“Did you even have to ask?” she said.</p><p>Spike looked unusually uncertain, watching her scoot out of the booth and take his hand.</p><p>Buffy looked at him, confused, “I’m just playing around you know.”</p><p>“I know,” he nodded, leading her toward the floor.</p><p>“Hey teach me how to do an old time-y dance,” Buffy said, holding one arm out and high, ready to waltz with her punk rocker.</p><p>Spike grinned, “I don’t know. Lettin’ a man lead doesn’t seem your style, pet.”</p><p>“Hm,” Buffy said, taking his hand. “It could be my style. Under the right circumstances.”</p><p>“Like this?”</p><p>Spike lifted her off her feet and spun her around. She shrieked with delight. He put her back on the ground and smiled at her.</p><p>“Way too many mistletoes for that,” Buffy said with a laugh.</p><p>He smiled and began to lead them in a more gentle dance, one hand in hers, the other on her hip.</p><p>“Are you okay, Spike? You’ve been kind of funny today.”</p><p>“Funny?”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know how else to describe it. Off.”</p><p>Spike looked around guiltily.</p><p>“Oh sod it,” he grumbled to himself and his shoes before looking up at her earnestly. “Buffy, love, I don’t really know how to say this.”</p><p>Buffy raised her eyebrows and tripped over her feet a bit, “You’re not about to ruin what was shaping up to be the perfect night are you?”</p><p>“Sure hope to hell not,” he said.</p><p>She looked at him expectantly, squeezing the hand he still had high in the air. He transitioned his hold to her waist and looked at her so intently she thought her knees might buckle.</p><p>“Buffy.”</p><p>“Spike. What's going—”</p><p>“Hush a minute. Tryin’ to say somethin’ important here.”</p><p>Buffy waited, feeling nervous, kissing his neck reflexively if only to break out of the intensity of his gaze.</p><p>“Buffy, I love you,” he said, squeezing her hips as he did. “You’re the one. You’re everything. You always will be. And, well, you got me thinkin’ the other night. When you asked if I wanted to be human.”</p><p>“Oh. You <em>do</em> want to be human?”</p><p>Spike shook his head, “No! Bugger.”</p><p>He held up in his fingertips a glittering diamond ring.</p><p>“I wanted to give it to you for Christmas,” he said. "I just couldn't wait. Seems I can't keep anything from you."</p><p>Buffy looked like a deer in headlights, muttering softly, “Shiny.”</p><p>Spike was biting his lip, “Before you say— anything. I need you to know that you can say no and it won’t change a thing between us. I will <em>not</em> leave you. I will not stop loving you. Ever.”</p><p>“Spike,” she whispered, still staring at the ring, feeling goosebumps spread down her arms and rubbing them unconsciously.</p><p>“Reckon I’m ten steps ahead of you on this, pet, and I understand all the reasons you likely should say no. Happy to itemize them for you if you like. I just— when you talked about that fantasy life of yours, I realized it didn’t <em>all</em> have to be fantasy. Maybe it’s not exactly legal to marry the undead, but I can stand in front of everybody we care about and promise to love you forever. If you want it. I do. Want it...”</p><p>He was searching her face for a hint of her response but all he saw was shock and a lot of deep breathing.</p><p>“I feel like I’m falling,” she whispered.</p><p>“You with me, love? You understand what I’m proposin’ here right?”</p><p>Buffy nodded dazedly, “Uh huh. I’ve seen the movies.”</p><p>Spike stared at her a moment before exhaling softly and stuffing the ring back in his pocket.</p><p>“Hey, what are you doing?” she asked.</p><p>“It’s all right, pet. All precious feelings are intact. Could use a shot of bourbon though. To the bar?”</p><p>She punched his shoulder and glared at him, “Give a girl a second to process! You just asked me— asked me—”</p><p>She started wringing her hands.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, looking guilty. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't've—”</p><p>“That’s a big freaking deal, Spike. You think I’m just going to forget it and go grab another drink with you? Are you insane?”</p><p>“Likely a bit.”</p><p>“Ugh! You are impossible. You—”</p><p>Spike looked at the ceiling with frustration, “Look! I’m sorry! I couldn’t help myself. I—”</p><p>“Yes!” she said, looking defiant with her crossed arms and stern face. “The answer is yes.”</p><p>Spike tilted his head and looked as if he didn’t believe it.</p><p>“Couldn’t wait til Saturday huh?” she mocked.</p><p>Spike’s mouth twitched with a grin, “Never could. Not when it comes to you.”</p><p>They stared at each other, just breathing as the music played and couples danced around them. They’d long since stopped dancing themselves.</p><p>Spike took her hands, “If you’re sure…”</p><p>Buffy was trembling as he slipped the ring onto her finger.</p><p>There was a gleeful shriek that sounded far away.</p><p>"You're sure?" Spike repeated. "Been in many a hairy situation together, but I've never felt you shakin' like this before."</p><p>When he looked up from the ring to her face, a tear darted down her cheek.</p><p>"I don't think I've ever felt this happy before," she whispered.</p><p>Spike felt his own eyes welling up and kissed her desperately, hoping she wouldn't notice. They continued kissing until Dawn practically knocked them over with her enthusiastic hug.</p><p>"Oh my god! She said yes! She’s wearing it. You did it. <em>Oh my god</em>!"</p><p>Buffy wiped a happy tear away, "You knew? Did everyone know?"</p><p>"Just Dawn," Spike said, hugging the younger Summers to his side. "Took her ring shopping with me and swore her to secrecy. There may have been a blood oath ritual involved. Oh and Rupert knows, too."</p><p>"He does?" the girls said in unison.</p><p>"I'm a traditional man, love. It's only proper to ask the most important people in your life for their blessing first."</p><p>Dawn looked skeptical, "I don't remember any asking, more like 'get out of bed and help me right now.' That I remember."</p><p>"It was implied," Spike said with a shrug.</p><p>"I have to tell everyone," Dawn squealed. "Can I tell everyone?"</p><p>Buffy sniffed and nodded and Dawn ran off after squeezing them both.</p><p>Alone again, Buffy snaked her arms in between Spike’s shirt and jacket and hugged him tight, closing her eyes and pressing the side of her face to his chest. He could still feel her shaking.</p><p>"I just can't believe you."</p><p>"I can't believe <em>you</em> said yes,” he said, voice cracking with emotion. “Bloody insane you are. Certifiable."</p><p>They slowly began moving to the music again, locked in embrace. Spike started humming along to "White Christmas." She felt the deep vibrations through his chest and finally relaxed, completely content to never ever leave this moment.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>SO MUCH FLUFFY LOVE. Thanks for all the love on this story. Just a few chapters to go now...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy couldn’t stop giggling. Giggling. Her.</p>
<p>When her friends had surrounded them and her ring with awe and enthusiasm. Giggles.</p>
<p>When she’d stumbled out of the cab like a sorority girl and Spike had caught her hand. Giggles.</p>
<p>When he’d slammed the bedroom door shut and tossed her on the bed. So many giggles.</p>
<p>Spike leapt atop her like a panther in the night and kissed her mouth like he’d been poisoned and she was the cure.</p>
<p>Her blonde hair splashed across the pillow. </p>
<p>His icy eyes drinking in the vision of her.</p>
<p>He’d pulled back a few inches to bask.</p>
<p>“No,” Buffy whispered, clutching at his white shirt and rubbing her thigh against his. “Don’t go. Don’t be far away from me.”</p>
<p>Spike nuzzled her neck, kissed her skin, and inhaled her scent of peaches, alcohol, and sweat.</p>
<p>“Never away from you again. Never, my sweet.”</p>
<p>She moaned happily at the words and began to peel his jacket off. He helped her and tossed it away, promptly pulling up and off his t-shirt as well before kissing her again.</p>
<p>“You taste like cherries 'n vodka,” he said, caressing her lips with his fingers as his mouth trailed down her neck to the valley of her chest.</p>
<p>“Still a little mistletoey,” Buffy admitted. “Or deliriously happy or... flying. I really don’t know which, but I’m definitely drunk on <em>something</em>.”</p>
<p>She looked down at him and he grinned, bringing her ring-clad hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles with an open, bitey mouth.</p>
<p>“You maybe,” she said softly, never losing his eyes. “Drunk on you.”</p>
<p>Spike’s eyes darkened with lust and he sat up. He loomed over her, bare-chested, and reached down to bend one of her legs and pull it up beside his face, stroking and kissing her smooth, muscled calf.</p>
<p>Buffy smiled and set her thin black heel against his chest, letting it press in hard, “Take it off.”</p>
<p>Spike couldn’t stop looking at her eyes all smoky green and dangerous with reckless joy.</p>
<p>“Maybe I fancy the look of you wearin’ em,” he challenged, taking her foot into both hands and raising it to his lips to kiss her open toes.</p>
<p>“I like the look of you wearing nothing,” she returned, sitting up and unzipping his pants.</p>
<p>Spike inhaled and exhaled dramatically, attempting to contain his overwhelming elation, kissing her and spreading the straps of her dress so they slunk down her shoulders.</p>
<p>Buffy pressed him back and he planted his hands behind him to stabilize. She removed his pants in one swift movement so he was bare before her. He watched her hungrily as she let her dress fall completely away from her torso and pool at her hips. She pushed him down on the mattress and kissed him while she shimmied the green fabric down her legs and onto the floor.</p>
<p>Wearing just her lacy black panties and heels, she straddled him and let her hands warm and absorb every delicious inch of his body.</p>
<p>Spike’s whisper was husky in her ear, “Want you so bad, pet. You’ve no idea what I feel when you touch me like that. It burns.”</p>
<p>Buffy was breathing hard as she slid the fabric of her panties aside and sank onto him. Spike gripped the flesh of her hips and groaned.</p>
<p>“Slayer, sweet slayer, you are so beautiful movin’ about like that. Your hair all gold and gleamin’ ‘round your shoulders.”</p>
<p>She smiled and leaned down to kiss him, never ceasing her rhythm.</p>
<p>“Tell me more pretty things.”</p>
<p>Spike ran his hands from her hips to her breasts and she arched into him with a soft cry.</p>
<p>“Gonna make you mine forever,” he said, voice slow and leisurely. “Gonna hold you and kiss you and take care of you forever.”</p>
<p>Buffy moaned and nodded her agreement. Spike grabbed her arms and rolled her underneath him, then ripped her underwear fully off.</p>
<p>“Forever’s a very long time,” Buffy said, looking up at him gravely. “For you.”</p>
<p>Spike tilted his head and squinted at her, “‘S no different for me than you, love. Your forever is my forever.”</p>
<p>Buffy rubbed her face into his neck.</p>
<p>"I don't want to think about that. It makes me too sad."</p>
<p>He kissed the thought away.</p>
<p>They touched, they panted, they moved into each other.</p>
<p>Buffy began to feel the climax come, but she stopped Spike’s movements.</p>
<p>"Don't. I don't want to. Not yet. Because when I do, I'll fall asleep and then the best night of my life will be over."</p>
<p>Spike grinned, "So I'm to make love to you eternally then?"</p>
<p>"That would be nice and all, but I don't think even we have that kind of stamina. Besides, eventually, the sun does come up no matter what we have to say about it."</p>
<p>Spike took her left hand and placed it on her chest, her ring sparkling even in the darkness. Buffy watched him curiously.</p>
<p>"Did you know I'd say yes?"</p>
<p>He chuckled, "If I had I wouldn't've been so bloody terrified."</p>
<p>"Mmm," she responded, grazing one heel up his leg, grinning when she dug it into his glute and he jumped. "Finally managed to scare you did I?"</p>
<p>"Ah, pet, you should know better 'n that," he said, cupping her face with his hands and raising his brows. "Been petrified ever since I fell in love with the slayer."</p>
<p>Buffy clutched him by the balls and his forehead fell to her chest helplessly.</p>
<p>"And when exactly <em>did</em> you fall in love with the slayer? What was the moment?"</p>
<p>Spike looked up at her, surprised, "When I saw you."</p>
<p>"Tell the truth or I squeeze harder."</p>
<p>He laughed, "I am! Was completely yours from the start. But if you want to know when I finally <em>realized</em> I was yours…"</p>
<p>He pulled her up so she was sitting in his lap. Her legs and arms wrapped around him instinctively as she rocked her pelvis against him making little noises of contentment.</p>
<p>Spike smoothed the hair away from her face.</p>
<p>“The night I truly knew I was done for was when I came to kill you, ready to blow your pretty little head to smithereens after you’d—” he shook his head and dug his fingers into her flesh. “But you were cryin’ on your back porch. I was so determined to end all the confusion and agony goin’ on inside me. But you were crying.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him gently and interlaced her fingers with his.</p>
<p>“I put my hand on you. And you let me. Your pain became mine. And I thought, <em>‘maybe</em>.’”</p>
<p>He kissed her and thrust up, much to her delight.</p>
<p>“That ‘maybe’ was all it took?” she asked.</p>
<p>Spike nodded and kissed her forehead, “Just sittin’ there with you, not tryin’ to kill each other. You bein’ so perfectly killable in that moment and knowin’ all I wanted to do was hold you. Didn't make a bit o' sense, but I knew— I knew I was done denyin' it. I knew it was true.”</p>
<p>She was quiet, thinking, rocking slowly in his lap.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>Spike squeezed her hands tighter, his tongue wild in her mouth.</p>
<p>“You, my girl, my sweet delicious girl,” he murmured into her mouth between kisses. “You’ve made me. You’ve made me yours— made me in your own glowing, perfect image. And I will worship you forever. Because I am yours.”</p>
<p>Buffy cried out and dug her nails deep into his hands.</p>
<p>“Good. That’s it, pet,” he grunted, letting himself release at long last. “I’ve got you. And I’m with you. Always. Always with you.”</p>
<p>Their foreheads were pressed together and they were both breathing rapidly, suddenly able to hear the sounds of the city around them. Suddenly able to see Buffy’s dark bedroom and things like the rumpled white sheets and their discarded clothes on the floor.</p>
<p>“You’re so much better at saying ‘I love you’ than me,” she whispered. “I’m afraid I’ll spend my whole life trying to find the perfect words, but you will always have them.”</p>
<p>Spike let go of her hands and rubbed her back gently up and down.</p>
<p>"You don't need words, love. This body of yours tells me everything I need to know. Always has," he said with a grin. “I just talk without thinkin' too hard about it. Words come out. No clue what I’m on about half the time.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Buffy smiled and put a finger to his lips. “It sounds pretty good.”</p>
<p>He kissed the finger and they sat in one another’s gaze for a moment.</p>
<p>“It’s time to sleep, beauty,” Spike finally said. “Santa will be here soon.”</p>
<p>Buffy pouted as he lifted her just enough to rise on his knees and lower her to her pillow so she was on her side. Carefully, he finally removed her heels. He wrapped her with his arm and lay down to face her, kissing her gently and pulling the sheet over top them both.</p>
<p>“Just promise me,” she began. “When we wake up, everything will be the same. I’ll be all dizzy in love with you and you’ll want to marry me and no one will want to kill us and Dawn will be planning our very obnoxious wedding and you’ll be looking all gorgeous and perfect and possibly naked and there will be chocolate and wine and... everyone I love will be completely safe. Promise that.”</p>
<p>Spike was watching and listening attentively, “I promise. ‘Cept maybe the naked part. Don’t think your pals would much appreciate that bit.”</p>
<p>“Nope. No negotiation allowed. The nakedness is an important part of the vision.”</p>
<p>“Never a stitch on me from here ‘til dust then.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Buffy said victoriously, kissing him.</p>
<p>“You forgot the presents, though. Tomorrow holds presents.”</p>
<p>“Already got mine,” she said happily. “And it is perfect. And now I can fall asleep.”</p>
<p>Spike kissed her once more, “Now you can fall asleep.”</p>
<p>He watched her close her eyes, saw her breathing deepen, felt her grip on his hip relax. It would never cease to be a wonder watching her sleep.</p>
<p>But finally, he closed his eyes and joined her in dream.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honestly, I think this is kind of a beautiful ending and the story could stop right here.</p>
<p>But I think everyone wants to know what a San Francisco scooby Christmas looks like, and what Dawn finally got Xander for Christmas, so I just can't. The fluff shall continue!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Buffy and Spike made their way out of Buffy’s room Christmas morning, Giles was sitting alone at the kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea and a book. Willow was bustling about at the counter in her snowflake Christmas pajamas, cracking eggs, stirring things in bowls, and pushing buttons on the oven.</p>
<p>Spike joined Willow, exchanged “good morning”s, and began preparing a mug of blood for himself and a mug of coffee for his fiancée. A thought that would never cease to make him high as a kite.</p>
<p>Buffy sat down beside Giles, shaking her head and struggling to contain her grin as he looked at her with a knowing smirk.</p>
<p>“I knew the instant he saw you last night he’d never contain himself til this morning.”</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you knew. And that you gave your permission!”</p>
<p>Giles furrowed his brow and looked out the window, “It would be a loose definition of ‘permission,’ seeing as I have no authority or responsibility for you whatsoever. ‘Resolute endorsement’ may be more fitting.”</p>
<p>“Whatever. You said yes,” Buffy said with a shrug. “I’m a little surprised by your <em>resolute</em> <em>endorsement</em> I guess. Happily. Happily surprised.”</p>
<p>Giles sipped his drink thoughtfully before replying, glancing at Spike who was chatting amiably with Willow.</p>
<p>"Knowing Spike as I do, I knew he would have proposed regardless of my response. Better to say yes and stay in both your good graces."</p>
<p>"Seriously? Giles—"</p>
<p>"Knowing <em>you</em> as I do," he smiled at her fondly. "I know how secure and happy he makes you and believe you deserve a lifetime of that."</p>
<p>Buffy’s eyes immediately welled up and she looked away, embarrassed.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“I’m very happy for you, Buffy.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath and nodded, managing to whisper a soft “thanks” just before Xander and Dawn came out of Dawn’s room.</p>
<p>“What is that heavenly aroma?” Xander asked. He was dressed head to toe in bright red pajamas with a pattern of Christmas lights all over.</p>
<p>“Cinnamon rolls!” Willow answered, pulling some plates from the cabinet.</p>
<p>“Hey, engaged lady,” Dawn said, hugging her sister from behind.</p>
<p>Buffy squeezed Dawn’s forearms in response.</p>
<p>“That is never going to not sound weird.”</p>
<p>“Just wait ‘til people start using the ‘W’ word,” Dawn said with a grin. “So do you like the ring? Spike was feeling very Victorian, bordering on gaudy, when we were looking at the options. I had to drag him into this century a few times, but I think it’s still showy but not—”</p>
<p>“It’s perfect,” Buffy said, staring at her hand and the shimmering ring like it was foreign to her. It <em>was</em> foreign to her. This engaged girl hand. “Everything feels perfect. I’m waiting for an apocalypse to doom us all at any moment. Or at least a really big blizzard.”</p>
<p>“No doom before presents,” Dawn said, moving toward the kitchen.</p>
<p>Spike sat down beside Buffy, placing her coffee in front of her and gazing at her intently, like he <em>still</em> couldn’t believe she’d come back from the grave all those years ago. If she hadn’t been so accustomed to his intense soul-seeing stares by now, she would have blushed.</p>
<p>She raised one coy brow and sipped her coffee, generously creamed and sugared just the way she liked.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Thanks,” she said, taking another sip.</p>
<p>“Any time,” he said lowly.</p>
<p>They continued staring a little too long until they both felt ridiculous and began to laugh, much to Giles’ own amusement.</p>
<p>“No Christmas pajamas, Spike?” Giles remarked good-naturedly.</p>
<p>Spike glanced down at his typical ‘lounging about’ attire, black sweatpants, white t-shirt.</p>
<p>“Well, Buffy said I didn’t need clothes at all, saucy minx, but I managed to talk some sense into her.”</p>
<p>Giles nodded without comment, his face oscillating between amusement and repulsion.</p>
<p>Angel and Faith walked in, Angel shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas, bitches,” said Faith, raising a bottle of champagne.</p>
<p>“Charming,” Giles muttered, making eye contact with Buffy.</p>
<p>“That isn’t open already is it?” Xander asked dubiously.</p>
<p>Willow looked delighted to see them, “You guys are just in time for cinnamon rolls. I woke up freakishly early to make these, so everyone must eat and enjoy them, no matter what they taste like!”</p>
<p>“Sounds like perfect hangover food to me,” said Faith, drumming her hands on the counter and gesturing with her head to Angel. “For Ange, not me. Guy doesn’t know his limits anymore it seems.”</p>
<p>“Just a bit of a headache,” Angel said, slowly slumping into a seat at the table.</p>
<p>Spike grinned, “Sometimes it’s good to be undead.”</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Cinnamon rolls ingested, generous compliments bestowed upon the baker, and everyone was exchanging gifts in a chaotic storm of flying wrapping paper and raucous laughter. Everyone was talking over one another, tossing gifts at each other from across the room.</p>
<p>Xander and Dawn were sitting close together on the floor in front of the TV. Buffy, Spike, and Willow were cozy on the sofa. Giles had pulled a chair from the kitchen to sit beside them. Angel was in the oversized armchair, where Faith was perched contentedly on the armrest.</p>
<p>“You did <em>not</em> get Xander a tool belt after all that hemming and hawing about tool gifts,” Buffy laughed as Xander stood up to model his new present from Dawn.</p>
<p>“I love my fancy leather toolbelt!” he said, quelling the look of concern on Dawn’s face. “It’s snazzy and manly all at the same time.”</p>
<p>“There’s candy in the pockets,” Dawn murmured.</p>
<p>Xander was thrilled, opening the compartments to find Skittles and Twizzlers aplenty.</p>
<p>“I’ll think of you every time I wear it. You are the perfect girlfriend,” he said, leaning down and kissing her sweetly, handing her a small box.</p>
<p>Dawn smiled very happily and tore into her own gift as he sat down.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, Xander.”</p>
<p>She pulled out a jewelry box and popped open the lid.</p>
<p>“Well what is it?” Faith said impatiently. “X-ray vision is no one in here’s superpower.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that could be fun under the right circumstances,” Willow said thoughtfully. “I wonder if there’s a spell…”</p>
<p>“Let me know if you find one, Red,” Spike said mischievously over Buffy’s shoulder, who sat in between them. </p>
<p>Willow nodded back to him quite seriously, as though they were planning a bank heist for later.</p>
<p>Xander was helping Dawn clasp her new necklace around her neck.</p>
<p>“It’s a locket,” she said.</p>
<p>“Ooh! What’s the picture inside?” asked Willow.</p>
<p>Xander shrugged, “There’s no picture. I didn’t know what you’d want in there. Maybe your mom. Buffy. One of the cats—”</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot, Xander,” Dawn elbowed him. “You know exactly whose picture is going in here.”</p>
<p>“Okay, my turn!” Willow jumped up and pulled lots of gifts out from under the tree and passed them around.</p>
<p>“I made these for you guys when we were in the camp. It was my happy ‘passing the time, don’t go crazy and accidentally set things on fire’ distraction.”</p>
<p>There was a flurry of unwrapping and then the appropriate adoration for her craftsmanship as everyone pulled out scarves of varying colors.</p>
<p>“Wait wait wait,” said Buffy, wrapping her purple scarf around her neck as she talked. “1. You knit now? And 2. Where did you get all the stuff in the camp to knit?”</p>
<p>“Calliope taught me. I told you she knit! I just used her stuff. And maybe unraveled a few sweaters of mine… and hers… well <em>a few</em> generous wiccans donated their clothing to the cause, but nobody minded! We made stuff for them, too.”</p>
<p>“Always the busy little beaver,” Spike said, swooping his black scarf over the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“They’re awesome, Willow,” Dawn said, hugging her soft pink one.</p>
<p>Willow looked at Giles with wary eyes, “And I’m real sorry, Giles, yours was my first one and it was a bit of a learning piece and well, it has the most character.”</p>
<p>Giles smiled and held up his mix of ivory and brown toned scarf, “It’s lovely, Willow.”</p>
<p>“I’ll buy you guys real stuff next year,” Willow uttered quickly, sitting back on the sofa.</p>
<p>“Don’t! We love these,” Buffy assured her.</p>
<p>“Spike!” Dawn shouted, tossing something into his hands with glee.</p>
<p>Spike caught it instinctively and shook the box curiously.</p>
<p>“If you break it, that’s on you.”</p>
<p>He tore the paper off and ripped the box open.</p>
<p>“Oh God,” Buffy groaned before bursting into laughter.</p>
<p>“Dawson’s Creek?” he said.</p>
<p>Dawn rolled her eyes at Buffy, “Every season! And that was not cheap. I’m on a college student budget, but it will be worth it because I just know know <em>know</em> you will love it.”</p>
<p>Buffy laughed, “Here’s the part where you pretend you haven’t seen Dawson’s Creek.”</p>
<p>Dawn’s face fell.</p>
<p>“You’ve seen it already? Ugh. I am seriously the worst gift gifter.”</p>
<p>Spike cocked one brow, “Yeah, I’ve seen bits. Never seen it all in a row-like though. More importantly, never seen it with you.”</p>
<p>Dawn smiled and glanced at Buffy, “I knew there was a reason I was letting you marry my sister.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you guys will be watching that alone,” Buffy said curtly with a plastic smile.</p>
<p>“Team Pacey,” Xander coughed.</p>
<p>“Buffy,” Giles said, handing Spike a small white present with a large gold bow to pass to her. “This is for you.”</p>
<p>Buffy took it eagerly, “If this doesn’t scream ‘paid extra for gift wrap’ I don’t know what does.”</p>
<p>“It’s always good to recognize one’s own aptitudes and weaknesses,” Giles said thoughtfully, clutching his cup of lukewarm tea. “I have a perpetual struggle with ribbon arranging.”</p>
<p>“Don’t we all,” Willow said with a solemn shake of her head.</p>
<p>Buffy slid the bow off carefully and unwrapped the present, pulling out a small velvet box.</p>
<p>“What’s with all the jewelry this year?” she said softly, grinning at Dawn before she opened it.</p>
<p>“Well, Giles and Xander <em>did</em> go shopping together. We’ll have to encourage them to do that more often.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Giles,” Buffy said softly, pulling the golden necklace out of the box and letting the polished amber stone hang.</p>
<p>“Tiger’s eye,” Giles explained. “Ancient warriors used to wear tiger’s eye stones for their protective abilities and to aid in courage. Not that you’re in need of courage, but more protection never hurt. And, well, crosses hardly seem appropriate anymore.”</p>
<p>Spike raised his brows and smirked, “Much appreciated, Rupert.”</p>
<p>“I love it,” Buffy said, putting the necklace on immediately. “I’ll take every sprinkle of protection I can get.”</p>
<p>Buffy clapped her hands together and grinned, getting up to grab a bagged gift from under the tree and handing it to Angel. He looked up at her from his chair, looking very surprised.</p>
<p>“You didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, taking the bag.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I did,” she said with playful sincerity, returning to her seat between Willow and Spike.</p>
<p>“Open it,” Faith encouraged.</p>
<p>Angel shifted through the bag’s tissue paper and pulled out a plain black backpack and smiled.</p>
<p>“Very practical,” he noted.</p>
<p>“Very lame,” Dawn muttered.</p>
<p>Angel unzipped the bag and was pulling out flashlights, notebooks, pens, sunglasses, sunscreen. “You know I do own some of these things. Vampires use paper, too.”</p>
<p>Buffy scoffed at her sister, “You had to be there, <em>Dawn</em>, it was a joke. An inside one.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure it was hilarious.”</p>
<p>Spike looked very entertained, “Oh you know Buffy and Angel, a barrel of chuckles every time those wacky kids are in the same room.”</p>
<p>“Ha ha,” Buffy mocked, shrugging at Angel who put on his new sunglasses and smiled.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>All the gifts under the tree had been exchanged when Buffy whispered into Spike’s ear and disappeared into the hallway outside their apartment. Willow, Xander, and Giles were busy prepping in the kitchen. Dawn and Faith were in Dawn’s room playing the new music Spike had gifted his almost sister. Angel picked up the TV remote and watched as Spike followed Buffy into the hall, shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p>Spike couldn’t contain his grin just seeing her standing there in her white sweater and jeans in a positively humming state of enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“Need me to run to the store for some more eggs?” he jested with a jerk of his head toward the stairs.</p>
<p>She was practically bouncing and speaking a mile a minute, “Shut up. Okay, so you may have noticed there was no gift under the tree for you.”</p>
<p>“Well, not from you. Other people fancy me well enough.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Buffy agreed, excitedly, taking his hands. “Not from me. That’s because your gift from me wouldn’t fit under the tree.”</p>
<p>“Madness. You’re a real renegade, slayer.”</p>
<p>Buffy kissed him and flung open the boys’ apartment door. Inside, a new mattress was laying on the living room floor, wrapped in a giant red bow.</p>
<p>Spike laughed when he saw it, “<em>That</em> I definitely needed. Thank you, love.”</p>
<p>Buffy pulled him into the apartment and guided him onto the mattress, sitting beside him with a bounce and a twinkle in her eye.</p>
<p>“But see, there’s a catch. This isn’t exactly <em>your</em> mattress.”</p>
<p>“No?” Spike cocked his head. “What kind of lousy St. Nick are you?”</p>
<p>Buffy bit her lip, looking playful but nervous, “It’s ours.”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, obviously.”</p>
<p>“All of this. This place. This bed. It’s ours. If you want that.”</p>
<p>Spike looked confused, “Spell it out for me, pet.”</p>
<p>“Xander and I talked. He’s willing to trade rooms with me. That way you and I could have, you know, some privacy. A place. Our place,” she looked up at him with anxious eyes. “It may sound stupid, but I kind of liked having our own little trailer back at the camp. Buffy and Spike’s place. I just— I liked it.”</p>
<p>Spike thought his heart might finally dust.</p>
<p>“Not stupid at all. Brilliant. You’re brilliant. This— there couldn’t be a better gift.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Buffy smiled with relief.</p>
<p>“Just asked you to bloody marry me. You think there’s a cell in my body that wouldn’t want to live with you?”</p>
<p>She shook her head with a laugh, “Not really. I don’t know. I thought of it before you proposed, so I’ve been nervous about it. And, well, maybe you pictured us <em>not</em> living across the hall from my sister and friends. Maybe you wanted to wait until after the wedding to be all official roomies.”</p>
<p>Spike stroked her hair back behind her ear, “Never been much for waiting. Least of all when it comes to you.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“Maybe one day we’ll leave this place. Go somewhere more posh just the two of us.”</p>
<p>“Posh, huh?” Buffy raised a questioning brow.</p>
<p>Spike grinned and shrugged, “It’s a big world, pet. There’s a lot I’d love to show you.”</p>
<p>“I think I’d like that,” she said, smiling, rubbing her hand along his thigh.</p>
<p>“Think you would,” he agreed.</p>
<p>“I’ve never really done that. Traveled just to travel. A little. After Sunnydale. That time felt more like running away than fun though. There was a shadow. A not so happy one.”</p>
<p>Buffy looked into his eyes, knowing he knew without her having to say it. He kissed her in response, cupping the back of her head with one hand and wrapping the other around the small of her back.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” she pulled back with a grin. “As much as I’d love to christen <em>our</em> new mattress in <em>our</em> new place, the others will definitely be expecting us.”</p>
<p>“Later?”</p>
<p>“You can count on that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were just barely able to squeeze enough chairs around the table. The chefs had gone all out. There was a giant platter of roast beef, mashed sweet potatoes with cinnamon crumble, parmesan green beans, maple roasted brussel sprouts and carrots, and a basket full of crusty sourdough bread. The table was set with a mishmash of plates. Dawn was lighting candles and Giles was pouring wine.</p><p>“Festive,” Spike commented, pulling out a chair for Buffy at the head of the table.</p><p>“I don’t know if there’s room for the candles,” Willow murmured, squeezing the sweet potato dish onto the table.</p><p>Dawn glared at her, “We will make room.”</p><p>“We will make room,” Willow repeated perkily.</p><p>Everyone sat down and began passing around platters, butter, salt and pepper.</p><p>Xander had lifted his fork to dive in just when Buffy said “wait.”</p><p>She looked around the table, “We should toast. I mean, we have never been so adult in all our lives and haven’t been all together like this in I don’t know how long. This deserves some formality doesn’t it?”</p><p>Willow smiled and picked up her wine glass, “I love a good toast. Um. Who’s doing the toasting?”</p><p>Xander cleared his throat, “Friends may come. Friends may go. Friends may peter out, ya know? But we’ll be friends through thick or thin. Peter out or peter in!”</p><p>Faith looked sick, “I can’t believe I ever slept with you.”</p><p>“Hey!” Dawn said with a furrowed brow.</p><p>“Not that kind of toast,” Buffy grumbled, lifting her glass. She spoke slow and intentionally, “It’s just been a crazy few months. I mean, what’s new I guess? But, I don’t know, living in that horrible camp, not seeing you guys every day, it was a reality check for me. I need you guys in more ways than one. There’s no one at this table who hasn’t saved me somehow. I love you all and I’m grateful for all of you. So, uh, merry Christmas!”</p><p>“Cheers to that,” Giles said, holding up his glass.</p><p>“Cheers to no more rations or piss-ant slayers!” Spike said, raising his.</p><p>Angel groaned with agreement, “I second that.”</p><p>Willow chimed in, “No more protein bars or crowded, estrogen-overloaded trailers!”</p><p>“To Buffy and Spike being grown ups in a non-dysfunctional relationship,” said Dawn, adding quickly, “And if you don’t make me your maid of honor I will kill you, just so you know.”</p><p>“Yes, congrats again, guys,” Xander added. “Here’s to your wedding going better than mine did.”</p><p>“It’d pretty much have to, mate,” Spike returned.</p><p>Faith looked bored with her glass held up in the air, “Here’s to eating the <em>food</em> before it gets all cold. You guys are a damn chatty bunch.”</p><p>“Cheers!” Buffy said, clinking her glass with Spike on her right and then Giles on her left.</p><p>After their diligent toasting, everyone began eating.</p><p>Xander looked up with a slice of bread in his hand, “So if Dawn’s going to be the maid of honor, does that make me your best man, Spike?”</p><p>Spike looked appalled and turned to Buffy, “Oh bloody hell. Maybe we should just skip ahead to the honeymoon, pet.”</p><p>“Oh, where will you go you think?” Willow asked excitedly, taking a bite of the roast.</p><p>“Somewhere tropical,” Spike said instantly.</p><p>Buffy looked surprised, putting down her glass of wine. “Is that so?”</p><p>“That’s what you <em>said</em> when you were ramblin’ on about it. Dragon flyin’ around. Old Spikey burnt to a crisp. Ringin’ any bells?”</p><p>“I said that?”</p><p>“I have the mental memory of Buffy, oily in a bitty bikini beneath a palm tree to verify,” Spike said with a grin.</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “Well, if you have some fantasy me in your head, who’s to argue with that?”</p><p>“You can change your mind. It’s just what you said. Paris is lovely.”</p><p>Giles raised his brows with interest, “Oh he’s right, Buffy. Paris in the Spring is unmatched. And the food is, of course, exquisite.”</p><p>“Can’t say I remember the food,” said Angel. “But it is a beautiful city. One of a kind.”</p><p>“Well, maybe we’ll go there,” Buffy said, smiling at Spike. “I mean the shopping alone…”</p><p>Faith looked thoughtful, “I’d like to go to Paris. Or, hell, London, Tokyo, whatever. I’m a chick with superpowers and I’ve hardly seen anything cool that didn’t involve a whole lot of violence. Seems wrong.”</p><p>“You certainly don’t need to honeymoon to do some traveling,” Giles confirmed. “It’s good to do while you’re young.”</p><p>“And alive,” Faith added with a casual shrug.</p><p>“Being alive helps,” Xander confirmed.</p><p>Spike set down his glass of blood, “Most of the time.”</p><p>“You’ve always gotta make it weird, Spike,” Dawn laughed.</p><p>“It’s what you get, invitin’ me into your lives. No one to blame but yourselves. ”</p><p>They continued chatting and laughing and dreaming of the future until the meal was finished and the disagreements over who would do the clean up could begin.</p><p>*****</p><p>In the end, Buffy and Spike had been given clean up duty, despite Buffy’s protests that her beautiful new ring didn’t deserve to be sullied with dish water. Perhaps that was why she was drying the dishes and Spike was washing them.</p><p>“Did you tell Xander we’re doing it?” Buffy asked, toweling a plate and placing it back into the cabinet.</p><p>“You’re not exactly quiet about it, pet, he knows we’re doing it.”</p><p>She hit him with the towel, failing to remove the lascivious grin on his face.</p><p>“Yeah, I told him to pack his bags. He wants the bloody cats.”</p><p>Buffy looked genuinely sympathetic, “All of them? That doesn’t seem right. We should get Poe. I mean— you should get Poe.”</p><p>“He thinks they’d be happier all together. Wanker’s probably right.”</p><p>“Well,” Buffy said, running a hand up Spike’s back. “They will be just across the hall. Kind of like how you’ve basically been living over here since we got back. Just a hallway away.”</p><p>“Yeah yeah, I know,” he said, scrubbing away. “They’re just bloody animals.”</p><p>“Mhmm,” Buffy agreed, knowing that he actually was a bit sad about it. “I say we sneak Poe away for sleepovers some nights. Just let Xander <em>think</em> he has all the kitties.”</p><p>Spike grinned and handed her a wet plate, “Not as though he’d even notice. It’ll be fun lettin’ him see how the litter bin fills up.”</p><p>Buffy nodded and smiled accommodatingly as she dried.</p><p>*****</p><p>Faith, Giles, Xander, and Willow were playing Monopoly at the kitchen table, sipping on wine and coffee with a container of cookies to pick from beside the board. Dawn, Spike, Buffy, and Angel were finishing watching The Grinch.</p><p>The credits began to roll.</p><p>“Well, I liked the dog,” Angel said. “Not so sure about the grinch.”</p><p>“Couldn’t even commit to his evilness for a bleedin’ day,” Spike murmured. “Pathetic wanker.”</p><p>Dawn laughed, “You know that’s basically the story of you, right? Trying to be all bad—”</p><p>“Oi. I had a good century’s run of it til you lot showed up.”</p><p>“And in walked Buffy and you were just helpless in the face of her strength, charm, and beauty!” Dawn gestured dramatically to emphasize her sarcasm.</p><p>Spike stared at her and shrugged, “Well yeah, basically.”</p><p>Buffy laughed, “Dawn’s always underestimating my charm.”</p><p>“Something about being told I was an annoying brat for fifteen years may have done that.”</p><p>Buffy held up her wine glass and looked at it sadly, “This is empty.”</p><p>“Mine, too,” Dawn said in a similar tone.</p><p>“Want anything, boys?” Buffy said, standing up.</p><p>Spike looked thoughtful, “Immortality, super strength, the most beautiful, fearsome woman in the world… nope, don’t need a thing.”</p><p>Dawn rolled her eyes and groaned with amusement, joining Buffy as the two made their way to the kitchen.</p><p>“You really don’t need a thing, do you?” Angel commented, putting his feet up on the coffee table.</p><p>“Life’s pretty good these days.”</p><p>“Xander says you’re moving in together.”</p><p>Spike nodded and took a slow sip of whiskey, “Goes well with the whole marriage thing.” </p><p>Angel smiled a little sadly, “You’re lucky.”</p><p>Spike raised one brow in acknowledgement, “I am.”</p><p>They sat in silence for a moment.</p><p>“Thanks, by the way,” Spike mumbled. “For— I don’t know, not bein’ bloody annoying about all this. Maybe you are the bigger man, just lettin’ her be happy, not charging in to muck it all up. I know I wouldn’t be able to sit in a room with her, watchin’ her laugh and touch… someone else. It would be… I just couldn’t.”</p><p>“It’s the laughing,” Angel said, detachedly, watching Buffy and Dawn laughing and arguing about something in the kitchen as they filled up plates of cookies and glasses full of drink. “Me and Buffy, we never did enough laughing. It’s really good to see it now.”</p><p>“You’ll always want her,” Spike said, crossing his arms and looking thoughtful.</p><p>“I will,” he agreed. “But for my sake, not hers. She deserves… to laugh. It’s the right thing. She—”</p><p>“Glows,” Spike finished for him.</p><p>Angel met his eyes, “Yeah. Yeah, that’s the perfect word for it.”</p><p>Spike raised his brows and nodded in agreement.</p><p>“She does love you, you know,” he offered, not even knowing why. Because it was Christmas maybe. “Always will I reckon.”</p><p>Angel looked away from Spike and back to Buffy at that, “But not like she loves you.”</p><p>“No, not like that,” Spike agreed with a twinkle in his eyes.</p><p>“Like I said,” Angel smirked. “You’re a lucky, lucky bastard.”</p><p>Angel stood up and walked over to Buffy, whispering something in her ear. She made eye contact with Spike, smiling, and then followed Angel into the hallway outside the apartment.</p><p>And Spike didn’t care.</p><p>“Little bit, bring the whiskey with you!” he shouted from the sofa.</p><p>*****</p><p>Angel looked embarrassed.</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just not much for gift giving in a crowd,” he shrugged, handing her a small package from inside his jacket. “It’s nothing much. Don’t get too excited.”</p><p>Buffy took it and looked at him sympathetically, “Angel.”</p><p>She unwrapped it and pulled out a package of pretty cream-colored stationery and envelopes.</p><p>“Hum,” she said. “Who would have ever thought that one day we’d be giving each other office supplies for Christmas?”</p><p>Angel laughed, “Well, I just thought, since I’ll be leaving in the morning, it would be nice to write with you. I like knowing how you’re doing when the world <em>isn’t</em> ending.”</p><p>“That does sound nice,” Buffy agreed with a smile. “Got an address for me?”</p><p>“Actually I thought I’d do some traveling, now that that’s a bit easier. See the world in daylight for a change. Actually try the food. I’ll still be around if you need me. Still have a cell phone. I’ll send you postcards.”</p><p>Buffy nodded, “Good. Good for you.”</p><p>“I was even thinking,” he looked away, uncomfortable. “I don’t know. I was thinking of seeing if Faith wanted to join me. Do you think she’d be interested in that?”</p><p>Buffy was simultaneously surprised and amused, “I think Faith’s always up for an adventure. The question is, are you?”</p><p>“Sometimes I need someone to force me to try fun things,” he said slowly, with the hint of a grin.</p><p>Buffy laughed, “Faith might be the perfect travel partner for you then.”</p><p>“If she says yes.”</p><p>“True. And, um,” Buffy added awkwardly, fiddling with her engagement ring, “When the time comes, you will definitely be getting a wedding invitation. But don’t feel like you have to come if you don’t want to. I know it’s weird.”</p><p>Angel swept her into a hug and sighed, “It’s not so weird. I’d like to be there.”</p><p>She hugged him back, remembering how big and comforting he could be.</p><p>“Good. Good. You know, in a bizarro way, I feel like you and I have never been so good.”</p><p>Angel smiled and took a step back, “I know what you mean. I’m happy for you, Buffy. Spike, too.”</p><p>“Spike, too!?” she said with mock surprise, putting her hands on her hips and grinning.</p><p>Angel rolled his eyes, “Just don’t tell him.”</p><p>Buffy laughed and hit his arm playfully with the pack of stationery, “Merry Christmas, Angel.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Buffy.”</p><p>*****</p><p>Buffy returned to the sofa, tossing her gifts onto the coffee table and squeezing into the nook on Spike’s left side. Dawn was on his right. Surrounded by Summers girls, just the way he liked. </p><p>He kissed Buffy on the top of her head as she leaned into his shoulder.</p><p>“More prezzies?”</p><p>“Yes,” she confirmed. “Angel’s going to do some traveling, and we’re going to write each other letters like the olden days.”</p><p>She lifted her head and looked at him to gauge his reaction to that.</p><p>“Letter writing’s an art. Can be a very romantic thing to write letters,” he said. “Course not when Angel’s behind the pen.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“Lucky your boyfriend’s such an understanding, reasonable kind of bloke.”</p><p>“Fiancé,” she corrected.</p><p>Spike grinned, “Fiancé.”</p><p>Dawn rolled her eyes, keeping her gaze on the TV, “So what kind of wedding will you guys have? Big, small? Summer, Fall?”</p><p>Buffy said “small” just as Spike said “big.” They looked at each other skeptically.</p><p>“It’s not like we have a lot of friends, Spike.”</p><p>“They don’t have to be friends. We can invite the whole city. Everyone should see me marrying you.”</p><p>Buffy looked doubtful.</p><p>“You should do it in the summer,” said Dawn. “So you can have it outside and it’ll be warm so you can wear whatever kind of dress you want—”</p><p>“Oh, with lots of twinkle lights!” Buffy said excitedly.</p><p>“Could have it in a cemetery,” said Spike, looking from Buffy to Dawn, who were staring at him with eerily similar faces of disgust. “A bloody nice one… with twinkle lights...”</p><p>“You are officially dismissed from the wedding planning process,” Dawn said with a smile.</p><p>Spike shrugged and snatched the remote from Dawn’s hand.</p><p>“Just tell me where to stand,” he mumbled, switching his attention to the TV, flipping through channels.</p><p>Buffy ran a hand through his hair, “You can plan the honeymoon.”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>“Oh, Spike! Let’s watch the first episode of Dawson’s Creek.”</p><p>Dawn was positively giddy, so Spike nodded to the DVD player.</p><p>“Set it up, bit.”</p><p>Dawn hurried to the DVD player and started tearing into the box of DVDs.</p><p>Buffy took the opportunity to kiss him very slowly and thoroughly.</p><p>“Mmm, Buffy,” Spike said, running a hand down her arm.</p><p>“Ugh, stop making sex noises please,” Dawn said over her shoulder.</p><p>Buffy ignored her sister and whispered in Spike’s ear, “Patrol later?”</p><p>Spike looked surprised but grinned and nodded. Buffy kissed him again and left him to watch teenage drama with her barely not a teenager sister.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patrolling in San Francisco, lacking in hellmouths as it was, was more of a leisure activity for Buffy and Spike, but it was often a good way to get out of the apartment and be by themselves. Spike had known her intentions as soon as Buffy had suggested a Christmas evening patrol.</p><p>There had only been one baddie to stake in their tour of the San Francisco National Cemetery. This cemetery was quite unlike the ones in Sunnydale. Long, orderly rows of white headstones gleamed in the moonlight, looking very unnatural in the midst of the Presidio Forest. And up a hill, through the trees, was the overlook. That’s where they often ended their patrols.</p><p>Tonight, the sky was cloudless. The wind was fierce and salty. Over the water, the Golden Gate Bridge was glowing bright in the distance, as busy with moving headlights as ever. Acres of identical headstones stretched out beneath them, enormous cypress and pine trees dotting the landscape around them.</p><p>Buffy was wearing her new scarf from Willow and a thick black knit hat in addition to her warmest coat. She took a long deep breath of ocean air and paused her walking to enjoy the view, letting her trusty scythe drop by her side. Spike stepped in beside her as always, slipping an arm around her waist and looking out at the water, at the grave markers, just as she did.</p><p>“I love this spot,” she said, whispering so as not to break the spell of the night.</p><p>Spike “mmm”d his agreement, nuzzling her ear, “I love <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Buffy smiled and turned into him, snuggling as much of herself into his leather coat with him as she could.</p><p>“Everything feels so perfect right now. I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know how to not mess it all up. I always mess my life up.”</p><p>Spike cradled her head with his hand and held her against his chest, staring at the moon, “Bollocks. You’ve been dealt lousy hands. Hands that would have ruined most people. But never you, pet. You can fight through anything.”</p><p>“Sometimes fighting’s not the answer though, right?” Buffy said, stepping back so she could look at him. “I mean, we’re getting <em>married</em>, Spike. We won’t be able to solve all our problems by hitting each other.”</p><p>“Hitting’s not the same as fighting. We <em>will</em> solve all our problems by fighting— passionately. And you and me, we’re strong enough to take it. You fight through the bad, savor the good. That’s all life is.”</p><p>She grinned, “When did you get all wise and yoda-esque?”</p><p>“Round my hundredth birthday.”</p><p>Buffy giggled.</p><p>“What if you get bored with me? What if happiness is boring? What if we don’t know what to do when the world isn’t ending?”</p><p>Spike looked baffled, “Lesson the first, slayer, the world is always ending. More importantly, I could never be bored with you.”</p><p>“You say that but it’s been pretty action-packed so far.”</p><p>“Yeah. And if you told me from here til eternity it was just shagging you and watching Dawson’s Creek with the bit, I’d be happy as a clam. I’ve done everything, Buffy. Now all I want is to do whatever you do.”</p><p>Buffy looked pleased and took his hand, leading him down a path through the trees.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m just feeling kind of introspective-y tonight,” she said. “It’s really sinking in that we’re going to get married and this is forever.”</p><p>“Are you afraid?” he asked.</p><p>“The way you say that,” she laughed. “It sends chills right up my spine. Like you’re still the big bad. So, maybe, a little.”</p><p>Spike tilted his head and examined her face as they walked, “Afraid of marrying me? Afraid of forever?”</p><p>“I don’t want to lose this,” she said softly.</p><p>“Sweetheart, having something to lose is exactly what’s made you who you are. When have you ever not worried about losing the ones you love?”</p><p>They walked in silence, save for the nighttime sounds of the trees rustling in the wind.</p><p>“You’re right. I know you’re right.”</p><p>He squeezed her hand.</p><p>“I can’t wait to marry you,” Spike said casually. “Make you mine forever.”</p><p>“You vampires sure are obsessed with your forevers,” Buffy teased.</p><p>He pulled her into an abrupt kiss. She whimpered happily as he explored her mouth anew. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, thoughtful.</p><p>“Do you feel that?” she said.</p><p>There was an abrupt rustling sound as something big and hairy charged through the brush and burst out of the wall of trees beside them with a roar. Its long claws were wrapped around an oversized hammer.</p><p>Buffy shoved Spike off the path and charged the monster, her head barely at its waist level.</p><p>“Excuse me,” she said, swinging her scythe. “We were having a moment here!”</p><p>Spike leapt and grabbed onto a tree branch, swinging his body to get some leverage. Instead of flying toward the monster in a brilliant show of athleticism, the branch snapped and he fell to the ground with a growl.</p><p>“Bloody hell,” he grumbled, dragging himself off the ground.</p><p>Buffy was blocking the monster’s hammer attacks with her scythe held in both hands high above her head.</p><p>Spike grabbed the broken branch and wielded it dramatically, “Eh, Bigfoot! Over here!”</p><p>He swung the branch as hard as he could at the back of the monster’s knees, but the branch just snapped at the impact. The monster turned away from Buffy, though, and eyed Spike curiously. It growled and picked Spike up, holding him in front of its face to get a better look at the pesky vampire.</p><p>“Drop me you lousy oaf!”</p><p>Buffy slammed the blade of her scythe down onto its foot and it released Spike abruptly with a howl of pain.</p><p>“Hands off my future husband,” she lectured, reaching to pull Spike up from the dirt.</p><p>Spike stood once more, “Thanks, pet. That bugger’s breath is truly somethin’ to be reckoned with.”</p><p>The monster growled with frustration and turned back toward the trees, running with a slight limp.</p><p>“What the bloody hell was that thing?”</p><p>Buffy shrugged, still panting, “Think we should chase it?”</p><p>“Think we can kill it?”</p><p>“Probably,” Buffy said slowly. “It is freakishly big though…”</p><p>“Doubt it’ll do any more harm tonight,” Spike said. “It’s a bit discouraging when a pretty girl chops your toes off.”</p><p>“I didn’t chop off <em>all</em> its toes.”</p><p>Spike shrugged noncommittally.</p><p>“We’ll get Giles and Willow to figure out what it was in the morning,” Buffy decided, relaxing her stance and resting her scythe on the ground.</p><p>“Right,” Spike clapped his hands together and grinned. “So you were saying somethin’ ‘bout our life getting boring?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Buffy said, still flushed from the attack. “On second thought, maybe we could use a little boredom.”</p><p>Spike grabbed her hips and pulled her close, “Don’t know the meanin’ of the word.”</p><p>He kissed her, fast and frenzied with the adrenaline rush of the fight. Buffy let him guide her backward, stumbling, until she was against a tree.</p><p>“Your mouth’s so warm,” he uttered between kisses, brushing her hair out of her face and then running his hands up and down her body. “Can think of other warm places I’d like to go.”</p><p>Buffy paused, “What if Bigfoot comes back?”</p><p>She leaned in and kissed his neck, making him close his eyes and lean his head back.</p><p>“Then he can enjoy the bloody show I reckon.”</p><p>“We are very entertaining,” she said, unzipping his pants and reaching inside.</p><p>Spike gasped, “God, your hand. So perfect and hot and—” </p><p>The sound he made as she stroked him made her laugh.</p><p>“I’ve done so many things,” she said. “But nothing makes me feel more powerful than causing you to make those sounds and that face.”</p><p>Spike stared at her with the lustful surrender she loved so much. He squeezed her biceps hard and searched her mouth for respite as she touched him.</p><p>“Bloody fucking hell, Buffy,” he groaned.</p><p>Like a switch had gone off, he suddenly had to have her. He unzipped her jeans, shoving them and her panties down to her knees. Buffy gasped at the urgency, at the cold.</p><p>“Spike,” she breathed, feeling his hands caressing her thighs.</p><p>“Turn around.”</p><p>She did, reaching between her legs to guide him to her entrance. She gasped when he pushed inside, then let out a long, visible exhale as she moaned.</p><p>“Just as warm and wet as I knew you’d be,” Spike said, squeezing her bottom as he thrust into her.</p><p>Buffy gripped the tree in front of her, accidentally snapping off a bit of bark beneath her fingers.</p><p>“Faster,” she said, closing her eyes and arching her back.</p><p>And faster he went. Every smack of skin, every groan and pant seemed louder out in the open. Every need and sensation more urgent, knowing someone could approach at any moment.</p><p>“Love you so much, Buffy. God how perfect you are. <em>I love you</em>.”</p><p>Spike reached down to rub her clit and Buffy cried out and shook in his hands, her sharp tremors subsiding into a tremble. She pushed harder back against him, bracing herself on the tree, knowing he hadn’t finished yet.</p><p>“That’s it, babe,” she said, still out of breath. “Time for you to come for me.”</p><p>Spike lurched obediently, bending himself over in collapse against her back. He had one hand up on the tree above her head and the other still cemented to her hip.</p><p>“You know,” he said, panting himself, “I don’t think it would matter what I was doin’ at the moment. If you told me to come, I’m bloody well going to come.”</p><p>Buffy laughed, “Don’t worry. I only use my powers for good.”</p><p>“That I don’t buy for a bloody second.”</p><p>He pulled out of her and carefully zipped his pants back up. </p><p>Buffy stood up straight, making a face, “I’m all icky now. I was not prepared to be icky.”</p><p>Spike smiled and handed her a handkerchief. She took it with delight.</p><p>“Wow, Spike, you’re so prepared! I think I’ll marry you.”</p><p>When she was sufficiently clean and redressed, they began to walk back to the path and down the hill. Spike had his hands in his pockets and she was hugging his bicep as they strolled.</p><p>“This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” Buffy said, glancing up at Spike.</p><p>His creamy white skin was practically iridescent in the moonlight.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, grinning. “One for the books.”</p><p>“I mean, seriously, how will you ever top <em>this</em>?” Buffy said, holding up her left hand in the moonlight. “What will you possibly get me next year? And the year after that? And the year after that? And the year—”</p><p>She was beautiful in all her mischievous glory, her face all painted with joy and play, so he shot a kiss onto her mouth. He could hardly not.</p><p>“Don’t distract me,” she said, pointing a finger at him and speeding up her walking pace.</p><p>“Have to shut you up somehow.”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s going to work for the rest of our lives.”</p><p>Spike smiled at her, “We’ll just have to see about that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THE END. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Safe really became my way of concluding the whole Buffy story, starting from season 11 and discarding all the horrors of season 12 entirely, and I'm just very happy with where it landed. Thank you for all the encouragement and kind, thoughtful words you've all left me along the way for the past TWO YEARS of writing this. I would seriously never have finished without your motivation.</p><p>I have some more stories to transfer over here to AO3 and will be sure to do that next. Lots and lots of love, friendly reader friends!</p>
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